Disclaimer: I do not own them.
A/N: Okay, somebody asked me to write more Sandle, so here we go. There's no Sandle in this chapter yet though, but it will come soon. A lot of thanks to Mel for betaing this, I know you don't read Sandle normally... THANKS!
Rumours were spreading through the lab like a disease, everybody seemed to know about them, and Sara felt the looks full sympathy while walking through the hallways. This was not how it was supposed to be, she didn't want their pity, she wanted them to ignore her and let her move on, as good as she could. Although she knew she couldn't, not before she would understand. 'Why is he doing this to me? Doesn't he know, doesn't he understand?' Frustration was building inside her when she strolled down to the locker room. She was relieved to find it empty, now she could hide from all the looks.
She slowly lowered herself on the cold bench and let the tears come. Now that she was alone, she could show the grief she was feeling, she had now lost him forever. With soft sobs, she over thought what all had happened in the past years. She knew she felt comfortable around him, he gave her a feeling of appreciation. As she cried, it more and more dawned on her. Had it really been love, or was she looking for a replacement of her father? Somebody she could rely on, who complimented her and pushed her to go further. Like a father would with his daughter…
She didn't know anymore, didn't understand what she was feeling now. 'Am I trying to find a way to get over this? Am I trying to tell myself I was wrong all along?' After a while she smacked her fist into the bench and stood up, starting pacing. She moved from the one side of the room to the other, angrily wiping away the tears as they continued to fall. Although she knew it was good to show her feelings, she didn't like it. Nobody should see her vulnerable, there's only one person who had, and look what he had done. 'No more being vulnerable in front of friends.'
"Sara? Are you alright in here?" She could hear Nick on the other side of the door, his Texan accent giving him away.
"Yeah, give me a minute, will you?" She responded, wiping away the last tears.
When she casually opened the door, a little while later, she was greeted by a pair of worried brown eyes. Nick was having his arms crossed in front of his chest, but when she walked out he grabbed her shoulders and pulled her in a hug. "I'm so sorry sis, I know how you feel about him… it's… anyway, if you need to talk, just know I'm right here, okay?"
He felt her nod against his shoulder, but wasn't sure if she was meaning it. He couldn't look in her eyes, so she could easily be making empty promises. Knowing her, she didn't mean it; she would never tell what was going on, unless somebody forced her to. "Sara, I mean it. When something is bothering, you have to tell me. Promise me."
"I promise," she mumbled against his shirt, wetting it with her tears. When she had recomposed herself again, she leaned back and allowed Nick to lead her outside to his car. The sun was blinding and she filtered it with her hand. This was definitely going to give her a bad headache, which meant: no good rest before work tomorrow. She let out a sigh followed Nick, who was having his arm around her waist, protectively, like a brother. She loved him for it, although sometimes she just wanted to be alone, like now.
"I'm buying you breakfast, you look like you need something to eat."
She didn't object, she just walked with him, head hanging low as they neared the parking lot. "Thanks Nicky."
Half an hour later they were sitting together in a small restaurant, enjoying their well-deserved breakfast. Sara was silent since the moment they had arrived, and that worried Nick. She was never much of a talker, but she was quieter than usual.
"Sar, now please tell me what's goin' on… Doesn't your big bro deserve to know?" He joked.
She grinned slightly. "My 'big bro' doesn't…" And more serious she added: "Maybe my little bro does."
He smiled softly at her, and asked the waitress if she could bring them another coffee. She politely smiled when she came back with the two mugs of steaming liquid. "Normally I wouldn't let you get away with calling me your 'little bro', but I'll save ya."
She smiled softly. 'What am I going to tell him? I can't tell him yet, it's something I haven't figured out myself yet. I could tell him that I'm taking a leave of absence though, which is true.' She took her mug, which was filled with black liquid, and took a sip.
She grinned at Nick, who was staring at her coffee. "What?"
"Uhm, Sara… aren't you forgetting something?"
With a puzzled look she watched Nick. "What do you mean?"
"Creamer?"
"Oh yeah, right," she said, setting the mug back on the table. Reaching for the creamer she started talking. "After the events of that… you know, nazi case you were working on, I've started thinking, evaluating my life here in Vegas."
When Nick started to object, trying to stop her from saying she was leaving, she held up her hand to silence him. "No Nick, I'm not leaving. Not forever at least. I've decided I should take a leave of absence, to get myself back together. I can't do that while I'm here, in the lab… with him. I need some time for myself, away from Vegas, maybe even away from the States, I'm not sure." She smiled. "I've always wanted to go to Europe, maybe I will now… see if I can find a job there for a few months."
"Sara sis, are you sure you're going to need that? Can't you just talk to him?" Nick asked her, his eyes searching hers. He didn't want her to leave; she was like a sister to him. And he was afraid that she wouldn't come back, that she had found a new life somewhere else, and would just leave them be. Although deep in his heart he knew Sara Sidle wouldn't do something like that, the thought still scared him.
"Nick, I need to do this. I should have done it a long time ago, but I never got around to it." Her expression turned sad. "I always kept hoping he would change, you know? That finally he would understand what I was feeling for him, and that someday he would come to me, saying that he knew what to do about it. Right now, I know that will never happen. I need to get over him, get over everything and make a new start. And that new start is going to be abroad."
He nodded, he understood. If Sara Sidle had made a plan, there was no way he could talk it out of her anymore. She was going away, and although it pained him, he was going to be behind her every step of the way. "Well, if this is what you really need and want, then you have to know that I'm right behind you. I love you sis."
She couldn't hold back the tears anymore and she found herself crying, taking the napkin to wipe her moist cheeks. "I love you too 'little bro'."
He grinned. "You are so gonna pay for that!"
TBC
A/N2:
Okay, before everybody starts flaming... Mel pointed out that is was confusing that Sara calls Nick her little bro, but she's just teasing, because they only differ a few days in age... Okay, come on with the reviews : )