AN: All puns intended
Setting: A dark room, lit by a singular lamp hanging from the abyss down the centre of the room, the occupants are silent, save for the occasional twitch and scroll of eyeball sounds.
They sat in a wide semicircle, the black marble beneath them, reflecting the light from overhead
Chapter I – Scene One
They were silent; each contemplating the meaning of this gathering, each pondering their fate thereafter. Some were familiar, others appeared to be elements of a premature childhood fantasy, but they all knew, they were there for the same reason. To be judged.
They were startled by the sudden illumination of three large overhead spotlights; one right in front of them, another to their left and yet another to their right. A few seconds after the spotlights came on; the smooth stone beneath them began to give way. To their left rose a podium; an elevated chair behind it. To their right rose what looked suspiciously like a jury box and right in front of them, were lifted three podia, dark and ominous, rising nine feet in the air. There was a singular lamp on each podium that the occupants seemed transfixed by; a normal lamp by any standards; a fluorescent lamp, with a pretty gold chain hanging below the overhead green canopy that hid a bulb. One by one the lamps came on, an invisible force yanking gently on each chain to illume three sombre looking judges, shrouded in heavy black robes. They looked like three floating heads, one of the occupants thought, on account of the material that blended into the darkness from their necks down. Like twins thought another, albeit a bunch of rather ugly triplets on account of the same serious expression and the precariously perched reading glasses on extremely hooked noses. And as these things are wont to go, a third candidate must be added to the mix, to keep in tune the universal order of three witnesses reporting on one account. (Regardless of circumstance or accuracy of said information). So, as a third occupant sat idly by, admittedly not the sharpest knife in the drawer, his thoughts were more accurate and acute than the rest when it came to the accuration [1 of his sudden position and his thoughts, as I quote were exactly ," Now I'm fucked."
The judge in the middle brought his hammer down, drawing attention to himself.
"Gentlemen" Said he, in an impressively oppressive voice, "Welcome, to the tribunal."
For the first time that day, evening or night, the occupants of said room tried to look at each other, through the corners of their eyes.
"The what now?" "Why?" and "How?" Asked different voices in the semi-circle as they twisted and turned and willed and growled.
A woman, a rather pretty one at that, was born of the darkness, to stand before them all. She was golden and brown and stood righteously tall. (This as the author I think had something to do with those magnificent six inch heels.) She was all business like, in a grey suit and beautifully sleeked back hair, tied at her nape, in an impossible neat bun.
"This is a trial, conducted under the jurisdiction of the tribunal."
She turned around, facing the judges and extended her arm before inclining her head, at the triune before her. If it were a show, there'd be oohing and aahing but as things stood now, the gentle men gave up to silent admiration. Turning back to the occupants, she walked in front of them, continuing.
"You stand here on trial, accused of heinous acts, charged with crimes against humanity and conspiracy to destroy the world among them. You will each be given an opportunity to present your case in front of the judges and as such you have each been provided council to assist with your cases but it is your due right to deny their advice. The verdict and your final fate will be decided by, the jury."
Walking off to the left, she departed as she had come engulfed in darkness. Just then a twelve man jury appeared in what had formerly been an empty juror stand and the spot light above the judges, flooded light on the accused. Gasps echoed all around; sounding like howls of wind born of high cliffs wrapping around the men like second skin, as they observed the purveyors of their fate.
In front of them sat the leaders of the three elven clans. Beautiful and majestic in their laurel wrapped crowns. Beside them, three oracles three fates and the pope but lets not forget the two delegates from the UNHCHP. (United Nations High Commission for Human Preservation.) The judge on the right slammed his hammer down.
"This court is now in session, councillors proceed."
Out of nowhere it seemed lawyers appeared identical in each aspect, next to their respective clients. They all bent down and whispered in their client's ear, what was whispered we'll never know, but then again, who knows? The spot light turned floodlight decided to retire early, giving up its day job, to return to former exploits. The occupants then stood up, one by one and announced themselves including their role in the game. The game of course being the ever so popular, 'Who destroyed the Earth?'
Up, stood a handsome young man; a boy or man-boy rather,
"My name is Potter Harry, the boy who lived a.k.a Saviour of the wizarding world."
A snort and a laugh came from the opposite end of the room before a rail of a man stood and in a rather wispy tone declared –
"I am Lord Voldemort" wheeze "Lord of said wizarding world."
After the self declared Lord went a rather beautiful man, who could easily have passed for an elven of sorts if it weren't for the apparent lack of wisdom beyond worlds and then after that came a frail old man, who by all accounts should be dead, but fate smiled upon him for past deeds that were swell.
The four stood together accused of; destruction of the wizarding world, death of ancient societies, euthanasia of old bloodlines, genocide, homicide, patricide and matricide, dark arts and theft, infringement on human rights, grave robbing, bone collecting, assuming false identities, massive destruction of endangered flora and fauna, ignorance of personal hygiene, harbouring of fugitives and brainwashing, housing of dangerous and very much illegal pets in residential areas and last but not least, kicking kittens and puppies and animals of a lesser nature under cover of darkness.
How shall they plead, guilty or innocent, and what of the rest of the accursed semi-circle?
AN: I have been watching too much grinch, but ya'll have to admit Dr. Seuss rocks. The plot is littered with oxymorons and rhymes that are somewhat non sensical and only really there to fill plot holes. Original inspiration for this was a fictional plot idea for what to do with real life politicians who generally suck.
Accuration [1 – Derived from accurate is neither a typo nor a real word, I'm aware of that but it fits