I wrote this in response to a question my sister posted on Facebook: If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
A long time ago whales used to be the size of goldfish. In fact, kids use to earn them as prizes in a game called scoop up the fish. One day a little boy named Timmy won a white mini-whale. He had beat the previous record by scooping 33 fish in 25 seconds. He was very proud of this accomplishment as he should have been. Try scooping up 33 fish one at a time using a small scoop while you are timed. He should have been given a medal of honor so great was this feat. He paraded around all day near the seashore showing off the Albino mini-whale, an endangered species. Unfortunately for Timmy, he would soon be parted with Mr. Squiggles, a very sad name to be sure but Timmy never had any real sense when it came to naming things. He called his baby sister wormy as she had yet to learn to walk. Unbeknownst to Timmy, an evil scientist called Flabberbottom had invented an odd looking orange polka dotted liquid that would transform humans into incoherent teenagers. The said evil scientist had dropped some of the liquid on the beach and placed a banana peel nearby. Timmy in his excitement failed to notice the banana peel and slipped to his doom. He floundered in the orange polka dotted ooze while Flabberbottom sniggered underneath a beach umbrella. Poor Mr. Squiggles. The container she had been in broke. That's right SHE. Timmy had failed to realize he had named a female fish Mr. Squiggles. The fish was truly upset. If you have ever been mistaken for the opposite gender you will know what I mean. Mr. Squiggles glass bowl broke on impact and she flopped on the beach in the orange polka dotted liquid. Timmy in an effort to save Mr. Squiggles hurriedly picked her up and flung her into the ocean's depths. Soon after Timmy began to grow in size and his body hair began to multiply. He started complaining how grown-ups should stop being bossy and learn to take a chill pill. Meanwhile in the ocean, Mr. Squiggles grew in a size that was beyond her wildest imagination. She soon became very famous. So famous that a book was written about her, Moby Dick. Yes. Mr. Squiggles, I mean Moby Dick wasn't very good with names either. Many supposed it was Timmy's influence. She had hated the name Mr. Squiggles and decided to go through the paper process of changing her name. The moral of the story is if your parents happen to name you Blue Ivy, Moxie Crimefighter, or even North West you can legally change your name. Unless you want to suffer the same fate as Mr. Squiggles, make sure you bring someone with common sense to help pick out your name.
P.S. Swimming has nothing to do with a whale's figure.