Disclaimer: I'm not claiming ownership of the ideas of GOW or TFOZ nor am I profiting off of this fanfic (unless you call the fun of imagining scenarios "profit"). If I do intentionally make references to other works, I will probably mention it. Maybe not if I want to mess with people or it seems very obvious to me. Do you like guessing games?
Professor Jean Colbert scanned the castle courtyard. Dark grey clouds covered the sky in its entirety, as far as the eye can see. An omen of a coming storm. Strong gusts swept across the plains of Tristain, which often made people and scenery look more badass, drama more dramatic, and act as a visual enhancer in general. Too bad Jean lost most of his hair to male pattern baldness, but at least his cloak can billow in the wind. He gazed upon the chipper faces of his students. They seemed eager and rightfully so.
Today was the day of the annual Springtime Familiar Summoning. It's been tradition since the holy founder Brimir taught humanity elemental magics nearly 6 millennia ago. This is the day the second year student mages would pull a familiar servant through a portal. The creature is supposedly the most suitable slave for the summoner and would be bound to obedient servitude until death of the summoner or the familiar.
Jean sighed and gave himself psyching face slaps.
Sometimes he regretted becoming a magic teacher. Most teenaged nobles he knew were ungrateful, pampered, egotistic, stubborn, and selfish. Those people drive him nuts. With their stuck up attitude, mistreatment of others believed to be of lower social standing, and frequent misuse of magical power, Jean's anger management courses barely get him through workdays. He wished he could do something about the brats, but he relented to maintaining the status quo; which was forced dominance by those with magical abilities (nobles) over those without (commoners). Colbert's secret to staying sane? Keep a flask of moonshine inside his cloak and swig when nobody was around.
On the upside, working as a teacher in a distinguished magical academy led to a big paycheck. His job position and noble standing made it easier to obtain research grants and fulfill his ambitions though inventing, publishing scholarly articles, and by molding young minds. He could take a few mocking insults about his baldness here and there by snot nosed kids. Maybe he could not rip their heads off, use his staff to torch them with fire spells, or even lightly slap their wrist for the sake of his job, but hey, he could still dream!
Colbert incanted a simple wind spell to amplify the sound of his voice above the din of his chattering second year students.
"Miss Kirche Von Zerbst! Step forth into the summoning circle and begin the ritual!"
A busty young redheaded woman strutted up to the pink haired midget whose chest was as flat as a washboard. (as most people said behind her back) The well endowed girl known as Kirche "The Ardent" spoke.
"Well Louise, I'm up. Remember yesterday's promise? You said you would summon the best familiar. Pfft! What makes you think you can even summon one? All your spells up until now end in an explosion! You can count on my familiar sharing the fires of my passion! While if you manage to summon... it will probably get an uptight, angry familiar...With a flat chest!" Kirche proceeded to use a typical, annoying, laugh of condescension. "OHHH HO HO!"
Louise turned up her nose and snarked back. "Hmph! Like I'd want those ponderous udders! You call being an easy lay for many men your passion? Disgusting! I shall give you a proper demonstration of passion! My familiar won't be an uncontrollable dog in heat like the familiar you will probably summon! It will be obedient, exist only to serve master, and be grateful to the hand that feeds it!"
"Big words from a tiny girl. Watch and learn."
Kirche stepped into the rune inscribed circle and composed herself. She then waved her wand around and began an eye- catching dance that caused her bountiful assets to jiggle. The boys stared and drooled while the females fumed with envy.
"I want the hottest familiar! Feel my passion and become one with me. Burn baby burn! Now come here!"
A large lizard with a flaming tail came out of a portal in the air. It croaked its confusion as it looked at the non-lizards.
"This aint fire mountain! How did I get here?! Who are these people?! Mama I'm scared!"
Nobody could understand the lizard's frantic cries since they did not speak salamander. The lizard relieved it's bladder and bowels in fright of the crowd. They reacted accordingly.
"Gross!"
"Pick that shit up! I don't want to step in that during my morning stroll!"
"Idiot! That's a job for the commoner staff!"
Kirche frowned at her likely sexually frustrated classmates who took out their problems on others as a way of release. And at her familiar's cowardice. Damn teenage hormones. They really need to get laid. She bent over...to kiss her familiar...on the snout. It was a show in itself, considering that Kirche wore modified academy clothing. Against regulation, but when confronted about it, she played the foreign exchange student card. She would chalk her excuses up to Germanian customs and weather, all while providing a seemingly innocent, but sensual display of the clothing. She would then promptly excuse herself while enough of their blood remains away from their brain. Male academy professors come away admitting that her logic is impeccable.
Magical runes were then inscribed on the salamander's body, establishing a mental link between master and familiar, and causing the familiar's memories, and thoughts to be addled and controlled in order to create an obedient servant that would cater to the master's whims. Mental rape in other words. Given a bit of time for the runes to take effect, her familiar would be willing enough to fight a den of full grown fire dragons for her.
"I'll name you Flame."
How creative.
Colbert yelled out "Next up! He looked down at the attendance parchment. Funny. Most students had a 1st and last name on the sheet. He shrugged. Not his business. Colbert shouted. "Tabitha!"
A blue haired girl about as short as Louise (and even more flat-chested loli-ish. Louise took a bit of solace in that.) with her nose buried in a book made her way to the circle.
The crowd liked to jeer. It is what random young teen, noble, stock characters do to enhance the plot. It gives an image of how big of jerkasses they could be and how it contributed to insecurities of a major character in the story. However, they did not jeer at Tabitha. The students gave up a while ago. It was simply no fun. She would not respond. Soft spoken, mysterious, and calm were a few words that were used to describe her. Tabitha could send a sharp glare that made the nobles clutch their arms close to their chest as if she casted ice dagger through their vital organs. That is, if she could be bothered enough to make her look up from her reading material, which took more effort than what was considered worth putting into standard verbal bullying.
Tabitha entered the summoning area and whispered.
"Appear."
A huge claw came out of the portal, followed by a dragon about the tallness of 2 grizzly bears on unicycles on top of each other, 4 smilodons (not those huge creatures from Radiata. I mean the saber-toothed kind) in length from head to tail, and half a liopleurodon wide in the torso area.
After being kissed, the dragon looked at its kidnapper/master and let out a high pitched "KYUIII!"
It then sniffed and nuzzled the blue haired girl. Tabitha decided that now was a good time to name it.
"Name. Sylphid."
Louise gasped and cried a bit on the inside. It was an Founder dammed wind dragon! How was she supposed to top that? Most students had mundane creatures such as cats, dogs, turtles, frogs, and owls. She'd settle for those, but part of her wanted something great. To rub in peoples faces that she was not a failure in magic.
Louise attempted to hide by moving to the back of the crowd. Maybe her name would be overlooked and she would be allowed to attempt summoning at a later date without other students around. This was not the case. Her name was called since Kirche told the professor that he had forgotten Louise.
She gingerly stepped up to the circle. Almost like a golem; agonizingly slow, lifeless, soulless.
Immediately, crowd of nobles voiced their disapproval of Louise.
"Tits or Get The Fuck Out!"
"Dude! She has none!"
"Noooooo! I'm too young and good looking to die in Zero's explosions!"
"Professor why must you forsake us to this tragic fate?"
Louise's temples throbbed. Veins were clearly visible and pulsing on her head, which was as red as the blood beneath her skin. Her thoughts turned violent, but she unfortunately could not act them out. Such savage violence between nobles for petty disputes was unethical and barbaric. She would be locked up in jail!
"SHUT UP! I'M TRYING TO SUMMON HERE!"
'Oooohh! I just want to explode them into bits where they stand! That does it! I will show every single one of them what happens to people who mock a Valliere! I do not care so much about beautiful or sacred anymore. If my familiar has honed the capacity to maul jerks and look intimidating, then I will be happy! They won't laugh as my familiar appears, ready to pounce on them. Yeah, that will shut them up!'
Is there irony in those thoughts? Louise is quite a jerk herself. So if she gets mauled by her intimidating familiar...
Louise stepped into the circle and let her emotions pour into her spell. This was a critical time for her. Succeed, and she would remain a dignified noble, who managed to succeed at least in the summon servant spell. Fail, and she would probably be disowned by her family to "save face". A disgraceful expulsion from the academy would shatter her hopes of learning magic. She would become a girl who holds little to no value as a prospective wife to another noble family. Therefore she would probably eke out a living as a commoner. Maybe she could work on her family's estate, but she would not count on it.
"My slave who lives somewhere in the universe! Oh almighty, divine and unequaled familiar spirit! I desire your strength! Answer my summons and carry out my ends!"
A rip appeared in the fabric of space before her. A glowing green portal shimmered with a pale, otherworldly beauty. Now, she would wait for her slave to heed her summons. If nothing appears before she runs out of willpower, her life would become much more complicated. Or is it the other way around?
Author's Notes:
I felt like making this story since the phrase "God of Whore" popped into my head one day. It was going involve Kirche as one of the main characters, but I shot that down. Had a hunch that the pinkette would be more fun to torment.
Had odd ideas for summons during brainstorming. When I get around to making my profile, I'll post them. Maybe someone will write a story using one of them?
I've heard creepy and/or wise people say: "be careful what you wish for. It just might come true."
Let's just say that Louise will be digging graves. Or at least whistling and feigning innocence while avoiding eye contact with the gravediggers.
Filler, info dumps, and cliffhanger. I know there are missing components that make my writing seem to lack a soul. Like gingers... Just kidding. I love me some gingers. Some awesome people I know are gingers. Anyway, I'll work on identifying them. Feedback would be appreciated. I'm a writing nooblord.