Birdsong rang out beautifully from the trees ringing Hokage tower. Kakashi flexed his sandaled toes, feeling the warm dirt he'd carried with him onto the branch slip and fall down below into Gai's hair. Gai didn't notice. Kakashi leaned back, one eye focused on the book in front of him, semi-warily keeping the closest window in his peripheral vision. He was still mildly surprised when the Godaime Hokage opened a respectable portion of it with her fist and kindly asked the singing birds to "Shut the fuck up you mother fucking fucker birds", and then invited him in with the same docile politeness.
He leapt through the recently installed hole into the Hokage's office. It was clearly undergoing some sort of remodeling that had necessitated the large desk to be ripped into three pieces and another helpful hole installed in the south wall that peeked into what appeared to be a conference room.
He smiled. "I like what you've done with the place". Then he ducked away from the empty bottle that sailed merrily over his head.
Tsunade stalked up uncomfortably close to him, pantherlike. "You." She breathed. "You are taking your student back. I mean, escorting her on a mission. A long mission, out of my hair."
This statement nearly shocked Kakashi out of his good mood. "You… is Naruto back and I somehow managed to miss him? Or are you really referring to Sakura? She's the well-behaved one." At her glower, he backtracked and noted the gendered pronoun the Hokage had used. "Isn't she doing some sort of diplomatic thing?"
"Was. She was doing diplomatic work, until I came in this morning and found her and the Suna diplomat naked on my desk with a secretary."
Kakashi blinked. "Ah," he said uncertainly.
Then he blinked again. "Ahhhhhh," he clarified with new comprehension. Oh dear.
"I'm sure you remember that the Kazekage assigned his siblings those responsibilities. I thought Sakura's close age and high level of maturity would be assets when I gave her the job of babysitting whoever comes to represent Suna. Apparently, they got on just fucking great." She held out a black pair of panties with a red bow on the ass. "You're taking Sakura to Rain, to investigate paint. She's going to be conducting research for a five thousand page report on what kind of paint my house would look best in. And then she's going to come back and decorate it. You can go and collect her now. Right now. She's probably at her apartment. If I don't see you at the gate in twenty minutes, you're demoted to a Genin and I'm putting you on Rock Lee's team. He's been asking to become a Jounin sensei."
Kakashi decided it was prudent to take the panties and go straight to Sakura's apartment, pausing only to remark to Tsunade that they really weren't what he would have pictured Sakura picking out. When he shunshined into her apartment and found Sakura in her bra and medic skirt, one knee on either side of Temari's hips, the panties suddenly made a lot more sense. He crinkled his visible eye and cheerily held them out to the blonde. She took a moment to examine them as Sakura hastily stood up and dead panned "I don't wear panties. Those are that blue-eyed chick's. In the kitchen."
Sakura snatched them. "I'll, um, just take these to Megumi. And… yes." Kakashi cheerily called "good morning to you, too!" after her as she hustled away.
He turned back to Temari. Her glare was almost enough to make him feel uncomfortable, but as it was framed by her lopsided pigtails and obvious sex hair, he was more amused than anything.
"They grow up so fast," he mused nostalgically, politely averting his eyes while she fixed her clothing. "In any case, I think the Hokage would like to see you."
The Sabaku girl slumped. "You mean she'd like to punt me through the wall again?" she asked a little miserably. Kakashi suddenly noted the bits of plaster in her spiky ponytails.
"Probably," he replied honestly. "But I think she also misses her secretary."