The Price of Happiness
Author's Note: First Lord of the Rings story! I must say, I'm quite excited. I've been enthralled by Aragorn and Legolas' relationship of late, and find it fascinating to explore both friendship and slash. However, this is a slash fic, with Arwen in play, so beware! Those who do not approve of slash may turn away now. I bear you no ill will. However, there will be no explicit detail of horizontal minuets in this fic at all.
Also, this is a companion piece to Floating Leaf's Times of Peace on her LiveJournal account, with her express permission that I may do whatever I want with it. Many thanks to her, for she is a great writer and you should all check out Times of Peace before reading this The Price of Happiness.
Disclaimer: I own nothing that belongs to J. R. R. Tolkien, and I do not own the original story of this fanfic, for that belongs to Floating Leaf.
It had been a long day for the newly-crowned Queen Arwen.
First, there was the coronation of her beloved Aragorn, or rather, King Elessar Telcontar of Gondor.
Then, the wedding. Their pledges to each other. The way she heard his voice waver as he spoke, "I do."
Now, in their bedchamber. First wedding night. She was uneasy, and it was not an unease born of nerves.
Arwen watched her husband carefully, as she had done for the past few hours. Aragorn looked relaxed and happy, but she saw that whenever he turned to regard the bed or the window or the bedchamber or anywhere other than her, his eyes would flash with pain, before he forcibly shoved it away.
Arwen sighed. She had hoped that her suspicions were wrong, but there was no way to find out unless she made Aragorn talk. She took a deep breath, saying, "King Elessar?"
He turned from where he regarded the finely-woven carpet. "Yes, my lady?"
Arwen gestured towards the bed, smiling. "Do have a seat."
Aragorn smiled back at her, but there was a brittle quality to the curl of his lips. He flopped down on the pristine bedsheets, sighing in relaxed happiness.
Or so it would seem.
Arwen approached, standing over him. "...my lord?"
Aragorn opened one eye lazily. "Arwen, I think we're past using titles such as my lord and my lady, don't you agree?"
She nodded. "I do. It was just for the sake of formality, after all." They had known each other for years, since Aragorn was adopted by Arwen's father. Formality had been casually disregarded many times, and they were sister and brother before their friendship deepened into love. But if so, she thought silently, why do you not confide in me? I can see in your heart that you long to do so. Why are you afraid of me?
"Won't you take a seat with me, Arwen?" Aragorn asked, rolling over to make room.
She shook her head. "We need to talk, Aragorn."
He looked confused. "What about?"
Arwen met his eyes steadily. "About you and me, and Legolas."
The confusion lessened, but his eyes were narrowed now, his tone wary. "What of it?"
"What of it?" Arwen's voice rose, and anger flared in the Evenstar's heart. "Think you that I missed the looks you exchanged with him all throughout your coronation? Think you that I did not see my sworn brother's pain, his despair? Think you that I did not see the both of you out on the balcony, kissing, when everyone was enjoying the celebrations? What have you done, Aragorn?"
She blinked, her vision suddenly obscured, and she realized that tears were filling her eyes. She fought them back valiantly. "What have you done? I saw you two out there, the Man I gave up my immortality for and the Elf that I have always regarded as a brother, clutching at each other as though the world was about to end and you were so afraid...afraid of losing each other." Her voice caught in her throat, and her eyes misted.
"Why, Aragorn? What have I done to push you away from me?"
Aragorn's eyes widened. He rose and knelt down before her, kissing her hand chastely. "I beg your forgiveness, Arwen." he murmured almost frantically. "Please hear me out. You have to understand, I did not intend to betray you, or to break my promise..."
Arwen snatched her hand away. "Talk. Now."
At first Aragorn was hesitant, but then the words suddenly began to tumble from his lips, almost desperate in his attempt to convince Arwen that he loved her still. He talked of how he fell in love with Arwen when he first beheld her beauty. He talked of helping the hobbits reach the House of Elrond. He talked of traversing the wilds with the Fellowship, and how he had slowly begun to realize that he had fallen in love with Legolas: the Elf's charm, love, loyalty, and friendship. Aragorn had held back, afraid of his feelings, unwilling to betray Arwen, but his control wavered when they escaped Moria.
"I was grieving for Gandalf," Aragorn whispered. "We all were. But Gandalf's death had shaken me badly, and that night, I realized that I needed to tell Legolas that I loved him. I needed to tell him when we were safe and whole, even if he rejected me. I needed to tell him before it was too late. I could not bear the thought of losing him."
Arwen watched her husband's face twist with grief, before his mouth curled upward, smiling bitterly. He told her of his confession to Legolas, and how the Elf had admitted to loving Aragorn as well.
"I was delighted," he said, almost in self-disgust. "Too happy. I wanted him right there, but he stopped me, reminded me of my promise to you. But you were far away, almost forgotten, and Legolas was right there with me, and I wanted love as I never wanted it before."
Aragorn had convinced Legolas to love him, despite all the Elf's apprehension. But Legolas loved him too, and they could not deny themselves each other in that moment of grief, of naked despair. They had made love numerous times after that, and their friendship waxed ever stronger, a pillar of hope and support to the Fellowship. "We knew it could not last," Aragorn whispered, painfully. "I was betrothed to you and Legolas was expected to take an Elf-maid after completing his mission with the Fellowship. But we still took every chance we had."
"What did you decide to do, in the end?" Arwen asked. She was a little jealous, admittedly, that Aragorn had slept with another, and angry with him, but she could not bring herself to hate Legolas. Arwen had loved him like she loved her brothers.
"Legolas made me stop."
Aragorn spoke the words as though it was a slap to the face. "He told me that it could not go on, that if it did, separation would only be all the more painful. He stopped seeking me out, but he still loved me as he did before. I saw it in his eyes."
Aragorn looked up at her, his grey eyes begging forgiveness.
"I loved him," he beseeched her. "I still do. But I will be loyal to you, Arwen. I swear it. Today was the last for me and him, but the first for you and I."
The queen sighed. This could complicate a lot of matters. She did not want to be married to a man who was pining for someone else, but she would not back out of this marriage. "I will have to think on this, Aragorn." she said slowly.
There was a few moments of silence as Aragorn hung his head in shame. "You must be disgusted, Arwen."
She blinked, and despite the grave circumstances, amusement stirred in her heart. "On the contrary, my love."
His head shot up.
She almost smiled at the hope in his silver eyes. "Such bonds are uncommon among the Firstborn, but not unheard of."
Aragorn's expression wavered - he looked ready to start begging - but then Arwen rose and said, in as gentle a voice as possible, "Aragorn, tonight we must sleep apart. I cannot rest with you in the same bed knowing this. Give me time to think, and when I am sure of myself, and of you, I will return."
And she hurried out of the bedchamber.
Aragorn stared after her, before rolling over on the bed and burying his head in his pillow.
And at last, the tears he had been fighting all day spilled out as he cried of the loss of both Elves that had claimed his heart.
O-o-O
He's probably asleep already, Arwen thought, pacing the study Aragorn had given her. She had sent a messenger to him almost ten minutes ago. Where was her Elf-brother?
Almost as if in answer to her restless thoughts, someone knocked quietly on the door.
"Enter," she called, turning from the windows to face the person.
Legolas opened the door and glided in, looking like an ethereal being with his long, braided golden hair and surprisingly enough, the clothes he was wearing during the day. There was surprise in his dark eyes. "Greetings, Queen Arwen. What urgent matter did you summon me for this night? I assumed you would be with Aragorn in your bedchamber."
Arwen gestured, hiding a smile. Legolas was beautiful, she admitted. It was little wonder that Aragorn fell for the Elf so deeply. "Have a seat, Legolas, and you need not call me by my title. We are brother and sister here."
He sat, obviously bemused. Arwen could tell that he had not slept at all, and his eyes were rimmed with red, as though he had been crying.
Arwen took a seat as well. She didn't think she could stand while speaking of this matter with Legolas.
She sighed. "It has come to my attention, Legolas, that you and Aragorn have a deeper relationship than what you have let the majority of the peoples to believe."
The prince stiffened. "I beg your pardon? Aragorn is my best friend. What are you implying, Arwen?"
"I am implying nothing." she stated flatly. "I am telling you a fact, Legolas. This night, Aragorn has confessed to me all that the both of you were. I saw you two exchanging glances during the coronation. And did you really believe that I would miss the balcony scene where the two of you shared what you believed was your last kiss?"
"You are dreaming, Arwen." Legolas argued, though she heard the tiniest tremble in his voice.
"I certainly am not, Legolas." Arwen said smoothly. "Perhaps you are the one dreaming. Dreaming that the coronation never happened, that you never fell in love with Aragorn, that all that had happened between you two is not over. Wake up, Legolas."
Legolas' eyes were wide as Aragorn's had been when he realized Arwen guessed the truth. "I'm so sorry, Arwen." he whispered, deflating. The light of elves seemed to dim in him.
"There is nothing to be sorry for, Legolas. I simply want to know your thoughts on this matter." Arwen said as gently as she could.
Legolas looked taken aback. "You are not angry at me for stealing what is yours?"
Arwen's shoulders lifted. "It will take awhile before I am certain of what I am feeling, but you and I have been siblings in all but blood for many centuries, and I cannot bring myself to hate you."
"What about Aragorn?" Legolas asked suddenly. "Are you angry at him?"
Arwen shook her head. "I love him, Legolas. I cannot be angry at him anymore than I can hold a knife to your throat."
"Why?" Legolas burst out. "Surely what we've done was selfish, irreparable! I am so sorry, Arwen, I - "
"You are apologizing for loving Aragorn?" Arwen asked incredulously, her turn to be surprised. She almost laughed aloud. "You need not apologize for that, nor any sins you think you have committed. Aragorn is an appealing man, and you are drawn to him as I am. It is nothing to be ashamed of, and it is definitely not selfish of you: why, you gave him up so that I may have my happiness. I should be thanking you!"
"Why are you not angry?" Legolas rasped, his voice almost nothing but a whisper.
Arwen drew herself up, suddenly tired. "Do you want me to be angry, Legolas? Do you want me to scream at you and throw you out of Gondor and shame the royal family of Mirkwood? Do you want me to break Aragorn's heart further by condemning you to an existence where you are heartbroken and despairing? Do you want anything of those things, Legolas?"
"No," Legolas whispered painfully. Almost to himself, he added, "I only want Aragorn to be happy."
"He is currently not happy." Arwen informed the prince, and saw a flash of pain cross Legolas' face.
"Why?" the Elf asked, sadly. "Is it my interference that caused strife in the pureness of your love?"
Arwen sighed. "You must stop blaming yourself, Legolas. I was in shock after his revelation, and walked out of the bedchamber without so much as a farewell. I fear he is now wallowing in guilt, and a broken heart after you left him would not be helping his healing."
"But it's not his fault for falling for me!" Legolas interrupted, defending Aragorn.
Arwen allowed herself a smile. "Neither is it your fault for falling for him."
That stopped Legolas. He turned wondering eyes upon Arwen, as if seeing her truly for the first time. "You forgive me?"
"I forgave you even before I knew of your relationship."
"Oh, Arwen..." Legolas' face was one of relief and wonder. He would have liked to leap across the desk to hug his sworn sister, but it seemed inappropriate in the current situation.
"Legolas."
He looked up. Arwen was regarding him with an unreadable emotion in her eyes. "Yes, Arwen?"
"Do you love Aragorn?"
"With all that I am."
"Would you follow him to the end of the world, if needed?"
Legolas gave her a sharp look, as though she was being silly. "I would follow him to death and beyond, Arwen. You know this."
"Would you give up all that you hold dear for him?"
"He is the estel that has guided me through many difficult and dark paths, and he is what I hold most dear, even now."
"Good. Thank you for agreeing to share your thoughts with me. I hope you find peace before Valinor after all that I've unknowingly put you and Aragorn through." Arwen pressed two fingers to Legolas' lips, stopping his protest. "Goodnight, brother."
And she left as abruptly as she had the bedchamber, leaving Legolas to stare after her with a whirlwind of emotions raging in him.
O-o-O
Aragorn walked swiftly through the halls, searching. Where is it? he thought, growing annoyed. I should not be summoned anywhere in my own castle, but...aha!
He stepped through a door and looked around the queen's private parlor. "Arwen?" he called.
There was no answer. Aragorn had been worried and grieved when she did not return to him last night, but this letter asking him to meet her in her private parlor was perhaps a sign that they could salvage the tattered remains of their relationship. "Arwen? Are you there?" he called, louder this time.
"Aragorn?"
The voice was not the one he had expected. Turning, Aragorn's eyes locked with the dark ones of an Elf that he loved more than life itself. In that instant, all the love, heartbreak, worry, everything, spilled out of their eyes into the soul of the other, and they instantly felt at peace.
"...Legolas?" Aragorn's voice was shaking.
"What are you doing here?" they asked simultaneously, then looked at each other and laughed.
Aragorn marveled at how easily they had fallen back into their usual banter. "Queen Arwen sent me a message, asking for a private meeting." he told Legolas carefully.
The Elf's eyebrows shot up. "That is strange, for I received the exact same message from the same queen to meet her at the same location."
Aragorn raised an eyebrow. "Who did you get the message from?"
"A common messenger." Legolas shrugged. "I thought little of it." He paused, as though considering his next words. "Arwen came to me last night, Aragorn."
"What?" Aragorn was shocked.
"Or rather, I went to her." the Elf continued, oblivious or ignoring the Man's amazement. "She summoned me to her private study, and made me talk. She told me that she made you talk as well." He stared at Aragorn. "You are very lucky to have her, Aragorn. Why, she was not angry at either of us for our betrayal of her trust."
"She wasn't...?" Aragorn's eyes shone with a desperate hope. "Why?"
Legolas' shoulders lifted. "Well, she said that - "
"Ah! Apologies for my tardiness, gentlemen." interrupted a voice. They both whirled, one's hand flying to his empty hip, where a sword once rested, and the other to move in front of his friend protectively. They stiffened as Arwen approached them, smiling and ignoring their defensive stances.
"Sit down, both of you. I have something to say, and you are going to hear me out."
"What...?" Aragorn began, but Arwen leveled him a look that was too similar to the one Lord Elrond always wore when Aragorn did something he disapproved of, and he sat without thinking, forgetting that he needed to return to his kingly duties.
Legolas had settled himself down on a chair a discreet distance away from both Arwen and Aragorn, watching them like a deer trapped between a hunter and a tiger.
"Relax, Legolas." Arwen laughed, and it was a real, genuine laugh. Aragorn and Legolas exchanged a look; what was going on? One moment Arwen was angry, the next she was forgiving, and then now she was laughing outright.
"Alright, you two." she said, calming down. "After what happened last night - " Both men winced, but Arwen ignored it. " - I went to have a long talk with Master Gimli, before spending the rest of the night thinking over all that I've learned. I've finally come to a decision."
She paused then, gauging their expressions.
"I love you both, Aragorn and Legolas. Not the same way, perhaps, but I still love you. And I know that you love me and you would never have hurt me intentionally. But they say love is blind, so what guilt you feel can be released now; I forgive you."
She stopped again, but this time there was a gleam in her eyes and the ghost of a smile played upon her lips.
"I say it again: I love you both. I don't want to lose either of you. I don't want to sleep in the same bed with a man whose heart is torn in two. I don't want to inflict pain upon my sworn brother by taking that which he loves most. I don't want to suspect that my husband is having an affair behind my back, or that he loves another but will not act upon his love for the sake of his duties. I don't want to bear the burden of two broken hearts. I don't want any of this pain, and neither do you."
"Arwen, I - " Aragorn began, but the queen cut him off effortlessly.
"So I am offering a compromise."
Aragorn froze with his mouth still open, confusion and wariness in his eyes; contrary to the king, Legolas' dark eyes had taken on an almost wild, hopeful glitter. They waited a few moments cautiously, then Legolas asked, "What kind of compromise, Arwen?"
The queen smiled at him. "I can love generously, and I believe you can as well. I offer you this: I will allow the both of you to continue loving each other, on the condition that you do not do it behind my back, and that I am allowed to participate in your amorous activities."
There was a moment of stunned silence, then Legolas inquired, almost as if he didn't want to, "What of the people? What will they make of their king laying with a lowly elf, even if the queen has given permission?"
Arwen's heart warmed; dear, sweet Legolas, who loved Aragorn so much that he would continue to sacrifice his own happiness if it meant protecting Aragorn's reputation. "What the people do not know of, they will not object against." she replied mischievously. "And Aragorn will not be laying with any lowly elf. He will be given the freedom to love the prince of Mirkwood as he wishes, and I hope they will live long and happy lives."
Aragorn rose, and knelt before Arwen, taking her hand and kissing it reverently. "Hannon le, tari nin."
Arwen softened, smiling gently at her beloved. "I hope you will divide your time between us wisely, Aragorn."
In answer, he pressed his forehead to her palm in wordless homage.
Then they both looked up at the still-shocked prince, who returned their questioning stares uncertainly. "I - I don't know, Arwen." he finally said quietly. "I love Aragorn, but just think of the scandal this will be if anyone finds out..."
"No one will find out." the queen interrupted. Her voice was so firm, Legolas almost believed her. He wanted to believe her so much. "We won't let them find out. Besides, you two have kept your relationship secret for the whole of your time together. This shouldn't be any harder, should it?"
"What about my father?" the prince asked quietly. "I struck a deal with him years ago. He said he would allow me to continue seeing Aragorn until he marries, and then my father will be free to find a wife for me."
Aragorn frowned. "You never told me that..."
Legolas sighed. "I couldn't. I didn't want to mar the happiness between us by setting a deadline. I've been trying convince my father to let me remain as I am, but he is determined to find a partner for me. He wants me to bear a heir to the throne."
Arwen just shook her head. "I will talk to my father about this. He will deal with King Thranduil. You know Lord Elrond's diplomatic skills. He will talk your father around, and have another elf take the throne when he leaves for the Undying Lands."
"Would he?"
Arwen smiled. "I am his daughter. He would not refuse me this."
Legolas was still uncertain, but one look at the pleading in Aragorn's eyes and he sighed, giving in. "Alright," he said softly. "Hannon le so, so much, Arwen. I am in your debt."
"Nonsense," the queen waved aside the gratitude. "You had Aragorn's back for years. I should be the one thanking you."
"Nevertheless, you have healed me, my queen." Legolas smiled, the first true smile since the coronation."I feared that I might give in to the darkness soon, but you have saved me."
His eyes shifted to Aragorn.
The Elf and Man regarded each other for a full minute, then Aragorn yanked Legolas into a tight embrace. "Elbereth, I thought I'd lost you forever!"
Legolas hugged his friend back fiercely, and the depth of his trust and love for the human king was written all over his face. "Nay, Aragorn. I am here." He pulled back slightly, and grinned at his friend. "Oio naa elealla alasse'!"
Aragorn smiled warmly at his beloved Elf. "Coramin lindua ele lle, Legolas."
The Elf's grin was wide and mischievous as he leaned down to give Aragorn a searing kiss.
Arwen's heart warmed as she watched their interactions, the love shining bright and clear in the eyes of both Man and Elf. Gwend sui lotheg i edlothia an-uir, she thought, and she smiled.
O-o-O
End.
O-o-O
Hannon le, tari nin - thank you, my queen.
Oio naa elealla alasse' - ever is thy sight a joy
Coramin lindua ele lle - my heart sings to see you
Gwend sui lotheg i edlothia an-uir - friendship is like a flower that blooms forever.
Author's Note:
I hope that wasn't too shabby for my first attempt at a Lord of the Rings fic! It was a bit hard to prevent them going completely OOC, but I gave my best shot and here we are. What do you think? I used a bit of elvish language there, hope I didn't get anything wrong, since I'm very new to the fandom and I'm eager to learn.
Please R&R!