Summary: After Cedric's death, Harry has dug himself into a hole of self loathing and hate, but will the appearance of a mysterious blonde haired girl pull him out, or dig him further in. Self harm – Harry/Oc

A/N: Hey :) this will be my first fan-fic that I've published, so I hope you like it! Constructive criticism is highly welcomed, along with reviews.

Warnings: Self-harm

Disclaimer: Sadly Harry Potter does, and always will belong to J.K Rowling.

Things hadn't been going well for Harry Potter, well that was a bit of an understatement. Things had been going horribly. Ever since Cedric's death, Harry was unable to get the boy off his mind. Questions swirled through his mind, could he have done it better? If he changed something, would Cedric still be alive? His head was full of relentless thoughts that bounced around hyperactively, giving him no rest. He had developed a bad case of insomnia, often spending each night staying up and thinking. He was lucky to get even four hours of sleep, for when his mind finally calmed enough to let him sleep, nightmares plagued his consciousness, twisting and deforming his mental state in the recesses of his mind.

The Dursely's had just been the icing on the cake. Their treatment towards him, though considerably better after threatening them with his godfather, was still horrendous. Even if he barely had the energy to walk and get out of bed they still made him do his chores relentlessly. Harry worked in a zombie-like state as he performed what was expected of the freak in the household. Cooking became an even more monotonous chore now that the food he cooked tasted little more than cardboard. Usually he could've cheered himself up at the prospect of eating the delicious food he would make, but now it seemed pointless. Though, the majority of things in Harry's life seemed pointless to him at the moment. He was well past the point of crying at this stage, he had just reverted to a living in a trance. There had been barely any letters from his friends too, 'figures,' he thought, 'when the going gets tough they conveniently disappear.' His trust in the people around him suffered. Hell - he could barely trust himself at the moment.

Later on, he had received a letter telling him he would be retrieved and taken to the safety of Sirus's home. That lit a bit of hope within Harry. Finally seeing his godfather after so long would be a weight off his shoulders. When he thought of everything that Sirius had been through, and how he still stood strong, it made Harry want to fight the feelings that followed him like the plague. But the feeling was almost always fleeting, and Harry went back to being in a numb state. Finally the day of departure had arrived. Harry sighed in relief at the thought he wouldn't have to deal with those damned chores for a long while.

Mad-Eye Moody, Professor Lupin, Tonks, Kingsley and some other five or so wizards arrived at his house to transport him to Grimmauld place. When they found him in his room, they all looked concerned at his appearance. Dark circles hung languidly under his green eyes which seemed to lack something that the occupants of the room were unable to pin-point. "Good to see you again Harry," Said Lupin giving a placating smile, extending a hand "we'll be going to Number 12 Grimmauld place." Harry took the hand and lifted himself off of his bed, joining in the party of wizards. "We'll be riding brooms," Mad-Eye said gruffly. Harry nodded in acknowledgement once he realized that they were expecting an answer from him.

"Wotcher Harry!" An enthusiastic pink haired woman piped up. "From what I hear you're quite the flyer – oh, the names Tonks by the way."

Harry extended his hand politely, "Nothing special," he replied to her praise modestly.

"Enough of the pleasantries!" Moody barked, "Get on these brooms before the damned death eaters get to us first!" Everyone began to comply with Moody's orders and mounted their brooms. The first twenty minutes of their trip had been uneventfully dull, with little to look at but the scenery that whooshed past. Then seemingly out of no-where a familiar sense of dread took hold of the group, freezing them in place. "Get into formations!" Moody yelled through the air, his voice slightly obscured by the wind whipping around.

The group quickly jumped into action, two of the order members that Harry didn't recognize parked their brooms in front of him protectively. The male on the left patted Harry on the shoulder in a seemingly comforting gesture, though Harry supposed he could've just done so to have had the honours of touching the boy-who-lived. A horde of dementor's swooped closer to him, their broken and tattered robes swaying eerily from side to side in the wind. Harry's head exploded in a myriad of voices, "Not Harry, please not Harry, kill me instead!"… "Kill the spare!"…"BOY!"

They rung in his head as he finally collapsed into darkness, the last thing he heard was his mother's scream.

Harry awoke to a heavy weight being pressed against his chest. Upon further investigation he realised that Hermione had fallen asleep on his chest. Harry gently shook her until she stirred and lifted her head to see him. "Harry! You're finally awake. It's so good to see you again, I'm really sorry about not sending much mail but me and Ron we're under strict orders to not send mail that had anything important written on it, you see? Apparently Dumbledore thought your mail was being intercepted by someone, though I can't really imagine who – but I don't suppose it would be a farfetched idea, with your status in the wizarding world. Perhaps a fan? Or maybe-"

"Hermione, slow down will you!" Harry groaned exasperatedly, cutting her off. Hermione promptly shut her mouth when she realised she was rambling, and instead opted to smile at her best friend, "well it is good to see you again Harry."

Harry grinned at her, "yeah you too." Hermione was biting her lip, looking as though she might've had something to say. Harry chose to ignore her until she spat it out, but after the silence had become a bit too oppressive Harry opted to just ask her instead. "For god's sake Hermione, just spit it out already."

Hermione fidgeted in her seat a little, "well I thought it might be a little too soon to ask, since you'd just woken up and everything-"

"Hermione," Harry interrupted for the second time that day, "What is it?"

"Well I was wondering if you'd started your homework yet?"

Harry produced a large sigh and groan at the mention of homework, trust Hermione to bring up such trivial matters while he had just woken up from being attacked. Wait - attacked? Harry jolted upright, how could he have forgotten? "Hermione is everyone okay? What happened when I was attacked?"

Hermione was a bit miffed that the conversation had diverted from homework, but she supposed she could tackle him about it later anyways. "Everyone's fine. From what I heard Professor Lupin drove off the dementor's with his patronus after you passed out."

Harry let out a breath he had been holding and his muscles relaxed at the revelation. "That's good," he muttered.

Hermione nodded in assent, "yes it's lucky no-one was injured badly, Dumbledore's investigating now how so many dementor's managed to escape into the muggle world. He thinks it's a personal attack rather than just negligence by the ministry." Hermione was silent for a few seconds, contemplating the information she knew. Suddenly she had an epiphany, "Harry what if the person intercepting those letters was the one who sent the dementor's after you!"

Harry blinked, that hadn't occurred to him before, "well, so what if it is the same person?"

Hermione huffed in annoyance at his denseness, "well that means someone is targeting you personally, and most probably they work for the ministry! I've got to tell Dumbledore, I'll be back later," she called over her shoulder. Harry blinked again, trust Hermione…

Harry felt a sudden urge to get up and move around, he was in a different house he didn't recognise which he supposed must've been Number 12 Grimmauld place. Harry lethargically stood up, stretching and cracking a few of his joints in the process. He ventured out of the bedroom and looked through a few of the vacant rooms on his floor. He was about to turn back until he saw a flash of blonde hair through the crack in one of the doors. Gently he knocked on the door and waited for a reply. Seconds later, a blue eyed girl with waist length blonde hair opened the door a crack. Her eyes scanned him up and down as if appraising him before opening her mouth, "Come in."

Harry stepped into the small study, examining the room whilst keeping an eye on the female occupant in the room. "So?" She said abruptly, causing Harry to start.

"Er…" Harry responded intelligibly.

"So why are you in here? What do you want?"

Harry scratched the back of his neck, unsure of what to say. "I was just looking through the house I guess…"

The petite blonde huffed a little, mumbling something under her breath Harry couldn't hear. "I'm Rey, who're you?"

"Harry, Harry Potter," he answered, if not a little timid compared to the girl's brash attitude. She raised her eyebrow in surprise, "Well I guess I ought to say something about how much of an honour it is to meet you, Mr. Potter, thought pleasantries were hardly ever my thing."

"Honestly, I could care less about them," Harry replied a little mischievously. Rey returned the smile in full. "Well, sit down I suppose. There isn't much to do in this house but you seem like you could kill my boredom a little."

"I could've said the same for you, you're the sanest and most interesting person I've talked to for quite a while."Harry supposed that Voldemort could be considered a fairly interesting person, but he wasn't exactly sane so the conversations with him weren't so pleasant. Well, if you just put aside the fact whenever they were in the same room they had been trying to kill each other…

"So how come I've never heard of you before?" Harry questioned Rey.

She seemed to consider this question, carefully picking her words, "I'm… a relative of Sirius's. I needed some place to stay for a while so I came here."

Harry was hoping she'd say something else so he could learn more about her, but her lips seemed sealed beyond what she had said. In the first place he wasn't even sure why he was taking such an interest in the girl anyway. Well sure she was pretty, but there was just something about her that made Harry want to open up to her. It felt like no matter what he said, her eyes could discern between the truth and lies of anything he'd say. He made the conclusion early on that lying to such a girl would be utterly useless. Faintly, Harry heard someone calling his name from downstairs. "Off you go," Rey shooed him off, "Oh by the way, it would be… most prudent not to mention my name to anyone here."

Harry turned to her in confusion, "Why?"

Her eyes flickered in annoyance, "Because of my heritage people are less than pleased at me being here. Any mention of the golden boy talking to Rey would get me kicked out of this house faster than you can say Finite Incantatum."

Harry's confused frown deepened, "-but-"

"No but's, just promise me," she pleaded, looking really desperate now, "You're the only person who I actually like talking to, I'd hate to have to leave."

Harry sighed, resigned. "Alright I promise, bye for now I 'spose."

Rey smiled cheerily as he walked out the door. Harry felt a pang of pity as he considered her words. She didn't seem like a bad person to him. Shrugging the bad thoughts off, Harry wondered downstairs to greet the rest of the house's occupants.

Seeing everyone again felt kind of nice. Even though Harry couldn't completely shake off the negative feelings, this was probably the closest he came to really feeling content. Harry often talked to Rey after their first meeting throughout the few weeks he had spent at Grimmauld place. Harry liked her, he liked her a lot. She reminded him of someone who would be there for you no matter what. He knew she wouldn't abandon him. He often opened up to her at times about Cedric, and tried to explain the overwhelming sense of guilt and anguish that washed over him every time he thought of the Hufflepuff's face.

Contrary to popular belief that time healed all wounds, Harry was just feeling worse and worse about the whole situation. He felt more and more numb as he came to the conclusions that everything bad that had happened in his life, he had caused. Feeling desperate and wanting to be alone one day, Harry holed himself up in a spare bedroom he had found while exploring the house. He sat down on the dusty bed and put his head in his hands, groaning in annoyance. A familiar flash of blonde hair accompanied by the squeaking of the door alerted Harry to Rey's presence. "Get out," Harry deadpanned.

"Hmm… I'd rather not," She denied him almost playfully –which Harry allowed, while bouncing towards Harry. Rey sat behind him and put her arms around his neck. "Shh" she cooed. "I know how your feeling" she whispered in his ear, Harry shook his head "you wouldn't."

Rey smirked, "You feel as if nothing matters anymore and that every day is just a chore. Living is too hard and you just can't take any more suffering, you've already lost enough, you're numb," she ended on a high note.

Harry turned on the girl, her blue eyes dancing as she stared straight at him. "I know how to stop it, I can help you," she said eerily, as she rolled up Harry's robe on his left arm. She reached into her pocket and pulled out a box knife, and put one hand on Harry's right which now held the sharp tool and the other hand under his left forearm. "Suicide?" he questioned, "I'm not that desperate."

Rey let out a musical laugh. "Not quite" she mused as she took control of his left hand and poked the blade onto his inner forearm, "trust me" she spoke enticingly into his ear. Harry shuddered at her hot breath brushing against his neck and relaxed, letting her take over. Rey wrapped her long, pale fingers around Harry's hand tighter and let the blade drag across his skin leaving small bubbles of blood to form around the wound. Rey noticed Harry flinching at the pain and murmured "It's ok, it's ok… you can feel, you're human" she assured him. "Let the blood that ties you to Voldemort leave you." Harry leaned back into her and she embraced him while patting his messy black hair. She lifted his arm to her mouth and licked the wound clean.

Harry had never felt this alive or this accepted ever. A sharp knock on his door made him jump and quickly cover his arm with his robe. "Harry dinner's ready," Remus called. Harry sighed and looked back into Rey's icy blue eyes. Rey shot up quickly making Harry jump in surprise.

"Hurry up or they'll start getting worried about the oh so precious boy-who-lived." She snorted derisively, turning on her heel and leaving. Harry's mouth quirked upwards at her antics as he headed down to the dining room.

Harry took a seat next to Lupin and Rey, who sat at the end of the table. Lupin gave Harry an odd look, and kept throwing him glances all throughout dinner, making Harry very uncomfortable.

After everyone had finished up their meals Lupin beckoned Harry towards him. Lupins lead them into a small study where he motioned for Harry to sit. "Are you injured?" He questioned, "I can smell the blood."

Harry mentally cursed, but kept calm on the outside "No, not that I know of."

Lupin's eyebrows knitted together before he requested that Harry take off his robe. Harry reluctantly did so exposing his suspiciously straight fresh cut. "And how did you do that?" He pointed at Harry's arm.

"Tripped over and caught it on a nail," Harry answered curtly. Remus looked at him disbelievingly, while pulling out his wand and healing the wound leaving an ugly red scar.

"If you ever need to talk-"

"Thanks, but I'm fine," Harry interrupted.

Remus gave him an I-don't-believe-you-but-I'll-pretend-I-do smile. It sickened Harry, he hated when people pretended around him to 'protect' him or some bullshit. Harry stormed out, he needed to find Rey to calm him down.

Harry searched through all the rooms he could find until he came to Ron's. He pulled open the door and stuck his head in, "Ron, Hermione have you seen-"he said hurriedly, but was interrupted by a sharp pain in his shin. Harry turned to make an angry remark at whoever kicked him but relaxed and a smile spread over his face when he saw Rey looking at him, her waist length blonde hair pulled back into a high ponytail. "Never mind!" Harry called to Ron and Hermione who shared a confused glance. Rey took Harry's hand and led him up to his bedroom. She shut the door locked it and turned with a stern face towards Harry. "Look" she sighed "I thought I told you I don't want you talking to them, anyone, about me ok?"

Harry shrugged and knitted his eyebrows, "I guess you did…"

She breathed out sharply, "some people don't like me being here and don't want to hear of me." Her voice held a note of finality and Harry knew she wouldn't talk any more though he was dying to ask her questions.

He stared at the petite blonde unsure of what to say. Abruptly he was brought into a hug.

"You are the most important person to me Harry," she stated. She was a bit like a small child, Harry mused, Rey was very possessive and stubborn but Harry loved her nonetheless.

He stroked her smooth hair gently and led her to his bed and they lay there holding each other until they both fell asleep.

Harry woke alone and tired. He was a bit disappointed that Rey wasn't there, but that's how it was most days. Rey was exceedingly elusive, one minute she was there the next she was gone. Sometimes she would even disappear for hours on end. Harry changed quickly into a plain green shirt and black jeans and made his way downstairs to make breakfast, it was kind of a habit for him to do it since he always woke up earlier than the rest of the houses inhabitants. Mrs. Weasly always complained but Harry sort of liked doing it, it gave him a sense of routine and made him feel useful.

So needless to say Harry was rather surprised when he found breakfast nearly done. It was a real feast too, that looked like it would've taken at least an hour to do. There was bacon, sausages, scrambled eggs, mushrooms, baked beans, hash browns, and tomatoes that would cater for the whole house, and maybe even more. Harry headed towards the kitchen to find out who could have cooked this all up. He was shocked to find Rey in the kitchen cooking up the last of the bacon strips. She smiled warmly at him and turned her attention back to the fry pan.

"I didn't know you could cook so well," harry said, letting a bit of astonishment creep into his voice. "If you can cook so can I," she said smugly. Harry snorted and put his hands on her hips, standing behind her as she continued cooking.

"If you have time to do that," she laughed hitting his hand playfully, "You can help me cook the last of this," she pointed to the uncooked sausages. Harry groaned.

"Yes mother," he mumbled

"OI! I heard that Harry James Potter."

Harry laughed happily and received a punch on the arm. Harry started when Lupin spoke from beside him, "Good morning Harry, nice breakfast," he nodded appraisingly, "what's the occasion?" he asked raising an eyebrow.

"Oh it wasn't-" Harry was cut off by a glare from Rey, "I mean I just felt like it" he shrugged.

"Who were you talking to before?" He suddenly asked.

Harry kept true to his word, "No-one." Lupin stared at Rey angrily for a while before turning back to Harry. "It didn't sound like no-one." Remus pursed his lips waiting for an answer and glaring daggers back at Rey. Harry was saved from answering as a few of the Weasley's and Hermione came into the room. "Bloody hell!" Ron exclaimed, "Reminds me of Hogwarts."

Remus took one last lingering look at Harry before walking upstairs, presumably to wake up the late risers.

Breakfast was going smoothly until Sirius mentioned Voldemort. "I got the Daily Prophet this morning, he's gone and killed 4 muggle families last night for having magical children or siblings," he scowled. Surprisingly Rey was the first to react, she slammed her fists down onto the table, "DON'T TALK ABOUT THAT!" she screamed, and turned to leave. Harry snarled at Sirius and got up to follow her leaving a silent table behind. As much as he loved Sirius he couldn't believe he'd made her that angry, after she'd cooked them all breakfast even though she refused to acknowledge her. Harry grabbed her wrist when they reached the hall which made Rey scream, "WHAT!" but she immediately softened her expression when she saw who it was.

"Sorry Harry, it's not your fault, not you, you couldn't help it. It was Voldemort that made you see the things you do Harry." She looked at him pleadingly, "Don't blame yourself for their deaths just because you saw it through him."

Harry was confused as hell. "What are you talking about?" he asked incredulously.

Rey looked up at him then she spoke gently, "You don't remember?"

Harry shook his head.

"Last night you woke up screaming, and you told me all about it, how you saw all those muggles get tortured and killed by Voldemort…" she trailed off. Comprehension dawned on Harry as he remembered the events of last night. They hadn't been pleasant. Harry wandered to his bedroom and put his head in his hands as he sat on the edge of his bed, curled into a tight ball. The youngest that was killed would have been around 6 or 7, and she was put under the Cruciatus curse at least three times before Voldemort's Death Eater's decided to put an end to her life. Harry felt himself shaking but he couldn't stop it. He vaguely registered someone putting their arm around him and speaking to him.

Harry tried his best to tune into the speakers words, "…Didn't think that it's affect you so much, I'm sorry it was stupid of me," The man muttered. Harry finally clicked that it was Sirius and raised his head to look at his godfather in the eyes and shook his head. "Voldemort… k-killed them all, I s-saw it a-all happen." His voice broke. Sirius stood shock still for a moment before wrapping his arms around his Godson. Harry couldn't help the sob that erupted from his chest as he leaned into his Godfather's embrace. "I couldn't do a t-thing! I couldn't save them," he whimpered. Sirius Shh'd him and rubbed soothing circles into his back. After a while of calming down, Harry looked into Sirius's eyes that only held concern and worry, so different from Rey's, who just held emptiness and the desire to possess.

The door to his room squeaked and Harry looked up to see a livid Rey staring at the scene. Before Harry could call out her name she was gone. "Shit," Harry cursed under his breath. He stood up quickly and attempted to chase after the girl. "Harry!" he heard Sirius call as he rushed through the door, searching.

He'd practically betrayed her trust, he said she was the most important but in that moment he had forgotten about her and turned to Sirius for comfort instead. After searching the house a good three times, Harry resigned himself to one of the three green couches in front of the fireplace. Harry vaguely recognized Hermione and Ron on one couch and Mr. and Mrs. Weasly sitting on the other. Harry opted for the free couch, put his fingers on the bridge of his nose and tapped his foot rapidly against the floor nervously.

"Are you okay dear?" Mrs. Weasly asked in concern taking in Harry's state. He stopped tapping his foot temporarily to look up to Mrs. Weasly and forced a weak smile and nodded, and resumed his tapping. Everyone in the room was whispering about him and his odd behavior. He picked up several words like 'weird, not right, stupid, unnatural, freak.'

He had had enough and jumped to his feet "SHUT UP, STOP TALKING!" he roared furiously. He looked down at the surprised faces of his friends. He didn't need these people, he needed Rey and now she was god-knows-where because he had betrayed her trust. He groaned and put his face in his hands again, stomping out of the room in disgust for himself and everyone around him. He raced into his room, locked his door, and started opening his drawers looking for the box cutter again. He sunk onto his bed when he couldn't find it. "Rey, Rey, Rey, Rey, Rey, Rey," he muttered again and again.

He felt a soft hand touch his shoulder, I'll come back to you if you promise not to betray me again" a gentle voice whispered. Harry looked up, distressed, to see Rey standing over him. He pulled her down next to him and hugged her tightly murmuring sorry repeatedly.

Rey pulled Harry into her lap and hugged him tightly. "I think you were looking for this?" she queried as she pulled the box cutter out of her robe pocket. Harry sighed in relief.

"Please" he whimpered. Rey smiled in understanding and repeated what she had done earlier for him, and controlled his hands, leaving yet another cut above the angry red scar. This time it had been a bit deeper than before and more blood seeped out. Harry watched in morbid fascination. Rey again licked his wound, this time sucking at his skin a bit.

"You're mine" she stated. "You'll need a reminder of me too," she laughed, pulling his collar down and sucking at his skin, biting it ever so slightly leaving a red mark.

"I'm yours," Harry breathed.