TOW The Caribbean Cruise
Chapter 1
Monica Geller leaned forward against the railing of the cruise ship "Coral Sea", letting the warm evening breeze relax her. With her dark hair hanging loosely down the back of her colorful sundress, she watched with wistful blue eyes as the sun all but disappeared and the fiery sky turned a softer pinkish-purple. She knew unlimited stars would soon glitter in the sky like diamonds against black velvet. The scenery was breathtaking, and if she didn't feel so hollow inside, she might have actually enjoyed her surroundings.
She sighed heavily and looked to her right and then to her left. Yes, she told herself sadly, he's not here to share all this loveliness with you.
The second day of her Caribbean cruise had been much like the first: lonely and depressing. It wasn't supposed to be that way. This was to have been her honeymoon cruise. But when her hopes and dreams for a life with Chandler Bing had fallen apart, so had she. And when time was not doing its job by mending her broken heart, she decided to take the cruise. It was already paid for, and she needed to get away from everyone and everything in New York City. She looked down at the bare third finger of her left hand where her diamond ring used to sit proudly: most of all, she needed time to get over her broken engagement to Chandler.
As the ship sailed further out to sea, she wondered if there was enough time and space to help her get over the man she had planned to spend the rest of her life with.
**Flashback - New Year's Eve 2000**
"Chandler, hurry up," Monica urged. "The guests will be arriving in twenty minutes."
"I'm ready," he said, emerging from the bedroom he shared with Monica dressed in a black pullover sweater and black trousers.
Despite their earlier argument, he couldn't help but notice how lovely his fiancée looked in her new red dress with her hair pulled back in a twist.
"You look fantastic," he said sincerely.
She smiled. "Thanks. You look very handsome. I don't want to fight anymore, Chandler. Do you think we could forget about our wedding plans, just for tonight?"
"The way you've been talking lately, I thought you wanted to forget our wedding plans altogether."
"I never said that! Why are you purposely baiting me? I said maybe, maybe we should think about changing the date, just to give us more time to sort out our differences, but I never said I wanted to call off the wedding!"
"Yeah, okay, whatever. I still think the gang should know that the wedding might not take place on the date we announced. They have a right to know."
"Even if we haven't decided to postpone our nuptials?"
Chandler gave her a hard stare. "Oh, I think that's been decided."
With a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach, Monica began to arrange the food on the kitchen table while Chandler readied the drinks.
"I guess we should've canceled the party," she said softly.
"We can get through this," he said, not showing much enthusiasm. "Once the guests arrive, we won't have to be around each other that much. It should help."
Monica nodded but her heart sank. Is this what their relationship had come to? Trying to find ways not to be around each other instead of longing to spend time together? Monica felt as though she were on a runaway train and the only thing ahead of her was a solid brick wall.
**
With the party in full swing, Monica and Chandler tried their best to look and act like the happy couple their friends thought they were.
"Great party, Mon," Joey Tribbiani said, placing a quick kiss on his friend's cheek.
"Yeah," Phoebe Buffay said and smiled. "Just think. This is the last New Year's Eve you and Chandler will spend as single adults."
"Yes, it is." Monica's uncharacteristic quietness was not lost on her friends.
"I didn't mean that as a bad thing," Phoebe said.
"No, I know. And it's true, right?"
She managed a smile for her friends before Chandler approached them.
"Did Monica tell you the latest?" he asked.
He appeared to be as uneasy as Monica.
"No," Monica said. "I didn't tell them."
"Tell us what?" Phoebe pressed.
"It's nothing," Monica said, glaring at her fiancé.
"If you call changing the wedding date nothing," Chandler responded, his voice heavy with sarcasm.
"What?!" Joey said. "Aww, man, when did this happen?"
Phoebe felt the negative vibes and knew they needed to leave.
"C'mon, Joey, let's mingle," Phoebe said. "They need to be alone."
"No, Pheebs, wait," Chandler said. "I didn't mean to chase you away. I just thought our closest friends should know about the change."
"It's okay," she said, nodding knowingly. "Monica, I'm sure you have your reasons. I'll catch up with you later. I haven't talked to Ross or Rachel."
"Yeah," Joey said, following his friend's lead after she nudged him in the ribs, "I haven't eaten in like ten minutes, so you know I'm overdue."
"Why did you do that?" Monica pounced on Chandler as soon as they were alone.
"I told you our closest friends have a right to know. Hey, it's the only decision I've gotten to make!"
"Don't start this again. Not tonight."
"You started this by saying you wanted to change the date."
"Maybe, I said maybe."
"Why, Monica?" Chandler asked, really wanting to know. He'd asked her before, but she always managed to avoid answering him directly. "Why are we even talking about changing the date? If you don't want to marry me, just say so. Let's get this over with, okay?"
"It's not that easy, and you know it. I never said I didn't want to marry you, Chandler. Maybe it's you. Would you be relieved if I told you I wanted to call off the wedding? Would you?"
"At this moment, yes," Chandler said, knowing he didn't really mean that or did he?
Lately, he was so confused, he didn't know what he wanted. But he knew he didn't want to enter into marriage arguing with his bride over every single detail of the wedding. But that's what it had come to. There wasn't one thing they agreed on. Anymore.
"You said we wouldn't talk about this tonight. I'm holding you to that. I need to talk to Rachel. Excuse me."
In a huff, she brushed past him. He watched as she mingled with the crowd on her way to find Rachel. She turned in his direction for a brief moment and then looked away. Chandler realized he was quickly running out of ideas of how to make their relationship work. He didn't like the direction his thoughts were taking.
**
"Hey, man, what's going on with you and Monica?" Joey asked, a short time later. "You're not really postponing the wedding, are you?"
He and Phoebe had noticed a subdued Chandler leaning against the kitchen counter.
"I don't know, Joe. Monica and I get along fine until we try to discuss the wedding. We aren't agreeing on much these days."
"You should leave everything to Monica," Phoebe advised. "You know she's been planning this like forever. Are you gonna mess with that?"
"No. I'm going along with almost everything she wants. But I think I should have some say about my guests, don't you? I also don't think it's too much to ask that I have some input about the dinner menu. Even if she is a head chef, she's not the only one who's going to be eating the food."
"So, talk calmly and rationally about it. Don't freak out, Chandler, and don't make Monica doing something...well, you know, Monica-like."
"I think I've been doing that, Phoebe," Chandler challenged. "I'm starting to think the way I feel goes deeper than the wedding."
"Whaddya mean?" Joey asked.
Chandler shrugged as he ran his index finger along the countertop. "I dunno. Is it wrong of me to want some say in all of this? As long as we keep things on the surface, we're fine. But the minute I express a different opinion or question something I don't like, Monica bristles and we start arguing. I don't want our marriage to be like that."
"Tell her that," Joey encouraged. "Monica will know where you're coming from."
"It's just going to lead to more fighting. I knew this was going to be a disaster. I love Monica, I do, but I just don't know if I'm ever going to be husband material. And if I can't be the husband she wants, then what's the point?"
"The point is you guys love each other," Phoebe said. "You have to talk to her, Chandler. You can't just give up!"
"Yeah," Joey said, stabbing his index finger into his best friend's chest. "What Phoebe said. Chandler, don't start freaking out."
Chandler's eyes darted across the room and landed on Monica, who was having an intense conversation with Rachel. Her furrowed brow and tight-lipped expression told him all he needed to know.
"Look at her," Chandler said, nodding in Monica's direction. "She's not happy. We're making each other miserable. I bet she's having the same conversation with Rachel that I'm having with you. We can only pretend for so long. I'm starting to think this was not meant to be."
Chandler grabbed his coat from a hook on the wall, preparing to slip out of the apartment, hopefully unnoticed.
"Where are you going?" Phoebe asked.
"I need some air. I'm going for a walk. Tell Monica I'll be back later."
"Hey, man," Joey whispered, gripping his friend's shoulder, "whatever you do, don't do what Ross did. You and Monica are not on a break, and she will never forgive you if you manage to screw this up that badly. Know what I mean?"
"Yeah," Chandler said, amazed at his friend's insight and advice, "I won't do anything stupid. I promise. I just need some time to myself."
**
"Where did Chandler go?" Monica asked Phoebe as soon as she realized he was not in their apartment.
"He needed some air," Phoebe explained.
"It's freezing out there! He wanted to get away from me, didn't he?"
"No," Joey said, quickly jumping into the conversation. "He really needed some air, Mon. That's all."
"I bet I find him at Central Perk," Monica said. "He's probably brooding over a latte. What a great New Year's Eve this is turning out to be!"
"Monica, don't jump to conclusions," Ross Geller, her older brother, said. "Maybe he really just needed a few minutes alone."
"Well, I'm not waiting for him to return. I'm going to find him."
"Mon, Mon," Rachel Green said, trying to stop her friend before she said or did something she would regret, "let him have this time. You know he's going to come back to you."
"He left because he doesn't agree about our wedding plans and because we've been arguing so much. I have to talk to him. You know what he'll do if I let him think too long by himself."
Despite their best intentions, they ended up nodding as they realized Monica was right.
"So you agree I should go to him?"
They all mumbled their acquiescence. Monica smiled triumphantly and pulled on her coat.
"That's it then. I'm off to the coffeehouse. Ross, Rachel, assume the hosting duties. Please."
"Sure, Mon," Rachel said and smiled weakly. "Whatever you need. You know we're here for you."
"And Chandler," Joey felt obliged to add. He didn't know what was going to happen between Monica and Chandler, but Chandler was his best friend, and he wanted to make sure his interests were protected, too. He knew Chandler would do the same for him.
Monica gave them a wan smile and told them she'd be back soon, with Chandler.
**
Just as she suspected, Chandler was sitting by himself at a table, a large green coffee cup next to him. She entered the almost deserted coffeehouse and tentatively approached his table. She noticed he was writing on a napkin.
"Hey," she said softly.
He looked up, surprised to see her.
"Hey," he responded, his voice low. "Have a seat."
After she had settled in, he asked her how she knew he would be at Central Perk.
"I didn't think you would go far in this weather, and I figured this place wouldn't be busy. May I ask what you're writing?"
Chandler returned his pen to his coat pocket and folded the napkin in half.
"It's nothing. Sometimes, an idea or two will come to me. I never do anything with them, but they won't leave me alone until I jot them down. Once they're on paper, they're harmless. You want a coffee or a hot cocoa?"
"No, thanks. I'm hoping we won't be here that long. We are hosting the party, Chandler. Don't you want to come back to the apartment?"
"Sure," he said. "I can paste a smile on my face for the next two or three hours. Let's go."
"No," Monica said, refusing the offer of his hand. "Not like this. We're not okay, Chandler, and I hate that. If I have to force you to smile, then something's wrong. If you want to stay here, that's fine."
"I'm tired of fighting, Monica. I don't want you to be unhappy, but I don't want to be unhappy either. How do we accomplish that?"
"We keep working at our relationship. Don't give up on us, Chandler. I believe in us. Don't you?"
"I used to, and I want to again. But we're not even married yet, and I already feel like we are. That's not good, Monica. For you to want to postpone the wedding, you must be experiencing the same thing."
"I admit the fighting has left me weary and drained, but it's just because I want our wedding to be perfect. If we can't agree on things, then we're not going to be happy. I thought by changing the wedding date, we'd be giving ourselves more time to figure things out and get back on track. Isn't that what you want? Or do you...do you want to call the whole thing off?"
He saw the tears glistening in her expressive eyes and knew how hard it was for her to say those words. He also knew his words weren't going to be any easier.
"I have to be honest, Monica. The way things are between us right now, I can't see us getting married."
"Oh, man."
Fumbling, she finally managed to pull a napkin from its container and dabbed at her wet eyes. After she tossed the napkin on the table, Chandler reached across to clasp her hands in his. The last thing he wanted to do was to hurt her, but they couldn't keep dancing around the issues between them.
"I'm saying this because I don't want our marriage to be a disaster, Mon. And I feel that's what it would be. If we can't agree about the wedding, how can we agree on the issues that will affect our union? I'm not sure I can do this. Our fights are bringing back too many bad memories for me. I never want to hurt you, but I know I have. I'm sorry about that. I'm terrified I'm going to hurt you more. I feel like everything I say now is strained. There's too much tension. We're either walking on eggshells around each other or we're snapping at every little thing that's said. Our easy camaraderie is gone. I miss that. Don't you?"
Looking at their joined hands, she nodded as a single tear slid down each cheek.
"I do. I miss my best friend. I used to be able to tell you everything. I haven't felt comfortable around you for a while. I'm sorry, too. Maybe it is better if we postpone the wedding."
"Yeah," Chandler said, wiping her tear away with the pad of his thumb, "you mean too much to me, Monica. I think we should take a break from all this."
Hearing the word "break" snapped Monica to attention. Her eyes pleaded for his understanding. "Don't say that word, Chandler. Just don't. Please."
"Sorry. Bad choice of words. But you know what I mean, right?"
"Sort of. I know we're not happy, and I know it's wrong to pretend we are. What do we do? Where do we go from here?"
Chandler held her hands tighter and cleared his voice before speaking.
"I think it's best if, just for a little while, I move out."
"Where would you go?"
Monica stared at their joined hands, refusing to let go. She willed herself to handle this situation maturely.
"Maybe to a hotel."
She looked up and saw that he was as miserable as she was.
"What happened to us, Chandler? How did it come to this?"
"I'm not sure. That's why I think it's better if we're apart for a while. We need the space. It won't be forever. Right?"
Monica nodded but couldn't stop the tears from flowing. She'd wanted a little more time. She told herself she needed space to breathe. But now that Chandler had told her he was leaving, she already missed him. And the way he looked at her caused her to tremble. What if they couldn't work things out? What if this was how their relationship ended? What would she do if they were never together again?
**End of Flashback**
Sighing, Monica straightened from the rail. She had slowly begun to accept the inevitable with respect to those questions, but there was one question she didn't have the answer to: what if the incredible ache in her heart never healed?
Chapter 1
Monica Geller leaned forward against the railing of the cruise ship "Coral Sea", letting the warm evening breeze relax her. With her dark hair hanging loosely down the back of her colorful sundress, she watched with wistful blue eyes as the sun all but disappeared and the fiery sky turned a softer pinkish-purple. She knew unlimited stars would soon glitter in the sky like diamonds against black velvet. The scenery was breathtaking, and if she didn't feel so hollow inside, she might have actually enjoyed her surroundings.
She sighed heavily and looked to her right and then to her left. Yes, she told herself sadly, he's not here to share all this loveliness with you.
The second day of her Caribbean cruise had been much like the first: lonely and depressing. It wasn't supposed to be that way. This was to have been her honeymoon cruise. But when her hopes and dreams for a life with Chandler Bing had fallen apart, so had she. And when time was not doing its job by mending her broken heart, she decided to take the cruise. It was already paid for, and she needed to get away from everyone and everything in New York City. She looked down at the bare third finger of her left hand where her diamond ring used to sit proudly: most of all, she needed time to get over her broken engagement to Chandler.
As the ship sailed further out to sea, she wondered if there was enough time and space to help her get over the man she had planned to spend the rest of her life with.
**Flashback - New Year's Eve 2000**
"Chandler, hurry up," Monica urged. "The guests will be arriving in twenty minutes."
"I'm ready," he said, emerging from the bedroom he shared with Monica dressed in a black pullover sweater and black trousers.
Despite their earlier argument, he couldn't help but notice how lovely his fiancée looked in her new red dress with her hair pulled back in a twist.
"You look fantastic," he said sincerely.
She smiled. "Thanks. You look very handsome. I don't want to fight anymore, Chandler. Do you think we could forget about our wedding plans, just for tonight?"
"The way you've been talking lately, I thought you wanted to forget our wedding plans altogether."
"I never said that! Why are you purposely baiting me? I said maybe, maybe we should think about changing the date, just to give us more time to sort out our differences, but I never said I wanted to call off the wedding!"
"Yeah, okay, whatever. I still think the gang should know that the wedding might not take place on the date we announced. They have a right to know."
"Even if we haven't decided to postpone our nuptials?"
Chandler gave her a hard stare. "Oh, I think that's been decided."
With a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach, Monica began to arrange the food on the kitchen table while Chandler readied the drinks.
"I guess we should've canceled the party," she said softly.
"We can get through this," he said, not showing much enthusiasm. "Once the guests arrive, we won't have to be around each other that much. It should help."
Monica nodded but her heart sank. Is this what their relationship had come to? Trying to find ways not to be around each other instead of longing to spend time together? Monica felt as though she were on a runaway train and the only thing ahead of her was a solid brick wall.
**
With the party in full swing, Monica and Chandler tried their best to look and act like the happy couple their friends thought they were.
"Great party, Mon," Joey Tribbiani said, placing a quick kiss on his friend's cheek.
"Yeah," Phoebe Buffay said and smiled. "Just think. This is the last New Year's Eve you and Chandler will spend as single adults."
"Yes, it is." Monica's uncharacteristic quietness was not lost on her friends.
"I didn't mean that as a bad thing," Phoebe said.
"No, I know. And it's true, right?"
She managed a smile for her friends before Chandler approached them.
"Did Monica tell you the latest?" he asked.
He appeared to be as uneasy as Monica.
"No," Monica said. "I didn't tell them."
"Tell us what?" Phoebe pressed.
"It's nothing," Monica said, glaring at her fiancé.
"If you call changing the wedding date nothing," Chandler responded, his voice heavy with sarcasm.
"What?!" Joey said. "Aww, man, when did this happen?"
Phoebe felt the negative vibes and knew they needed to leave.
"C'mon, Joey, let's mingle," Phoebe said. "They need to be alone."
"No, Pheebs, wait," Chandler said. "I didn't mean to chase you away. I just thought our closest friends should know about the change."
"It's okay," she said, nodding knowingly. "Monica, I'm sure you have your reasons. I'll catch up with you later. I haven't talked to Ross or Rachel."
"Yeah," Joey said, following his friend's lead after she nudged him in the ribs, "I haven't eaten in like ten minutes, so you know I'm overdue."
"Why did you do that?" Monica pounced on Chandler as soon as they were alone.
"I told you our closest friends have a right to know. Hey, it's the only decision I've gotten to make!"
"Don't start this again. Not tonight."
"You started this by saying you wanted to change the date."
"Maybe, I said maybe."
"Why, Monica?" Chandler asked, really wanting to know. He'd asked her before, but she always managed to avoid answering him directly. "Why are we even talking about changing the date? If you don't want to marry me, just say so. Let's get this over with, okay?"
"It's not that easy, and you know it. I never said I didn't want to marry you, Chandler. Maybe it's you. Would you be relieved if I told you I wanted to call off the wedding? Would you?"
"At this moment, yes," Chandler said, knowing he didn't really mean that or did he?
Lately, he was so confused, he didn't know what he wanted. But he knew he didn't want to enter into marriage arguing with his bride over every single detail of the wedding. But that's what it had come to. There wasn't one thing they agreed on. Anymore.
"You said we wouldn't talk about this tonight. I'm holding you to that. I need to talk to Rachel. Excuse me."
In a huff, she brushed past him. He watched as she mingled with the crowd on her way to find Rachel. She turned in his direction for a brief moment and then looked away. Chandler realized he was quickly running out of ideas of how to make their relationship work. He didn't like the direction his thoughts were taking.
**
"Hey, man, what's going on with you and Monica?" Joey asked, a short time later. "You're not really postponing the wedding, are you?"
He and Phoebe had noticed a subdued Chandler leaning against the kitchen counter.
"I don't know, Joe. Monica and I get along fine until we try to discuss the wedding. We aren't agreeing on much these days."
"You should leave everything to Monica," Phoebe advised. "You know she's been planning this like forever. Are you gonna mess with that?"
"No. I'm going along with almost everything she wants. But I think I should have some say about my guests, don't you? I also don't think it's too much to ask that I have some input about the dinner menu. Even if she is a head chef, she's not the only one who's going to be eating the food."
"So, talk calmly and rationally about it. Don't freak out, Chandler, and don't make Monica doing something...well, you know, Monica-like."
"I think I've been doing that, Phoebe," Chandler challenged. "I'm starting to think the way I feel goes deeper than the wedding."
"Whaddya mean?" Joey asked.
Chandler shrugged as he ran his index finger along the countertop. "I dunno. Is it wrong of me to want some say in all of this? As long as we keep things on the surface, we're fine. But the minute I express a different opinion or question something I don't like, Monica bristles and we start arguing. I don't want our marriage to be like that."
"Tell her that," Joey encouraged. "Monica will know where you're coming from."
"It's just going to lead to more fighting. I knew this was going to be a disaster. I love Monica, I do, but I just don't know if I'm ever going to be husband material. And if I can't be the husband she wants, then what's the point?"
"The point is you guys love each other," Phoebe said. "You have to talk to her, Chandler. You can't just give up!"
"Yeah," Joey said, stabbing his index finger into his best friend's chest. "What Phoebe said. Chandler, don't start freaking out."
Chandler's eyes darted across the room and landed on Monica, who was having an intense conversation with Rachel. Her furrowed brow and tight-lipped expression told him all he needed to know.
"Look at her," Chandler said, nodding in Monica's direction. "She's not happy. We're making each other miserable. I bet she's having the same conversation with Rachel that I'm having with you. We can only pretend for so long. I'm starting to think this was not meant to be."
Chandler grabbed his coat from a hook on the wall, preparing to slip out of the apartment, hopefully unnoticed.
"Where are you going?" Phoebe asked.
"I need some air. I'm going for a walk. Tell Monica I'll be back later."
"Hey, man," Joey whispered, gripping his friend's shoulder, "whatever you do, don't do what Ross did. You and Monica are not on a break, and she will never forgive you if you manage to screw this up that badly. Know what I mean?"
"Yeah," Chandler said, amazed at his friend's insight and advice, "I won't do anything stupid. I promise. I just need some time to myself."
**
"Where did Chandler go?" Monica asked Phoebe as soon as she realized he was not in their apartment.
"He needed some air," Phoebe explained.
"It's freezing out there! He wanted to get away from me, didn't he?"
"No," Joey said, quickly jumping into the conversation. "He really needed some air, Mon. That's all."
"I bet I find him at Central Perk," Monica said. "He's probably brooding over a latte. What a great New Year's Eve this is turning out to be!"
"Monica, don't jump to conclusions," Ross Geller, her older brother, said. "Maybe he really just needed a few minutes alone."
"Well, I'm not waiting for him to return. I'm going to find him."
"Mon, Mon," Rachel Green said, trying to stop her friend before she said or did something she would regret, "let him have this time. You know he's going to come back to you."
"He left because he doesn't agree about our wedding plans and because we've been arguing so much. I have to talk to him. You know what he'll do if I let him think too long by himself."
Despite their best intentions, they ended up nodding as they realized Monica was right.
"So you agree I should go to him?"
They all mumbled their acquiescence. Monica smiled triumphantly and pulled on her coat.
"That's it then. I'm off to the coffeehouse. Ross, Rachel, assume the hosting duties. Please."
"Sure, Mon," Rachel said and smiled weakly. "Whatever you need. You know we're here for you."
"And Chandler," Joey felt obliged to add. He didn't know what was going to happen between Monica and Chandler, but Chandler was his best friend, and he wanted to make sure his interests were protected, too. He knew Chandler would do the same for him.
Monica gave them a wan smile and told them she'd be back soon, with Chandler.
**
Just as she suspected, Chandler was sitting by himself at a table, a large green coffee cup next to him. She entered the almost deserted coffeehouse and tentatively approached his table. She noticed he was writing on a napkin.
"Hey," she said softly.
He looked up, surprised to see her.
"Hey," he responded, his voice low. "Have a seat."
After she had settled in, he asked her how she knew he would be at Central Perk.
"I didn't think you would go far in this weather, and I figured this place wouldn't be busy. May I ask what you're writing?"
Chandler returned his pen to his coat pocket and folded the napkin in half.
"It's nothing. Sometimes, an idea or two will come to me. I never do anything with them, but they won't leave me alone until I jot them down. Once they're on paper, they're harmless. You want a coffee or a hot cocoa?"
"No, thanks. I'm hoping we won't be here that long. We are hosting the party, Chandler. Don't you want to come back to the apartment?"
"Sure," he said. "I can paste a smile on my face for the next two or three hours. Let's go."
"No," Monica said, refusing the offer of his hand. "Not like this. We're not okay, Chandler, and I hate that. If I have to force you to smile, then something's wrong. If you want to stay here, that's fine."
"I'm tired of fighting, Monica. I don't want you to be unhappy, but I don't want to be unhappy either. How do we accomplish that?"
"We keep working at our relationship. Don't give up on us, Chandler. I believe in us. Don't you?"
"I used to, and I want to again. But we're not even married yet, and I already feel like we are. That's not good, Monica. For you to want to postpone the wedding, you must be experiencing the same thing."
"I admit the fighting has left me weary and drained, but it's just because I want our wedding to be perfect. If we can't agree on things, then we're not going to be happy. I thought by changing the wedding date, we'd be giving ourselves more time to figure things out and get back on track. Isn't that what you want? Or do you...do you want to call the whole thing off?"
He saw the tears glistening in her expressive eyes and knew how hard it was for her to say those words. He also knew his words weren't going to be any easier.
"I have to be honest, Monica. The way things are between us right now, I can't see us getting married."
"Oh, man."
Fumbling, she finally managed to pull a napkin from its container and dabbed at her wet eyes. After she tossed the napkin on the table, Chandler reached across to clasp her hands in his. The last thing he wanted to do was to hurt her, but they couldn't keep dancing around the issues between them.
"I'm saying this because I don't want our marriage to be a disaster, Mon. And I feel that's what it would be. If we can't agree about the wedding, how can we agree on the issues that will affect our union? I'm not sure I can do this. Our fights are bringing back too many bad memories for me. I never want to hurt you, but I know I have. I'm sorry about that. I'm terrified I'm going to hurt you more. I feel like everything I say now is strained. There's too much tension. We're either walking on eggshells around each other or we're snapping at every little thing that's said. Our easy camaraderie is gone. I miss that. Don't you?"
Looking at their joined hands, she nodded as a single tear slid down each cheek.
"I do. I miss my best friend. I used to be able to tell you everything. I haven't felt comfortable around you for a while. I'm sorry, too. Maybe it is better if we postpone the wedding."
"Yeah," Chandler said, wiping her tear away with the pad of his thumb, "you mean too much to me, Monica. I think we should take a break from all this."
Hearing the word "break" snapped Monica to attention. Her eyes pleaded for his understanding. "Don't say that word, Chandler. Just don't. Please."
"Sorry. Bad choice of words. But you know what I mean, right?"
"Sort of. I know we're not happy, and I know it's wrong to pretend we are. What do we do? Where do we go from here?"
Chandler held her hands tighter and cleared his voice before speaking.
"I think it's best if, just for a little while, I move out."
"Where would you go?"
Monica stared at their joined hands, refusing to let go. She willed herself to handle this situation maturely.
"Maybe to a hotel."
She looked up and saw that he was as miserable as she was.
"What happened to us, Chandler? How did it come to this?"
"I'm not sure. That's why I think it's better if we're apart for a while. We need the space. It won't be forever. Right?"
Monica nodded but couldn't stop the tears from flowing. She'd wanted a little more time. She told herself she needed space to breathe. But now that Chandler had told her he was leaving, she already missed him. And the way he looked at her caused her to tremble. What if they couldn't work things out? What if this was how their relationship ended? What would she do if they were never together again?
**End of Flashback**
Sighing, Monica straightened from the rail. She had slowly begun to accept the inevitable with respect to those questions, but there was one question she didn't have the answer to: what if the incredible ache in her heart never healed?
