Just a oneshot in my Routinely Rejecting Happiness 'Verse. Steve contemplating if he's gay or not. And asking Peter for help. In a not sexual way. Also can we just all clap for the fact that I wrote something not full of smut? I don't own Avengers or Spider-man. Reviews are loved.
Peter winced when the webshooter stalled, recoiling as web-fluid began to explode all over the lab. Tony had told him not to try that combination of chemicals but he had done it anyways and now Jarvis was probably handing over the footage for the engineer's amusement.
"Uh JARVIS? Could you possibly not send that to Tony?"
"My apologies Mr. Parker. He requested the footage ten minutes ago."
"Of course he did."
"Mr. Rogers is requesting permission to enter the lab. Shall I let him in?"
"Yeah, thanks JARVIS," Peter said.
The doors slid open and a moment later, Steve walked through, blue eyes flickering over the mess Peter had created. "Is it safe for me to be in here?"
Peter prodded the webshooter, letting a breath out when no further explosions happened. "Yeah, it's safe." He looked up at Steve. "So what's up?"
Steve sat down on one of the mostly clean seats. "I had a few questions I wanted to ask you."
Peter grabbed a towel and laid it over his own seat, knowing it would be a few hours before the webbing dissolved. He tilted his head to the side. He couldn't recall a time ever seeing Steve look so uncertain, and it was more than a little worrying. "You're freaking me out here Cap. Did something happen?"
Steve glanced down t his clasped hands. "I don't know."
"Uh-huh..." Peter crooked an eyebrow up. "I'm gonna need a little bit more than that."
Steve's ears were red and he was blushing harder than Peter had ever seen before. "Peter, you are with Clint now, yes?'
Peter nodded. "Yeah."
"And before you were with Matt. But what about before that?"
The web slinger thought that thinking of Gwen and Mary Jane would hurt, and when it didn't, he supposed the whole issue had finally scarred over. Become a wound he could look at and examine without feeling as though he were dumping salt on it.
"Gwen and Mary Jane," Peter said. "SHIELD killed Mary Jane. And my actions ended in Gwen's death. Look, I don't mind talking about this, but why?"
"Back in the war, there was a woman. Peggy Carter," Steve began, gaze still avoiding Peter's. "You know, I think I loved her. But I can't see her anymore. It's better if I don't find her now."
"Okay." Peter wasn't following Steve's logic at all, and he supposed it was pointless to try.
"I thought I only liked women. But recently I had a uh..." Steve, impossibly, grew redder. "Dream. With a man."
Peter took a moment to process the words. "Oh. Oh. Well then." He was starting to get why Steve had come to talk to him. Tony would laugh, Bruce would just shift awkwardly, Clint would probably also laugh, and Nat would give him a weird look that was impossible to decipher which only left him. "I mean, it's alright."
The look Steve gave him was one of desperate hope. "Are you sure? Even if it is..." He looked away again. "I've never had something like this happen before."
Peter ran a hand down his face. "Ugh, Cap. It's really not a big deal. You're not weird." He prodded the other's knee to make him look back up. "Before Matt, I was the straightest man on the planet, except for maybe Johnny." He shrugged. "But when I realized what was developing between us, I just accepted it. It wasn't a matter of straight or gay or whatever." He decided it was best not to mention that his and Matt's relationship had started as a purely physical thing. No sense in scaring him. "Who'd you dream about?"
It was weird, watching the color drain from Steve's face after watching him get so red. "Coulson."
Peter couldn't hide his wince. "That's...rough. I'm sorry Steve."
Steve looked away again. "It's repulsive. Having such traitorous thoughts about a dead man."
"Whoa, whoa, hey. That is so not what I meant," Peter said. "It's not wrong. I mean, unless he was still dead in your dream because that's just a whole new level of creepy that I'm not going to touch."
Steve stared at him in confusion. "What?"
"Never mind," Peter said, waving his hands frantically. "I mean having dreams about people you were close to after they die. It's rough. And normal. God knows I had a lot of dreams about...a lot of people."
"Oh."
Peter sighed. "Did you actually like him?"
"I admired him. We only knew one another for a week or so. Which is why I suppose I am conflicted."
Peter shrugged. "It's normal Cap. Really."
Steve gave a small nod. "Thank you Peter. I had no one else to talk to about this."
"Not a problem. I'm always open to talking if you need it," Peter said with a smile."
"Thanks." Steve stood up, looking way more relaxed than he had when he first walked into the lab.
Peter turned back to the broken webshooter, thinking over what Steve had said, had asked. It made him wonder. When he and Matt got together, he hadn't really thought about it, thought about how male and not soft and delicate the other man was. He supposed it was better that he never had any real crisis about the whole thing. Then again, he had a lot of things on his mind when they had gotten together. He shook his head.
In the end it wasn't important. He loved Matt as much as he had loved Gwen and Mary Jane. And Clint? Maybe even more than all three, but he didn't want to examine those thoughts too hard. Not yet.
