Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or the song Falling In by Lifehouse
Don't Be Scared, It's Only Love
Every time I see your face
My heart takes off on a high speed chase
Now don't be scared, it's only love Baby,
That we're falling in
I kiss her good bye and quickly usher her out the door and on her way to work. Normally I hate to see her leave, but today, I need her out of the house as soon as possible if my plan is going to go the way I hope it will. I close the door behind her and turn the lock, leaning my back against it as it makes a soft clicking noise and get down to business. I quickly make my way to the hallway closet and take out a big box that has been hiding the pictures and scrapbook I have been working on for the last few weeks. I smile as I spread the whole thing out across the large mahogany kitchen table, knowing that she has no idea what I have been planning. I laugh as I slowly open the book, thinking if my friends from school could see me now, they'd never believe that the former HBIC was cutting and pasting cutesy pictures into a scrapbook. I'm so not whipped, ok? I'd just do anything for her, anything to see her blue eyes light up with joy, make her smile, hear her contagious laugh. The first page is labeled in fancy lettering, I trace my finger over the embossed letters "The first time we met."
XXX
I hesitantly get out of the car, wanting to be anywhere but here.
"Go ahead now, Santana, have fun," my mother calls out to me from the car window.
I fake a smile and go into the dance studio. I really have no interest or desire to dance but my mother is forcing me to take some classes. I wander aimlessly, I can already see I don't fit in with the other frilly ballerina girls. I hear music coming softly from one of the rooms and I peak my head in for a look. I can't help but stare as a girl before me dances with such ease, it takes my breath away. She barely touches the ground as she twirls and spins across the floor. She's a blur of blonde hair and blue eyes and I don't know what has come over me, but I can't look away even if I want to. The music stops and I try to back out of the room slowly, before she can see me.
"Hey, are you new here? Do you need to know what room you're supposed to be in?"
I open my mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. For the first time in my life, I'm at a loss of words. I can feel my cheeks begin to burn and turn a bright shade of red and I can only hope she doesn't notice.
"Are you ok?" she asks as she comes closer to me.
"You're really beautiful," I finally squeak out. "I mean…your dancing is really beautiful."
She smiles largely and looks away. It's her turn to turn red from embarrassment. "Thanks, I've been dancing since I was three, so about five years or so. How long have you been dancing for? I've never seen you around here."
"Today's my first, and after seeing you dance, most likely my last day here. I'm going to suck."
"Don't put yourself down before you even start! I bet you're a wonderful dancer. I can help you, if you want. My name's Brittany, by the way," she adds.
"I'm Santana. I probably should go find my class," I say, and start to back away and end up falling over a duffel bag that seems to have come out of no where.
"Oh no! Are you hurt?" she asks, as she grabs my hand and pulls me up.
At least my cheeks can't get any redder than they already are at the moment. The minute her hand grasps mine, sparks shoot down my arm, towards my spine and I can only wonder if she feels it too. "Thanks," I say and quickly make my way out of the room before I make an even bigger fool out of myself.
I can't wait 'til tomorrow
This feeling has swallowed me whole
And I know that I've lost control
I stretch across the table and pick up a pile of pictures, slowly looking at each and every one, picking out the perfect ones to go in the book next. I can't help but laugh at our ridiculous outfits as I find some from one of our lame school dances, but that night was so much more than just a lame dance…
XXX
I flop onto her bed, my feet dangling off the edge, and rest my chin in my hands. "Are you going to the dance tomorrow night?"
She swivels towards me in her bright pink desk chair, as she lets her long blonde hair fall from its place of a high pony tail. "Maybe, are you?"
I shrug. "Those dances are normally super lame, besides no one has asked me to go."
"Seriously? No one has asked you? I find that really hard to believe."
I turn over, so I'm on my back and stare at the ceiling, so I can avoid looking into her eyes. "Ok, fine, some guys have asked me, but not the one person I really want to go with."
The bed dips beneath her as she lies down beside me, linking her pinky with mine. "Who do you really want to go with?" she asks, even though she knows who it is.
"You're really going to make me say it out loud?" I feel my heart begin to beat faster and my hands start to get sweaty, as I try to make sense of what I'm feeling. I turn my head to face her as she turns her head towards mine, my eyes flutter shut as our noses touch, and I say nothing for a moment. It's as if time stands still and I'm not sure who moves first but suddenly our lips have found each other and we're kissing, soft, sweet little kisses. I almost forget to breathe, and pull back for some air. "You," I say quietly.
"Good," she says back just as quietly, "Because I really want to go with you too."
I lay still for a minute, thinking about what this means, what I'm feeling and it scares me. "Just as friends, right?" I blurt out before I can stop myself.
She moves away from me slightly, and I see hurt flash in her blue eyes. "Sure, best friends," she answers, as she gets up from the bed.
I stay in my spot on the bed, mad at myself for ruining the moment, for not being able to take back what I had just said. I can tell she's upset, but she's trying hard to play it off.
"What are you going to wear?" she asks to change the subject.
I wipe an unexpected tear from my cheek before she can notice and sit up to face her. "I don't know, something blue maybe? It'll match your eyes."
She smiles, and I can tell she's already forgiven me. "That's perfect, only I really don't want to wear brown to match your eyes," she says with a laugh.
I laugh along with her, and everything feels like it's right again. Only I know in the back of my mind the feelings I've been trying to suppress are coming back in full force.
/
I find myself nervously wringing my hands together as I wait for Brittany to come downstairs so we can leave for the dance. I almost think about running out the door of her house, thinking maybe this whole idea of going to the dance was stupid. Who really goes to these lame dances anyway? All thoughts of abandoning her fly right out of my head as she makes her way downstairs. She's absolutely stunning in a sleeveless gold dress that stops just short of her knees. "You look amazing."
"You too," she answers, giving me a hug.
"You girls look so pretty!" Mrs. Pierce exclaims as she comes into the room with her camera. "Ok, say cheese," she says as she clicks away.
"Mom, that's enough, you're embarrassing me."
"One day you'll thank me for these pictures. Now go on, have fun, don't stay out too late."
XXX
Looking back now, I am very thankful her mom had taken all those pictures, because they were coming very much in handy for this little book. I look through more pictures, trying to decide what should come next. Pictures of Glee club, school plays, summer vacations, but nothing seems right. A picture falls to the floor and I pick it up and turn it over it's a picture of the Cheerios and a whole new set of memories come flooding back to me.
I would never do you wrong
Or let you down or lead you on
Don't look down, it's only love Baby,
That we're falling in
XXX
"I'm not letting you go through with it," I say for the umpteenth time.
"I have to San, we need to do this to win. I can't let Coach Sylvester or the team down."
"Brittany you will die!" I yell, and begin to choke back tears because the thought of losing her is just too much to handle.
"Wait, why are you crying? I hate to see you upset, don't cry."
I wipe away my tears with the palm of my hand. "I'm not crying it's just my allergies," I lie.
She gives me a look that tells me she knows I'm lying. "Don't lie to me, San. Does it really mean that much to you, that I don't go in the cannon?"
"Of course it does, because I lo-" I quickly cut myself off. "It just does, ok? You're my best friend. I can't lose you."
She takes me into a big hug and I left myself lean into her. "You're my best friend too," she whispers into my ear and I hear the meaning behind her words. "If it means that much to you, I'll tell Coach Sylvester right now I'm not going to do it, ok?"
I don't trust myself to speak, so I just nod into the crook of her neck and continue to hold her tightly.
I'm standing in your driveway
It's midnight and I'm sideways
I have to find out if you feel the same Won't be easy, have my doubts too
But it's over without you
I'm just lost, incomplete
Yeah, you feel like home, home to me
I pace nervously in front of her house, planning out what I'm going to say. Everything seems wrong and I'm now second guessing myself for even coming in the first place. I can't keep these feelings inside any longer, everyday I feel like I'm going to burst. I can tell I'm starting to lose her, I need to lay it all down on the line now.
"Are you going to come in, or just pace outside my house all night long?"
I jump at the sound of her voice, I had been so consumed in my thoughts I never heard her come out of the house. "We need to talk," I force myself to say or it will never come out.
"Are you ok?" she asks with concern, knowing I hardly ever talk about the really important stuff.
I take a deep breath. It's now or never. "Yes, I'm ok but I need to explain myself. The reason why I didn't want to sing a duet with you was because I was scared. Brittany, it's time I tell you something I should have told you a long time ago. I'm scared because I have all these feelings, feelings for you, and I've been taught from a young age that these feelings are wrong." I pause for a minute, letting Brittany take in what I'm saying before I continue. "As much as I have tried to make them go away, as many boys as I have slept with, my feelings for you have gotten to the point where I can't ignore them anymore. I'm not ready to put a label on myself or anything yet, but I have to finally admit that I love you." Tears begin to fall freely from my eyes and down my cheeks. It feels as though a weight has been lifted off my shoulders as I finally let everything out. "I love you, and I don't want to be with anyone but you." I finally make myself look her in the eyes and see that she is crying too.
"I love you too, Santana, so much so. I've just been waiting for you to say something about it."
The tears come down harder as I hear her say those words, and I take her into a big hug. "I'm not ready to come out to anyone yet, but I just had to tell you that I love you."
"I'm so proud of you right now Santana. I know this couldn't have been easy for you, but thank you so much for telling me, it means a lot." She wipes away my tears and kisses me softly on the lips. "Come inside, it's getting cold."
I let her take my hand and I follow her inside the house, feeling happier than I have in a long time.
XXX
Every time I see your face
My heart takes off on a high speed chase
Now don't be scared, it's only love
That we're falling in
I wipe my eyes as a few stray tears fall at the memory of that night, and continue on with the scrap booking. I have finally come to the last and most important page of the book. I reach for the little blue box that has been burning a hole in my pocket for a few weeks. I gently take out the ring and admire it, hoping she likes it just as much as I do. I place the ring in the middle of the page, between the words 'will you marry me.' I sit back and admire my work, and it looks pretty damn good if I do say so myself. I look at the time and see that I have about half an hour to set the rest of my plan in motion. Looking at the ring one last time, I gently close the book and return it to my hiding place. Tonight will hopefully be the beginning of the rest of our lives together and I can't wait to see where this next journey will take us.
Don't be scared, it's only love Baby…
