Nothing too serious, just some light-hearted fun; I'm feeling glum after getting my A-Level results so I decided to do a quick, funny drabble with my four favourite characters. Mello, Matt, Magnus and Alec.
Just a quick warning: There is language in this (Seriously guys, Mello is a main character – what do you expect) and some sexual themes (Just implied though, nothing too sexual).
Magnus Bane was having an awful day. For starters, Chairman Meow decided to hide a little…surprise…in his left slipper. Secondly, due to hangover from last night, he used mayonnaise as hair conditioner –Why there was mayonnaise in the shower, goodness knows- and only realised after Alec said "You smell like Egg Mayo sandwich" while making out, which certainly put a dampener on things. Last but not least, he completely forgot that it was Friday and not Saturday, and the he was open for business. Which brought everything back around to what was currently happening in his fabulous Manhattan apartment.
"Let me get this right, you want me to make a potion that will make you better than Neer?" He asked, leaning back on his sofa with a somewhat befuddled look on his face. The feisty blonde opposite him tucked into yet another chocolate bar and rolled his eyes. "It's Near" He corrected swiftly "And yes. Or just make something that makes me the best at everything. I'm already pretty fucking amazing, but others can't seem to acknowledge my importance"
Dear God. This guy was worse than Jace. Magnus swore that the guy's ego was going to explode any minute. He vaguely toyed with the thought that if his ego was to apply for statehood, it would be the largest state in America. And you could probably use his ego as a plug to block the hole in the Ozone layer too. Magnus could have come up with more imaginative ways to describe this man's ego, but alas, he had a job to do and it wasn't professional to murder a client. So he was stuck with pretending that he gave a damn about his problems.
"Are you even fucking listening to me!" The blonde yelled. No, he wasn't – But Magnus nodded instead and tried to think about something that would immediately make him appear chirpier, thinking about Alec smothered in body paint obviously did the trick for the guy's angry expression on his face softened.
"Good. So can you make this fucking thing or not, sparkles?"
Maybe Magnus could chuck the guy out the window, but this thought was soon gone when he realised that his ego would probably cushion his fall. And while he hated this customers guts he had to admit that those leather pants were simply fabulous and it would be a crime to throw such a splendid example of fashion out the window. Maybe he could strip him before he threw him out?
"Firstly" Magnus said "My name is Magnus Bane. And secondly, I can make something that will improve your concentration which in turn, will mean that you'll be able to take in more information. What is it you do? Also, what is your name?"
"I'm Mello" Weird name, Magnus wouldn't like to be named after a marshmallow as much as he liked confectionary. Not to mention there was a song called 'Mellow Yellow' which was made ten times more hilarious due to the fact that the guy – Mello – had yellow hair. He started unconsciously humming the tune under his breath "And I'm a…bread baker" He finished. Magnus raised a perfectly plucked eyebrow, Mello obviously wasn't baker, there were hardly any bakers around anymore – and he highly doubted that bakers wore leather for their uniform unless the term 'Bread Baker' was now a euphemism for something kinky.
"A…bread baker?" Magnus questioned in what he hoped was a curious tone, but from the look on Mello's face it came out in a more condescending way "What's your real occupation?" He asked.
"That's classified information" Mello answered "So I'm a bread maker" He licked the remains of chocolate from his fingertips.
"Okay then" Magnus said, he picked up the notepad and pen and started writing down all the information "Mello…" He trailed off and looked up at Mello expectantly, but the other guy just rolled his eyes "I don't have a last name" He lied. Magnus instead wrote down 'Mello Yellow' as his name, mainly to humour himself. "I'll say you're a Chocolatier instead of a bread baker" Magnus said more to himself, but he saw Mello nod. Chocolatier seemed much more fitting than a bread baker, Mello was now on his 7th bar in the past 30 minutes and if the guy puked it all up on his sheepskin rug Magnus was going to bitch slap him back over to England.
"Do you want a small bottle or a large bottle?" Magnus questioned.
"Big bottle" Mello answered swiftly, Magnus should have guessed. Big bottle to reflect the size of his ego.
"Okay, that'll be $750 for a large bottle"
"That fucking much!" Mello hissed "That's £477 to be precise, that's a lot of fucking money"
Magnus was stunned, how he managed to convert the cost from dollars to pounds so quickly was beyond him. There was an awkward pause which was followed by Magnus saying "Well, my services don't come cheap" He repositioned his legs and Chairman Meow gave a little startled hiss from his lap and scampered off, Magnus really hoped he wasn't going off to use his slippers as his litter tray again.
"Fine" Mello said eventually.
"Okay then. I'll get it ready for you by next Tuesday"
"What!"
"Next. Tuesday. It. Will. Be. Ready. For. You" Magnus repeated, pausing between each word for emphasis. God, he really wanted some alcohol and a back massage, this meeting was driving him insane and Magnus was seriously considering using his pen to stab himself in the neck and end it all. But the world wouldn't be able to cope without him and Magnus didn't want to die with a chocolate obsessed maniac in his apartment.
"Fuck, can't do that shitty deal" Mello said, getting up "I needed that stuff like, now. I came over from England since you seemed like the only person who could give me what I wanted. I'm not a moneybag! I can't just buy airplane tickets left, right and centre. It takes a whole day to get to America and there was some snotty nosed brat kicking me chair the whole way!"
"I'm a Warlock, not freaking Albus Dumbledore" Magnus said "it'll take a week to make, not nanoseconds"
Mello growled; yes, he actually growled. And Magnus would have been somewhat scared if not for the fact that Chairman Meow squatted and did a ginormous pee on the floor dangerously close to where his platform shoes were. He swore and threw the pen at the rodent-sized cat, which gave a rather loud yowl and ran off towards the bedroom. He clicked his fingers and the nasty puddle disappeared with a dramatic array of sparkles which slowly dissolved into the air, luckily his cat's toxic pee hadn't harmed his shoes otherwise Magnus was certain he'd throw a bitch fit.
There was a knock on the door, and Magnus swore whoever was knocking was doing so to the MarioBrothers theme. Nevertheless, he opened the door to reveal a guy whose hair could rival Clary's in the colour department – it was so red, like, letterbox red. He wore some simple light-wash jeans and a baggy black and white striped shirt, curiously, he also had some goggles on his head. Magnus was so emotionally drained from his conversation with Mello that he didn't even feel like pointing out that vertical stripes were much more flattering than horizontal.
"Hey" The redhead said "I'm here for Mello"
Thank God. His knight in unflattering horizontal stripes.
"Matt!" Mello screamed from inside the apartment, in the same way Alec did when Magnus gelled his hair while he slept last week "This man's ripping me off!" The redhead –Matt – merely rolled his eyes and strode in "Mello" He said "I highly doubt he's ripping you off. Anyway, come on, you promised you'd come with me to the arcades"
"I'm not leaving until I find a way to kill Near"
"Killing's a little drastic, don't you think?" Magnus to disagree with this one, his thoughts about how he was going to dispose of Mello earlier were anything but drastic in his opinion. But he kept this little tidbit of information to himself because whatever Matt was doing it seemed to be working, seeing as Mello crossed his arms over his front and blew hair from his face. But the angry red coloured drained from his face and he stopped stomping around.
"Little fucking albino" Mello grumbled under his breath. "I'm fucking better than your sorry little arse"
"Come on, you're just cranky because you've eaten all your chocolate – I'll buy you some more" Matt suggested, and Mello's eyes practically lit up "Really?" He asked with something akin to childlike wonder, Matt nodded and Mello pranced from his apartment with a smile like a Cheshire Cat.
Matt turned to Magnus and fished out a small wad of money before handing it to him, Magnus was shocked but said nothing, there was no chance in hell he was going to turn down free shopping money "Sorry about him" Matt said "He's a real pain in the arse, always boasting about how amazing he is"
"Don't worry. I know someone like him" Magnus answered; thinking about a certain arrogant blonde back in the New York institute. Mello was a bit like Jace's alter ego, with a dash more emphasis on the term 'ego'.
"Well. I better head off before my boyfriend bites my head off" Matt said, he gave Magnus a little wave before walking from his apartment and closing the door behind him. It took a few moments for his words to sink in and when they did, Magnus choked on his saliva. He couldn't imagine the moody guy to have a boyfriend; that poor Matt needed some kind of certificate. And a bunch of flowers, flowers make everyone happier.