Greetings! Here's my random one-shot. I had this really random thought about what Erza would be like if she were drunk and I just had to write it down. Inspiration doesn't strike me often, so I'm pleased I got to write something at all. I get the feeling Erza would be an angry drunk...

This was originally supposed to be short, maybe only a few pages, but as soon as I started writing that all went out the window. So I apologise for the length of it!

Disclaimer: I do not own Fairy Tail.

Enjoy.


It was just your average day at Fairy Tail.

The small guild hall on the outskirts of Magnolia was full of mages who were drinking, talking, picking out jobs and so on. Since the guild's most powerful wizards had returned home after the events on Tenrōjima, there had been more people to take on jobs which meant the guild was getting noticed again which then meant more people were sending in their job requests and slowly but surely more members had been turning up. With all the new and even some old, familiar faces around, Fairy Tail was as lively as ever. It was no longer seemed to be a run-down version of its former self. As long as Fairy Tail was a family they could stand being reduced to an old, broken tavern. (Just about anyway.) And now that Team Natsu was back from a rather long mission, the guild hall just got a little bit livelier.

"OI! What the hell was that for?"

"Say something, ice freak?"

"What's the deal with you? Can I not drink in peace?"

"I've told you: don't bother me when I'm eating!"

"What the heck have I done to interrupt you, flamebrain?"

"You wanna go!"

"Bring it!"

Lucy sighed as Gray's jacket went flying, shortly followed by his shirt and trousers, landing onto the bar next to her. "This won't end well." She said to no one imparticular.

"Aye." The blue cat waddled over to her on top of the bar counter and plopped himself down the other side of her. Happy took the fish in his paws and began munching on it as he watched yet another brawl between Natsu and Gray.

"My, my."

Lucy looked over her shoulder to see the white-haired barmaid. Mirajane leaned her elbows on the counter and placed her chin in her hands. As usual she had a smile stuck on her face even though there was a chance they could all have to evacuate if the fight got too intense. The guild was rather crowded today and already the two mages were disturbing others as they threw each other onto the tables before charging at each other.

"What was it this time?" Mira asked, still not taking her eyes off of the two.

Lucy shrugged. "Who knows what it's ever about?" she replied. "I would've thought they let it all out on the mission, but here we are."

Mira hummed in response before getting back to work. She poured a seventh (give or take a few) glass of alcohol for Cana and then began to clean some glasses. "What mission was it again?" she turned her attention back to the blonde.

The celestial mage felt weary just thinking about it and she took a large gulp of her own drink before answering. "To capture a wyvern from the mountains on the northern continent and bring back its scales to some merchant."

"Aye." Happy finished the last of his fish and nodded. "Only it was a long trip there and back. I don't understand why the merchant couldn't go and fetch them himself."

"Because he couldn't take one down without magic." Lucy reminded him as if it was the most obvious thing in the world that even Natsu would be able understand. "Anyway," she continued, "as usual Natsu and Gray fought every spare moment, took their fight with the wyvern into a nearby village-"

"Who builds a village in the mountain range anyway?" Happy thought aloud, but was ignored by the girls.

"-which destroyed the villagers' property so now they're demanding compensation for repairs and on the way to the merchant's store we were robbed and all the scales were stolen." The blonde girl let out a huge breath at the memory. It really had been a terrible mission. She didn't even know why they went for it in the first place. That merchant was terribly bossy. He'd given them such a scolding for coming back empty handed. One moment the wyvern scales had been safely in their luggage and the next they were gone without a trace.

'Really, if you want them that badly go slay your own damn wyvern!'

To top it all off the two idiots (see: Natsu and Gray) both blamed each other for losing the valuable items which in the end lost them 150,000 jewels each and they'd been taking their anger out on each other the entire journey back. Lucy had expected the almighty Erza to do something about it, but everytime she looked over at the requip mage it was obvious that she was trying to ignore them.

This time they'd really gotten under Erza's skin. She didn't seem to want to bother herself with the two guys and she was obviously annoyed that she'd let those scales get taken away so easily. After all the hard work they'd put into capturing the creature too… All that for nothing.

Just as Lucy was thinking about this the guild doors opened slowly and in walked Titania herself. The others had walked straight to the guild after they arrived back in Magnolia, but she had made her way to Fairy Hills to drop off her insane amount of luggage instead.

As soon as Erza entered the building everyone was chilled by the dark, creepy aura surrounding her. A few who had looked in her direction awkwardly smiled before quickly turning round and starting up a conversation with someone else.

Her aura and her frown seemed to intensify as she moved closer and as Lucy realised she was heading to the bar (right next to her) she felt the hairs on her neck stand up. The woman in armour truly was terrifying and you'd be very unfortunate to face her wrath.

X.X.X.

Erza was pissed off. After all that time, all that hassle, all that pathetic fighting from Gray and Natsu on that mission she was worn out, frustrated, irritated and, to put it simply once more, pissed off. And not just at those two, but at herself as well. If she'd only been more careful, they wouldn't have been robbed. Or at least she should have noticed sooner so she could beat up whoever the thief was. Of course she had insisted that Lucy punch her in the face, but the blonde had refused.

As she entered the guild she became even more annoyed, noticing the on-going brawl between her teammates. Natsu and Gray were still fighting. Still fighting!

But she decided to ignore it for now like she had done all day and leave the ass-kicking for tomorrow. Those two would do well to avoid her the next day if they wanted to escape punishment. Although they never did. Erza would get her hands on them sooner or later.

The second thing the red-headed mage noticed as she entered Fairy Tail was the bar. Yes. The bar which she decided to head towards first.

Erza didn't usually do this, but right now she felt like she needed a good drink. A good strong drink. Cake could wait till later.

She had always resisted drinking when she felt like she did now as she knew it would only make it worse and if she ever did drink in the guild it was only ever one or two glasses when she had no work to do… But there's always a first time for everything.

She didn't notice Lucy jump or Happy's teasing her about it when she sat down heavily on a barstool, the armour she wore making a loud clunking noise on the wood.

"Ah, Erza-san!" Mira managed to keep a genuine smile unlike the others in the guild, somehow oblivious to Titania's mood. "How are you?"

Erza didn't respond to that question. "Mira. One large beer please." She said in that straight-forward way of hers.

"Coming right up, Erza-san!"

She nodded and waited for the drink. Soon though it was in her hands and she wasted no time in chugging the stuff down. Lucy and Happy watched in shock whilst Cana (who was sat off to the side) glanced over actually looking quite intrigued.

Erza finished the drink in record time and breathed a sigh of relief. She did feel more relaxed now. Maybe someone like Cana or Macao wouldn't feel this way with only one drink, but Erza knew her limit was pretty low so the effects would come on quicker.

Feeling better, she sat quietly at the bar taking in the atmosphere. With everyone looking so cheerful and all the colourful and unique characters, Fairy Tail really was a great place to be…

"Ahahaa!" A loud, slightly crazed laugh came from somewhere in the guild. "Scared yet, ice princess?"

"Not on your life, pyromaniac!"

A sickening crunch was heard as Gray sent his fist into Natsu's jaw. Natsu toppled over onto the floorboards, but quickly redeemed himself and bounced up on his feet in a second. From a crouching position he rushed forward, letting out a battle cry and headbutting his opponent straight in the gut which sending them both flying into a wall. As Gray coughed and spluttered on the ground, trying to get some air back in his lungs, Natsu took the opportunity to hit him again and to quickly steal his boxers before making a speedy ninja-style escape. "Nin nin!"

"NATSU YOU FREAKING IDIOT!" Gray ran as fast as his legs could allow him to catch up with the Salamander whilst desperately attempting to cover himself as the female population stared at him in horror, the only exception being Juvia as she watched from behind an overturned table with hearts in her eyes.

Seeing this Erza clenched her fists in anger. Lucy's eyed widened as she heard the metal of the armour scrape the wooden counter's surface.

"Mirajane."

"Hai, Erza?"

"Have you got anything stronger?" Erza asked in a deadly low tone of voice. Her hair fell over her face, but that was almost a relief. It was a wonder she didn't have a Stone Eyes ability like Evergreen.

"Of course! Coming right up!"

Lucy looked over at the red-head, shaking slightly and too scared of the woman's fury to do anything.

"Ooh! Lucy's looking juicy!" Happy announced cheerfully, causing the celestial mage to wail as he stared in fascination at the liquid running down her forehead.

"It's sweat!"

"Here you are Erza-san!" Mira returned with a large mug of… something and placed it in front of Erza Scarlet.

She took the first gulp and did her best not to cough or choke as the strong liquid rushed down her throat. Her mouth was left with a taste that made the tongue tingle. But once you got past that the drink was perfectly fine, so Erza took another gulp and began to wonder just what it was in the first place. No doubt something that Cana probably drunk on a regular basis.

Said alcoholic was still watching the scene, the corner of her lips twitching as she controlled the urge to smirk. She lowered her gaze to the empty barstool on Erza's left and with a devilish look in her eyes took the seat quickly in case anyone else had their eye on it.

"So, Erza…" she casually started up a conversation and dragged her beer barrel closer. "Good mission?" she asked although she knew full well what the answer was.

Erza only huffed in response and started chugging down her alcohol even faster. Cana hid her grin behind the barrel as she brought it up to her lips.

She set it down with a sigh of satisfaction and nudged the mage next to her in the side. "Here," she began, leaning in closer, "you know if you're looking for something to calm you down I've got just the thing." Erza raised an eyebrow at the card mage's actions. Cana looked once, twice, three times to make perfectly sure that the Demon Mirajane was nowhere to be seen and then leaned over the bar counter so far that she barely touched her seat anymore. She worked to pry one of the cupboards open on the other side of the bar, grabbed something, closed it shut and squirmed her way backwards onto her stool. She held up her prize with pride; a large bottle of alcohol. You couldn't tell what it was anymore though because the label had faded to the point where any lettering was just a blur.

"Cana…" Erza began, but was silenced with a hand.

"Ah, ah, ah," she interrupted, "just give me a chance here. Now I know you're stressed, Erza, believe me I can tell, and I won't just sit here in silence when all you need is a good drink to relax a little. This stuff works wonders!" Cana s the bottle as if to prove her point. As Erza opened her mouth to protest (anything recommended by Cana of all people couldn't be good news and it would be the mistake of the century to accept it) the cap of the bottle was taken off and a small amount of the mysterious liquid was poured into the drink she already had. She peered down at it and then back at Cana who added some to her own and then raised her own mug.

She winked. "Drink up."

And against Erza's better judgement, she did.

X.X.X.

"REQUIP!"

"Oh god!" Lucy put her hands over her head and crouched down behind a table.

"Not again! Ice make: shield!"

"Woah! Happy duck!"

"Aye sir!"

Several swords were flung across the room in all directions, hitting against the walls and making some of the plaster crumble around it. The few who remained in the guild hall dropped to the floor once more to avoid injury.

Once the coast was clear, they all very warily stood back up and focused on the intoxicated woman who stood in the middle of the room.

"God," Gray commented, looking sideways at Lucy, "what did she have to drink?"

Lucy shook her head and shrugged. She had no idea how much alcohol Erza had consumed in the last five or so hours. But she didn't have to respond because Cana did for her. "Be quicker to say what she didn't drink." She replied calmly, sipping a glass of red wine for a change.

Gray opened his mouth. Then closed it again. Then shook his head, finding nothing to say in reply, and turned his attention back to his teammate.

It was now nearly eleven at night and for the last few hours Cana had been gradually feeding her friend more and more drinks. She started off adding some of her mystery liquid every now and again, but soon a whole range of different beverages were added into the mix. The problem: Erza had a low tolerance level. This was just an accident waiting to happen.

By now most of the people in the guild had gone home. Those who remained quite rightfully feared for their lives as the normally sober Titania staggered around changing into different armour every few minutes and testing out her abilities.

Right now it was Team Natsu, Shadow Gear, Cana, Juvia, Mira and a few other Fairy Tail members whom none of them recognised. And they had to take down Erza Scarlet. Brilliant.

"O-Okay, Erza," Natsu raised his hands slightly and cautiously took a few steps towards her, "I think it would be best if you put the sword down and-"

"SILENCE!" she bellowed and whirled around, swaying as she did so, but miraculously managing to stay on her feet. She stumbled forwards and raised the sword in her hand to what she assumed to be Natsu's neck.

"Eh? Erza, I'm over here!"

"AH! ERZA!" Gray cried out as the blade touched his throat. She was still swaying ever so slightly and if she stumbled forward… 'Oh god,' he realised he was stood against the wall. He wouldn't be able to get away in time! Right now when she was drunk really wasn't the best time for her to be holding a sword! Erza with a sword was scary at the best of times, but this..!

"SOMEONE GET IT OFF OF HER!" he yelled at his nakama who were all too afraid to do anything until now. They all immediately rushed over and pulled her back. Gray took a deep, shaky breath and put a hand over his neck, grateful to still be in one piece and feeling as though he was about to pass out.

"Un…unhand me!" Erza demanded, requipping back into her normal attire, but with the sword from her previous armour still held firmly in her hand. Though whilst she was slurring it didn't quite have the same effect as it normally would have…

Still everyone backed away and let her unsteadily wander over to some overturned tables. She began shouting nonsense. "I'll-I'll cut youu down! You f-You f-You fieeend!"

Everyone sweatdropped as she began hacking off a table leg. Not much of the furniture remained now and the ones that did were pushed against the walls to prevent Erza from falling over anything besides her own feet.

This whole situation had started under an hour ago. Erza, of course being heavily drunk, noticed an argument that had occurred between Natsu and Gray (of course) and so she had stood up, wandered over and almost killed the two of them with her Lighting Empress armour as she took the anger she'd been bottling up all day out on them. That was when most of the guilds members had ran out in a panic, Cana had almost died of laughter, Gray had put his clothes back on, and they all worked to try and calm her down with no success so far.

And here we are now.

The other problem (besides Erza being drunk obviously) was that nobody really knew how to deal with this, so they stuck with letting her walk/stagger aimlessly and attacking inanimate objects until she either sobered up or passed out.

"How long is she going to be like this?" Levy whispered in fear, peeking out from behind Jet's arm. The two males of her team were currently working to protect her from any harm as usual.

"To be unable to withstand this amount of booze…" Cana shook her head and made a 'tch' noise. "Honestly…"

"No one would be able to withstand that amount of booze apart from you, Cana." Lucy muttered, but her comment went unheard by the rest of the group.

"What did you say you-youuuu..!" the requip mage began to slur again and pointed her sword in Lucy's direction.

The girl in question let out a squeak as all the colour drained from her face and she began to sweat bullets.

"You… destroyed my s-ssstrawberry cake!"

What? Lucy couldn't recall ever destroying Erza's strawberry cakes in any way, however that wasn't the point! Erza had a look that roughly translated as 'To Kill' in her eyes. She really couldn't handle booze well.

Without warning the sword was sent flying towards her and she prepared to dodge, but thankfully the throw was weak and her aim just as bad so the blade landed at an angle just by her feet. They all flinched as it hit the floor.

"Lucy!" Mira gasped and dragged her friend towards her, away from the pointy object.

"AHAAA!" Erza laughed manically, thinking she had hit her target and held her first up in the air in triumph. This was followed by a series of strange hiccupping and more laughter.

"This isn't right…" Natsu said more to himself than to anyone else.

"Ya think?" Gray frowned at him. This was Erza they were talking about. Strong, determined, sensible Erza. To see Fairy Tail's strongest woman like this was certainly a new experience for them all.

"VIIICTOOORRRY!" Erza yelled before laughing some more. Once she had finished her laughing fit, she turned unsteadily on her heel and began wobbling towards the bar. "Drink!" she said lowly in a way that a zombie might say 'brains'. Actually that was a pretty good way to describe her unstable walk as well at the moment. Zombified.

"Wait! No! Erza!"

Instantly everyone ran over to her and attempted to stop her from downing more drinks. Mira practically sprinted behind the bar to protect the bottles and concoctions she had on the other side of the counter.

As an armoured hand gripped the edge of the counter, Natsu, Gray, Lucy, Juvia and even Happy attached themselves to Erza's arms and began to pull her away.

"NO! You've had enough!" Gray told her as he struggled to keep a hold of her arm.

Lucy looked over at Cana who was still drinking and watching with a look of amusement plastered on her face. "Cana!" she got the brunette's attention. "This is your fault! The least you could do is try to help!"

Cana sighed and put her now empty wine glass down. "You know I could…" she began, "but where would be the fun in that?" Lucy glared at the card mage who just sat there smirking at her. She opened her mouth to give Cana an earful, but Erza began to struggle all the more and she went back to helping the guys restrain her.

"N-" her speech was interrupted by another hiccup. "Noo! DRINK!"

They ignored her protests and continued to work on prying her away from the bar. They knew she was strong, but they really didn't expect her to have this much of a grip when she was totally pissed.

The drunk woman let out a war cry of some sort, eventually letting go of the counter and trying to shake off the people who were still clinging onto her. Lucy found herself being thrown backwards and she landed hard on the floorboards. Happy also found himself being sent through the air and ended up in Lucy's lap.

"Lucy~!" he whined, looking up into her eyes. She just rolled her eyes and patted his head once or twice.

Meanwhile Erza was still resisting and threw a punch at Natsu. He was quick to dodge though and both he and Gray let go of her now that she was safely away from the bar.

Realising she had missed, she tried once more to hit him in the face, but once more she failed.

Irritated that she couldn't hit her target, she lunged forwards and actually managed to whack Natsu on the shoulder.

His eyes suddenly lit up. "You looking for a fight?" he asked, grinning and letting his fists burst into flames.

Gray looked horrified. "Natsu don't! She's drunk! And she'll kill you if she remembers tomorrow…"

Natsu blinked at the ice user and shrugged. "She ain't gunna remember anything tomorrow. Look at the state of her! Besides I might be able to end this."

He didn't wait any longer to get started. "Let's go, Erza!" he said enthusiastically, holding his flaming fists up ready to block and attack.

His opponent took one huge step forwards, almost losing her balance and falling flat on her face, and swung her sword around hoping to catch Natsu anywhere she could.

He just laughed at her pathetic attempts to hit him and raised his arm. "Fire Dragon's Fist!"

The attack hit her straight in the face. The rest of the guild let their jaws drop in shock as they witnessed Natsu punch Erza Scarlet.

Erza completely lost her balance. She cried out as she toppled backwards, hitting the ground and bashing her head hard. The blow was enough to render her unconscious and silence consumed the guild. That is until Natsu groaned.

"Aw, and I thought I could get serious with her." He said, disappointed despite the fact that he actually managed to knock her out for once.

"N-NATSU!" Happy panicked, waving his little arms up and down. "Y-YOU HIT ERZA! Y-YOU KNOCKED HER OUT! SHE'S GOING TO TAKE REVENGE!"

"C-Calm down, Happy!"

Happy continued to wail, but was soon ignored.

Natsu, Gray and Lucy warily approached Erza now that she was no longer a danger to any of them. She lay with her arms and legs spread out, her hair now messy and covering half of her face.

"W-Woah." Gray spoke up. "She was out that quick?" the others nodded. "…So what are we going to do with her now?"

After a moments silence Lucy placed her hands on her hips and sighed. "You and Gray will have to carry her back to the Fairy Hills. I'll come with you so I can explain what you're doing in the girl's dormitories."

"WHAT?" the two guys exclaimed in unision.

"Why should we have to carry her back?" Gray questioned angrily.

"Yeah!" Natsu backed his rival up on this one. "Why can't you carry her?"

She gave them both a look of shock before snapping at them. "How the hell strong to you think I am?"

Still not seeing why Lucy couldn't be the one to drag Erza back to Fairy Hills, Natsu and Gray both sighed simultaneously and stepped either side of the woman passed out on the floor. They bent down and draped her arms over their shoulders and, making sure her arms wouldn't slide off, went to stand up. Only when they tried to get back up on their feet it felt like they were being weighed down by a large anchor and they groaned as they struggled to raise her.

"What the?" Gray looked at Erza in disbelief. "How heavy is she?"

"M-Must be all that cake." Natsu managed to say between deep breaths.

Gray rolled his eyes. "M-Moron! It's her armour you idiot!" After about another minute he shook his head and went to place her back on the floor. "Okay, okay I've had enough of this, put her down."

Erza was laid back down gently on the floor of the guild and the two men stood to the side panting loudly, rubbing their tired arms.

At this point Team Natsu stood over her fallen body as the others in the guild worked on dragging all the furniture back to its original place.

Whilst Lucy and Gray were working out how to carry her back to the dorms, Natsu tilted his head to the side and looked down at Erza's unconscious form. He then blinked, crouched down beside her and lifted her limp arm up. "Why don't we just take her armour off?"

A look of what seemed to be pure anger flashed across Lucy's face. "Natsu." She said dangerously slowly, making sure her words would sink in. "You never undress a woman without her consent."

"Huh?" the Dragon Slayer raised an eyebrow and looked up at her. "But she's unconscious! It's not like she can say no."

At this the spirit user's eyes almost fell out of their sockets and she gave him a furious look. A vein popped on the side of her head as she screeched at him, "That's all the more reason not to!"

Natsu shook his head, seeing he wasn't going to win this one. He stood up and folded his arms. "I still say we should take it off. How else are we gunna carry her all the way back to the girls' dorms?" There was silence as they stared down at their friend until Natsu suddenly frowned and turned to Lucy. "When else will I ever need to undress a woman anyway?"

Lucy merely facepalmed at his stupidity. Meanwhile Gray turned a shade of red roughly the colour of Erza's hair and began choking his own spit in the background.

Once Gray's coughing fit had died down, he took a couple of deep breaths before moving closer to the passed out woman and gesturing for Natsu to come closer. "Hey, hothead, let's have another go at this."

Fairy Tail's Salamander initially hesitated to join him; half fearing that she might wake up at any moment, but gave in and nodded anyways. As they prepared to try and lift her again a small, blue-headed figure ran over to them.

"No, no, no, stop there!" the Solid Script mage, Levy, told them. They glanced up at her, confused, and paused.

"What now?" Natsu grumbled, irritated, as he focused on stopping Erza's armour slipping out of his grasp.

"What's wrong, Levy?" Happy tilted his up at her.

Levy folded her arms. "You're going about this the wrong way." she answered simply. This didn't seem to answer much for Team Natsu, who looked back at her with giant question marks hovering over their heads.

Instead of letting them ask any more questions, she stepped forwards and got them to let go of the drunk. "Natsu," she said, "You go from behind and take Erza-san's shoulders, Gray, you go and take hold of her legs,"

"Oi, oi!" Gray held his hands up. "Levy, what the heck? There's no way I'm gunna be holding onto her there!" he protested.

"Ooh," Lucy covered a grin with her hand and raised her eyebrows at him, "are we getting embarrassed, Gray?"

That shade of red appeared again on his cheeks and he placed a hand on the back of his neck. "Of course not." He said. "But she's wearing a skirt! She'll kill me if she finds out!" He then lowered his voice to a whisper. "I don't wanna die!"

The two girls sort of understood his reasons for refusing, but they had to get Erza home somehow.

"Don't worry, Gray," Lucy said to him, "we won't tell anyone." She reassured him and it seemed to work as a few moments later the guys had a hold of Erza's body and she was being lifted up off the ground. She was still heavy, but at least they could actually stand up as they carried her weight.

And so Erza was carried back to Fairy Hills by Natsu and Gray with Levy, Lucy and Happy following closely behind. Levy had to get back to her dorm, so she accompanied them on the walk back. She had recently bought a stack of new books and wanted to get home and spend the rest of the night reading. Happy, being one of Natsu's best friends and partner, stayed close to him so they could get back home together. Lucy went mainly to make sure that Erza was okay and that she would get home safely.

When that was done they went their separate ways, eager to rest in their own homes after all that had happened that night. Erza got a fair bit of rest too, staying asleep until almost eleven the next morning and nursing a bad hangover for the rest of the day. She failed to remember how she got into such a state in the first place and her last fuzzy memory was of attacking her teammates.
The next time she stepped into the guild there was an awkward atmosphere. Everyone's eyes settled on her as she approached Lucy, with the intention of asking exactly what she had done that night. Needless to say she was extremely embarrassed when she learned of how drunk she had been and she proceeded to bang her head against a table. When Mirajane offered her a small drink of beer she declined straight away. She wasn't planning to have another sip of booze for a very long time. Erza knew she had her limits and she wasn't keen to test them any time soon.


So yeah... Not sure how well that went. This is my first time writing about someone being drunk and I've never been drunk myself. Maybe I needed more random drunken moments?

Anyways please let me know what you thought ^^