AN: Good news: I now have my own account. Bad news: I'm still dependent on Kirby for everything. Since the newest thing I have is Microsoft Works Word Processor, and for some STUPID reason this site won't take that, I have to give all my stories to Kirby and she has to put them into Microsoft Office Word, get into my account and download the document for me. exasperated sigh
I wrote this awhile back, long before Ironside came out,and I think I touched on some things that were more clearly presented in Ironside. I believe I started it in October or so, then abandoned it until March, when I decided to finish it. 3035 words. Go me. I am also planning on entering a couple other stories soon.
Slightly edited for Kirby's sake .
Disclaimer: I own none of the characters, dialogue, or even what's happening in this story. They are all property of the lovely Mrs. Holly Black. What is mine, you ask? Simply Kaye's thoughts on the matter, the way she sees things, and the wording.
"Come," he said. (s. page 179)
She followed him through the dark hallway, only dimly aware of her strange surroundings. She felt numb, distant, like nothing could touch her. It was like when she was so tired she didn't care about anything, she just wanted to make it to that moment she could sleep again. Like she was walking in a dream. Roiben's voice cut sharply through the fog of her thoughts, bringing her back just enough for her to be able to comprehend what he was saying.
"You may ask me what you will. The Queen's strictures are not my own."
"I'm sorry, you know." The phrase jumped out of her mouth before she had even realized it, as if of its own accord.
"Sorry?"
"The diner," she managed weakly, leaning against the wall for support. "I didn't know what I was asking."
He probably wouldn't believe her, would still think she had been trying to use him. After all, being manipulated by women was not a new issue for him. She wondered what all his past consisted of…Maybe she didn't want to know.
Or maybe she did. Perhaps, she thought in her enchantment-drugged haze, if she talked to him long enough, he might open up to her. What did one talk about while alone with someone who was leading her to her death? He might tell her things--things he would only tell someone who was bound for death in a few hours. The thought gave her a strange sort of thrill; to know anything about him at all would be extremely satisfying.
But the only things he would really tell her that night would go unsaid.
Her eyes had drifted to the floor as she tried to organize the thoughts that were vying for control in her mind, but the sound of Roiben's voice brought them up again. He seemed to have a way of commanding her total attention.
He sighed. "It was well tricked. Perhaps you will find a way to make it serve you yet."
What the heck did that mean? Was he hinting that she should use him to get her out of here? Was he hoping somehow that she might escape? That he wouldn't have to watch her die? That he might lead her to escape, rather than her gruesome demise?
But that would mean even worse things for him, and she didn't want to be responsible for that. She didn't want him to suffer. More importantly, she wasn't even really going to die anyway.
Suddenly, her thoughts turned, and she laughed. "Are we really going to get me a dress?"
He nodded. "There is a seamstress who can weave spiders back from silk. She will make sure you have a dress…" He trailed off suddenly, as if unsure how to finish.
Mentally Kaye filled in the blank. For the ceremony? For this evening's events? For the sacrifice? For you to die in?
"A fine dress."
At length he lead her to an old seamstress' quarters. Kaye had shuddered when he old crone had offered to give Roiben something in return for her, as if the she intended to somehow sew her into something, and Roiben had not looked too pleased himself.
Then he led her back through the strange passages they had passed by before, coming eventually to a wooden door with a crudely carved unicorn on it. He unlocked it with a silver key, and waited for her to go inside. Was this Roiben's room? She noticed some books on a low table and didn't hesitate to flip through them, finding most of it old but interesting
As Kaye put the book down, her attention was caught by a slashed-up tapestry depicting a beautiful woman in a green dress. For a moment Kaye wondered why it was so damaged, but in her state that didn't last long, and the thought was gone nearly before it had occurred.
"She's pretty. Who is she?"
"My Queen," he replied, his voice filled with a soft admiration. She glanced over at him and noted the longing and intensity with which he gazed at the artwork. Perfect devotion. He seemed to lose himself in the image. Secretly, Kaye couldn't help wishing that he would look at her that way.
"Not the Unseelie Queen? The other one?" Kaye inquired, as she sat down on his bed, still transfixed by the figure.
"The other one," he responded, still caught in Silarial's perfect beauty.
Kaye spotted a book she recognized and, eager to change the subject, pointed to a copy of Paradise Lost.
"I read that. Well, part of it."
"Horror and doubt distract his troubled thoughts and from the bottom stir the Hell within him, for within him Hell he brings, and round about him, nor from Hell one step more than from himself can fly by change of place," he quoted impressively. He sounded as if this idea was familiar to him.
"It was in one of those huge anthology books, but we didn't actually talk about it in class. I kept the book after I dropped out--do you know what high school is?" She was slowly beginning to come out of her enchantment, and she was jumping from subject to subject, though this was partly to keep the conversation from turning to Silarial again.
"We know about your world, at least superficially. The solitary fey know more. They are the ones huddled around windows, watching television through the blinds. I've seen a stick of lipstick traded for an unseemly amount among dryads."
"Too bad they didn't let me bring my bag. I could've bribed my way out of here." It was meant to be a joke, to lighten the mood, but the mood was clearly past being lightened. She drew herself up to the headboard of his bed, and just looked at him.
He was still so beautiful to her; unreal and at the same time so real it hurt to think about him. It didn't make sense to her. He didn't make sense, but for some reason she liked it that way. She still had so many questions for him, more than she could ever ask, and probably more than he would be willing to tell. She would never know all she wanted to know about him, and she knew he couldn't possibly want her the way she wanted him: Desperately.
He seemed to be studying her; his eyes were like cold glass that had been fogged by warm breath, and his sharp features had never seemed more attractive to her than they did now. She saw something in his eyes that told her that, in coming to the Unseelie Court, he had lost something. His soul perhaps? Or maybe just his innocence?
Once again, his voice brought her out of the darkness.
"At least we think we know something of your world. I do not, however, know near as much as I ought about you."
So he wanted to know about her, as well. The flames of some strange fire leapt and danced inside her. She opened to him like a flower.
"I don't know much about the world. I only know about the crappy town I grew up in and the even crappier city we moved to after that. I've never even been out of the country. My mom wants to be this singer, but mostly she just winds up getting drunk and screaming how other chick vocalists suck. God, that sounds depressing."
"I don't think I've been exactly cheery myself, fair Kaye." She smiled. His way of speaking had become sort of endearing. Being referred to as "fair Kaye" was…cute.
"I went to high school for awhile," she continued, letting her head fall back against the bed, "and then I got out of the habit. People usually think I'm pretty weird, which is funny at the moment. Maybe funny is the wrong word."
He sat down on end of the bed, listening to the words that just kept flying out of her mouth. She had been hoping he'd reveal some things about himself, but now she was pouring her heart out to him. How ironic. Was nothing as it seemed tonight?
"I thought weirdness was a good thing. I don't mean that defensively, either. I thought it was something to be cultivated. I spent a lot of time around bars, setting up equipment, breaking it down, loading up vans, fishing my mom's head out of toilets--things other kids didn't do. And sometimes things just happened, magical things that I couldn't control. But still, all of this--you--it's so hard to accept that you're really real."
She stopped, and they just looked at each other for a lingering moment. When it seemed like someone had to break the awkward silence, he spoke.
"Do you still want to please me?"
She felt her expression twist into a nervous sort of smile. Please him? What exactly did he mean by that? He was Nicnevin's knight; he could probably do anything he wanted to her and no one would care. However, he was such a gentleman, and he had wanted to help her. She doubted he would hurt her. Whatever he meant, she did want to please him
"Of course I do."
"It would be better if you did not. It would be better if you acted according to your own desires."
Disappointment. What had she expected him to do? What was wrong with her wanting to please him? And what about his desires? Was she one of them? No, surely not; that was a selfish fantasy, nothing more. And didn't he want to leave this awful place?
"What about you? Don't you want to go home?"
"To the Seelie Court?" As if she could mean anything else. He seemed to take awhile to consider this. Then, to Kaye's surprise, he shook his head.
"Once, I wanted nothing more. Now, I think I would not be welcome among them and, even were I, it is unlikely we would suit."
Why did he think they wouldn't want him anymore? Had he done something? Of course; he had done Nicnevin's bidding, that 's what he'd done! He must have killed plenty of Seelies at her command. They were probably afraid of him, as they were in the Unseelie Court..
"You're not the way everyone says you are, I know you're not." To everyone else, he was dangerous, unpredictable, threatening. To her he was almost…sweet.
"You know nothing of me." His tone was dark, as if he didn't want her to like him, as if he didn't want her to make him think he was worth something, and more to her than he ought to be. As if he wanted her to stay out of his life so he wouldn't have to feel. That was one thing she did not intend to do.
Suddenly, he laughed, and Kaye winced at how obviously forced it sounded. "Let me explain again," he began, as if there was something she still didn't quite understand. "Of the Host of the Unseelie Court are many unconcerned by blood and death, save as amusement. But the Host is more than a scourge. Nicnevin rules over ancient secrets, buried in the bowels of warrens and fens. The twilight holds as many truths as the dawn, perhaps more, since they are less easily perceived. No, I do not think I would be welcomed back, now that I can see that."
"But they--" Kaye started, but Roiben quickly cut her off.
"Smallish sects of beings, of which Faery is certainly one, require enemies to give them purpose. Think on Milton's angels. Was his God not wise in giving them a devil to fight?"
Kaye considered this. Was he trying to justify the Unseelie Court, trying to find some reason to stay there rather than return to the Seelie Court? Why would he do that? She would never understand him.
"Okay, you're saying that the Seelie Court needs to hate the Unseelie Court. But does that mean that you think that they're not all that bad?"
"I can think of no insult too rich for the Unseelie Queen," he began, and at this, Kaye felt a strange pang of sympathy. What had Nicnevin done to him? "but I have seen kindness in some of her court. More kindness and wisdom, surely, than I would have ever been given leave to expect."
"So what adversary does the Unseelie Court have?"
"Again, the parallels to your devils are amazing. They struggle with their own boredom. It is a struggle that often requires increasingly cruel diversions."
Kaye shuddered, her thoughts flashing once more to poor Corny. What kind of sick, sadistic fantasy was Nephamael playing out on him now? What if he was already dead? And what did Roiben think of all this? Was he really as sweet as he had seemed to her, or was he actually just as dangerous as any other member of the Unseelie Court? He was probably both at once, if that was indeed possible.
"And you?"
"I am some other thing, not of any court, nor truly solitary. There are too many possessors of my soul."
His words sent an unexpected chill crawling down her spine. She couldn't begin to imagine what he'd been through, what he'd been forced to do. And something told her he blamed himself for all of it.
She moved to her knees, and took his hands in hers. They were surprisingly cold, but she loved the feeling of his long fingers. To be touching him at all thrilled her.
"Just so you know, I trust you," she said softly, wanting to say so much more, but not sure how to.
"You shouldn't," he replied, and his response almost hurt, though she couldn't have said why.
She took in a breath hesitantly, unsure of what to say to that. Before she could manage to come up with anything, she was startled by his soft lips suddenly pressing against hers.
She opened her mouth without hesitation, welcoming the fierce intensity of his kiss. For a moment she was so surprised and delighted that she forgot to kiss back. Something about the way he just took over, completely dominating her, was arousing. After a moment, she regained enough sense to kiss back weakly, but something bordering on fear--or was it just hesitation?--kept her from doing anything more than that. She hadn't dared to hope for this kind of intimacy, which made it all the more satisfying.
Or maybe satisfying was the wrong word. She didn't feel satisfied in the least. In fact, with the way he was kissing her now, she felt as if she would never be satisfied. Instead, the desire seemed to mount higher and higher; she felt unable to stop it. But she didn't want it to stop.
She released his hands and ran hers up his arms to the back of his neck, leaning into the kiss a little more. He held her closer to him, pressing himself up against her. He licked her bottom lip, his tongue wandering into her mouth and under her tongue, then it came around to slide up against the side, then licked the top of it. His tongue moved to the roof of her mouth, following the curve just above her teeth to the back of her throat.
Her heart was pounding now, her breath coming quickly. His tongue returned to hers and slipped beneath it again, sliding around under it, then he began to suck her bottom lip, and she released a faint, involuntary moan as he started to bite it gently, then harder. She heard a low, growling moan come from him as well.
Then, unexpectedly, he jerked back from her, an expression of revulsion apparent on his striking features. She hoped he was displeased with himself, and not her, for being such a boring, timid kisser. But she had been too dazed to respond very strongly.
She backed away from him slightly, bringing her knees up to her chest. She wondered what his beloved Seelie Queen would say to that.
"Would that tick her off?" Kaye inquired, curious as to how he would respond.
"No," he replied with a short laugh. "Hardly. It would doubtless amuse her."
"What about the other one--the other Lady?"
His flinch was answer enough; she found it oddly exciting to have such power over him.
"You can kiss me, if you want," she told him. That kiss, however intense, had not been nearly long enough, and she wanted more. "I should just stop asking you stupid questions."
He leaned forward, as if to kiss her again, but an unexpected knock at the door made her jump, and him hesitate. For a moment he was completely still, as if some internal struggle about whether or not to answer the door were taking place.
Finally, he got off the bed and made his way stiffly to the door. He opened it to find a creepy, foul-smelling impish little thing with a simple but elegant gown of white silk in its filthy little hands. Roiben snatched the dress away quickly, scanning it over. "This better be clean," he snapped, suddenly irritable.
"Lady wants to know if you're done with her yet," the nasty thing croaked. Done with her? Surely that doesn't mean… Kaye could feel herself blushing.
She saw Roiben tense, heard him take a few deep breaths. "You may tell her I have not yet finished, but I expect to in short order." The forced politeness, the barely repressed anger, was choking her. He shut the door with unintended force.
"Put it on," he commanded, his tone saturated with uncontained anger, tossing the gown at her carelessly. What was wrong with him? His moods seemed to shift like water--suddenly, unpredictably, and often, she guessed, dangerously. He also had a way of tossing her emotions around. Manipulative, possibly? Maybe it was a mistake for her to trust him. She failed to catch the dress, and leaned over to pick it up.
"It is time."
Funny. For a moment she'd forgotten she was supposed to die.