Tomorrow never knows
Lilly Rush was not the kind of person who talked about her feelings. When she was sad or angry or even depressed, all she wanted was to be alone. All her life it had been that way. She would just go home and be alone, whenever she was upset or hurt. This time, however, it was different. Lilly could not say why it was different and that scared her. Today had been one of the worst days Lilly ever had. George Marks had nearly killed her. To be more precise, if she had not killed him first, she would be dead by now. This thought made the blonde detective sigh. She had just shot a man. A murderer, but also a human. A little boy who was raped, who was given away by his mother. A mentally disturbed man, who tried to kill her. All that thoughts ran through Lilly's head as she slowly made her way downstairs from the attic. Jeffries, Scotty and Stillman were still there, with a very dead George Marks. She went outside the house and took a deep breath and told herself that she was alive. But somehow Lilly did not feel alive, she felt numb and like crying.
"Lil" John Stillman's voice reached Lilly through her veil of numbness. Lilly looked up and saw her boss coming right up to her. She tried to smile, but failed.
"Lilly, are you okay?" John asked, although he knew that she was certainly not okay. Lilly shrugged.
"I want to go home" she whispered. John studied her thoroughly and nodded.
"I'll drive you home" he said. Lilly looked at him surprised.
"I think I can drive on my own" she tried, but John cut her off.
"You are not in the condition to drive a car. I'll bring you home".
"But my car..." Lilly's voice trailed off.
"I gave my keys to Scotty, I'll drive your car" John explained. Lilly nodded.
"Fine" she gave in. Lilly got her keys out of the pocket of her trousers and handed them to John. Suddenly Lilly started to shiver; she froze in her thin blouse. John noticed that and started to go towards Lilly's car. Lilly followed him slowly.
They didn't talk on the way to Lilly's house. Both of them were lost in their thoughts, John thought about the fact that he nearly lost Lilly today, and all Lilly could think about was her shooting Marks. Damn it, he almost shot her. The pictures of George Marks spun around in Lily's head. The boy George, the grown up George, the killer George.
"Lil?" her boss' voice interrupted her thoughts. Lilly cringed.
"Hm?" she made.
"We are here" John said and looked at her worried. Lilly noticed that they were standing right in front of her house. To Lilly it seemed like five minutes had passed, although twenty five minutes had passed, since John and her had gotten into the car. She opened the door and looked at John.
"Do you wanna come in?" she asked before she could stop herself. John was surprised and unsure how to react, Lilly could tell.
"Maybe for a coffee?" she added. John raised an eyebrow and nodded. Lilly sent him a weak smile and got out of the car. A voice inside her head tried to convince her that it was a bad idea to invite John inside the house, but today Lilly did not feel like being alone. She felt more alive when her boss was around her, and after today Lilly had a desperate urge to feel alive. Lilly searched for her keys and panicked for a second, when she couldn't find them. She searched in her pockets again, when she felt John's fingers touching her bare arm.
"Here" he said, handing her the keys she looked for.
"Thanks, boss" she muttered and unlocked her door. When Lilly stepped inside, a red cat began to brush around her feet. Then the cat meowed.
"It's alright, Olivia, he is a friend" Lilly told the cat. Olivia seemed to look suspicious at the guest, but stalked away to the kitchen. John closed the door after he got in and undid his jacket. Lilly took the jacket and hung it up next to her coat.
"Do you want some wine?" Lilly asked.
"If you don't mind..." John stated.
"Make yourself comfortable, I'll get the wine" she said and left for the kitchen.
John stepped out of his shoes and went to Lilly's sofa, where the red cat laid. The cat, Olivia, stared at John with one eye. John felt like this cat observed him. Nevertheless he sat down next to her and looked around in Lilly's living room. There were hardly any personal belongings, just a few paintings on the wall, and some lamps. John wondered if Lilly even realized how empty her living room must appear to other people. Or if Lilly ever had other people in her living room at all.
As soon as Lilly entered the kitchen, she let out a deep sight and sank down to the floor. She sat there and tried to pack her bad memories in little boxes in the darkest corner of her brain, just like she always did. But today that didn't seem to work either. So Lilly stud up again and got the wine from the kitchen cupboard. She poured two glasses of red wine and took them to the living room. Lilly smiled a bit, when she saw John sitting on the couch, with a purring Olivia next to him. As Lilly got nearer, John looked up. Lilly handed John one of the glassed and sat down next to him. Lilly took the first sip of the wine and let the fruity taste ran through her throat. With a careful glimpse to John Lilly noticed that he watched her. So Lilly turned to face John and sent him an asking glare. He took a deep thought and drank from the wine.
"Good wine" he finally said.
"It was a Christmas present" Lilly took another sip. It seemed that John was lost in his thoughts again, so Lilly let her own thought wander in her head again. She noticed that she felt better, kind of safe actually, but she wasn't quite sure to blame it on the wine or on her boss' presence.
"Thank you" Lilly broke the silence. John looked at her, surprise was written over his face.
"What for?" he wanted to know.
"For bringing me home" she answered.
"Lil" John sighted. Lilly shot him a questioning glare.
"You don't need to thank me. I had to bring you home; I had to make sure that you are okay. I wouldn't want it any other way" John explained. This time Lilly gave him a confused look.
"God, Lilly, I thought I had lost you today. When I heard the shots, I thought it was you. Before I came through that door, all I could think of was that I'll never forgive myself if I was too late to save you". Lilly didn't really know how to react, so she just laid her hand on Johns arm and smiled at him.
"I'm here" she said. John just stared at a spot on the wall.
"I'm here and I'm safe" she repeated, louder. This time John reacted, he turned his head so he faced Lilly and nodded.
"I know, my brain knows, but my heart still needs to be convinced" he murmured. Without further thinking Lilly moved her hand on Johns arm. She drew little circles on his skin with her fingertips and after a few moments she could feel John relax under her moves. So she didn't top to move her fingers across John's skin. Normally, Lilly would never do anything like that, especially not with her boss, but today was different. Today was an exception, today was totally different from every other day in Lilly's life. She didn't care about tomorrow; she just wanted to live today, without thinking about every consequence.