Deep Calleth Unto Deep
by NitrogenFixation
Timeline Note: Timeline doesn't matter much here, since there's not really anything I'd call a spoiler. I originally intended this to be post-season zero, and it's definitely post-season zero (if you've seen it, you'll know the part that puts it after S0), but Yuugi ended up being very much like DM!Yuugi. The best I can do to give it a particular point in time is put it more in the manga-verse, and slip it between the original seven volumes and Duelist.
Name Note: I use the Japanese names - so, Jounouchi rather than Joey, Honda rather than Tristan, and Anzu rather than Tea.
It's not their fault, Bakura Ryou thought sadly, wearily, as he tried to ignore the familiar ache of longing in his chest. Rapidly fading rays of sunlight glinted off of windows from where the sun barely clung to the concrete horizon. Loneliness weighed heavy on his shoulders as he stared through the windows of the local arcade - a small place, but a popular hangout nevertheless. Their hangout.
The bitterness of pain settled in his throat, and after a moment, plain bitterness. They did not seem to include he anymore - but when had it ever, really? They were perfectly friendly, sure, but he couldn't help but feel left out when, after a while, he stopped being invited to go with them to various places after school - and slowly, the cheerful morning greetings as he arrived to the classroom lessened, lightened. They talked to him at school still - friendly, kind as anything, as if nothing were changing. They didn't even seem to notice. They weren't doing it on purpose.
It was natural for their fear to make them reject him.
After all, who would accept a soft-spoken new kid who could easily turn on you at a moment's notice? Who wouldn't be afraid of losing their life, their soul, to a Yami no Game with the brutal, violent spirit that inhabited him? Who wouldn't be afraid of being so close to him that he could hurt them at any moment?
It unnerved Ryou to be in the body, and he wasn't the one being harmed. Simply being near the others made him wary of the dark Spirit who inhabited his body. He could only imagine how nerve-racking it would be to be a potential target of the dark Thief... He could only imagine how they felt when they looked at him. Their expressions were kind, but what was hiding behind those smiles? Fear? Suspicion?
...Hate?
The boy lingered on the sidewalk longer than necessary, briefly wondering what would happen if he crossed the street to join them. No doubt, he'd be greeted like a dear friend, but he shoved the thought away anyway, knowing that it wasn't worth it. He saw Jounouchi laugh and slap Yuugi on the shoulders. The small teen nearly tumbled off the stool of the game he was in front of, but it didn't seem to break his concentration at all.
He couldn't see Yuugi's face, but he was sure the other hikari was smiling.
For a brief moment, jealousy flared in him, but it lost passion rapidly and dulled until it died away, replacing itself with sorrow and longing. Yuugi was a good person, and a good friend - Ryou didn't know where he'd be if Yuugi hadn't been there to repress his yami. Truthfully, more than envying him, he missed Yuugi.
He watched the short teen stand up, evidently done with the game, and immediately started down the sidewalk again. No need to linger. They'd see him eventually, and as much as he wished they'd invite him to play a few games, he feared joining them - it could provoke the dark Spirit, which hadn't happened in a while. His other would much rather let him wallow in his own misery than take control when they were alone - or perhaps he simply couldn't be bothered to do so if there was no immediate benefit for him - and was much more likely to take control if Ryou spent very much time with his friends.
No wonder they didn't invite him to join them.
He stared absently at the concrete he was walking on as he made his way home; every turn was taken almost automatically, and he barely even processed it when he started up the stairs to his and his father's second-story apartment.
Coward, hissed the voice in his mind. He ignored it as well as he could, though it was clear that he'd heard it. You can't even face your own friends... The Spirit's voice was thick with annoyance, but Ryou figured that he was merely amusing himself. Evidently, wallowing wasn't enough. The Thief was in the mood for torturing him.
The taunts stopped - at least, paused - then, and Ryou took the reprieve to make himself a sandwich, trying not to think about the pain of being known by something that isn't your fault and can't be helped.
The Thief scoffed at that, but otherwise was silent. Ryou was glad. He was too tired to fight. He had no reason to fight, not now.
By the time he'd finished his meager dinner, the sun had set, and he decided to put on his jacket and go up to the roof. He debated in his mind whether or not to bring the Ring with him; as he did, he felt the Spirit receding into his mind, presumably bored and having no desire to hear Ryou debate with himself about such things. Ryou was immediately suspicious - was the other trying to get him to bring it...? - but shook his head and brushed it off with bitterness on the back of his tongue.
He didn't even know why he still wore it. Any time he removed it, though, his mind felt like it was constantly reaching out, searching for another part of itself. It made it almost impossible to think for more than a few minutes until it actually began to ache. Still, he could survive it, if it meant not endangering his friends.
But he didn't.
How much do they really mean to you? he wondered - and this time, there was no Koeto blame it on.
The elevator was at the opposite end of the hall from his apartment, which was only a few doors from the end; he didn't mind that much, though. On his way up the hall, he passed the fifty-something year old janitor, Sutibu, who gave him a polite smile as he passed. Ryou returned the gesture before turning his attention to the elevator.
The ride up was silent and uninterrupted, and he almost thought that the ride seemed shorter than it ought to have been, but figured it was only his imagination. On the top floor, he got off, going to the stairs and heading up them.
No one came to the roof in the middle of fall, though it was technically allowed. It was unpleasantly chilly and the view was hardly picturesque, being that rooftops stories below weren't much to look at, and the streets looked dirty from above. Ryou didn't care, though. He preferred to look up.
The stars were beautiful tonight. The concrete felt cold under his back and the palms of his hands as he lay there, as close to the edge as he dared, and still a good ten feet from the three-foot-high brick wall.
The warmth seeped from his body and he felt his heart ache with longing. He wished there could be someone to just be there sometimes - someone who understood what it was to have your body possessed by a cruel and evil being. He ached with loneliness and desolation.
He'd have continued to wonder idly if there was anyone who could understand, had he not heard the door open quietly behind him. He quickly sat up and twisted to look at his unexpected visitor.
Yuugi was worried.
He was no fool, despite how innocent - naive, perhaps, though the word was used so condescendingly most of the time - how innocent he knew he was. He'd noticed the feeling of being watched not long after he'd arrived with his friends to the arcade. It had taken but a subtle backward glance for him to see Bakura - a lonely-looking Bakura, watching them with sad eyes. The white-haired boy hadn't seemed to realize that Yuugi had noticed him. He'd felt it when the boy turned and walked away, too - the energy from his Item was familiar and not being hidden by the Thief, so it was easy for Yuugi to notice when he was aware that it should be there.
He almost could've sworn that the Spirit of the Ring was trying to draw his attention, and so could mou hitori no Yuugi. Yuugi had nearly forgotten about his dark counterpart until he felt abrupt aggression rising against the tug of the Ring's energy, the Gamer of his Puzzle having sensed a subtle amount of taunting and challenge from the other Spirit. He had to reassure the Spirit of the Puzzle that Yami no Bakura was not going to attack them, for they both could feel him walking away. Still, the dark rage simmered deep in the back of Yuugi's mind, and he hoped his friends didn't sense it.
Mou hitori no Yuugi had long since receded into their mind. Despite his jealous protectiveness of Yuugi and their friends, he wasn't terribly personable, and only sometimes did he communicate with Yuugi when the boy's emotions weren't at their peak. Neither could communicate with each other through words or even thoughts, but their emotions sufficed. It was all very confusing and conceptual and Yuugi didn't completely understand it; it was almost like a stream of knowledge into his mind and back out, but not really a conversation. It was...strange, and it didn't happen often - certainly not now, when the dark Spirit was in such a state of mind.
With a wave, Yuugi bade his friends warm goodbye, watching them each go their own way. He was standing in front of the arcade, watching them go, and, after a moment, he turned to walk the two blocks to the game shop.
It took him very little time at all to get there, and he barely yelled, "Jiichan, I'm home!" over his shoulder as he jogged up the stairs. His other self stirred with faint awareness - not really curiosity, but watchfulness. Yuugi almost smiled to himself. Mou hitori no Yuugi's sense of curiosity was dignified and distant, most of the time, like a cat observing a strange occurrence from afar rather than a dog sniffing at it and getting burned, but it was almost childlike, for he was easily puzzled and easily frustrated with what he didn't understand. He rarely tried modern things because of it.
He dropped his school things by his desk - they'd gone straight to the arcade, after all - and closed the door behind him, taking a breath. He reached out to his other self cautiously. Sensing that he had the dark Spirit's attention, he lifted his hands to touch the rope that held his Puzzle gently.
The response was immediate.
First, there was shock, then slight fear that his dark counterpart was clearly trying to temper. Yuugi tried to soothe him, gripping the rope between his fingers and feeling horribly guilty. After a few moments, the panic dulled, and his other self was waiting alertly, without emotion, for an explanation. He tried to communicate his worry, his concern for Bakura-kun, that he wanted to carry the Puzzle in his bag rather than around his neck -
There was defensive wariness in response to the third one. He flinched, still feeling guilty.
But wearing the Puzzle would alarm the Thief -
- but not wearing it would put him in danger -
- but maybe he wouldn't be in danger -
- but when was he not in danger -
- but maybe Bakura-kun was strong enough -
- he hadn't been before!
Yuugi managed to discontinue his end of the conversation so he could get over the shock. He knew his dark counterpart wouldn't willingly allow him to walk into the Thief's presence without immediate protection, but he didn't think that the argument would be so...so brutal. Mou hitori no Yuugi didn't seem to realize that he had just come so close to offending his counterpart, merely confused at the abrupt halt of their discourse. Yuugi hesitantly reached out with his hurt and sorrow on his friend's behalf.
His other self seemed to shrink back, startled. There was a pause, then a passing moment where he was sure that the dark Spirit felt bad, but not particularly guilty. Reluctantly, though, he withdrew into his own mind, leaving Yuugi feeling empty and like a part of himself was missing, because it was.
He let go of the cord, knowing that he wouldn't be able to bring himself to remove it yet - not because of what his other self had argued, but because he felt guilty for almost eliminating their connection, if temporarily. Mou hitori no Yuugi had been trapped in the Puzzle for thousands of years, alone; Yuugi didn't know what it had been like, but he'd noticed over time how protective the Spirit was of his bond with Yuugi. He felt horrible for almost imposing that loneliness upon him again, particularly before walking into a potentially dangerous situation.
He grabbed his backpack and emptied it of books, still feeling guilty but knowing he couldn't walk into the Thief's presence seeming threatening. He trusted Bakura, though, and he wouldn't be long. Besides, the cruel Spirit would bide his time longer than this. Yuugi didn't know how he knew; he knew his dark counterpart knew, too, in some reluctant part of his mind. The Thief wouldn't act again so soon.
So, he set off to his friend's home, briefly asking for permission, which was given as long as he was back by 10:00. It was 8:00, and the air was chilly as he walked up the sidewalk, his empty backpack feeling unusually light and the Puzzle around his neck unusually heavy.
His counterpart didn't emerge from his soul room, as if knowing that the companionship wouldn't last through the visit. Yuugi knew that the Spirit felt a little resentful, but had conceded nevertheless.
About five minutes from Bakura's apartment building, he removed the Puzzle gently, placing it into the backpack and leaving the cord just far enough out of the opening, and the bag far enough unzipped, that he could grab it and pull it out easily. He felt a bit like he was holstering a gun, preparing to possibly shoot someone.
It was a terrible feeling, especially considering where he was going. Nevertheless, he trusted Ryou...
After a moment of indecision, he pushed the cord all the way in and zipped the bag completely shut. Then he walked on, feeling the strange absence of the weight around his neck like an elephant in the room.
It took a few minutes from then to actually get up to Bakura's floor, and at that point, it was 8:20. He remembered the room number vaguely, and went to it, rapping on it lightly.
"Bakura-san isn't in there," a raspy voice said behind him. Yuugi blinked and turned, blinking at the janitor who looked back at him. The man bowed respectfully, which Yuugi returned.
"May I ask where he is, then?" He knew the Thief wasn't in control. Bakura had said he'd been having no trouble with his control and no black-outs, and Yuugi could tell he wasn't lying. Bakura would've told him if he'd been having a hard time, anyway, even if Yuugi couldn't have seen through his lie. Besides, he could still feel the Ring's energy nearby, and it was distinctly unlike the energy it gave off when the Thief was in control.
"He went into the elevator, up to the top floor. I'd guess he's on the roof," the ageing gentleman offered, smiling. Yuugi smiled back gratefully.
"Thank you, sir!" He turned and rushed back to the elevator, punching the button for the top floor.
The ride to the top wasn't long, and the stairs weren't hard to find. His Puzzle weighing on his back like a great burden, he walked up to the door, emerging into the starlit, cool evening air.
"Yuugi-kun?" Ryou blinked at his friend, marvelling at the timing (considering his former thoughts), and noting the conspicuous absence of the Puzzle and the presence of the backpack. The white-haired teen was no fool. He figured out its purpose immediately. He found that he wasn't really hurt; he'd keep the Item with him, too, but what was strange to him was that Yuugi had even removed it.
Strangely, the Thief was silent, seeming bored with his host's thoughts. Ryou brushed it off, though, occupying himself with Yuugi's nervous smile. The smaller boy slowly began to walk towards him.
"Hi, Bakura-kun," he greeted softly - warmly. Ryou returned the smile he was offered, glad for the company despite himself. Yuugi's smile dimmed into concern. "Are you alright?" he asked, cutting to the chase.
He almost sighed. Of course he wouldn't just come for a visit. Just wanted to make sure the Thief wasn't going to go on a murdering spree... But his heart warmed a bit nevertheless; in spite of his thoughts, he got the feeling that Yuugi was concerned for him. Yuugi just wasn't the type to check up on people so...condescendingly.
"I'm fine," he said, although his heart trembled as he said it. He wasn't fine, not really. He was lonely and wanted to talk, but Yuugi was the last person who wanted to hear about how much it hurt Ryou that he wasn't invited to go with them - less because he wasn't invited and more because he knew of their fear, even if they didn't.
...but maybe Yuugi would want to hear about it?
Yuugi was watching him, still concerned, with those crimson-amethyst eyes that seemed inescapably piercing, yet so sweetly naive. Ryou didn't consider this a particularly bad thing - he tended to be naive himself, sometimes, though not to the same extent - but it still managed to give him pause every time. How could the host of a dark Spirit, even one such righteous demon as mou hitori no Yuugi, be so...innocent?
(Had Ryou been better at looking at himself objectively, he'd have seen just how similar they were. As it was, it would take a few choice words to bring him to that point.)
"Bakura-kun..."
"I'm fine," Ryou lied with a soft laugh, smiling fondly - and the fondness was genuine. Yuugi still looked unconvinced.
"Why didn't you join us at the arcade?"
Ryou felt himself recoil, a bit startled. Had the boy noticed him, or was he referring to walking with them from school?
The look of worry and sorrow in Yuugi's eyes told that it was the former. Yuugi had seen him. Ryou hadn't noticed. He didn't know how he hadn't noticed, but he hadn't.
"I - I didn't want to impose," he said after a moment, his voice shaking timidly. It was true. He hadn't been invited...
"Oh!" Yuugi looked startled, as if he'd just inferred something from that, then smiled with affection and sad amusement. "Bakura-kun...because you weren't invited...?" Ryou gave an awkward half-smile and nodded, though it was painful to do so. "Bakura-kun, you could never be an imposition. You're a friend - when Jounouchi-kun suggests going to the arcade, that means all of us."
Ryou blinked, then gave an embarrassed half-smile again even though he was feeling more pain than embarrassment. He almost wished his friend would press further, but hoped he wouldn't...
He slowly became aware that Yuugi's face had become serious, the crimson-amethyst eyes studying him, and he shifted, unnerved. The Thief seemed faintly amused, but said nothing - almost like the amusement was just to remind Ryou of his presence.
"That's not all, though, is it?" the smaller boy murmured after a moment, looking concerned again. "Bakura-kun..."
Ryou flinched, glancing briefly to the concrete horizon before looking down at the grey concrete of the roof they sat on. Despite his trusting nature and tendency not to press, Yuugi could read body language and analyze minds like he'd been born for it. Maybe this was part of what made him such an ace at games (for Yuugi was a skilled gamer by his own right, nevermind the Gamer of his Puzzle).
After a moment, a feather-light touch brushed his arm. His head jerked up in shock. Yuugi crouched beside him, a hand resting on his forearm gently. Ryou stared at the sad, concerned expression, barely processing it. Yuugi was not a touchy-feely person, and rarely even brushed against most people. Sure, Ryou had touched him before - briefly, passingly, and usually just in taps on the shoulder to garner attention, and always initiated by Ryou. Never so open. Never so tender.
Ryou looked down again. The Thief remained silent.
"Bakura-kun...please look at me," Yuugi begged, sounding as sad and concerned and pained as he looked. Ryou clenched his jaw, heart heavy with guilt. "Please..." He closed his eyes.
"...Ryou."
Ryou looked at him, shocked, staring uncertainly. Yuugi wasn't unfriendly in his speech, but tended to be more formal. Never so personal. Never so affectionate.
Ryou continued to look at him, not turning away; the deep, aching pain in Yuugi's eyes dulled.
Pain? Hurt, corrected the Thief with a laugh. You see it in his eyes, Yanushi? His voice was trembling with insanity, a passing whisper that could not be ignored. You see it? The hurt one feels when a precious, beloved friend won't look one in the eye... He paused his musing. Ryou shivered and tensed, eyes becoming unfocused. A bit like a mirror, isn't it, Hikari? A bloodied, broken mirror...
He raised his hands to clutch his head. "Stop..."
Is that why you won't look him in the eye, Hikari? the Thief whispered, taunting. Because you want him to know how you feel...? Or perhaps because you know he already does... The snakelike whisper was followed up with a hyena-like cackle, echoing to the forefront of his mind. Ryou grasped his head more tightly, curling defensively and leaning into the warmth beside him, shaking as he sought shelter and comfort.
He froze, realizing with a jolt of guilt and fear who he was leaning on.
He recoiled as his friend shifted - doubtless to pull away, afraid of the Thief, afraid of the host; to grab the Puzzle, defensive, rejecting. Shivering, perhaps trembling, he pulled away, feeling the agony of being rejected by one who ought to understand, but unwilling to be pushed away. It was better that he save himself the hurt. It was better that Yuugi didn't have to hurt him.
There was a pause - Ryou, unmoving, back turned, and Yuugi, silent, watching.
And Ryou shuddered as he realized what he'd just done to his dear friend.
Hypocrite, hissed the dark Spirit in his ear. Coward! Can you not even face your own friend? Ryou wondered what right he had to say so, but bit his tongue, for what right had he? No more, surely, than the Thief.
Another few moments passed, silent still. Then a soft sigh behind him. Ryou felt himself trembling slightly - with pain, with guilt, with horrible self-inflicted (not on purpose) loneliness. A rustle of cloth - he flinched as fingers brushed his shoulder. The hand paused, then withdrew silently.
Ryou felt the chill of loneliness and wished it had stayed.
"Are you okay?" Yuugi finally whispered. Ryou shivered. The touch, however, was not offered again. Slowly, he nodded.
Liar.
There was a moment of silence. Finally, tonelessly, Yuugi spoke.
"Ryou."
The white-haired boy let out a whine in place of a sob, trying to choke it down. Yuugi sounded so utterly placid - as if totally emotionless, as if unaffected by Ryou's struggle, his pain. He was almost tempted to look, knowing how controlled the reserved boy could be, but feared what he might see.
"Ryou...please don't cry." There was the slightest hint of pleading in the tone. Ryou said nothing, holding his breath. After a moment, Yuugi whispered with a resigned sigh, "You don't have to tell me..."
Ryou stiffened. He heard another rustle, followed by footsteps leading steadily away.
Well? the Thief mocked. Ask him to stay. Perhaps he'll pity the lonely, cowering child...
Ryou shuddered and bit his lip to keep from crying out, loneliness gripping his heart painfully.
"But..." Yuugi's voice broke him from his drifting reverie, voice so soft and distant and shaky that Ryou thought he'd imagined it. "...my ears and door are always open."
The door opened. A step was taken -
"Wait!"
His voice was broken, desperate, bursting from the cold loneliness in his heart - but not his own, all the same. The Thief's amusement swelled tauntingly, and he realized with a sinking heart what had occurred. Nevertheless, the steps halted.
He braved himself, waiting for the fear, for the pain - but a part of him hoped against all reason. Why wouldn't someone call out the only true defense against the Thief when he was clearly able to take control? Why wouldn't anyone just make a sacrifice to put an end to it?
"Ryou." Something in the voice had shifted. Yuugi had noticed. "Do you want me to stay?"
He froze - Why...? - then gave a slow, mechanical nod, still hunched over on his knees. There was a brief pause; then, the door closed with a click that seemed to hold a measure of finality. There were footsteps - slowly, haltingly, they drew nearer. Nearer, nearer...and they stopped, right behind him.
There was a pause.
Warmth wrapped around him abruptly - gentle, affectionate. Ryou sucked in his breath, shocked. The arms around his shoulders, his neck, tightened protectively.
He lifted his head, twisting to look at his friend's face. Tear-filled crimson-amethyst eyes stared back, showing the aching sorrow that words could not express and only a few could understand. Yuugi gritted his teeth and closed his eyes, the tears flowing. Ryou jerked back slightly as the smaller boy buried his face into the back of Ryou's shoulder.
"You know I trust you, don't you?" he whispered, though his voice remained as steady as before. Ryou trembled all the more; Yuugi's protective grip tightened.
The moments were dragging, drifting, filled with utter silence.
Ryou clenched his fists, feeling the tremors in his shoulders, his hands, and allowed himself to lean into the tender touch. Yuugi lifted his head to rest his chin affectionately on Ryou's shoulder.
A minute or so of quiet passed before Yuugi muttered, "Ryou?"
"Hmm?" Ryou shifted, feeling a tear not his own brush his cheek, as if to demonstrate just how close they were.
How symbolic. Shared grief, like burdens...
"Do you wanna play a game?" The other's voice was still a controlled whisper. Ryou pulled away slightly to turn and look at him. Yuugi met his gaze steadily, eyes filled with tears of compassion, and in that moment, Ryou was sure he was only crying because he was allowing himself to. They were old tears, ones that his heart had been shedding for a long time.
Shifting again to lean lightly on his friend, Ryou murmured absently, "Rules?"
"The rules are simple. Within a time limit - say, six minutes - I try to guess what's hurting you, and you indicate if I'm right or wrong. You can indicate any way you'd like as long as it's fairly clear. The game is won either if I run out of time - in which case, you win - or if I guess the full answer correctly, in which case, I win." Ryou said nothing for a moment, and Yuugi squeezed him reassuringly, adding softly, "You don't have to play if you don't want to, but once we start, we can't stop in the middle. We have to keep going, no matter how badly it hurts."
Ryou lowered his head slightly. "What's the prize?"
Yuugi absently leaned on the taller boy. "If I win, I know the truth, and that's enough for me. If you win...you can ask me anything - anything at all - and I'll answer truthfully."
Ryou said nothing for a moment, then lifted his arm to glance at his watch. "Six minutes. Game start."
Yuugi squeezed him comfortingly. The Thief listened, amused by the Shadow Gamer's counterpart. A full minute had passed before Yuugi spoke.
"You're hurting."
His voice was a whisper, but Ryou felt himself flinch like he'd been screamed at. As Yuugi held him more tightly, he wished absently that he had his friend's self-control. After a moment, he nodded.
The next statement was immediate.
"You're lonely." Another nod, but Yuugi gave no time before he continued. "You're afraid...you wonder if they're afraid. You think it's too good to be true, that after so many years of loneliness and isolation and hurt, you have these wonderful people who look you in the eye and know you, understand you, protect you, love you." The more he spoke, the more broken he sounded. All Ryou could do was tremble and, after a long moment, nod ever so slightly. Yuugi carried on instantly.
"You wonder if it's you they see when they look you in the eye...or the darkness. You pray that the flickers of fear you think you see are only in your head. Sometimes you wonder if those bonds you cherish so deeply were ever really there at all."
Ryou shuddered even as he nodded. Yuugi's arms trembled as they grasped him reassuringly.
"You fear rejection, so you don't press your luck - even though you know that they wouldn't consciously try to leave you. You hope, even as you try not to, that they see the line between you and the darkness...that they think of you as you, not as a part of another, no matter how true it is."
"Stop."
His whisper was shaky and desperate. Yuugi's grip slackened as he crouched beside Ryou to look at him, concerned.
"Please, Yuugi...stop. You're right. You're right - about all of it."
There was silence for a moment. Then, slowly, "...Okay." Yuugi pulled him backwards slightly, forcing him to keep his balance by uncurling his legs, having had them pulled up to his chest. He felt the light pressure that forced him back let up almost immediately, and turned to ask what all that had been about, but was cut off by the hug he received.
A real hug. Not the awkward half-hug he always received from his father, nor the arm-slung-over-shoulder sort of hug Jounouchi and Honda frequently gave anyone and everyone, nor the spontaneous grasp from behind or beside Yuugi had caught him in before. A hug - tender, affectionate, warm, sympathetic, understanding - everything Ryou had so desperately craved for a long, long time.
It wasn't a wonder that he didn't really know what to do with himself.
At first, he thought he ought to hug the boy back, but he was shaking too badly to move his arms. Yuugi didn't seem to care, though. He pulled back after a long moment, hands resting on the taller boy's shoulders, looking at Ryou with the tears still steadily falling. There was weary, warm understanding in his eyes, and Ryou couldn't help but flinch.
"You don't have to, but you can talk to me any time. My home's always open to you, too, if you need it. I understand if you don't want to talk right now, but..." His expression turned slightly uncertain, but open and welcoming nevertheless.
Ryou closed his eyes in a desperate attempt to not cry. He wasn't being rejected, wasn't being pushed away...someone understood...ought to understand.
"Thank you, Yuugi, but...it's different." His voice broke, and the hands on his shoulders gripped comfortingly.
"It is?" Yuugi sounded genuinely confused and like he wanted an explanation. He wasn't offended, wasn't upset. Ryou almost felt guilty, but he didn't think he could lie to the dear boy. Not now. Not like this.
"Mou hitori no Yuugi...he's a protector. He is a hero to them - to you. He's good, kind, righteous. You look up to him, I'm sure...you love him, even. You're close. You care for each other."
He got the feeling that Yuugi nodded. After a brief pause, he continued, "Mou hitori no boku...Koe...is the opposite. He terrorized them. He's wrathful, cruel...he tried to kill us all. I...there is no friendship between us. There is no caring. There's hurt and pain, perhaps, and he minds that this body comes to no particularly hindering harm..." He shuddered, remembering the feeling of having his hand run clean through, the feeling of the bones scraping and spreading and the flesh parting unnaturally... "...but as we've witnessed, he doesn't even care very much about that."
A minute passed, and the silence was aching. The Thief was unreadable and silent.
"Does that really mean I can't possibly understand, Ryou?" Yuugi finally asked. There was a grim sort of pain in his voice. Ryou felt his throat constrict slightly.
When he replied, it was a strangled whisper.
"...Yeah. Yeah, I think it does."
Another few seconds of agonizing silence. Then, the comforting weight of Yuugi's hands left his shoulders. Ryou felt like the floor had dropped out from under him. He opened his eyes and glanced at his friend, watching him move away, expression utterly stoic and calm. Even his eyes seemed devoid, despite the tears still evident.
"Okay." Acceptance. Calm. Ryou flinched and looked down.
You know he's hurting, the Thief murmured needlessly. It pains him that you could think so well of the darkness, that you so easily conform to another's opinion... The Spirit practically purred in amusement. It seems that the tables have turned, in a manner.
"...but I do understand." Ryou's head jerked up at that. He looked at Yuugi. Yuugi didn't look back at him, staring out over the city calmly. "I know what it's like to feel like they look at you and see one mind rather than two, and, though it's accurate in a way, to hate that feeling. I know what it's like to feel horrible guilt, to feel like you're being blamed, for things that you didn't do, and that are long-forgiven - or at least forgotten, anyway. I know what it is to fear rejection because perhaps those things aren't as forgotten as you hope. I know what it is to feel the burden of darkness. I know what it is to watch a man's mind break at your very hand...and to fear yourself - your other half, as it were."
Ryou found himself holding his breath. Slowly, crimson-amethyst met russet-tinged brown. Yuugi offered a sad smile that made Ryou feel significantly less lonely than he had not terribly long before.
"So...if you ever do want to talk...or even just hang out..." The smaller boy let the sentence hang. Ryou looked down. He understood what was really being offered: companionship. Understanding. Reassurance, when the doubt and the voice and the pain and the darkness became too much.
And he knew that the connection would have to go both ways to mean anything.
Slowly, he nodded.
He saw Yuugi stand out of the corner of his eye, and lifted his gaze to watch him turn to go back towards the door. Suddenly the shadows around them seemed much more prominent, and a deep sense of cold settled in his chest...
"W-wait," he stammered hoarsely, the sudden loneliness encompassing him painfully, just as Yuugi was halfway to the door. This time, it was of his own volition. "I don't..." I don't think I can handle being alone yet...
Yuugi met his eyes. The crimson-amethyst was open, honest. It calmed Ryou easily. "I've got to be home by 10:00, which gives us about an hour...do you wanna hang out now?" he offered lightly. Ryou smiled gratefully and nodded, standing stiffly.
The doubts felt lighter as they walked together down the stairs to the elevator. Though the weight of darkness would never vanish, and the fear of fear itself would never leave his heart, perhaps...perhaps all the pain could be abated a little in the presence of one who understood, if only a bit.
And with it, perhaps there came a chance to feel somewhat normal.
Title: Psalm 42:7, KJV, says, "Deep calleth unto deep at the noise of thy waterspouts: all thy waves and thy billows are gone over me." Basically, the author felt a deep-rooted loneliness and longed for a close, personal connection, and for a nearness that didn't seem to be there. Not even touching on the Biblical aspect, this is something that all humans have: a deep, fierce need for precious closeness.
Koe: Japanese. "Voice." Ryou refers to Bakura as this in the manga, according to what I've heard.
Yuugi/Y. Yuugi arguing: THAT WAS SO FUN. I loved writing that. Most people write as if Yuugi and Y. Yuugi can communicate verbally, and I've done it, too, but early on, they couldn't; Yuugi tells Anzu in volume one of Duelist that he can't talk to Y. Yuugi, but that they can sort of feel each other's emotions...or something. I took that and made it more of a constant stream of information from one part of the mind to the other, so it's more like they're thinking as the same mind. It's...odd. But it was awesomely awesome to write. I wanna do it again.
Sutibu: Heh, I went to Google Translator and translated "Steve" into Japanese. This was what came out. Somewhat of a shout-out to YGO: Abridged, but that was really just what inspired the name. It has nothing to do with the Abridged use of the name at all.
Mou hitori no Yuugi: Japanese. "The other Yuugi." Refers to Yami no Yuugi, of course. It's canon! :D
Bakura-kun: "-kun" is a Japanese honorific. When used on surnames (such as Bakura, as in Bakura Ryou), it's polite and only somewhat personal. When Yuugi used plain old "Ryou," he threw politeness out the window and dove into the unfamiliar territory of familiarity (at least, as far as I understand Japanese culture and speech and whatnot...so don't cite me on that, please).
Jiichan: Japanese. Informal. "Grandpa."
Not wearing the Puzzle: Yuugi took it off to go swimming in season zero. He takes it off at night, as far as we know. He took it off at breakfast once. Why wouldn't he remove the Puzzle if he was entering into a situation that he felt was safe and also felt he ought to remove it for?
Yuugi-kun: Ryou is the only one I've noticed calling Yuugi this. "-kun" is more personal here than when used with a surname, I believe. I'm not sure if it's more or less personal than using the name without the honorific. It's interesting to note that he uses a different degree of familiarity and formality than Yuugi does for him, but that's true with everyone besides Anzu (Jounouchi and Honda are both surnames, and both of them refer to Yuugi as Yuugi).
Yanushi: Japanese. "Landlord." Bakura refers to Ryou as this. Frequently spelled Yadonushi, but Yanushi is what it translates as.
Other Japanese terms: I left out some that I felt people have probably learned by now (such as hikari, yami, Yami no [insert name here], mou hitori no boku, etc.). This section runs up the word count enough without all those. If there's one I didn't explain that confused you, feel free to ask.
A/N: ...Well, that wasn't a pain to write. Pretty much sets the bar for all heartshipping friendship I will ever write...which is a lot, considering these two are my ultimate favorite characters. In fact, I've already got three other things that are heavy on the heartshipping friendship. Only one of them is centered around it, though...and even that one's got somewhat of a plot besides the friendship itself...
It's not yaoi, by the way - certainly, it's not intended to be. Not only do I not write romance as a rule, I have a special place on my Things I Don't Write list for yaoi/yuri. The excessive touch...I dunno, man. I've been kind of fixated on physical contact since I wrote Touch...which is strange, considering there's no actual, physical contact in that. Whatever. The point is, they're buddies, not lovers. I can't really alter your perception of it, if they happen to strike you as such, but that was most certainly not my intention.
You could say it's a response to all the Ryou-centric stories that say anything about Yuugi being unable to relate to Ryou or Yuugi and company fearing or rejecting or what-have-you him. Yes, even besides that, it's a story in and of itself; still, my main motivators were any indicators of things like that which I came across while reading stories or skimming summaries (there were so unbelievably many of them! Ridiculous!). It made me angry and I poured my thoughts into this.
Didn't turn out exactly how I intended - it's a little disjointed because of how I went about getting it written finally, but explaining the details of that would probably take another couple paragraphs. I'm pleased enough with it that I'll put it up and see what happens, I suppose...except the fact that either OpenOffice or FFN suddenly decided that spaces don't belong after italicized words, and I had to re-edit it after I uploaded it...very irritating.
Heartshipping friendship...hmm...I call it, along with just about everything else I've ever written and will probably ever write, whether it actually involved heartshipping friendship or not...friendshipping! The entire series is pretty much centered around friendship, so why not? Friendshipping fluff forever. (No, I really, honestly don't avidly ship anything, let alone yaoi. This seems to be unusual, or is it just me?)
- Nitro