Pudding' The story

by harpy212

The title is not what you think it means. Little "Pudding" is a young girl who goes through loss, love, and more. She is put through a lot of hardships during her young life. She is moved from the safety of her parents home, to her aunts, to a foster home

"Pudding"

Author: Tiffany Edwards

I don't need to tell you anything about me, I don't need to explain
myself to you, because you might be another person that could hurt me.
I'd give anything to re-do my mistakes, but time can't do that for me…
It won't allow me to fix what I once was; it won't change me back to
the happy, energetic, and loving person… Or at least so I think, but
this is how I feel. So why should I explain myself to you? There will
be a heavy possibility that you will disappear as well. But, I guess I
have to explain… I must explain. So, from here on in, if you are
still reading, that means you just made a promise to me that you will
never deceive me. If you care, you can keep reading, but if you don't,
then stop reading, because I don't want you to care, because caring
leads to love, and love for me, only leads to losing…

Chapter 1
'How did this Happen?'

It all begins here, in my old home, in Dallas Texas, 1996…
Our house was not the fanciest of them all… It was old, decrepit and
filed with moss on the side of it. I was young back then, an only
child, a normal 9 year old girl who was so full of energy, and love and
respect for others. My dad had been amazing to me, so had my mother. I
had grown oh-so attached to them. My aunt Sara and my mother used to hang
out a lot at our house. They would clean, watch movies, and sing soft melodies to me
as I took a nap on our couch. In the summer, they'd have a barbeque in our backyard.

My aunt Sara reminded me of my mother in so many ways.

She smelled like her, looked like her and they even had an identical voice.

It was clear that they were sisters till the end…
But the end was near. Near enough that I could feel it cutting into my
skin, and seeping into my body.

On a Saturday night, after Aunt Sara had left on her way back to her
home, I realized my father was not with us for an entire week. I
wondered what happened to the man I had grown so attached to, so I
asked my mother…
"Mom, when is dad going to come home?" I whispered gently in her ear,
"Soon, but for now, you should get some rest", She replied, "Yes Mom
of course, but promise to wake me up as soon as he gets back", I said,
"Alright Pudding, I will. It's getting late, bed time." Mom said, as I
ran up the squeaky stair case, chewing on my nails.

At that time, I was just a stupid little kid. I never even realized
that my dad was never going to come back. My mom and dad were always
kind to each other, but all of a sudden, things started to change for
the worst.

Four months after we moved from Nevada to Texas, they never spoke to
each other as much as they used to.
The next morning I awoke, and I realized that mom didn't wake me
up when dad came home. So, I went down stairs to see what happened, I
thought she forgot, or was just too tired, or was at least still in
bed asleep. Half way down the stair case, I saw mom crying and her
forehead was busted wide open, and blood was everywhere. I ran
downstairs screaming "Mom! Mom! Are you alright? What happened?" and
she said "I don't know, call the ambulance", she said, "Where's dad?"
I asked, "Dad! Mom is hurt!" I yelled, but there was no answer, "Call
the ambulance right now Pudding!" she yelled as I picked up the phone.
It wasn't until fifteen minutes later when they finally arrived,
and I was watching my mother leave our house on a stretcher. I was so
upset and worried that she wouldn't come back. At this point I now
realized that I was the only one left in the house alone, because at
that point I realized now that my dad was gone… and he wasn't coming
back. I cried, and cried all night. I'd give anything to be with my
mother right now.
So I called my aunt. Her full name was Sara Lee Andrews. (Also
known as Aunt Sara) She came by the house and hushed me to sleep. As
we drove to her house, I then realized that I might not see my house
again.

The next morning, I woke up in Aunt Sara's arms. I then started to
cry, and Aunt Sara whispered in my ear, "Oh, you poor thing, don't
cry, things will be better soon. Don't worry, your mom will be just
fine, and I will always be here for you. I love you", she said, as she
wiped my tears away.
She brought me into her room, and told me that you will be
staying here with me from now on. To be honest, I never wanted to be
there at this time, I just wanted to see my mom. "Aunt, can I see my
mom?" I asked, she looked at me and I saw a tear roll down her
cheek, "I am sorry pudding, not just yet", she said as she walked into
the kitchen.
"But I want to see her! (I cried) I want my mommy!" she picked me
up once more and kissed me on my cheek, and then she told me to take
another nap.
Two weeks later, the phone rang, and aunt Sara came running out of
the kitchen to pick it up. "Hello?" she said, "Oh, really, (she
started to cry) How did this happen" she said "She just blacked out,
and days later we discovered that your sister, passed away in her sleep.
We are very sorry, but there is nothing we can do for her", the person
on the phone said. Aunt dropped the phone and looked at me, and said
"Pudding, I don't know how to tell you this, you are too young", she
said, "I heard the news aunt Sara, I'll be fine, I have you", I said,
as Aunt looked at me in shock "I thought you would take it terribly,
I mean after the way you cried for her before", she said as she rubbed
my head.
Deep Down inside, I felt empty, and alone, even with Aunt Sara's
company and love.

Chapter 2
'The House'

3 Years later…

I can vaguely remember Aunt Sara rubbing her chest in pain
from time to time, but I never really paid attention to it. Until
today; Aunt Sara fell to the floor, screaming, "Pudding, call the
ambulance, I think I'm having a heart attack!" I dropped my homework
books and watched aunt Sara scream in pain. Before I knew it, I faded
out, but then it hit me, 'what the heck and I standing here for when I
should be helping her'. I called 911 as fast as possible. "Hold on
Aunt Sara, hold on, you'll be fine, they're on their way!" I said to
comfort her and myself.
10 minutes later, they finally arrived, as I watched yet another
loved one leave on a stretcher. I began crying. The sirens were so
loud to me… louder than anything I had ever heard. They squealed and
squeaked and screamed so loud, it was deafening. The police were
outside, along with others who could help the endangered patient feel
better. Neighbors stood on the side in shock, wondering what was going
on, and if someone had possibly died.

They interrogated me and asked me if I had a close relative I could
stay with, and I said, no, I don't have anyone. They said are you
sure, and I shook my head yes three times.
So they took me to this house where they said I could stay with
these people for now. The house was older than the one I lived in with
my mother, and father. I almost could not believe it was occupied,
because in my point of view, it seemed as if it was deserted.

There were two girls and a man that looked similar to my father. He
greeted me with a serious look on his face, a look in which not even a
smile would make him seem as if he was happy to see me. The two girls
behind him look terrified and beaten. Their faces immediately me
shiver. So, I kept myself to myself. I wanted not to be informed of
what happened in this house.
It wasn't long until I realized that I was changing into this
person who lost her home and the people she loved. And it also wasn't
long until I found out that Aunt Sara passed away as well as my mom.
I became depressed and sad, but I was much more depressed and sad than
the two girls in the home they placed me in. Their names are Ana and
Mina. Ana was the youngest and Mina was the oldest.
From time to time, my foster dad would hit us. He'd hit me more
than them at times because I back talked a lot. I don't really speak
to Ana or Mina. I was silent. I took the beating, and for some reason,
it never hurt. Not as much as I was hurting inside. Neither his shaky
fists nor his strong arms could break me. I was who I was.

I was reading this magazine I had found around the house, when Ana
came into our old, dark and vacant room and asked me for my name. I
was never surprised, because like I said, I never really spoke to them
that much. I told her my name was 'Pudding' and she looked at me like
I was crazy, but even I would of looked at myself as if I was crazy as
well, because 'Pudding' is not really a name. So I told her my name
was 'Penelope'…
"Penelope? That's a nice name", she said, as a faint smile came
to my face for the first time in weeks, "Thank you, Ana", I said, as
she smiled back, "Where is Mina?" I asked, "She comes home from school
late on purpose sometimes. I can't say I blame her", She said, "Oh, I
see", I muttered, "She can handle herself, don't worry", she said,
"Oh, alright", I said, "May I call you Pudding?" She asked, at first
I was going to respond with a loud and confirming 'NO' but then I
thought to myself, sure, why not "Well, alright. Ana, where is he? Our
foster father…" I said, as she replied "He's drunk again", as she sat
next to me, trying to sneak a peek at my work, "Is he napping?" I
asked, "Yes", she said, that same faint smile appeared on my face as I
rushed on my coat and sprinted out of the house; I looked back and saw
Ana standing at the doorway. Half way outside, I bumped into someone…
I bumped into Mina.
"What are you doing out of the house?" she said in a curious
tone, "Well, I was…" I said, "Were you trying to run away?" she asked,
"Yes, I was, I hate this house and that abusive drunkard we call dad!"
I yelled, "Go ahead and run, but you won't make it. Trust me, as soon
as they find your little butt freezing in the snow, they'll put you in
another home that's three times more terrible than this", she said as
she pushed me aside, walking into the house. She led the way, and I
followed…

Chapter 3
'Self Segregation'
As time went on, I felt myself slipping… I was becoming something
other than myself. I was… a lonely, broken, abandoned child…
I had written in my journal [a notepad I found under my foster
father's bed]... It was like my best friend. It was the only thing
that understood how I felt. And as for Ana, she was different as well,
she was sad, sleepy most of the times, and her odd attitude and lazy
behavior made everything worse.
Mina… She moved away, she was old enough to make her own decisions,
and leave. She is in college now. Every day, I would pick up that
journal, and write how I felt about my life… I would tell my mother's
tale, I would tell Aunt Sara's life story, and I would even sometimes
slip in a quote that my dad used to say to me before he left…

The next day…
I was eating in our living room… this little tasty snack that my
foster father brought home from his job today, as Ana was in the
corner, staring blankly into space.

I felt bad for her, so I walked over, handing her a piece of my
snack. I broke it in half, evenly, and then handed it to her... But
she pushed it away.
"I don't want any…" She silently said, "Why not?" I asked, "I'm
nothing anymore, Pudding… nothing more than a waste of space, and a
burden to everyone…" She'd mutter silently. I bent down, hugging her,
but she did not return my hug. She'd continue to stare into space, as
I picked myself up and walked away.
Twas clear to see, that Ana would never be the same.
A few minutes later…

I walked into the bathroom, as my tub of warm water lifted my spirits.
I sat in it slowly, as my spirit calmed, and my body shivered lightly
from the warmth goodness.
Then, there was a knock on my door, but not just any knock… It was
three large pounds on the bathroom door, which indicated that it was
'him'... Our foster father. He broke in, pulling me out of the tub,
and pushing me out of the bathroom. I stood there shivering in the
cold, as he laughed loudly, pointing at me.
"Where… is… Ana?" He'd yell, "I don't know…" I replied, "TELL ME WHERE
SHE WENT, I CAN'T FIND HER" He yelled, gripping my hand tightly,
squeezing it ever so tightly… "I really don't know!
Let go of my hand, you're hurting me!" I'd scream. He released my
hand, yelling angrily at me, as he ran down the steps, and through the
front door. I wondered where Ana was, and if she was okay. Because
earlier, she said something to me that made my skin crawl… "I'm
nothing anymore, Pudding… nothing more than a waste of space, and a
burden to everyone…"

I got dressed, putting on my clothes, running outside, yelling
Ana's name loudly out in the open. Was she gone? Did she really decide
to run away or commit suicide? Ana was only 10 for god sakes… I ran
across the street, I ran to the corner stores, to the local pool… I
ran to the train stations, to bus stops; anything that might be deadly
or could cause serious accidents or death.
I thought to myself… 'Why did she do this…?' But the answer was very
obvious. She was tired of living; she was tired of being worthless and
not amounting to anything. She was tired of being abused… she wanted
to forget, and just die right where she stood. But now she's gone… Yet
another face I will probably never see again.
My foster father, [Who from now on will be called, He or Him] Came
back to the house a few hours after I got back inside… He walked
through the door, breathing heavily, then shaking his head, glancing
over at me, uttering… "Where has that girl gone…?"

Weeks later…
Of course she didn't come back… She couldn't take it anymore, the
pressure, the stress, the worthlessness, it was all for nothing.

It finally clicked in my head that I was alone now. Both of them left,
I was left alone with him, this man who made our lives a living hell.
It has been so many years since my life was taking turns for the
worst. So I sat in my bed alone, dreaming of what to do, since I've
grown so much, I couldn't take the easy way out. Suicide. I couldn't
do it; I wasn't as brave and daring as Ana was. Hopes were gone now.
My life was being so destroyed. He was so tired lately… He came in
from his job, staring at me one day, with his papers in his hand. He
walked over to me, nodding his head, as he stood in front of me. I
wondered why he was standing as close as he did. He took me by
the hand, and I stood there with a blank look in my eyes. "… Are you
alright?" He asked, as I nodded, keeping a bit of a distance away from
him, "… Are you sure?" He asked curiously as I nodded once more.

I pulled away from him, and ran upstairs. He clenched his fist tightly
walking out of the house once more.
What has my life spiraled into…?

Days, weeks, months and years have passed, and I can't do this
anymore. My spirit is week, my knees shake when I stand; I look
nothing like myself anymore. I stare in the mirror sometimes for hours
while He is at work. I stare into my own eyes trying to find some
worth, some value in my broken soul.

I was eating something, nothing good, just something to stop my stomach from growling; followed by that a trip to the bathroom. I wondered
what He had in his medicine cabinet; I had never checked that place
out of boredom before… As expected, I saw shaving cream, floss,
toothpaste and some pills… But there was something I never thought
would be in there… A razor… I picked up that very razor, and stared at
it blankly as my eyes widened… Think of the damage this can do to a
person's skin…

Chapter 4…
'Breaking point'

… I placed the razor's sharp edge on my skin, slicing it just a bit,
as I inhaled slightly, embracing the pain. I wondered if I did it deep
enough, I might die. But no, suicide is not what I want, I want to be
loved and not lose that person.
I put the razor back... Staring at the blood running down my arm.

I was happy... It felt good... The pain felt so good...

To be continued.