Dearest Esme,

I received your email last night. I apologize for being so out of touch as of late.

The vineyard is coming along nicely. I believe I have now returned it to the condition it was in when I left all those years ago. All of the townspeople who recall my last visit fully believe I am the son of Edward Cullen the First; original proprietor of the Forbidden Fruit winery.

It has been a most pleasant experience, to see how some of the young men who befriended me some 20 years ago have grown into mature men, most of them having wed and started families of their own. They welcomed me into town like the prodigal son returned, introducing me to their own children out of respect for my "father". What a strange life I am able to experience.

Everyone here is thoroughly delighted that I am bringing the winery back to life. They are amazed that I have been able to restore it so quickly back to its original glory. I never fully understood what my leaving the winery would do to this small town. When it next comes time to leave I shall have to hire someone to care for the winery in my absence. I am ashamed my leaving created such a downward spiral in the community's economy, and I will ensure that it does not happen again.

Plans are underway for the hot summer season which is almost upon us. I do believe I have accomplished everything that needs to be done before the sun returns to us. I have had a nice stretch of weather that has allowed me to be in town and out in the field without fear of sunlight exposing me. But as those days are soon to end, I plan to hire a few of the young backpackers who flock to this little town every summer looking for work in the local fields and a place to stay as they travel. It is very fortunate for me to be able to hire this type of help – they want privacy, work hard and will not ask questions that I do not want to be asked.

Hunting has been good. The deer who roam the vineyard at night are very tasty; their blood is sweet with the fruit they eat off the neighboring farms. Mountain lions are fairly abundant on my property as well, and make for a nice variation from the deer.

You asked in your email if I had "met anyone". Esme, I know you mean well, but might I ask, whom do you think I might meet here? Your concern is appreciated but completely unwarranted – I have accepted that mine will always be a solitary life and I am quite satisfied with that reality.

Please send everyone my love, and if you wish to go for a run some evening, please remember I am never far away.

Thinking of you,

Edward

I hit send and closed my laptop. A sigh escaped my lips and I rubbed my eyes, wishing for sleep solely as a reprieve from my thoughts.

What else could I have said to Esme? No sense in worrying her needlessly.

Well Esme, let me see. I see the young men I once knew and in their place are older men loving their lives, sharing their time with a loving partner and amazing children, and it pains me to no end to watch their beautiful lives and to know I will never experience such joy.

I hate that in a few days I will retreat into the depths of my home and will not be able to leave until the sun sets each night. A prisoner to the sun and my sparkling skin, I will once again become the fodder for the town's gossip. What is wrong with Edward Cullen the "Second"? Why he is as weird as the "first". Never any women near him, still don't understand how his father ever conceived this one, never did see him take any interest in a lady…oh what fun it can be to read the minds of those who judge you so harshly.

Not that they are wrong. I am weird. I shouldn't exist. They unconsciously realize I am not like them and their brain searches for explanations that make sense – they would never think, oh, he only comes out at night during the summer, he must be a vampire! That would be absurd. Everyone knows vampires don't exist.

When I returned to the vineyard I had hoped the nagging, dull feeling would leave me alone. Living with the family in Alaska had been wonderful, but it had been time to move on, I had "graduated" from high school one year before, and it seemed the perfect time to take a break from my family. I had believed that my unhappiness was due to my predictable surroundings and to the sometimes overwhelming displays of affection my parents, brothers and sisters had for one another. I was happy that they had one another and that they had all found love, but being near them, well, it just made me feel like maybe something was wrong with me. They pitied me having no one. They tried to hide it in their minds, but I could see glimpses of their pity when it became too strong to hide.

And so I had made the decision to travel for a year, visit friends in Italy before returning to my vineyard in Canada that had remained vacant over the past 20 years. The timing was perfect – I was returning as the 19 year old son of Edward Cullen "the First", who had unexpectedly left the vineyard 20 years before. The story would make sense to the humans in town. Edward "the First" would have left without explanation because he would have met my mother and left with her. I would have been conceived shortly after, and I returned to the family vineyard as a 19 year old man after losing my father to a car accident.

It really was the perfect cover, and it did allow me to slip seamlessly back into the lives of the townsfolk.

But now that the work had been done, and the vineyard was back in working condition (much to the amazement of the humans who thankfully attributed it to my excellent work ethic and not my vampire speed and strength), I had time to think again. And that empty feeling was back.

Only now I understand what it is. I want someone. I want a partner. Someone to stand by me through this existence I call life. I didn't really know what I wanted until I saw everyone around me finding love, finding the perfect missing piece of their lives. I want my missing piece.

But who am I kidding, I have tried, I tried with Tanya, and that was a disaster. Apparently I am missing the part of my heart that can love someone in that way. My brain wants it for me, but my heart, well; it just doesn't work that way I guess.

And so I will have to learn to live with this dull empty feeling. Because there is simply no other option, I sighed to myself as I watched the sun set over the lake.