Title: Stars
Author: SorryGrimmjow
Genre: Romance, Hurt/Comfort
Rating: T
Pairings: Dean Winchester & Castiel
Summary: Dean Winchester and Castiel are left alone for a night while Sam goes to visit Amelia. AU
Disclaimers: I obviously don't own Dean or Sam Winchester, or Castiel, or any other characters you recognize. I do own the plot though.
Warnings: Very mild sexual content.
Notes: Loosely based off of On The Road. It's also my first spn fic so don't be too harsh okay cool.
"It'll only be for tonight, Dean. She's been wanting to see me for a while now, and I don't want to say no again," Sam explained as he pulled his single, worn duffel bag out of the trunk, "and especially not when we're so close to her house anyway."
"You mean you can't say no again," Dean corrected, looking up to his younger brother.
Sam sighed. "What do you expect me to do? I've dropped nearly everything to go on this road trip with you, sure, but I'm not going to leave Amelia."
"You can always go back to her. She's not going anywhere."
"There's no telling," Sam said, and as Dean opened his mouth, he shut the trunk of the beat-up car. "You'll be fine. Just find some motel or somewhere to–"
"Motel?" Dean interrupted, eyebrows furrowing. "We don't have any money to spare."
"Just find somewhere to sleep that's nearby. You'll live," he said, a hint of a smile at his lips. "And anyway, you'll be able to get to know Cas some more. I bet you'll get along just fine."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Dean demanded, though Sam had already clapped him on the back and started up to Amelia's house.
Dean shook his head, fishing around his pocket for his cigarettes. He got one, lit it, and headed back to the driver's side of the car. He opened up the door and climbed in, taking a deep drag before looking at the man sitting beside him.
Castiel Novak was still sort of a stranger to Dean, though the two of them and Sam had been driving together for a few weeks already. He didn't talk much, and when he did, it was mostly deep, poetic things. Higher power, purpose, freedom, the like. Castiel's voice was gravely, and his stares intense. Dean sure did like those eyes though; when they had first met, he could have sworn there was a spark, a connection. Something he had never experienced.
Beyond that, there was practically nothing between them.
Cas was watching him expectantly.
Dean exhaled calmly, breaking the eye contact and getting his keys.
"So, Sammy's got to visit his girl for the night," he said, still not looking at Cas as he started the ignition, "Meaning we've got to freeze our asses out here while he enjoys himself. D'you know any places to stay the night? Somewhere we won't get bothered?"
He turned his head, raising the cigarette to his mouth. Cas' eyes were narrowed in thought, and it was a moment before he replied.
"Well…there is one place," he said slowly, his eyes flicking repeatedly to the cigarette between Dean's lips. Finding it intriguing, he stayed still while Cas spoke. "Trees surround it, and there aren't many houses near."
Dean exhaled, nodding. "That'll do just fine. Tell me where to go."
They got there in about fifteen minutes. Cas was right; a dirt road led up to the secluded area. Trees surrounded the empty lot, creating sort of a frame for the sun setting in the sky. Dean parked on the grass and leapt out.
He spun around, examining the place before he took the cigarette out of his mouth and turned to Cas, who was walking slowly behind, hands in pockets.
"I dig it!" Dean exclaimed loudly, his voice carrying through the cool, undisturbed air. He grinned at Cas, walking towards him. "This is great!"
"I'm glad you approve," said Cas. "I'm not certain how I remembered where this place was; it's been years since I've been here."
"I don't care how, just that you did," he said, and saw Cas smile for the first time. It wasn't big but it was something. Dean grinned, taking another drag before grabbing Cas by the arm and pulling him back toward the car. "It's so nice out, let's get on the car."
"What?"
"Yeah, c'mon, it'll be good. Get some fresh air, get out of these stinky clothes," Dean said, and he knew Cas couldn't deny that. He couldn't remember the last time they had the chance to wash their clothing properly. Dean shrugged his jacket off, feeling lighter as the air brushed by him. His white shirt clung to his chest, stained and smelly, and it felt so good. He looked at Cas, who just stood there. Dean moved closer, his rough hands pulling off Cas' tan trench coat. Cas did not resist, only watched.
"Got that off," he muttered through the cigarette, and threw both items into the car through the open window.
Dean climbed up the car, using the open window space for help. Once up, he kicked off his mud-covered boots and looked down at Cas. He was frowning slightly, though not in disapproval. More confusion.
"What're you waiting for?" urged Dean.
Cas looked different without that bulky trench coat on. The loose tie over a thin button-up made him less severe, more lax. Though he couldn't explain it much, Dean liked it.
"I'll give you a hand. Come on," Dean extended his hand down the side of the car.
Cas accepted it and climbed up, kicking off his shoes.
"Do you do this often?"
"I dig stars," said Dean simply, and he scooted closer to the other edge to make space for lying down. He did so, inhaling deep. Cas relaxed next to him, and Dean could smell sweat. "Want one?"
When Cas looked over, Dean was shaking his box of cigarettes. Cas shook his head, and Dean shrugged. He took one last drag before putting his cigarette out on the car and letting it drop to the earth.
"So why did you come on this trip?" Dean asked suddenly after a moment, breaking the comfortable silence.
"For a number of reasons," Cas said.
"Give me one," Dean said.
"Change of pace."
"Makes sense. I wouldn't have imagined a guy like you would be into all this."
"A guy like me?"
"You looked like you had a future in front of you, whereas I don't."
Dean felt Cas shift next to him.
"I don't know if I do either, to be honest," Cas said quietly. "Not since about a month ago."
"What happened a month ago?"
Cas was silent. Dean watched him out of the corners of his eyes, noticing how blue Cas' eyes were against the orange sky. The sun had nearly set when Cas spoke again.
"My family. Well, not all of them. This uncle I have, though," his brows furrowed together slightly as he spoke, "He's never approved of me. I've tried to meet his expectations, but I've always felt this sense of doubt. I was never satisfied. When I turned eighteen, I couldn't leave fast enough, though I did feel horrible for leaving my younger sister in the house alone with Uncle Zacharia.
"Up until recently, he's left me alone, and I was fine with that. But he called me just about a month ago, and it was the first contact we've had in four years. I'll spare you the details; just know it was not pleasant."
"You're free now though," Dean said after a moment's silence. "That is why you came with us so suddenly, yeah?"
Cas nodded.
"I'm glad I did. This is all very different for me."
Dean laughed heartily.
"It's just gonna get more and more different, believe me. I do hope you're ready."
"I think so."
"You gotta know so."
He gave Cas a teasing smile, to which the latter half-smiled.
"Well, I am lying down on a cold night on top of a car with you."
"Me?" Dean asked with a laugh. "What's wrong with me?"
Cas cocked his head.
"You are possibly the strangest man I've met, and that includes my family."
Dean grinned, "And why's that?"
"Your mood changes suddenly; one minute you're relaxed, and the next, you're yelling and looking at everything that moves. You act as if you are familiar with everyone. You take chances, make quick decisions. You're just so...excited about life."
"And is that bad?"
"The opposite," Cas said quickly, gazing up at the stars. "I admire you, and I aim to become more like you in that sense. Life…has always been so dull for me, and I think this could be something I need."
When he was done talking, he turned his head to look Dean in the eye. Cas looked so serious, so certain that Dean's sort of life was what he needed. Dean frowned and broke eye contact.
"Yeah, well, I wouldn't be so sure."
"How do you mean?"
Dean sighed, wondering what the hell he was doing here and why Sam wasn't here and why he was telling Castiel Novak all this. He figured he had nothing to lose, and glanced back at Cas, who was watching him intently.
"Nothing stays. It's temporary. All of it. The only constant in my life is Sam, and I still get worried he'll leave someday," Dean sighed, bitterness in his voice. "He's the only thing I really know, the only thing I get. Everything else is a mystery; that's why I move around so much. I get so caught up in all of it, and the next thing I know, I've abandoned someone and I didn't even realize it.
"I can't settle down. I mess things up. I break them, leave them, forget them. I can't keep living like this, but I have to. I can't let it all catch up to me. So that's why it's Sam and me against the world."
Dean closed his eyes, trying to clear his mind and forget. He only hears insects and wind, and when he opens his eyes again to glance at Cas, green meet blue.
He licks his dry lips and swallows, feeling small under Cas' intense gaze.
"We should look for what we need," Cas said, his eyes not moving from Dean's, not once. "Both of us. It's got to be out there."
Dean's eyes flick up to the stars. He nods, licks his lips again. "Somewhere." He looked back up, wondering what the hell he would do.
"Dean."
He turned his head back towards Cas, surprised at how close his face was.
"Wha-"
And before he knew it, Cas' lips were against his own; chapped, rough, dry. Dean kissed back tentatively, and then he wondered why he had been so focused on girls all this time. Cas' insistence drew a low moan out of Dean, and his fingers roughly combed through Cas' dark hair shakily. When Dean turned on his side, he felt one of Cas' hands run down his body, stopping at his waist. Cas' fingers gripped him tightly and suddenly Dean was on his back again, Cas breathing heavily over him.
Dean grinned and moved up to support himself on his forearms, kissing him hard. Cas moved to straddle Dean, the latter biting his lip hard as he felt Cas rub against him. Cas looked down approvingly, his hands on Dean's belt.
"I dig it," Dean said quietly, a wicked smile on his lips.
Cas smiled – the first real, toothy smile – and began undoing the buckle at his hands, keeping eye contact with Dean.
"Then you'll dig this even more."