Broken Fairytale

Fandom: Torchwood

Rating: PG-13 just to be safe

Pairing: Ianto/Tosh (friendship)

Summary: Tosh realises something about her Ianto far, far too late. Sequel to P.S. and Safe and Sound.

A/N: I'm stuck with Tear-Filled Trails of Blood and Whispers In the Dark, so I thought this might help. Plus, I really love writing this friendship. However, must warn you, I was crying by the time I finished. I don't know what it is about these two, but I always feel like crying when I write them.

~*~

Tosh's heart was aching as she watched Ianto clean the body. He was trying so hard to keep it together. But his trembling lower lip betrayed him, as he brushed the dark hair out and arranged it in soft waves about the cold, pale face.

"I brought you something." he said, speaking to the body, not to Tosh, who was watching unseen. "I… I thought you'd like it. After all, you always liked to look your best. And when you wore this, you looked amazing."

Tosh's gasp was silent as Ianto pulled out the luxurious purple evening gown. It rustled in the otherwise silent room.

"Plus!" added Ianto, trying to smile, "It's got nothing but good memories… at least I hope it does. And I think you'd like to be put to rest in nothing but happiness. Makes for a better afterlife I bet."

There were tears in Tosh's eyes, but they made no mark on her cheeks as Ianto gently washed the body and dressed it in the purple satin dress. Then when he'd arranged it so it was displayed to perfection, he picked up a box and took out a pair of shoes.

"I remember your face when I gave you these. I wish I'd seen your face when you saw the dress too, I'm sure it was just as happy. It was so good to see you smile like that. You should have always smiled like that."

Ianto slipped the glass slippers on the cold, stiffening feet, then resettled the skirt of the dress so the glass and glittering, frosted flowers peeped out among the royal purple. Ianto sighed as he looked the outfit over, then he asked,

"Do you think a tiara would be too much Tosh?"

Tosh let out a sob of a laugh as Ianto smiled humourlessly and gently moved a lock of black hair from the face with tender fingers.

"I said that I would give you a Happy Ever After if I could. I did mean it. But I'm not very good at keeping my promises it seems." Ianto cast his eyes to another drawer in the morgue. Lisa's. "I promised to save Lisa, and I couldn't keep my promise. And I couldn't give you your Happy Every After… I wanted to. But I never knew how."

Tosh wanted to tell him it was all ok, but he wouldn't hear her. He never would again. It hurt more than she'd expected to accept that she and Ianto would never be able to speak again.

"I… I got a few other things as well." Ianto held up two flowers. Two roses. One pink, one blue. Their stems were wrapped around what looked like two chopsticks. "You know I collect things that mean something to me. Well, I kept the chopsticks you'd been using on the day you helped me feel safe when Mrs. Coveney was released. And the flowers are the ones that I thought symbolised you and how I feel about you. You're my best friend. How is it that loosing you hurts in a way that feels worse than loosing Lisa? Is it because you mean more to me? Maybe. You mean so much to me. And I can't believe you're gone. You… you were never meant to go. To… to die. Jack's immortal, and you're the one I was sure would live the longest. Not very logical, eh?"

Ianto's face crumpled as he set the flowers and chopsticks on the body's chest. If Tosh focused, she could almost feel them resting there. Ianto took in great gulps of air as he tried to keep himself under control.

"God Tosh! I'm going to miss you. Why'd it have to be you? Why did you have to go? Why couldn't… why couldn't it have been me?"

'Because then it'd be you lying there and I wouldn't have that for a hundred lives.' thought Tosh.

"I don't know who I hate more right now. Gray or Hart. Or even Jack. He brought them both here, they would never have- and you'd still be- but without Jack I'd never have met you, and I wouldn't have traded our friendship for anything."

Ianto covered his eyes in a quiet gesture of distress, maintaining that wonderful air of gentlemanly control he rarely lost, but Tosh could tell he was coming apart at the seams. A movement to the left made Tosh look. Jack was watching from the shadows, Gwen's head just visible over his shoulder. On the one hand Tosh was grateful, on another she was enraged that they would interrupt her and Ianto's private moment. Ianto hadn't noticed them yet, or he just didn't care. His next words broke Tosh's heart,

"I'm trying so hard to be grown up about it all, I'm trying to be strong but… It's not fair."

In that moment Tosh saw Ianto's youth, his delicate inner core, which he guarded with all the aggressiveness of a well trained dog. He had believed in Happy Ever After. He'd believed such a thing was possible, and had genuinely hoped to give it to her, like a child who thought a simple biscuit would make their mummy stop crying. Tosh's death had torn that faith to pieces, because he'd really seen her as his princess to protect. And she'd never thought to tell him that he had been her Happy Ever After, because he'd loved her and stayed with her and known her.

Ianto cried bitter tears, not acknowledging Jack as he came over and put a hand on the Welshman's shoulder.

"I want Tosh back Jack."

"She's gone Ianto." Jack's voice was kind, but gave no room for arguing. How can you argue with death? Torchwood had tried and every time it bit them in the arse.

"I don't care if she's gone. I still want her back."

"Ianto…"

"I don't want to hear it Jack. My rational mind will kick in soon, but right now I want to indulge in the dream that I could bring her back somehow."

Tosh saw the pain in Jack's face, but it was Ianto's sneering voice that hurt her more.

Jack stepped back and walked away, pulling Gwen away as Ianto refixed a lock of hair.

"I know I'm being unfair and selfish, but you and me… I always felt like a part of you was mine. A side of you that only I got to see. I don't want to give that up… is that wrong?"

'No, never. I love you too.'

"Life moves on, it always does, and it waits for no one. But I don't want to go yet. I want to stand here and be with you. I couldn't be with Owen anyway, but even if I could I'd still be here."

Ianto seemed to realise he was babbling, because he fell quiet. He stared at the body, and Tosh stared at him, wishing she could help him, comfort him.

An hour may have passed before Ianto moved again, and Tosh hurt again as he began to sing, while finishing up the body arrangements.

"Tale as Old as Time…"

Ianto finished the filing, made sure all the 'I's' were dotted and all the 'T's' were crossed, crooning… no, keening was the right word for it. It was a mourning song now,

"Ever just the same,

Ever a surprise…"

One more check of the dress, the shoes, the roses and the chopsticks and Ianto rested his hand on the handle of the body's final bed. His face crumpled again as he choked on the lyrics, but kept going,

"Certain as the sun

Rising in the East

Tale as Old as Time,

Song as old as Rhyme…"

Tosh wanted to hold him, soothe him, but nothing would help, even if she could. This was something he would have to go through alone. Mourning was a solitary thing, no matter how many bereaved there were. Ianto swallowed, schooling his face as he took the handle in two firm hands and slowly pushed the body into the freezer.

"Tale as Old as Time,

Song as Old as Rhyme,

Beauty and the Beast."

He shut the door with a finality before his knees gave out and he ended up sitting against the wall of bodies, hugging his knees and sobbing in broken gasps. Tosh sat next to him and watched him, willing him to feel how much she loved him. But all Ianto could feel was the great hole her death had left in his heart, one he didn't ever want to fill.

~*~

So, thoughts? Comments? Good, bad or indifferent? Let me know!

Night's Darkness