Disclaimer: If I'd own the show it would've never ended. (There would be 28 more seasons)

A/N: Terrible grammar and not much dialogue ahead; be warned. It's set right before 7x11 I guess. I haven't felt like writing a one-shot in forever so I might (I am) out of practice and I apologize. I still hope you somehow like it.

Her breathing was erratic and rapid. The movements hurt in her chest like hell, but she wouldn't stop now.

Only one more curve and 100 feet. She could manage that. She needed this brutal workout today. Still her once easy and controlled running legs went slower. It was harder now.

Lisbon was a fighter, a real trooper and so she did it.

And then she sank to the ground. Her body went limp and she panted. Her lungs didn't get enough air and her head felt dizzy suddenly. She shouldn't have done that. Lisbon had run twice as much as usually and in that moment she regretted it.

Jane's absence shouldn't affect her that much she thought. Lisbon coughed and pressed her left fist deeper into the chilly grass.

Her body was half lying half sitting on the side of a walk way in the park. Fortunately no one was there yet except her but then again it was only 5:30 am.

When she swallowed it tasted bitter, she wished Jane would be here next to her. They had surprisingly often done that. Just the two of them for a morning exercise in the park had something soothing. She always felt more relaxed after that. Maybe a little bit ecstatic.

It wasn't until she felt something wet and hot on her décolleté that she realized she was crying softly, not sobbing dramatically..

The tears did just fell and fell and kept dropping on her body. The drops remained still for a second on her pale slightly rounded skin above her breasts and then started to flow; they wriggled their way through her cleavage until they were caught from her tee-shirt. The light grey color of her shirt discolored from her wet tears and changed into a dark grey. Her breathing, lunging for more air, was the only thing which was heard.

Then Lisbon coughed again. She moaned and wiped her eyes. Thank god she hadn't used any make up.

She was carrying Jane's child and Jane had told her he couldn't do this anymore. It wasn't because she was having his child but because he couldn't go through it again if she would get shoot.

When he had told her after Vega's funeral it had been quite a shock for her. After he had turned around she'd been standing on the cemetery for at least half an hour. Jane hadn't turned around once to get a last glimpse at her.

They had wanted to spend a weekend together and then a young colleague from her unit had been shot and he had left. Jane had left her again.

Abbott had driven her home because her hands were shaking too much to even ulock her SUV.

Probably the hormones made her feel so miserable after her morning exercise. For a few moments she felt like throwing up.

They had tried, they had tried for months and it had made them happy. She had seen Jane truly happy. In the after glow of their love making his folds had disappeared and he'd looked so much more peaceful. She had had him after twelve long years, she still had him somehow.

It had felt so good to be in his arms at night and in general. Only now that she knew how cozy her bed could feel she realized how big and empty it was without him.

Looking back she thought that the two of them had been very good together for years.

More tears built up in her eyes and she bit her lip.

They wouldn't do this. Maybe Jane wouldn't bear to have a second child. Her trembling right hand rubbed over her tired eyes and she realized that they'd never talked about it. As well as his ring.

An huge part of her brain did understand that Jane couldn't lose her, her job was dangerous and everything but there was an almost as huge part of her brain that didn't understand why he would rather be absent in case it happened than be with her knowing that they had had the times of their lives.

She hadn't planned to become pregnant. With Jane's child.

Looking at the facts, she had given up the thought that she would become pregnant. Since she'd hit the forty, the big mark with a nasty '4' in front, she hadn't even thought about such a possibility anymore. Not for her.

But here she was, and she had to admit... she was more than okay with it.

She didn't know if he would ever overcome his fear of losing someone but Lisbon needed him with her for a lifetime and if he should come back she had to tell him that. Jane didn't pick up his phone whenever she tried to call so Lisbon only could hope for the best scenario. He was sitting stubbornly in his airstream thinking it was the best for everyone. So if he should come back all by himself she would tell him to either come back for good or stay away forever.

There was no halfway anymore. This baby, her baby changed everything. It didn't matter that she was only a few weeks along.

Her pulse had finally calmed down a bit and Lisbon was just pulling a few strands of curly hair back into her loose bun when her cellphone rang.

The display said Abbott.

She hadn't solved any of her issues yet and already -goddamn it- real life was catching her.

"This is Lisbon."

She closed her eyes and told Abbott that she would be right there.

Despite everything that was happening right now she was grateful for this particular child in her womb. It was her reason to get up at all these days.

A/N: Review please? It would mean the world to me.

-A x