Ahsoka Tano
Guardian of the Galaxy
Prologue
The Fire in I
The warm scent of crushed pine and a slow burning candle fills the air around me. My nostrils flair up against the strong smell, but adjust quickly to its assault in a moment of acceptance the likes of which I begin to wish I could know underneath the veil of confusion and self-doubt that hangs over my conscience like a weight I know I cannot bare to carry for much longer.
I can feel my heart beating hard and relentlessly against my heaving chest. My mind throbs too, but all of a sudden the calming nature of the incense works its magic upon me as my breathing steadies and my eyes open to the scene before them, the source of the pain.
The Jedi Council is scattered, only a few remain in the Temple to greet me as the meeting begins and all novelties are tossed aside for the blunt end of a corrupt and blood stained blade. I see friends first, allies second and masters third, yet suddenly they all seem the same to me as they do to the legions who call them their protectors. If only they knew, the Jedi couldn't even protect themselves.
A wave of bitterness washes over me, but I try to ignore it. I've made my decision, but there's a fear that lingers upon my heart, screaming for me to listen to them before making up my mind to an end, an end I don't know nor one I want to think too much about.
Two apologies come, one personal, the other on behalf of the group and suddenly I feel a sting of hope pierce through my resolve. Hope. Such a fragile thing is hope. I wonder if the word, the concept, even holds the same meaning for me after what I have been through. There was once a time when hope and belief was all I needed to cling to in order to get passed the dark times, but now both had faded, and been replaced with a shroud of shadow that I accept I may never be able to lift.
I forget sometimes that I am still so young, so inexperienced in and of how the universe truly works as it turns and grows with each passing second. For sixteen years I have clung to little else than a single purpose, to grow and learn and find my place in a galaxy of uncountable stars. For fourteen of those, I have been a Jedi, sworn to protect the innocent from the ravages of the dark side and to better myself in the ways of the Force until the day came when I would shed my Padawan braid one last time and be given the title I once craved to achieve in becoming a Jedi Knight.
Ah, but isn't hope such a small and treacherous thing? So easily shattered in the space of mere moments by voices that do not ask for forgiveness when they should, but instead fight for acceptance. The blind leading the blind.
One speaks of Knighthood as if it were so easy a path to start down. Another speaks of a great trial, organised by the entity we follow and grasp onto so tightly that it encompasses are entire existence and shapes us into what we are, what we will become.
Oh but I have seen the Force work, I have seen it manifested in pure physical form, light, dark and neutral. My trial ended long ago inside the monolith of Mortis at the hands of The Ones and began anew under the gaze of a greater power than the Jedi could understand or even comprehend.
In my dreams, my nightmares, I have stepped across the line between light and dark many times since then. I have seen the blackness of hate, felt the ecstasy of passion and the joys of unbroken chains. I don't speak of it, but I remember, faintly, what it was like to be free of one set of shackles only to be bind by another.
I cross my arms in a signal of annoyance, but I doubt they see it as such. My eyes move back to Anakin, my brother, my friend, my master. In his eyes I see the same fear that would take the heart of me, yet in that fear there is hope, shining bright through the crevices that crack and widen as his gaze locks with mine for but a moment of clarity.
His vision is awake, open to the world and its every movement. He sees things that many Jedi do not, feels things their code would stand against and speaks of things that would mean so little to the few, yet so much to the masses.
I can't help but smile up at him; he's always had that effect on me, ever since he turned to me on that day on Christophsis and promised to make their pairing as Master and Padawan work until the end. I loved him, not in the romantic way forbidden by the Order, but as a daughter loves a father. I respected him, would follow him into any battle without question, enjoy each victory with laughs and shed equal tears in defeat.
My heart breaks for him. I know his pain as he now knows my own and I know how powerless we both are to break through the walls that surround our ironclad wills in order to heal the wounds of a thousand battles and the unfathomable loss that came with them.
We are machines of war, better than droids only because we can think as individuals. We know little else, have lived little else, and slowly it has eaten way at us both, stripped us of our true selves and left us as husks without purpose.
I am but a child, deformed by an ideal handed down to me by others who have themselves lost their way. I know what I must do, I know how it will hurt those I love and care about by doing it, but I know that I have no other choice. I have made my decision.
"They're asking you back, Ahsoka… I'm asking you back…"
The tears form in the corners of my already stinging eyes as Anakin speaks. His words acting like daggers being driven slowly into my aching heart as I push the last inklings of doubt away and stare at his extended gloved right hand.
My Padawan braid sits in his palm and extends outwards as the sting of silka beads falls over the edges of the mechanical hand like a pair of waterfalls atop a flat plateau. Seeing the small, yet significant piece of jewellery again makes me shiver, makes me reconsider but for a moment, until I take his hand in both of mine, and close his fingers in on what I intend to be my final gift to him before I break his heart in two to match my own.
"I'm sorry master… but I'm not coming back…"
The dim light within the Council Chamber falls into a darker hue of orange as the words leave my dried, grey lips. The colours of the setting sun are almost appropriate, setting the scene for an ending, though I don't yet know if my life from this point will allow for a new beginning.
I turn on my heels and flee with a stiff walk before I can think of something more to say. The door slides shut behind me, shutting them off, shutting him off. I know he will follow me, but I don't want to face him again, to face the inevitability of being faced with another choice which would shape the rest of my life in a way I cannot stand to even contemplate.
My pace quickens as I make my way through the hallowed halls of the Jedi Temple, my home no longer. Knights, Masters and Padawans pass me by without notice, though the odd one throws a look my way as if to put a condemnation on my life for causing them so much trouble.
Innocence is not something easily earned, even if in this case I am entitled to it without having to explain myself to anyone. I did send the Jedi and Republic on a chase, I did make trouble for them and for myself, but I think, no, I know that I don't deserve their stares, not when they know nothing of my plight.
My head drops to the floor and each step I take is marked with a new tear as I try and fail to hold back my grief. I know the giant doors that lead outside are near, I know I will be free soon, but what is freedom for me now? I shudder to think about it, yet find myself all too eager to learn if it means I don't have to stand underneath the eyes of the Order for one second longer.
Underneath the arch-like doors, through the threshold I must never cross again if I want to hold a hope of keeping myself together in order to build a life for myself outside of what I know. The cool air of the midsummers evening isn't all that unpleasant, but still I shiver. My lekku twitch with the cold, my montrals ring with the sound of footsteps not of my own creation and suddenly I feel his presence, his anger and his pain, as they fall upon down me like a waterfall on an over eroded stone not long for this world.
"Ahsoka, wait!" He screams after me, an obvious quiver in his usually strong tone, "Ahsoka, I need to talk to you…"
I come to a slow halt just underneath the gargantuan overhanging slab that sits above us, the warm rays of the sun gently gliding over my skin and staving off the cold for but a moment as I turn to him and send my gaze back down to the hard ground. He deserves to know why, of all people he deserves it the most, but I fear for his reaction, I fear for his hate.
Anakin comes to a stop too, within reach of an outstretched hand. He takes a breath and so do I, but unlike his my intake of air is shaky, broken and lacking in the strength needed to hold back the obvious sorrow that will soon fill the air with the sound of my voice.
"…Why are you doing this?"
His question is a sharps pear to the centre of my heart. Do I know? Do I truly know what I'm doing? I tell myself that it's their fault, that the Council are the ones forcing me to do this. They didn't believe in me like he did, like he still does. They turned their backs on me in an instant and tried to pin the blame on the all-knowing, ever living Force.
Master Windu's words ring out in my mind in a second before disappearing into the void that's left in the wake of my decimated thoughts. No "Great Trial" would ever come from the entity that binds all life together; no test so harsh as to break one person's spirit would ever come from the Force. If I were to be knighted, it would be an injustice, both against myself and the Order I once loved and respected more than anything else in this universe. Its teachings now lay wasted at my feet. I had my answer, but nothing had changed.
"The Council didn't trust me…" My voice is stronger than I thought it would be, and I embrace it, I must, if only to show that my resolve is stronger than theirs, that I know I believe each word I say and in turn, so too will he. "…So how can I trust myself?"
If my own question was to hang in the air, it would be for naught but a moment in time. His voice rises. A dangerous mixture of anger, fear and despair filling his tone as he tries to lock his cold blue eyes with my own.
"What about me? I believed in you! I stood by you!"
It's true. He did. But the Order is more than just one. If I stay, I will hold the trust of one, two, maybe three or four people who would actually care about my decision, about who I am. The rest would cast their eyes on me every day like they had just minutes before. Judging me unjustly, trapping me within the web of lies spun by the Council and Republic. He stood by me, like I've stood by him countless times before, but now I stand alone as an exile without a fate, or the sight to see what lies ahead of me.
"I know you believe in me, Anakin… and I'm grateful for that…" I let my mind lead my words instead of my heart, knowing if I were to allow my emotions release they would overwhelm me, or worse still, they would overwhelm him. "…But this isn't about you. I can't stay here any longer. Not now…"
"The Jedi Order is your life! You can't just throw it away like this… Ahsoka, you're making a mistake…"
"Maybe. But I have to sort this out on my own. Without the Council… and without you…"
I curse myself for sounding so lifeless, so unlike myself. All I want to do is throw my arms around him and give my master to goodbye he deserves, but instead I turn my back, fixing my eyes on a single horizon etched somewhere in the blank stone floor we stand on. The ground is almost matching my future, empty and unknown.
"I understand. More than you realise… I understand wanting to walk away from the Order…"
A scream gets caught up in my throat before it can be released to the world. His words, his tone, his feel within the Force all surround and stab at me with heated blades hotter than a lightsaber as the truth I've known for longer than I can recall surfaces in a flash of black sorrow.
I know from all of it that his heart is as broken as mine, that his mind is as lost as mine and that together we are one in the same, Master and Apprentice joined forever through a bond I fear may never break. Deep down I want to hold on to that link forever, but my intention from the moment I closed his hand around my braid had been to cut it off just as those symbolic beads had been cut away from me. The scream tries to escape again, but as I open my mouth only two words come forth from the darkness. I don't know them until they are said, but their significance will leave two once heavy weights lightened from two sets of individual shoulders. He must know that…
"…I know."
I don't wait for him to speak again. My mind says "run" while my heat screams "walk," and combined they lead me forward steadily as the tears finally are allowed to fall out of sight of the one person other than myself whom they may have any effect on.
"Don't turn back…" I whisper though the coming storm of sobs, tears and regretful curses, "Run, Ahsoka… don't turn back… run!"
Time has all but lost all meaning to me in the last four days; at least I think it's been four days. I arrived at the gates of the Republic shipping yards just as the sun disappeared behind the built up Coruscant horizon, facing a group of Clone Troopers garbed in the white and red armour of the Capital's Guard.
It took more energy and willpower than I anticipated to get past those guards. In my haste I'd almost forgotten it had been three days already since I last had a real chance to lay down and rest and now, travelling through the vast emptiness of space at the speed of light, all of that fatigue had finally caught up with me.
The ship I had managed to pull out of the massive scrap heaps in the furthest borders of the yards took up most of my time and effort to restore to working order, and even then I knew it would be a risk to fly it. The ancient Raven PT-7 Jedi Starfighter was in decent shape, but it's hyper-drive had long since run its course in life, so finding one which fit into the craft's engine bay and worked was what led to another handful of long and sleepless nights.
So far, so good, I think to myself as my eyes flutter open and struggle to adjust to the bright, swirling blues and whites which make up the vortex of hyperspace. A quick glance at the chrono on the ships navicomputer tells me it's been two hours since the jump from Coruscant, two hours of sleep before I had to wake in order to come out at the crossroads between hyper-lanes and choose where to go next.
Shili was the first planet to come to the forefront of my mind. My home planet would be the best place to make a fresh start to my life, a peaceful new beginning among people of my own kind on a world I'm certain I don't know half as well as I should, but am all too eager to learn more about.
Outside of that one hope, there are few places in the galaxy I could even try to consider running to without seeds doubt creeping their way into and planting themselves within my thoughts. Onderon, Mandalore, Kashyyyk… I would be welcome on any of them by old friends or allies, but so too would the war and the fires I no longer have any desire to see spread further ever again.
A loud chime from my ships navicomputer startles me back to reality. The lack of an astromech from the Old Republic, as is the ships origin, means I have had to fly the craft manually for most the journey, say for an autopilot function which I have only managed to make available while travelling through hyperspace.
With a breath and rub of my sleepy eyes, I take a hold of the crafts controls with my left hand and begin to punch in commands to the navi in preparation for the upcoming drop into the star lined abyss.
The few seconds that pass by between the exit from hyperspace and the arrival of the fleet ahead of me seems like a lifetime of the universe. I half want to rub my eyes again in disbelief at what I'm seeing, while also holding back the urge to curse both myself and my ever fleeting luck for encountering the last force I would ever want to be faced with alone.
Five massive Munificent-class warships lead by a single Providence-class destroyer baring the marks of the Separatist Alliance exited hyperspace moments after my own chip had come to a halt and almost immediately began hailing me with an order to identify or be fired on.
My eyes widened as a multitude of heavy ion cannons came to point directly at my cockpit and prime to fire at will. The lead cruiser was the only exception to that, though as it was the only one still inching forward, I guessed it would be as quick to turn its own weapons on me if I did not answer the open channel call they had been using to try and open with me from the moment we had laid eyes upon each other.
A thousand different thoughts, scenarios and outcomes raced through my mind in an instant of fear as I considered each and every option that presented itself and faded almost as quickly as I mentally reached out to grab hold of it.
To make the jump to hyperspace again would be suicide, as the Confederate ships would be scanning my craft at all times to make sure I wasn't able to do anything to oppose them. To fight would yield the same result, but what other choice did I have now? Once I responded to their call, which I would have to no matter what was going to happen, they would know me from a file, a picture or even from memory and destroy me without so much as a thought or a blink.
"Unidentified ship, open your communications to us immediately or be annihilated"
The broken, mechanical voice rang through from the navicomputer like a series of sharp stabs to my sound sensitive montrals. My eyes slam shut and I take a breath before letting it out again as a heavy and long sigh of regret.
"Grievous…"
I push the accept option for the hail on my screen to reveal the ugly white face of the feared and dreaded commander of the separatist droid army. His dark yellow eyes focus on my face for but a moment before he breaks into a sickening laugh which is followed by a series of coughs and curses veil enough to only suit someone… something as evil as he is.
"Jedi filth, it is not wise for one such as you to venture so far away from your precious protected space in such a pitiful excuse for a starfighter."
His accent cuts though me and sends a shiver down my spine. The added buzz from the old navicomputer makes the disgusting cyborg look even more threatening and horribly ugly than usual, but even at that I try to hold my tongue for fear of provoking him. I need time to think, to find a way out, I need to keep him talking for as long as I can, I need to concentrate.
"I'm not a Jedi anymore… I'm only passing through; your business is none of mine… I don't want trouble…"
Grievous laughs again, this time with pure joyful disgust at what he's hearing and suddenly it's not my to tongue I'm trying to hold back, but a small smirk of confidence. Half droid or not, the general will always be a clanker to me, even if he is a more arrogant one. If past encounters are anything to go by, he'll savour every second of pre-destruction bliss before unleashing his fury on me and by then I want to be ready to dodge the mindless attack, look for the opening I pray will open for me and make the second jump before the rust bucket can so much as blink his ruined eyes.
"Only the apprentice of Skywalker would be so bold as to insult me. You are no coward, Tano. I have faced you before and both times your lightsaber has escaped the pull of my ever-growing collection."
"My lightsaber was destroyed, Grievous. Don't you watch the holonet? I left the Jedi Order four days ago… I'm not your enemy or your friend… I just want to find a new home and leave the war behind me."
I try to sound desperate, going so far as to force a tear from the many I've been holding back since reaching the end of the steps at the base of the Jedi Temple. I know he won't buy it, not even for a second, but as I search the space in front of me a number of options make themselves available and for once, a feeling of control I haven't felt since I leapt off my fighter to save Anakin on Cato Neimoidia just a week ago.
"Your lies mean little to me, youngling. You are alone, vulnerable and weak without your Republic fleet. I do not know why you are here and I do not care. I will kill you and deliver the remains of your brunt out ship and body to the feet of you master before allowing him to join you in the void! Commander, deploy a swarm of fighters and fire ion cannons when ready. Wipe this pathetic Jedi from the face of the galaxy!"
Alarms and warning overtake my cockpit as and navicomputer as a squadron of droid fighters drop from the hanger of the flagship and begin towards my position at speed. The red charge within the many cannons catch my eye too, though before I can even think of dodging them I take the controls of my ship in both hands, push them forward with enough force to almost snap the old steel in two and send myself into a steep dive, preparing to punch in the coordinates to the hyperspace route before me as I avoid an initial barrage of blaster fire.
Fighting back feelings of panic and the urge to pull back, I send my fighter into a spin before quickly levelling out and pushing the thrusters forward as hard as I can in order to force the ship forward until I'm underneath the enemy fleet, who struggle to move their cannons downwards fast enough before I'm clear of the flagship, nearing the freedom of open space and readying both myself and my craft for the next jump.
Time slows down to almost as halt, but my hands are moving faster than I can blink in order to enter the coordinates that will bring me to my home world. A smile creeps across my lips, but it quickly fades as a realisation enters my thoughts and my hands return to sit atop the idle controls.
If I jump to Shili, they'll know… If I go home, they'll follow. The Separatists will track and find me on Shili, they'll bring a fleet ten times the size of my attackers and destroy whatever peace remains for me to hold on to before chocking my people in the smoke of the fires of war, while I watch helplessly in the grasp of Grievous, as he laughs and tortures me before the end.
Panic returns to my thoughts, to me entire body and being. I can't go to Shili anymore; I can't go anywhere that they can and will threaten to use or destroy. I need to turn back, back to Coruscant until I can try again, I need to run, but I don't get the chance.
My ship shakes and roars under the impact of baster fire from behind. Alarms ring out again, but this time they are signalling damage, loss of stability and imminent departure.
Another blast from behind sends me flying face first into the navicomputer, confirming the jump to hyperspace, but not to Shili, not to anywhere. I pull myself back from the controls and look at the cracked screen for some sort of guidance as to where I am about to go, but all I see is red, thick blood from the gash that's opened up on my forehead as I begin to fall drowsy and the white swirling light of hyperspace begins to appear around me.
Everything after that comes in flashes of light, heat and pain. I can barely hear the alarms anymore, but I know they're still there, urging me to undertake an order that may no longer be possible with the ship in its current state.
More out of instinct and a deep lying need than anything else, I reach forward with a shaky hand and open the small compartment underneath my controls. Inside is my lightsaber, or what's left of it and even if I'm going to die here and now, I need to have it and the kyber crystal inside with me, to feel like I'm whole at the moment the Force takes me, this weapon is your life…
Another flash, another roar and another shudder rolls over the ship as white gives way to black, yellow, red and green. My eyes can barely focus on what's happening outside, but I see what I know to be water, seas, islands, continents, grassy hills and a ruined city.
My body acts on its own, survival driving my hands to the sides of my cockpit as I take a firm hold of the emergency latches for the hatch and release them to send the combination of transparisteel and glass into the sky behind me as I undo the straps of my seat and stand into the force of the howling wind.
I blink, but my eyes don't clear. I breathe, but the air escapes my lungs faster than it can enter. I scream, but the sound is lost to the sound of the whaling sky as it rushes past me.
My mind opens up to the Force, clutching at fond memories to replace the feeling of sorrow I feel for what's happened to me and so many others in my young life. I've known pain, I've made pain, death, suffering and in turn I too have suffered the scars which will stay with me until my dying breath.
I try not to dwell on it any longer; I try to focus on the light, on the faces of friends and family, of Anakin, Obi-Wan, Master Plo, Yoda, Shaak Ti and so many others. They give me the strength to do what must be done; they urge me forward to live and to survive.
I don't know if that will happen, I don't know what, if anything will happen, but I need to make sure I'm alive to see it as I know the Force wills it. I will live, I will find my place, I will be reborn and I will not give up…
"Don't turn back… Jump, Ahsoka… Don't turn back… jump!"
Disclaimer: Disney, Marvel and Lucasfilm Limited own all Star Wars and Guardians of the Galaxy characters and concepts. I do not own the rights to any of the characters, locations or anything to do with either franchise. Any Original Characters and/or locations however are my own.
Author's Notes: Thanks for reading guys!
This story came about from a challenge posted by a fellow author who approached me to turn their idea into a reality and together we've come up with a tale I hope you all enjoy to read as much as I hope to enjoy writing.
This Prologue is more of a re-telling of Ahsoka's last moments in the Jedi Order followed by the events which will bring her to the Marvel universe in an explosive exit from the Galaxy far, far away.
Again, I hope you all enjoyed this opening to the story and please, feel free to leave your thoughts in the form of a review. But yeah, that's about it from me. Thank you all once again for reading and I will catch you guys next time. Cheers!