Strange Bedfellows.

or

Something like it?

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Kale: I own nothing. Anyway, a little bit on whats going on here. Arthur(England) is good friends with The Doctor. Really, that's all you need to know since this story isn't really...well its pretty simple. Also, genderbend-not England. He's still a he.

Enjoy and please review. It's bad but I would love some reviews for this silly weird idea.

The door slammed opened and stalking into the house while pulling up his torn trousers, was a very distressed and agitated red faced Arthur Kirkland.

Francine couldn't help but wonder what could have gotten her little Iggy so aggravated and when she was in the process of asking Arthur about what had happened the Brit in question turned around, shouted profanities out of the door before slamming it shut.

The silence that lay between Francine and Arthur was uncomfortable and stifling at best.

"Ah...mon petite Arthur...did you not have fun with your Doctor and his...friends in the TAR-" Francine began Arthur put up his free hand to silence her.

"Not a word, not a bloody word!" He shouted.

Francine shrugged, figured she would get the rest out of Arthur later like always and went back to reading her magazine.

"You're not going to ask?"

"I did, mon cher. You do not want to say then I will not ask again." Not like I will have to.

"Bloody frog..." Arthur stomped around the living room before collapsing on the sofa. He non too gently laid his head in Francine's lap.

"Quoi?"

"I met a man in Cardiff today," Arthur began. "He was...a good looking bloke with these glimmering blue eyes...looked a bit like Alfred. He even had the same stupid grin."

"Hm." Francine nodded. It was rare that Arthur was ever this affectionate. She toyed with his thick unruly hair. "Blue eyes you say? A friend of the Doctor's?"

"That seems to be the case. While I was waiting for the bloody Doctor and his stupid blue box, I hit a local pub."

"And got drunk as usual, oui?"

"Oui." Arthur mimicked. "That blue eyed man walks in, sits at the bar with me and we begin light chit chat and the next thing you know-we're in a bloody bell tower in bloody Paris France doing...things..."

"Ah, doing things. That sounds nice." Francine giggled at the scowl giving to her. "And were these things good, mon amour?"

"Shut it, Frog!" Arthur covered his face with his hands. "I am never getting pissed again!"

Francine shook her head in amusement. The embarrassment caused Arthur's ears to turn a lovely shade of pink. It must have been good, she thought. Probably very very good by the state of Arthur's torn close and the ruined clasp on his trousers.

"When I see that bloody Doctor...I'm going to ask him if..."

"Quoi? The Doctor?"

"...are all the bloody humans in the future French?"

Francine broke out into lough guffawing sobs she laughed so hard. Arthur, unable to deal with the humiliation stalked up the stairs to the bathroom to wash.

"Do not forget to wash your âne my little perverti sexuel or are you too sore?" Francine called after him when she was able to breath again in smally gasps.

"SHUT IT!" He slammed the door.

He smiled brightly as The Doctor peeled back the peel of his banana .

"I saw Arthur." The Doctor said.

"Yeah?"

"You...you...buggered England, didn't you?"

Captain Jack Harkness said nothing as he smiled into his drink.

"I don't kiss and tell."

The Doctor rolled his eyes, seemingly exasperated before dropping the issue.

He took a large bite of banana.

"What I will say is this...We'll always have Le Boulevard Saint Germain."

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Kale: Don't ask me why I wrote this...I don't know why myself. Also, I adore fem France. She's just wonderful.

Also...really, I have to agree with Arthur. There has got to be some French in Jack. There just has to be.

And the bell tower in Paris? It's the bell tower of the Abbey of Saint-Germain-des-Prés. It's a church.

...aparently Jack and Arthur are both pretty...brazen.

LoL