Disclaimer: Degrassi doesn't belong to me. Liberty doesn't belong to me. JT doesn't belong to me. If they did they'd both be in a lot better condition.
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Pieces of him are left scattered everywhere.
A page of Liberty Yorkes she'd scrawled in a tattered notebook at the age of eleven. A crushed box of his favorite crackers hiding beneath her bed. The thick woolen socks he left at her house. The birthday present she never gave him.
… little reminders of his existence. Even three years later she still comes across them. She's sure that if he has left a mark on the world he can never really be gone. The idea helps her sleep at night.
Time's gone by and she pretends to be strong but she's not really. She tricks others into thinking she's moved on, but her lies aren't nearly good enough to fool herself.
She's struggled through three birthdays without him. This year she celebrated with a night out with her friends, and sure, she smiled, she laughed, she blew out her candles and played the part of the happy birthday girl well. But none of that stopped a feeling that someone was missing from eating away at her.
Images of three years back chased her all night, no longer fuzzy and forgotten, but back in vivid color.
He's everywhere, but she can never quite reach him.
When she went to college, smiling hugely, she could feel him smiling back at her. When she cries she can feel his hand rubbing her back reassuringly. And, sometimes, when she's defending those "worthless, childish clowns of men with no knowledge of anything remotely academic" to her friends she swears she can feel his laugh vibrating around her.
Sometimes she thinks she's lying to herself in a poor attempt to mend her broken heart, pretending he's there when he couldn't be and never will be again. But a part of her says that he'd never leave her. Not truly. Not completely. Not ever.
One thing that people constantly remind her is that she's supposed to forget the past and step into her future. But he's all around her. He's every smile on her face and he's everything that goes wrong. The past hasn't gone anywhere. And she knows that it's illogical and irrational and downright impossible but that doesn't stop her from believing it. She's never without him really, and a part of her knows that she never will be.
He's still around in the things he's left behind. And as long as she's around he'll never really be gone.
She knows him well enough to know that he'll be smiling on her wedding day. And he'll be beaming proudly when she finally accepts that he's gone. And she knows, just knows she'll never really be alone.
Every day of her life is going to bring her somewhere new. And wherever she goes, JT won't be far behind.
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a/n: I currently hate Degrassi. but i've suddenly felt inspired to write a(nother) Libertyfic. she deserves it. they totally disregard her character on the show. and i wanted to give her a happyish ending fic.
I've been messing around with it for a ridiculous amount of time and am still not entirely happy with it. it's the first Libertycentric fic i've felt is decent enough to post since i wrote Buried. i'd really appreciate it if you'd take a moment and let me know what you think. even if what you thought was that it was terrible and not worth reviewing.
oh, and is anyone else not getting author/story alerts? or is this site screwing up for me specifically? thnx.