Journey To The Center Of Myself
Introduction.
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters, just the story.
A/N: Ok, this is an idea I'm playing around with since I have reached a road block in my current fanfic. So, I'll leave it up to the readers to decide if I should continue on with this one. I don't usually push for reviews - mainly because while they're nice, they should totally be optional. However, since this is just an idea I'm toying around with, I need you as readers to decide it's something you would like to see pursued.
This piece is pretty self explanatory. It's set at the end of X-2, and that's about all I'm going to reveal. So I suggest you read on and find out for yourself :)
"I can't believe it. After everything Yuna did for us! Why can't she just do what she wants to do now? Why? Why is it, that when everyone's out making their dreams happen...and everyone's getting their chance...Yuna's dreams are on hold?"
I didn't know it then, but Rikku had been right. That day she had talked to Wakka – the day I started looking for you, she was right. My dreams were always put on the back burner so that everyone else could make their dreams come true. It's always been that way, even when I became a summoner.
I defeated Sin and lived because of you. You said you were a dream. The Fayth said the dream would end once Sin was defeated. You know what? I don't believe any of it. You weren't just a dream – not to me. You were so much more.
Paine asked me something tonight – something I never even thought about myself.
"If you knew it wasn't him before you started this mission, would you have done it anyway? Would you do it again even if in the end, you knew it would end up this way?"
I didn't answer her. Maybe because I was afraid of the answer myself. I helped two people find each other after a thousand years of searching. I saved Spira again, and my reward? I know it sounds selfish, but I have to admit, I'm a little disappointed. The Fayth told me he couldn't promise me anything, but they would do what they could. So why is it...even after I had been warned, that I am left here upset and angry? Why is it that I am filled with so much resentment toward everyone all of a sudden?
That question was startlingly easy to answer.
I expected it to happen. I expected it to be given to me after all I've done for them and everyone else. I expected you to be my reward even if there was no guarantee that they could give you back to me. It wasn't fair, you know? I'm here being praised and looked up to, but this wasn't my victory. It was yours, and you should be here – standing where I am amongst all the gifts and praises. I don't care if no one ever even looked my way as long as I would be able to stand by you. That's all I've ever wanted.
The truth is, I would do it again. I would do my summoners pilgrimage all over again – I would become a sphere hunter and go through all those painful dead ends all over again. Why? Because if I don't cling to the idea that I'll see you again someday, I wouldn't be able to make it. I wouldn't know how to live.
Maybe...that's why I'm here now – because I refuse to give up on you. Maybe because I know you want to come back to me and you need my help. I refuse to believe that my only reward is the eternal thanks of Spira for all I've done. Again, I know it's selfish, but I want more. My hopes, my dreams...my life, they're all wrapped up in one thing. You.
"Yunie, are you sure you wanna do this?" Rikku pouted as I threw the last bag on to the chocobo.
"Yes, Rikku," I sighed wiping the sweat off my brow, "I just need a little time and space of my own."
"Yeah, but," Paine protested slightly, "Alone?"
Over the years, it's been made very clear to me that if you want something done right, you have to do it yourself. Thinking back on it, I remember something you once said – back when you fought so hard to protect me on my journey to defeat sin.
"What's the point in pretending to be all grown up...if it means the things I want to say never get said? How am I supposed to change anything?"
People were never going to take me seriously – I know that now. Everyday it's the same. People say the same things in an attempt to make me feel better; I should let you go, stop living in the past, he would want you to be happy, he sacrificed himself so that you could live. In a perfect world, they would be right. But this isn't a perfect world – not for me.
"Yes, Paine. Alone."
Before anyone else could speak on the matter, I mounted the chocobo and gave my best smile to my two friends. Clicking my tongue against the roof of my mouth and squeezing my feet gently into it's sides, it started trotting away into the dead of night. I was leaving everything behind me for good. No more pleas, no more begging, no more...rescuing other people. This time, it's all about me and you. If the Fayth couldn't bring you back, then I will come to you.
This...is my story. It'll go the way I want it this time, or I'll end it here – for good.
There you have it. Get those reviews in and let me know if you think I should continue it or not. Much love! :)
