A/N: This is set at the end of "Dead Reckoning" (one of my fav episodes, just for that end scene!) when the team (at that stage just Michael, Jackie and Stuart) are on their way back. I realise that there seem to be quite a few Jackie/Robbie supporters out there, but I have always liked Michael/Jackie. Ever since Jackie joined the show. But I don't have anything against Robbie, I just like Michael more :) Hope you like anyway.
Disclaimer: I own nothing, if I did Michael would not have died...and, hey, I would own Michael! ;)
Like She Belonged
It was over. The case had been closed; Peter was safely handcuffed in the squad car behind them.
It was over.
But it had almost been over for her as well.
Michael adjusted his hands on the steering wheel as he glanced across at Jackie; she had her head resting on the headrest, eyes closed. He looked back at the road ahead of him, stealing a quick glance in the rear view mirror to make sure that Stuart was still following them.
"Relax, Michael, you're making me nervous," Jackie said, startling him from his thoughts; he looked back across at her, her eyes were still closed. "When I said you could drive me back I was hoping that would let you calm down," she continued, still keeping her eyes shut.
"I don't need to relax," Michael informed her as he made a concerted effort to relax his hold on the steering wheel. He heard Jackie's heavy sigh, "Do you want to talk about it?" she said, opening her eyes a slit to regard him.
Michael mulled over her question, did he want to talk about it? Hell, he didn't even want to think about it. She had been so close to dying, even closer than with that other character – what was his name? – all those years ago when Jim Taggart had still been their boss. Now he was the boss; if she had died it would have been his fault. He could still remember the fear that shot through him when he came to the edge of that cliff and all he could see was the water churning below him. He hadn't even paused to think about it, he had just thrown himself in after her.
He realised suddenly that Jackie was still waiting for his answer, he shot her a small smile, "It's nothing, get some sleep, Jackie, don't make me order you," he added with a smirk to show her he was kidding and convince her he really was ok. She didn't look convinced but let it slide anyway, closing her eyes again and resting her forehead against the window.
Michael turned his full concentration back to the road again, but the images wouldn't let him go and he sank back into his memories.
He didn't remember the last time he had run so hard and so fast as when he heard her scream. He couldn't seem to make his legs move fast enough as he heard her cry out again: "Peter! No!" followed by a terrified, inarticulate screech and then nothing. A few moments more and they had almost collided with Peter. Michael no longer cared about what he had done to those people, right now he had done something to Jackie and he was in Michael's way to reach her.
"Where is she?" he had demanded, his voice sounding almost feral to his own ears, "Where's Jackie?" Peter just affected a concerned look and tone, "I told her to always wear the harness," he began. But Michael hadn't let him finish as everything suddenly fell into place, "You bastard!" he yelled, socking the man in the face before powering on to where he had last heard Jackie. He could feel the rage boiling up inside of him; he rarely ever allowed himself to give into his anger, but today it was more powerful than he had ever experienced, fuelled by his fears about what he would find. When all he had found had been the churning water his mind had been wiped clean of all thought save one which had burst forth from his lips in a terrified shout: "JACKIE!"
Then he had plunged in after her.
The rest had been a blur, after he had located her and brought her to the safety of the water's edge, he had just been so glad to find her alive that he had barely registered anything that had been said or done. Save for the look on her face when she had thanked him and the conversation where she had agreed to let him take her home, with much less fuss than he had been anticipating. Either way, though, he had had no intention of backing down. He needed to know that she truly was safe and the only way he could do that was by having her in the seat next to him on the drive home.
Plus, having her there might just let him exorcise some of his demons. The knot of guilt and fear that had positioned itself in his stomach since they had been unable to contact her had only grown bigger. Especially since he knew what had happened to her and that it could have been so much worse if he and Stuart hadn't arrived when they did.
"Michael, I'm serious," she said again, "you have been casting weird glances in my direction all afternoon, either you tell me what's the matter or you stop doing it," her voice was amused but he could hear the slight edge in it, informing him that she really was getting sick of it.
"You could have died," he said finally, she opened her eyes to look at him in surprise, "you could have died and it would have been my fault. I shouldn't have sent you in there without backup...people nearly died without it even being connected to the case!" He shook his head, unable to say any more and terrified that if he did he might reveal more than he intended.
"Michael, it wouldn't have been your fault," she said softly, "besides, you of all people should know that if I had died you'd be the first one I'd come after," she added, trying to lighten the mood. She could tell by the way his smile didn't quite meet his eyes that she would have to try harder. She took a deep breath, "Michael, I went into the situation with my eyes open, but I made it out unscathed," Michael look his eyes off the road long enough to give her a look. Jackie raised her eyes heavenwards, "All right, almost completely unscathed," she amended, "the point is: these are the hazards of the job, Michael, and there's nothing that you or I can do about it."
"I should have taken you out of there before the survival trip, if not before that: when you were attacked," Jackie snorted at the term 'attacked' being applied to the incident in the conservatory.
"It's fine Michael, I'm fine, you can't keep blaming yourself for what might have been," she told him, Michael beat the wheel with his open hand, causing Jackie to jump. "But what about next time?" he demanded, "We'll both do our jobs, same as we always have done," Jackie told him patiently, wondering where this reaction was coming from. She knew he had been upset when she had been in tight scrapes before, but he'd never been this torn up about it. Then suddenly it all made sense to her: he had never been directly responsible for her being placed in danger. Dealing with her in danger was one thing; dealing with it when he had put her there was clearly something else all together.
"Listen, Michael, I can't promise you that nothing is ever going to happen out there, but I promise to try and always walk out." She watched him, gauging his reaction, "I'm afraid you're stuck with me," she added drily, pleased when this time she managed to get a laugh out of him. Like with her flippant comment about his suit just after he had rescued her.
"I wouldn't have it any other way," he said, casually, almost without thinking, but something in his tone made Jackie wonder if he meant something more by it.
The rest of the drive passed in silence as Michael felt the weight of the last few days – and especially the last few hours – lift off him, just knowing she was safe was enough for now. He smiled as he glanced over where Jackie was dozing quietly in the passenger seat, next him like she belonged.