There's a drumming noise inside my head
That starts when you're around
I swear that you could hear it
It makes such an almighty sound
There's a drumming noise inside my head
That throws me to the ground
I swear that you should hear it
It makes such an almighty sound
Louder than sirens
Louder than bells
Sweeter than heaven
And hotter than hell
"I must leave… now Watson." I snarl at him. You are standing before me, blocking the door. I look into your eyes and see the hurt there. A part of me feels guilty until I remember the reason that I'm angry with you… with myself. You still haven't moved so I shove you aside and rush down the stairs. I come out on the streets, and walk quickly until I reach my destination. I've come to the only place that makes sense to go to yet it makes no sense at all. I've come to the church. As I enter I think about how absurd this all is. Here I am seeking guidance from Him about something that is abominable, even illegal. I sit in one of the back pews alone, and bow my head.
Dear God,
There are many things wrong with me, of this I know. But, there is one thing worse than the rest. See it has to do with my friend, my best friend. His name is John. Every time I see him it's like there's this pounding in my head. I can feel myself losing control when he's near me. My heart races, my palms sweat, and my stomach turns to knots. I… I'm not just attracted to him, no… It's much worse than that. The truth is, I love him. He couldn't possibly love me back, it just doesn't work like that. He has his beloved Mary and I will soon be forgotten. I wish I could tell him how I feel but I don't think I have it in me. I can't take another rejection from him. So I ask you for one thing and one thing alone. I ask you for strength to get through these feelings. And most of all I ask you for the strength to preserve this friendship until it has to end.
Amen.
I ran to a tower where the church bells chime
I hoped that they would clear my mind
They left a ringing in my ear
But that drum's still beating loud and clear
Louder than sirens
Louder than bells
Sweeter than heaven
And hotter than hell
As I stand to leave, I realize that this has not helped at all. If anything it has made things worse. By bringing these feelings to the forefront of my mind this… pulse of you has become constant. And it hits me, this is not going to go away, this will not be suppressed. I have to tell you.
I arrive at our rooms, heart pounding. Slowly I climb the stairs and open the door. Closing my eyes for a moment I take a deep breath. Anything to calm myself. When I open them I see you sitting there with your elbows on your knees, leaning forward slightly, and head in your hands. You lift your eyes to me when you hear the door close and I can see into the depth of their striking blue. You literally make me breathless. My breath leaves me in a quiet whoosh, and without breaking my gaze you stand from your chair. It's now or never I suppose.
As I move my feet towards your body
I can hear this beat, it fills my head up
And get louder and louder
It fills my head up and gets louder and louder
Slowly, cautiously, I cross the room and stop just feet from where you stand. You regard me hesitantly, probably waiting for an outburst of anger. But I won't be angry with you anymore I swear it.
"Watson…" I begin in a strangled tone. "I…"
I can't say it aloud, so I lose my control instead.
My body meets yours hard when I throw myself at you and you stumble back falling onto the chair. Entwining my arms around your neck and burying my face into the crook of your neck, I inhale deeply reveling in the scent of you. After what seems like an eternity you bring you arms up and tentatively complete the embrace. I know you're confused but I don't say anything because I don't trust my own voice. My only answer is to hold you tighter. Your breath comes out shakily, it whispers across my ear. If it were possible I would never break this contact with you, and for a while I don't. I just hold onto you, like you're my anchor. You must know how much I need this, so you let me be.
"I'm sorry." I whisper.
"What for?" you ask pulling back to look at my face.
"Can't you hear it?" I reply quietly.
"Can't I hear what, Holmes?" you ask again, confused.
"Just listen." I say, pressing myself into your chest again and resting my forehead on your shoulder. I breathe deeply, and smell you again. A mix of tobacco, musk, and medical supplies. One of my hands move tentatively from behind your neck and into your hair. It's very soft, more so than I thought it might be. You're so close to me, my heart is pounding. I can hear it in my ears.
It is then I hear you gasp, and inwardly I cringe waiting for the worst. "Is that your heart?" your voice is barely more than a whisper. I simply nod into his shoulder, hiding my face. "Holmes… look at me." You demand. I lift my head and meet your gaze. "Why can I hear your heart?" you sound incredulous.
"Because, I..." I stop talking. Instead I look deeply into your eyes and bring my hands up to your face. When I bring my lips to yours there is nothing soft about it. My lips crash into yours desperately, but not for long. I pull back to see your reaction. You look surprised, very much so, but there is something else there. That something else is lust, I can read it in your eyes. "You can hear my heart beating when I'm around you because, John, I love you." And for the third time this night I bury my head into the crook of your neck and put my arms around your neck. This time there is no hesitation from you as you bring your hands around my waist and rest your chin on top of my head.
Louder than sirens
Louder than bells
Sweeter than heaven
And hotter than hell
(A/N) well, that didn't come out as expected… Holmes is so OOC, but oh well, after all love changes people…?