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A Very Shinra Christmas
Chapter 1: Enter the Party
Brought to you by,
T. Rocket and Bleu at 3AM Eastern Standard Time
WARNING!
Here be
Gratuitous profanity Gratuitous violence and SOME death Sex, drugs, and rock and roll Some nudity Homosexuality Bisexuality NO morals WHAT-SO-EVER! And some other unmentionable thingsPANCAKES!SO BEWARE!
Setting: Big, big Shinra Exec. Building on Christmas Eve. Red carpet, paparazzi, limos, etc.
Two mystery chicks with microphones are standing in front of the building. J J
MC1: Hello. I'm mystery chick #1 and this is mystery chick #2, and we are broadcasting to you live from the annual Shinra Company Christmas Ball.
MC2: I wanna see what's going on inside!
MC1: WELL YOU CAN'T! *smacks MC2*
MC2: OW! BUT I WANT TO! *SMACK!*
Bitch slap fight ensues, and camera zooms in on red carpet and limousines.
Red XIII is sitting at the front door, passing out pamphlets.
Red XIII: Here you go! "101 Reasons NOT To Fuck The Dog!" I'm sure you all remember the Labor Day partyI'm still soreLet's not have a repeat of THAT, shall we?
Black limo pulls up, Turks exit.
Reno: FUCKING partyMother FUCKING gay-ass party!
Elena: Shut up hoe-bitch.
Reno cowers.
Rude: I won't let her hurt you baby.
Reno: Are you DRUNK?!
Rude: NOPE! I'm your guys' designated driver!
Tseng: *as they enter the building* Screw this. I'm getting a drink. *Other Turks wander off to secluded corner*
Armored car pulls up, and Cloud, Barret, and Tifa exit.
Tifa: I love this time of year.
Barret attempts to fondle TifaSMACK!
Cloud: Yeah, Christmas is great.
Barret attempts to fondle CloudSMACK!
Tifa: Barret, where's Marlene?
Barret: Elmyra's watchin' her.
Cloud: Isn't she dead?
Barret: Hell if I should know!
They walk into the party as Vincent, Aeris, and Yuffie pull up, and walk into party.
Vincent looks up at the doorway and sees mistletoe.
Vincent: Oh damn.
Aeris: What?
Vincent: *struggling* Can't. Resist. PROGRAMMING! *liplocks Yuffie*
Yuffie breaks loose screaming.
Yuffie: GODDAMMIT! I'M A LESBIAN! Don't TOUCH me! Aeris on the other hand
Vincent shrugs, Aeris cowers, and all 3 enter party.
Palmer, Heidegger, and Scarlet pull up in a phat fat truck made for the two men's' great girths.
Scarlet: And WHY are we here again?
Palmer: To celebrate the Christmas spirit! *Skips into party* Tra-la-la-la-la!
HD: I hate him.
Heidegger and Scarlet enter party, where palmer the pussy is STILL dancing and skipping.
HD: I REALLY hate him.
Back out sideon the roofThe Highwind is crashed-er-umparked, and Cid, Reeve, and Cait Sith exit.
Cid: I hate these fuck ass shit lick balls wipe Tifa tits piss pants kinda' parties!
Reeve: you say something?
Cid: *mumbles obscenities*
Cait: Yay! Another gay-ass Christmas party!
Reeve:
The three enter via door on the roof thingy.
A*authoresses blink for a moment* PINK limo pulls up, and out step Don Corneo, his entourage of juggies, and Hojo.
Hojo stares at one of the women's chests.
Hojo: How DID you manipulate the silicone SO perfectly? *poke-poke-poke*
Hojo is invariably smacked three times.
Don: Heh, heh ladies, now THIS is high society!
The ladies glomp Don and walk in.
Juggie 1: Oh Don! You're SO sexy! But why does that shriveled lab man have to come with us?
Juggie 2: Yeah Don, why? He creeps me out!
Don: It makes you ladies look all the better!
A white limo pulls up, and President Shinra and Rufus, his son, exit. The paparazzi follow closely behind.
Rufus: *smiles weakly* I l-love y-you f-father.
Pres.: Y-you too s-son. *Stiffly pats Rufus's shoulder*
The paparazzi members leave to bug someone else.
Pres.: I hate you, you spoiled brat
Rufus: Fuck off fogey.
They split up at the door and enter the party.
How many times the word "FUCK" was said: 5
Total: 5
On to Chapter 2! FWAHAHA!