A/N : So this story takes place before Callie has told anyone about Liam. It's basically a look into Callie's feelings about what happened, her self harm, and opening up to the rest of the Fosters family. There will be lots of Callie/Stef bonding, as I really enjoy the relationship between those two! There is a few darker themes in this story - so be warned if you are triggered by such things.
I don't own anything - merely borrowing these awesome characters!
Reviews are welcome of course!
Chapter 1
Callie woke up suddenly, her breathing rapid and perspiration saturating her thin tank top. She took a few deep breaths, before swinging herself out of bed and standing up on shaking legs. This was starting to get ridiculous. She had woken up this same way the past three nights now; ever since she had met Sarah at that group therapy session. Whenever she closed her eyes at night, she was flooded with memories of that foster home. Flooded with memories and nightmares of Liam.
She padded down the stairs to the kitchen, sighing as she past the clock in the hallway. 3.07am, just perfect. She went over to the sink and got herself a glass of water, sitting down at the kitchen island to try and settle herself before heading back to bed. She looked down at the marks on her left wrist – a reminder of the past few sleepless nights. She really hadn't meant to start cutting again. It just sort of happened. She felt so anxious and angry at the moment; she just had no idea what to do with those feelings. She could feel the cuts from last night burning, and for some reason that feeling really comforted her at the moment. She was just about to put her glass in the sink and head to the bathroom, when someone's footsteps came down the stairs as well. She felt her pulse quicken, she wasn't quite used to this family situation yet. From previous experience – bumping into people in the middle of the night was never a good thing.
"Callie, are you ok?" she heard Stef's calm and quiet voice from the doorway.
"Yeah I'm fine. Sorry if I woke you." She whispered.
"It's no problem; I'm a light sleeper."
"I'm sorry anyway. I really didn't mean to wake you." Callie moved her hands under the table, silently cursing herself for not having long sleeves on.
Stef took in the appearance of Callie, and got that feeling in the pit of her stomach that told her something was wrong. Callie eyes were bloodshot, her hair tangled, and her top drenched with sweat.
"Can't you sleep sweets?" she asked gently, moving closer to Callie.
"Yeah I guess not."
"You've been up the last few nights as well yeah?"
Callie felt guilt wash over her as she realised that she had probably woken Stef up every night this week. She began to panic as she thought about the last few nights – the rummaging in the bathroom drawers, the sobbing, and the pain in her wrist. She wondered if Stef had heard all of it…
"I'm really sorry Stef."
Stef frowned as she realised how upset Callie was at the thought of waking other people up – a thought that wouldn't usually cross a normal teenager's mind.
Callie however was not a normal teenager. She moved closer to her, wrapping her arm around her shoulders. She felt Callie tense up at the contact, and Stef squeezed her that little bit harder before letting her go.
"It's not a big deal Callie, I'm just worried about you."
"I'm all good. I'm… going to head to bed now" Callie stammered, not meeting Stef's concerned gaze.
"Ok hun. Let us know if you need anything" Stef said, but Callie was already out of the kitchen and up the stairs again.
Instead of entering her room however, she went to the bathroom and flicked on the light. Sliding open the drawer, she felt around the back for the razor she had stashed there. Pulling it out quietly, she held it to her wrist, cutting away her feelings of guilt. Her guilt over Liam, over her brother, over waking up Stef – a woman who has been nothing but good to her. She felt tears begin to slide down her cheeks, her eyes stinging from the lack of sleep. She was sick of hurting everyone around her. Holding a tissue to her wrist, she pressed firmly until the bleeding had stopped. She put the razor back in the drawer, looking at herself in the mirror and shaking her head. How did she end up in the same place she always does?
On her way back up to bed, Stef saw the light from the bathroom seeping out into the dark hallway. She moved closer to the door – hearing muffled sobs coming from inside. She sighed, her heart breaking to see Callie in such an emotional state. She wished that Callie would open up to someone; things seemed to be going so well. Callie had settled in to their house, Jude was really happy, the kids had all bonded and accepted Callie and Jude as part of their family. Lena and Stef virtually thought of the two as their own. And yet Callie was still hiding her sadness from everyone.
Stef thought about knocking on the door, but decided against it. She felt that it was probably best to give Callie some space, wait until she was ready to talk to her or Lena about whatever was going on. She sighed, and as much as she hated leaving the teen alone, went back to her bedroom.
Stef waited in the doorway until she heard the running tap switch off. She watched the door slowly open, the light switch off, and Callie walk back to her room in complete silence.
She would try again tomorrow.
