In the Uchiha residence, five-year-old Sasuke and fourteen-year-old Itachi were walking down the hallway.
"Brother, why is your hair long? Why is your nose weird? What does 'Sasuke' mean? What does 'Itachi' mean? Why is the sky blue? Did Mother get drunk or drop you on your head when you here a baby? What did that mean? Where do babies come from? What's sex?" Sasuke asked as if he were playing fifty million questions.
Itachi was quite annoyed with his little brother's random game, but Itachi decided to answer the questions. "Sasuke, SHUT UP!!"
Suddenly, Itachi stopped in his tracks and fell. Sasuke turned him over and put his head on his neck. He heard nothing.
"Mother! I can't hear the ocean in Itachi's neck! And get the first aid kid!" Sasuke cried in fear.
"What ocean and what kid? His mother, Mikoto, asked.
"Hurry! Now, I must give him BTM," he said in a somewhat dramatic voice.
Sasuke did not perform the expected. Instead, he sat on Itachi's face and waited on him to wake up. Itachi woke up and could not breathe. So, he shook and trembled. Then, he pushed Sasuke off him. He inhaled deeply as Mikoto ran up the stairs.
"ARE YOU TRYING TO MURDER ME?!" Itachi yelled with all the might he had.
"Huh?" Sasuke asked.
"What's going on?" their concerned mother questioned.
"The ocean's going in Itachi's neck," Sasuke happily said.
"That's my pulse ya dunce!" Itachi yelled as he corrected him.
A few moments after Itachi spoke, their father, Fugaku, walked in. "What's going on?" Fugaku asked.
"I can hear the ocean in Itachi's neck," Sasuke almost sang.
"WHAT OCEAN!?" his parents yelled in unison and confusion.
"I stopped breathing, he couldn't find my pulse, and in a suffocating way, he revived me," Itachi sighed.
"As expected of my son! Let's celebrate in honor of Sasuke!" Fugaku exclaimed. Sasuke's jaw dropped at the comment. He never thought he would hear those words from his father.
"Don't rub it in," Itachi calmly said.
"I think that's a glorious idea!" Mikoto cried out in joy. "I'll start baking and cooking."
Itachi glared at his parents as he screamed, "Stop rubbing it in!"
They prepared for the party, and Fugaku invited all his friends, co-workers, their wives. Itachi had a smart-alecky look on his face. Sasuke was curious about what his brother could ask.
"Father, what friends can you invite? You have none, right?"
"Shut up, Itachi," Fugaku said.
"Do I have to sit with the men?" Sasuke asked.
"Yes, you do," his father answered.
"Oh fudge!"
Before Sasuke could blink, he was slapped across his mouth. Then, he fell to the ground and cried loudly. "I will not tolerate that language!" Fugaku said.
"Mother! Father slapped my mouth!"
Mikoto ran down the stairs and stared at Sasuke. His mouth was bloodied, and blood dirty his clothes. She looked at her husband with her "I-am-not-happy. Don't-try-sweet-talking-me" face on. It frightens all in the household.
"Can I leave, Mother?" Itachi said. He received a growl in response. "Never mind."
"I didn't do much," her husband said.
Mikoto grabbed Fugaku's arm and dragged him out of the children's sight. A moment later, sounds likes, BANG! CRASH! WHAM! and SLAM! were heard. Sasuke grabbed Itachi's leg, and Itachi held Sasuke tightly.
"Is Father okay?" Sasuke asked.
"I doubt it," his brother answered.
Mikoto walked back to her sons and scooped up Sasuke into her arms. "Let's get you cleaned up and put some ice on you mouth. Okay?"
"Kay! Ouch!" Sasuke yelled in agony.
"Shh…Try not to talk."
Sasuke nodded, and they left the hallway. Itachi stood up and waited for Fugaku. A minute later, his father limped toward him.
"What happened?" Itachi said. "You look like something the cat dragged in."
"Your mother has a mean backhand," Fugaku responded.
"What'd she do to you?"
"She hit me with a frying pan."
Evening came, and the party was great! The ladies were at their table giggling and sipping tea and lemonade, and the men were at their table laughing heartily and gulping down alcoholic beverages or beers except Itachi and Sasuke. They ate their food in embarrassment and whispered to each other. (A/N: When I say alcoholic beverages, I mean a really strong drink. Beers, in thy opinion, mean light drinks.)
"It smells weird, and all they've been talking about was how embarrassing it was for me to save you. Are you even listening to me?" Sasuke said.
"Somewhat. I'm just waiting for—" Itachi paused.
A knock was heard at the door. Mikoto excused herself and answered the door. A tall, somewhat muscular man with cerulean hair was there. Following him was a young lady. She was lean with long, flowing, black hair.
"Kimite, Michelle, hello!" Mikoto greeted. (A/N: Kimite has no def real it is one of the many words and I make up. My def is stubborn and apathetic)
"Hello," Kimite and Michelle said.
She motioned them to come in. They bowed and followed Mikoto inside. Michelle saw Itachi and waved with a smile. Itachi got up, walked toward her and kissed her cheek. Her father, Kimite, sighed in disgust.
"Hi, Michelle-koi," Itachi said.
"Hello, Koibito (boy/girlfriend)," she said.
"You're fourteen," Kimite said. "You don't need a koibito."
"Long time, no see, Kimite!" Fugaku said. "Come join us!"
"Sure!" he answered. "Michelle, go with Mikoto and join the ladies."
"Okay. See ya'll later."
"We'll talk later, Koibito," Itachi said. He brushed her hair back with his fingers and kissed her forehead. She smiled, embraced him tightly, and they all walked away.
"Ew…" Sasuke said. "You just wanna be with your girlfriend!"
"So?"
Fugaku leaned toward Itachi and whispered, "If you want your manhood back, start drinking."
"Seriously?!"
"At least make it look like it."
"Okay, but this could end badly."
"What could happen?"
Every now and then, Itachi pretended to drink the alcoholic beverage. Later, his cup got full. He began to panic. So, he flicked his father's thigh, and Fugaku glanced over at Itachi. Itachi pointed at his cup. Fugaku panicked.
"Just drink it," Fugaku whispered.
"I'm underage!" he quietly yelled.
"I'm not asking; I'm demanding."
Itachi gulped more than half of the cup. His father stared in awe and smirked. Later, Itachi he had seven and a half cups.
"I've made an alcoholic out of you," Fugaku said and held his head in shame.
"I care don't. Cheese likey me!" Itachi said drunkenly.
"You're mother will kill me."
People were leaving. Kimite was talking with Fugaku, and Mikoto, Sasuke, and Michelle were cleaning up.
"Mrs. Uchiha," Michelle said. "May I stay a little longer?"
"Of course," Mikoto said nonchalantly.
"Great! Now, Michelle will be with Itachi all evening," Sasuke thought with a slight glare in his eyes.
Kimite kissed his daughter's forehead and left. Itachi stumbled to his room, and Michelle followed him. Fugaku went to his room, and Sasuke crossed his arms, sat down, and pouted. Mikoto knelt beside him and stroked his back.
"What if I make something to cheer you up?" Mikoto said.
"Fudge?" Sasuke said hopefully.
"As much as you can eat."
"Yay!"
Sasuke giggled and smiled as Mikoto tickled his tummy. She picked him up and walked toward the kitchen.
"Vanilla or chocolate icing?"
"'Nilla!"
"Good. Go see if Itachi and Michelle want any."
"Fine. I get first batch."
"You got it."
Sasuke slid the door open, and on the balcony until he was at Itachi's room. He slightly opened the door and stared at the horrific sight before him as he heard a bloodcurdling scream. The scream rang throughout the house. Mikoto and Fugaku ran to the balcony and toward Itachi's room.
"Was that Michelle?" Fugaku said breathlessly.
"Only she can scream like that. I hope she's alright." Mikoto said.
"I fear the worst."
When they arrived, Michelle lied on her stomach on the floor. Her hair covered most of her body. She wailed loudly. Mikoto knelt beside Michelle, pulled her close to her chest, and cradled her head. When she looked at her body, she was only wearing her panties.
"Sweetie," Mikoto said motherly. "What happened to you?"
"Honestly, I don't wanna talk about that part, but he dumped me for his kid brother!" Michelle cried.
"What? Something's wrong with Itachi. He's not brutal enough to do something like that."
"What do you mean when you say, 'dumped me for my kid brother'?" Fugaku asked.
"When Sasuke walked by," Michelle began. "He dragged him in, grabbed me by my arm, and threw me out. As far as I know, Sasuke's wearing nothing but a diaper."
"Don't say that." Mikoto said waving franticly. "I told him it was–" she was cut off by another cry.
"Mother, you lied to me!" Sasuke whined. "You told me these were big boy pants!"
"They are!" his mother lied.
"Itachi said it was a diaper!"
"He's jealous!" his father lied.
"Mrs. Uchiha," Michelle said. "Why'd you tell him they were big boy pants?"
"He's five, and he has bladder control issues. I had to tell him something to cheer him up."
"And shut him up," Fugaku added.
"I'll get her dressed, she can her father, and you take care of your kids," Mikoto said.
"How embarrassing! My father is picking me up from my boyfriend's house?"
"You need to see a doctor." Fugaku said.
"Okay."
They walked toward Mikoto's room. When they walked in, they went through her closet.
"Here. This should fit," Mikoto said.
"What size is this?"
"Twelve, why?"
"It's too small!" she almost cried.
"Fine. I'll get a kimono."
"Well, it fits. I'll go call my father." She left for the living room and called her father. The phone rang, and answer was heard on the other end.
"Hello?" the voice said.
"Hi, Father."
"What's wrong?"
"Just come get me."
"I understand. Wait outside, and I'll be there in a bit."
"Okay. Bye."
"Good-bye."
They both hung up, and Michelle sat on the balcony. When she least expected it, a hand was placed on her shoulder. She flinched and quickly looked back. It was Mikoto. She sat beside the petrified child.
"Are you all right?" Mikoto said.
"Yes."
"I'm sorry in Itachi's favour."
"It's okay. I'm–" she was cut off at the sight of Fugaku coming toward them.
"Michelle," Fugaku called. "Your father is here."
"I don't see him," the teen said.
"He's gradually following along."
Kimite appeared with some kind of teleportation jutsu. Immediately after appearing, Michelle jumped to her feet, ran toward Kimite, and hugged him tightly.
"Come on," Kimite said. "Good-bye everyone!"
"I hope Itachi gets well," Michelle said with a bright smile. "Farewell!"
Kimite left with Michelle in his arms. Fugaku grabbed Mikoto's arm and run to Itachi's room. They tried opening the door, but it would not budge.
"I'll be back," Mikoto said and ran off.
"Great," Fugaku said. "She's gone, and my sons are in the same room trapped. I'm afraid."
"I'm back!" Mikoto said when she returned. "Now, stand in front of the door, and just do it without asking."
"Fine."
"Set? Fire!"
"What?!" he said fearfully.
Suddenly, he went through the door. Apparently, it was due to a hit by Mikoto's frying pan.
"Sorry that's all I could think of," she said sweetly. "Now, Sasuke Lee Uchiha, put on you clothes and come hither!"
"Mother, you save me and my virginity. Whatever that is means," Sasuke said.
"Itachi," Mikoto called. "What's wrong with you?"
Itachi grew so angry at the question that he growled and yelled at Mikoto (AN: just a reminder, Itachi is still drunk). "SASUKE ME LIKEY!!" he said.
"Don't yell at me!"
Before they knew it, Itachi ran out of his, out the house, and into the streets of Konoha.
"I'll get his clothes and calm him down," Mikoto said hopelessly.
"I'll pin him down and hurt him," Fugaku said angrily.
"And I'll practice my catra. I mean chakra," Sasuke said vigilantly.
"Have you been playing with Naruto after school again?" his father said.
"Maybe," the young Uchiha said innocently.
"We'll discuss this later," Mikoto said. "Right now, let's get Itachi."
They dashed off the balcony in search of their oldest son. For over an hour, they came up with nothing.
"This is hopeless!" Fugaku said throwing his hands in the air aimlessly. "We aren't gonna find him."
"Let's keep trying a little longer," Mikoto reassuringly said.
Suddenly a hand grabbed Mikoto's shirt. She flinched and turned. In relief, she let out a sigh. It was Michelle.
"Hi, Michelle!" Fugaku said. "What the doctor say?"
"I'll be alright," she said.
"Have you seen Itachi anywhere?" Mikoto said.
"Well, he was in the ladies' bathhouse."
Sasuke's eyes widened with the statement made. "Seriously?"
"Yes," Michelle replied. "He was curdled up in a corner crying. So, I gave him a towel and sneaked him to my house."
"Is he still there?" Mikoto asked hopefully.
"Sleepin' like a baby. Wanna take him home?"
"NO!" Sasuke answered quickly.
"Sasuke," his father scolded. "Yes."
"Fine," he said.
After fifteen minutes, they were at Michelle's home. Michelle opened the door, and they walked in.
"Father," Michelle said. "I'm home with the Uchihas!"
"I'm right here," Kimite said calmly. "So why are you yelling?"
"Sorry. Where'd Itachi go? He was on the couch when I left."
"Bathroom."
"Why?" Mikoto and Sasuke said.
"Probably food poisoning."
"How do you know?" Fugaku said.
"He puked on my floor, and I mopped it up. Then, he ran to the bathroom, and I heard him continue. Now, he's still in there, but I ran downstairs," Kimite said with a dreadful tone.
"Food poisoning?" Michelle said. "It can't be that. Mikoto doesn't cook weird stuff."
"Then, what is it?" Sasuke asked.
Fugaku looked to the floor and mumbled something under his breath.
"I heard that, Fugaku Uchiha," Mikoto harshly said. "Now, how do abuse something you can't use?"
"OOH!" Sasuke said. "You use it."
"Right. Now, who would give my son alcohol?"
"Fugaku probably," Kimite said.
"Why?"
"Long story," her husband said. "So, what are going to do? Ground me?"
"You're sleeping on the couch," his wife said. "I hope it wasn't too much troubled with Itachi."
"Not at all," Michelle and Kimite said. With that being said, everyone looked at the stairs and saw Itachi stumble downstairs.
"Brother," Sasuke said. "You look pale."
"I've got nothing left in me," Itachi miserably said.
"Do you need me for anything, Itachi-koi?" Michelle said.
"No offense, Michelle-koi, but I need my mommy!!" he cried.
"It's okay. I'm coming," Mikoto said. "Michelle, will you hold Sasuke for me?"
"Sure."
"That way I won't worry about him being drunk next." Mikoto walked to Itachi, and he hugged Mikoto tightly. He began to sob.
"Mommy, I'm so sorry," he said.
"Calm down. It's not you're fault."
"Sasuke fell asleep," Michelle said.
"He'll wake up," Fugaku said. "I won't!"
"It's getting late. You should go home," Kimite said.
"Alright. Bye!" Mikoto, Fugaku, and Itachi said.
Michelle gave Sasuke to Mikoto, and Itachi clung to Mikoto. As they left, Fugaku stayed away from his lover.
"The Uchihas have issues," Michelle said bluntly.
"I know," her father said.
"But a cute son."
"Which one?"
"Sasuke's cute, but Itachi's hot!"
"Lord, please help me."