*set after repairing heaven*
"Dean I have been given a chance to return to heaven" castiel spoke as he entered the bunker. "Oh" dean twitched his head; before continuing to nod "ya - - ya, that's great Cas." he replied trying to conceal his irritation.
Cas continued walking towards dean, catching a glimpse of his reaction, "does this not please you" he asked concern showing in his pensive blue eyes.
Dean casually shrugged "no" he answered his voice faltering; as Cas stopped inches in front of him, they lingered too close; too long, not saying a word. until Sam walked in and immediately became aware of the atmosphere in the room.
"Everything ok..." he asked confused; raising his eyebrows in suspicion. Dean picked his beer up from the table, turning away as he took a swig, "yup" he muffled gruffly.
"Yes, Sam" castiel responded staying placed next to dean. "Heaven has accepted me to return" his voice never showing excitement or discomfort.
"That's good news, right..." Sam guessed, as he continued on his way to the fridge, pulling out a cold beer. "Yes, I believe so." Castiel answered.
"so When do you leave" Sam asked before taking a drink.
"We have been gathering all the angels from earth, I would think we should be ready in a day or two" Castiel responded.
"That's great news" dean uttered again somewhat sarcastically, then chugging the rest of his beer and leaving it on the table, "I'm gonna go for a drive." He said rushing out the door.
he closed the door of the bunker behind him, he kicked at the dirt at the ground; knowing he should have said something, he should have just told Cas he he felt. he hoped in the impala and headed in search of a bar, so he could clear his head; by drinking until he didn't remember.
Castile watched the door for several seconds after Dean left, leaving sam to wonder what he'd missed.
"you sure everythings ok..." Sam questioned again; looking in Cas's direction, "I don't think I understand it" cas admitted. Sam shook his head slowly "I don't think he does either" he answered simply.
Cas stared off, rerunning the previous scene through his head again.
Sam interrupted him "do you need help locating the rest of the grounded angels" Sam asked walking to the table.
Cas shook out of re run, "That would be great Sam, thank you" he said appreciated; as he joined sam at the table.
*next morning*
Dean had been caught up at some bar In the middle of nowhere last night, ending up passed out in his car.
he strode into the the bunker, stretching and clutching onto his pounding head.
"Hey" he nodded over to sam, who was sitting at the table perched behind some huge book. "Morning" Sam said routinely; as he set down the book, hanging his arms out shaking his head towards dean. "what!?" dean asked before grabbing a beer. Sam expression turning highly worrisome "Can you even get drunk anymore" Sam questioned baffled.
Dean raised his eyebrows and his drink; "I can try" he said smugly.
Sam shook his head surrendering, "what was up with you and Cas the other day?" he asked.
Dean paused uneasily and shrugged, "nothing, he's going back to heaven. That's it."
"Come on, I get it man, you're gonna miss him. Were all gonna miss him, but I think this is what he wants." Sam explained.
Dean shook his head back and forth as he grabbed a seat, "you don't get it Sammy. How do we know this isn't some trick to get him there alone, I met some of the angels that were pissed at Cas, you think they're just gonna let that go.. We both know them better than that."
Sam shrugged slightly knowing that Dean had a point, "I don't think he's worried about that dean, he lost his grace. He's not even an angel anymore; you and I both know cas just wants to make it right."
Dean began to get visibly annoyed, "he's gonna get himself killed Sammy. I can't protect him if he's not here."
Sam slid back into his chair, "maybe he doesn't want to be saved dean."
"No, don't say that" dean spit out as he got up "I'm not gonna let him feed himself to the angels, like he did with the leviathans, we're in this together" Dean informed him.
"Listen dean" Sam said pleadingly, "Castiel opened the door to purgatory; he let them out; i care about him too but I'd say it's only fair he helped put them back. then thing with Metatron; they shut the gates of heaven, they caused all this mess, Maybe.." Sam hesitated.
"Maybe what.. Sammy.. maybe he deserves to die!?" dean Hissed, choking back most of his anger.
"Maybe you should talk to him" Sam suggested.
Dean shook his head in disbelief of what sammy said "let's just make sure we do what we have to" he muffled; before turning to leave the room.
*Dean runs in to Castiel on his way to his room*
they both kind of stop hen they notice each other, proceeding on slowly,
"Cas" he acknowledged nodding his head.
"Hello dean, could I have a word with you" Castiel asked.
"ya, go ahead Cas" he said lingering in the hallway. "Was it something I said yesterday, to anger you...?" Castiel asked. "No" dean hesitated... "Maybe…" dean paused, "I don't trust them Cas, and I don't think you should either."
Cas looked deeply at dean, looking straight through his eyes; "You believe they will kill me..." he said, revealing the words dean hadn't spoken.
Dean lifted his eyebrows "have you given them a reason not to"
"Dean, I understand what I have done wrong, I must pay a penance for choices I've made, whatever they may be; I accept it." Cas professed.
Dean stepped in closer to Castiel, extending his arm and placing his hand on castiel's shoulder. "No Cas, I don't accept that" he shook his head in disagreement, "I get that you want to go back to heaven, you've been here long enough to know there isn't anything worth staying for, but just come back when you can man" Dean requested lowering his head and dropping his arm; and continuing on to his room.
Castiel stood in the hallway as he watched dean walk away from him, how many times before had he watched dean leave; causing something to pull at his chest.
*Castiel entered the study where Sam was*
"Sam" castiel voiced as he approached, "I have spoken with dean, and he does not seem to trust the angels."
Sam nodded "can you blame him" he stated.
Cas stood there confused "he has done nothing wrong, I don't blame him at all" he answered.
Sam chuckled softly, "I meant to acknowledge that he has a reason to distrust them, after all they've done to us, to you." Sam clarified.
"I understand. But if I hope to be an angel once again, this is my chance; to be worthy. There is nothing here for me anymore, my mission has been completed." Cas explained.
Sam looked insulted "Cas you're not just an angel, not to us, not to dean. I don't think you understand how much he cares about you." Sam stood up walking towards Cas, stopping as he came within a few feet. "I'll be happy for you whatever you decided, but dean, if you leave and never come back, it would devastate him." Sam divulged.
Castiel breathed in deeply; and nodded, "I must go Sam, I have to talk with Naomi" he turned to leave out the front door which was still strange to get used to. a moment later he came back in, walking up to sam; "could i have a ride" he asked awkwardly.
Sam was taken by surprise; he found it somewhat amusing that Cas needed a ride anywhere; let alone to meet with angels. "sure" he smirked.
*Sam dropped Cas off*
Castiel arrived at the location the angels had been gathering, the angels already gathered there inflicted him with their glares; he had known Dean was right to have doubts, but pressed onwards; he approached the main tent set up.
"I must speak with Naomi" he stated
"Castiel, you shouldn't be here." Said a tall dark man.
"Let him enter" a firm voice called out from behind the fabric.
The tall man seemed hesitant but obeyed the command. Castiel walked into the tent Naomi sitting behind a table, "Castiel. What can I help you with" she asked.
Cas walked slowly towards her "I would like to ask a few questions" he said hesitantly
"Alright" she agreed.
he stood in front of the table; acknowledging any of the uncertainty ahead of him.
"If I return to heaven, will I once again become an angel?" he asked
She nodded "of course. But if you are looking for answers regarding forgiveness I cannot make any promise, once i have established order in heaven, it will not be me you will have to answer to."
Castiel nodded "I understand. Will I be able to return to earth, in order to protect my charges?"
Naomi's face turned hard "Castiel, understand you must be replaced, you will no longer watch over the Winchesters."
Castiel's head dropped "and to say goodbye..."
Naomi shook her head "no. I'm sorry Castiel, if you return to heaven, you will not be granted access to leave. I suggest you say you're goodbyes now, and come back at sunrise, for departure."
Castiel nodded as he turned to walk away; "could you send me back to the Winchesters" he asked a little ashamed, "i haven't quite got accustomed to being human" he said openly.
she nodded looking a bit annoyed, whether with his useful human state or his desired location "very well"
*Castiel showed up just outside of the bunker*
he walked inside, dreading what he had to do; say goodbye. he saw Sam opening a desk drawer; and pulling out the demon knife.
"Sam" he greeted.
"Hey, how did you get back?" Sam asked.
Cas smiled slightly; "i had a bit of help"
Sam chuckled "did you find the answers you were looking for?"
Cas nodded, "Yes and no. I must talk to dean, is he here?" Cas expressed.
"Yea, check his room. I'm gonna head over to check on Crowley" Sam mentioned.
Cas nodded.
Castiel started towards dean's room, as he heard the distinguished sound of angel radio calling all angels for immediate return; to prepare for departure. He began to rush towards dean's room, pushing the call to the back of his mind.
As he approached the room he didn't understand the feeling over coming him, heavy breathing, shaky hands, and the inability to gather his words.
Dean was laying on the bed tossing a ball around in the air, when he heard someone; he looked up to find Cas in the doorway.
"can I help ya Cas" he asked
"ye-yes, I believe so" Cas managed to get out.
Dean looked more confused than ever, "ok, what's the problem?" he asked as he sat up and slid down to the end of the bed.
Castiel entered the room "I spoke with Naomi, of what happens next" he answered simply.
Dean looked annoyed, "and..."
"this is goodbye, dean. I will become an angel, although no longer be able to return to earth, as well as uncertain of what awaits me in heaven." He disclosed fully.
"No, Cas. It's not worth it, stay." Dean pleaded.
Castiel walked closer to the bed, "there is nothing here for me dean, if I stay... I may not have another chance to gain my wings back. I will have nothing" Cas clarified.
Dean shook his head as he stood up; finding some courage; he reached out for Castiels hand,
"you'll have me, Cas; I need you." Dean's face broke as he clutched Castiel's hand, "I'd rather have you angel or not."
Castiel's face softened; "I am no longer needed, I am of no use in this form; I cannot protect Sam or you..." Cas uttered painfully.
Dean grabbed on to Castiel's coat, "do you think that is the only reason we need you, the only reason I need you. Cas I- I love you man. I know I shouldn't say that, i know i shouldn't feel that... but; I love who you are, what you do, how you fight; you're every essence. You're the good guy Cas, and you saved me.. more then you know"
they stood so close, Cas could feel the warmth of Dean's breath on his skin; Castiel fell in closer, pressing his body up against Dean; raising his hand to Dean's face; Cas brushed his thumb across his lips, dean's breath accelerating, from the spark Castiels touch sent through his body, he swallowed loudly; trying to restrain himself.
Dean gazed into Castiels deep blue eyes, he sunk into them like the sea; being pulled in deeper with every swell, until he leaned in pressing his lips on to Cas's, it was slow and hesitant; Castiel's lips parting in movement with dean's, until dean pulled back falling once again into the ocean of his eyes.
"Dean, I understand how you're feeling..." Cas managed to speak. Dean turned away sitting back down on the bed, "do you?" He rested his face in his hands "because I don't even understand it" Dean mumbled.
"I'm sorry, would it be best if I left" Castiel asked confused.
Dean looked up from his hands, Castiel standing before him, he radiated a glow that could only be described as angelic, he may have no longer been an angel; but dean saw his light shining from the inside. "No Cas, I want you to stay. I just don't know what's wrong with me, is all" Dean shook his head slowly running his hand into his hair leaving his palm resting on his forehead; closing his eyes. "This isn't me; this doesn't happen to me, I don't – - I don't fall in love. Not with an angel. Not with a man." He threw his hand down on his knees, hitting them hard.
"Dean I understand how you feel; because I feel those emotions for you, amplified in this human form. I know that this vessel is not you're preferred preference, my apologies." Cas said regrettably.
Dean smirked looking back at Castiel "Cas, you can't just apologize, you didn't do anything wrong; It just happened."
Castiel sat down beside Dean on the edge of the bed, placing his hands down on the bed beside him. "Where does this leave us, dean?" Cas questioned; his eyes filled with blind innocents.
Dean subtly glanced to cas, he strained, lost in thought; "I-I uh... wouldn't mind, umm... be-being together" he spit out quickly, dean wasn't great at talking about his feelings with anyone; and this was far across his boarders. "maybe just one step at a time, you know." he nodded slowly; sliding his hand to rest on top of Castiels, every touch sent shock waves coursing through his body.
"I would like that also" Castiel replied.
Sam burst through the door; "hey dean, some—th"
Dean released Castiel's hand; rapidly flying back to his own knee. "hey what's up" he roared nervously. Sam stood in the doorway, confused; once again, "is everything ok..?" he questioned.
Dean stood up walking away from the bed and Cas, "yup, good. Everything's good. Great actually, everything's great. Why what's going on?" he said hurriedly changing the subject.
Sam stood at the door, his brows furrowed "umm ok. I was gonna let you know something's up with Crowley, I caught him injecting himself with human blood"
Dean's expression twisted "what" he exclaimed Confused, "why would he be injecting himself, with pure blood..?" dean asked tensely; "couldn't that cure him?"
Sam threw his hands up shrugging, "it's the same method we were using during the third trial, and it seemed to have some sort of effect on him. question is why would Crowley want to be cured..." Sam voiced, there's got to be something in it for him"
Castiel stood up suddenly, "you mustn't let him succeed until you find out why. I must return this information to Naomi"
Sam nodded "I agree, I'll hit the books and see if I can find any explanations, as to why a demon would want to be human"
"sounds good, and I'll go have a little chat with Crowley." Dean settled, "um Cas can I talk to you alone for a sec…" he added.
"Of course" Cas nodded once at dean.
Sam pointed to the hall behind him "I'll just go get started then" he pulled his mouth tightly; turning around and walking out.
dean walked closer to Cas closing the space between them; "will you be back" he asked trying to seem causal and not so much like a needy chick,
Castiel smiled, "I will tell her I have decided to stay here, as a human" Cas told him.
Castiel reached out resting his hand on deans shoulder, "I must go now" then he turned and started to walk away.
"You're staying..." Dean exclaimed as he let a smile slip from his lips.
Cas glanced to him, smiling radiantly; the way he could only when in Dean's presence, "yes." he stated, then continued on his way.
*Cas continues through the bunker to leave, running into sam on his way*
"hey Cas, do you need a ride" sam asked; as he examined the bookcase.
"no that's alright sam, i believe this is of big enough concern; she will come when i pray" Cas explained.
"alright, just let me know" Sam relied; sounding more like his father, then his friend.
"thanks again" cas nodded to him.
*Dean stands in front of room 7B*
Dean stood in front of room 7B, where the men of letters had built a hindin dungeon; Dean entered the room; sliding over the big bookcase at the back, revealing the doorway.
"Crowley, hope your enjoying your stay" dean greeted him sarcastically, as he walked in.
"I am quite enjoying all the hospitality" Crowley amused.
Dean walked up to the table, "what are you after?" he questioned.
Crowley sat there smirking "I haven't the slightest as to what you're implying; I am the one in bloody chains here." He said slamming his cuffed hands down on the table in front them.
Dean in turn slammed his hands down on the table, "cut the shit Crowley, you know what I'm talking about"
Crowley's face looked smug "Perhaps, release me and we'll see if we can make a deal" Crowley proposed.
Dean shook his head slowly; and turned to walk away, flicking the lights off on his way out, and closing the bookcase behind him.
Dean walked in to the study Sam was buried behind a mountain of books
"you find anything Sammy?" he mocked.
Sam nodded, "found these when we moved in; they were with the rest of the books about the test studies; don't know if I'm going to find the answers were looking for, but I've been trying to find anything with reason as to why a demon would want to be cured.. But there's really nothing" he stated.
Dean shrugged grabbing a beer from the fridge "we gotta start somewhere"
"ye you're right, and since you're here get started.." Sam voiced tossing a book from the top of the pile over in front of dean.
Dean sat down and reached out for the book; he held it in his hand as he used the other to fan through the pages; "this thing has like 15,00 pages..." he muttered.
"ya, and so do these ones... so i would get started" Sam insisted.
Dean groaned and did what Sam said, he didn't really have a choice they had to figure out what crowley was up too. the room was quiet as the boys read through the dusty books, with the repeated guzzle every time dean took a drink. Dean finished the can and slammed it down on the table; crunching it under his hand. Sam looked over at him and couldn't hold it in any longer "Hey, seriously Dean what's going on between you and Cas lately?" Sam questioned leaning back in his chair.
Dean bit down on his teeth; as he shrugged "I don't know what you mean" he answered casually
"No... come on Dean, I see how you guys look at each other, the awkward silence every single time I walk into the room, How you stormed off pissed that Cas is leaving." Sam replied.
Dean looked straight at Sam, "he's not leaving." he retorted defensively.
Sam raised his one palm up "see that's what I mean, why is he staying Dean... did you ask him to?"
Dean sat across for Sam getting irritated, "We need him here ok, and he's useful. I'm not talking about this anymore" dean stood up and started to storm off again.
"Why" Sam questioned, "so you can shut me out again, walk away everytime i say something you don't like, you can talk to me Dean; I'm your brother. And besides he's human... he's more of a liability then anything" Sam continued to speak, "I know how you feel about him" he stated.
Dean stopped in his tracks, hesitant to turn around and face his brother.
"it's the same way he feels about you" Sam informed him.
Dean turned around slowly, clearing his throat "why... did he say something to you?"
Sam shook his head, "he didn't have to, he hangs off your every word Dean. god, you're oblivious. Its ok man, all I want is for you to be happy;... finally." Sam smiled a bit of relief.
Dean just stood there, "I don't know what it is Sammy, but I know he needs to be here, and we need to figure this Crowley thing out quick." Dean walked back sitting down in his chair; they looked at each other, both of them trying to figure out what cards were already laid down on the table, Dean nodded his head as if to acknowledge the things he couldn't admit to at that time; then they grabbed their books continuing their search for any clues about crowley mischief.
hours had passed, Sam and Dean had examined as many books as they could; they were now all tossed across the floor, Sam forced himself to continue reading as he held his own head; propped up on his hand. Dean had managed to drift off into the book he was still reading; slumped over onto the table.
Castiel returned, he entered the bunker in a cheerful mood; and for Cas that wasn't much different from his uncheerful mood.
Sam slowly nodded towards Cas,"hey" he voiced.
"hello" Cas replied.
Dean popped up; hearing the sound of Castiels voice, he rubbed his eyes.
"So do they have any answers?" Sam asked hopeful.
"I'm afraid not, though they're concerned as well" Castiel explained.
Dean subtly glanced in Sam's direction, nervously wondering if he'd catch on "What did they say about the other thing" dean questioned.
"It went well" Cas said, as he sat down at the table, beside Dean.
"What does that mean, they're letting you stay then..." dean asked impatiently.
"Yes, as well as returning my grace." Castiel smiled.
"that's great cas!" Sammy perked up enough to show excitement.
Dean slouched back in his chair; cas looked at his expression trying to understand his disappointment.
"I thought you would be pleased Dean" Cas asked confused.
Sam looked at Dean also "What is it dean?" Sam questioned.
"You guys aren't curious why... why they'll let him stay and make him an angel again, come on we know these dick bags. They don't give something for nothing." Dean explained.
"maybe they just want their brother to be happy" Sam answered deliberately.
"Just stay Cas; like this, you don't need to be an angel, we'll protect you." dean promised.
"it isn't me, that i am worried about..." Cas admitted, "I believe this is for the best dean, that this is the right decision. This is what I am, I don't know how to be human" Castiel confessed, "They are coming tonight to bestow it upon me. And I hope you will be here dean."
Dean nodded in agreement; of course he would support Cas and stand behind him, even if he didn't agree with his decision.
"wait, they're coming here?" sam asked, "is that a good idea.."
"Naomi; along with a few of her followers, and a few of mine will gather about 5 miles down the road from the bunker" he explained clearly.
"Great, we should celebrate. I'll call Kevin, Charlie and bobby" Sam said excitedly, "and then i have to get some sleep, see you guys in a bit" Sam pulled out his phone and started dialing as he left the room.
Cas and Dean were alone in the room, Cas furrowed his brow drooping his head towards dean.
Dean twitched his head; looking at Castiel "what Cas.., what do you want from me"he asked highly irritated.
Castiel wished he could answer Dean truthfully, telling him exactly what he wanted; what he felt for him; "i want- i want you to tell me i'm doing the right thing" he said falling short.
Dean sat back and closed his eyes briefly; shaking his head "sorry Cas, can't do it" he swallowed loudly; "but if you could be happy; i hope you are" he said honestly, "but Sammy's right about the sleep... i'm gonna head to my room..." Dean said, as he pushed out the chair he was sitting on; Dean and Cas exchanged their silent stares, before Dean got up and left.
*a few hours passed*
It was almost time for the angels to arrive, they would gather outside with Castiel, and return his grace. Bobby hadn't been able to make it, but Kevin and Charlie set up shop in the study; prepared with signs and sigils and of course the booze. Everyone had been pressed to the max the last few months, with the leviathans, metatron, the word of god and the angels, it felt good to finally be in the clear, for the most part; to sit down with the people, the friends that over the course had turned into family that had survived heaven and hell on earth and relax for a minute.
Charlie had been in Oz up until recently, enjoying big adventures. And Kevin had finally made it home to his mother and she refused to let him out of her site; so she tagged along.
Dean walked in the the study everyone else was already gathered; "finally..." Charlie sighed, a huge smile on her face
"hey you" Dean voiced as he met her halfway; he put his arms around her resting his chin on her head as the hugged; "you been staying out of trouble...?" Dean asked.
She looked up at him smirking; "never" she teased.
he let her go and walked over to the table "hey Kevo, hows it going?" he asked patting his hand on Kevins back; "mrs, Tran" he nodded greeting her.
"Okay guys let drink" Charlie said as she poured everyone a glass, "Charlie raised her glass into the air "To the angels going back to heaven, except our Castiel"
"Angels returning to heaven, I'll drink to that." Kevin nodded gladly; they tapped their glasses together.
There was a sense of peace flowing through the bunker, a light at the end of the tunnel.
Dean was leaning up against the back wall, he watched Castiel as he moved throughout the room.
"so you like the view..." Charlie said coming up beside him.
Dean sifted against the wall straightening out his body, he cleared his throat; "what do you mean..?" he mumbled.
Charlie angled her head down, lifting her eyebrows high on her face, "really... Dean, that's how you're gonna play me..." She voiced.
"what..." Dean asked still trying to conceal his feelings.
"Charlie dropped her shoulders, "Dean, do you know how long i tried to not be attracted to women..., too long." she stated, "i can totally tell you're into Cas, i noticed before you did."
Dean looked down to the ground, as he swallowed back "i'm - uh i don't know" he said.
she leaned up on the wall beside him, "it's okay you know... right, i'm pretty sure he likes you too..." She assured.
Dean flashed back to Castiel's lips pressed against his, and swallowed loudly again.
"did you tell him..?" she asked, looking up at him.
"Ya" he replied simply.
a bright smile appeared on charlies face "tell me everything..." she requested staring wide eyed at him.
He looked down at her; her enthusiasm cheering him up, "there's not much to tell" He confessed, glancing up and realizing Cas was walking towards them "Charlie Cas is coming this way, don't say a word about this."
she lifted her hands "okay, okay... i'll leave... but i want details" she punched his arm playfully.
"hey Cas" Charlie voiced, turning back at Dean and smiling as she winked.
Dean threw his head back in embarrassment.
"Dean" Castiel uttered.
"hey Cas..." He replied, "so you still going through with this..." Dean asked.
"if by that you mean, having my grace restored, than yes, i do" Cas answered.
there was a long silence as they stared at one another, Dean wanted to stop him right there hold on to him and beg Cas not to do it; but as he looked at him he saw someone trying to make the right choice. "it is time Dean..." Cas spoke interrupting Dean's internal monologue and letting the moment pass him by.
the angels had begun to arrive, to the meeting area.
Sam called over "Cas, you ready..?"
Cas peaked over his shoulder, and nod his head. he looked back at Dean "will you come..." he asked.
Dean nodded his head slowly "ya, i'll come" he muttered.
"hey you guys wanna come...?" Sam asked the others.
Kevin distorted his face, "nothing against you Cas, but i think i'll sit this one out" he said, still traumatized from the last get together with the angels.
"that is understandable" Cas voiced.
"Charlie...?" sam offered.
"i think i'll stay with kevin and drink the booze..." she laughed, "better hurry up with a angel mojo... if you want any"
Dean shot his finger over at her "hey you stay out of my personal stash..." he ordered.
"yea, yea..." she said, waving him on.
"we'll be back" Sam said, heading outside.
Dean and Cas right behind him, they hopped in the impala and drove down the road. they pulled up angels were gathered circling a treeless area of the woods.
Cas stepped out of the car; the roar of angels whispers, mixed with emotion, Dean and Sam get out waiting back by the car; as Cas headed into the masses.
Naomi was the last to appear falling to the centre of the clearing, she held a vile of blue light in her hand; She motioned towards Castiel and he met her in the middle, his face relaxed and he looked at peace.
She rambled on saying a few words; chatters of god, and than cracked the vile open next to Castiel's lips; the light forcing its way through his body, until a glow appeared around him, and then disappeared just as fast.
"nice to have you back, Castiel" Naomi said simply.
After he was lit, most of the angels vanished, the few that had still remained loyal to Castiel lingered longer.
Dean creased his face; as he looked at Cas who was staring back, having a conversation without words.
He looked away, getting back in to the car, "lets head out Sammy"
Sam furrowed his face, pointing towards Castiel "what about Cas.."
Dean kept his head down at the wheel in front of him, "he's an angel now... he doesn't need us" he said pausing; "he can get back on his own"
"guess you're right..." Sam agreed, he climbed in and they drove off.
They pulled up to the bunker, sam hoping out immediately ready to blow off some more steam, Dean got out slowly lingering by the side on the impala, Sam was already at the front door; as he turned back to dean "you comin" Sam asked.
Dean nodded; "in a minute"
Sam dipped his head in agreement, and proceeded in.
Dean rested his elbows on the hood of his car, burying his face in his hands, trying to get a grip on himself "come oull it together" he mumbled to himself, he shook his head; shaking it off and turned to go inside.
the others were having some drinks around the table in the study, Dean watched them from the balcony; he watched as they swapped stories and laughter, Kevin the kid that was chosen to read 'the word of god' ripped from his life, his girlfriend killed, his mother tortured and he did what he had to do to keep it safe from demons, Charlie the queen of LARPing, the hermione of the group saving their asses when they were on fire. and Sammy who fought the devil himself. here they were gathered the heros the world would never know, and they still fought regardless. Dean smiled down at them; and was honored to call them family, but for some reason Dean still couldn't enjoy himself, Cas got his grace back, the angels were going back to heaven, and Crowley was chained up in their dungeon. Things were looking better then they were used too.
"hey... you coming down or what..?" Charlie asked him.
"ya" Dean said heading down to the study
"what some of the good stuff...?" Charlie asked; wiggling a bottle of aged whiskey in front of him.
Dean shrugged; "actually, i think i'm gonna call it a night..." he voiced.
"WHAT?! i'm going back to OZ tomorrow..., you can't ditch.." she said.
"ok, one. one drink" he smiled unable to disappoint her.
She poured him a tall one, Sam reached his glass across the table clanging them together "Cheers" Sammy voiced.
"Cheers" Dean smiled, before taking a swig.
Charlie told them her adventurous tales from OZ, and too much detail about her and dorothy; "but i do miss you guys" she added when was done.
"Sam and Dean smiled at her agreeing the same.
"you're always welcome here Charlie" Sam said.
"he's kidding" Dean teased, trying not to bust out laughing, "no, seriously though, you know were always here" he promised placing his hand on her back, "but i'm out now" Dean stood up pushing the chair back.
"i'll walk with you..." Charlie stated. following beside him.
"so... what's bothering you... Castiel..?" she questioned once they were out of sight and ear distance.
Dean inhaled deeply; "i don't know" he sighed, "i just don't trust the angels..." he explained.
Charlie gawffed; "i don't blame you, they've screwed you guys over how many times now"
Dean nodded his head. they stopped as they reached him room; "i just really need some time to think about everything..." he said
"i get it, but try to let yourself be happy dean. you deserve it." she pulled her mouth tight smiling.
Dean put his arms around her "you be careful, ok" he voiced.
"i will" she replied.
Charlie left the room; Dean lifted his hands up resting them on his head; he exhaled, he let himself fall back to the bed staring up to the ceiling, his eyes flickered as he fell in and out of consciousness.
until he heard a knock at the door; "ya" he called out.
"Dean" Castiel spoke as he entered the room.
"hey... how do you feel...?" Dean asked.
"good" he answered vaguely, "why did you leave?"
"figured you didn't need a ride" dean shrugged.
Cas nodded his head agreeing "i guess that makes sense. but why are you not with the others..?" he questioned.
dean moved to sit up, "guess I wasn't in the mood to celebrate" his eye gazing at Castiel
"i'm sorry Dean, i know you're upset with me" Cas apoligised.
Dean got up from the bed walking closer to him; until a few feet separated them. "no cas. that's not it; I'm happy for you, I really am" he hesitated, "I just don't trust those dicks. Why would they give you your grace back and let you stay... I just don't get what they're playing, i guess-" he stopped.
"yes.." Cas prodded; leaning in highly interested.
"Guess I just wanted you to myself" Dean admitted.
Castiel stepped closer to dean; he lifted his hand to touch dean's cheek, "you have me, dean." Cas replied, "i always come when you need me"
Dean gulped "i need you" he uttered; biting back on his bottom lip, his chest moving heavily with his breath.
Cas watched the indents pressed in to dean soft lip, his own lips parting in hunger for Dean.
In moments they were locked on to each other's lips, Dean pushed his Teeth softly onto Castiels plush bottom lip. He slid his hands along Castiels beat up trench coat pulling it off his body, then moving his hands to unbuttoning Cas's shirt; they grazed up against the skin on his chest; feeling every muscle, his warm body burning underneath Dean's palms.
They continued kissing passionately Castiel's hands still embracing dean's face, dean let go of Cas just long enough to unbutton his own shirt; sliding it off his arms, and then gaining back his grasp on Cas. Dean ran his hands up castiels arms feeling every groove in his biceps, he had to force himself to push Cas back breaking the lock of their lips, Cas looked into his eyes confused.
"Are you sure you want to do this, Cas..." Dean asked looking into Castiel's eyes, Cas stared back into Dean's the jade fleks mesmerising; and nodded his head once Firmly; "yes" Dean pulled him in and kissed him softly, letting his hands drop to his waist; he held on to Cas's belt as he disarmed it, sliding the zipper down, and letting them slide off. Castiel's body stiffened at the touch, Dean pulled Cas over to the bed; pushing the angel down gently. Dean stood in front of Cas; like he was the only one left in the world. Dean undid his pants letting them drop to the floor, Cas watched every movement he made; his dean standing before him, unrestricted; and unashamed, dean moved down to the bed to his angels side.
*next morning*
Dean and Cas laid tangled in the sheets, after dean had fallen asleep Castiel had watched over him as he slept; he wanted to memorize every curve. Dean started to rustle; he took his hand and rubbed his eyes.
"good morning" cas voiced, smiling down at him.
"Morning" dean smirked, Castiels arms were still wrapped around him.
"You didn't have to stay" Dean told him, "I mean I know you don't sleep"
Cas clutched him tighter "I wanted to. It was the first time I've been this close to someone." Cas explained.
Dean pulled away from castiels arms; getting out of the bed, he picked up a towel hung over the back of a chair; and wrapped it around his waist. "Dean..." Cas called Worriedly.
Dean perked his head up into Castiel's direction, "ya" he gruffed raising his eyebrows. "what is it? Should I leave" Cas asked disappointed.
Dean slowly nodded his head "guess so"
Cas face was full of confusion, "I thought you want this, wanted us." He asked.
Dean turned his back to Cas, "I don't know man, and this - this is crazy. I don't do this." Dean ranted on, in seconds cas was dressed and stood by the door, "I will go. I hope you find what it is you're looking for, Dean." And he was gone.
Dean sat down and rested his elbows on the desk in front of him, placing his face in his hands and exhaling deeply.
*a few days had passed the guys continued to research; trying to find answers about Crowley, Castiel hadn't been heard from since his night with Dean*
Dean had just woke up in the middle of the afternoon after enjoying another night in a whiskey induced coma, he stumbled into the study
"Hey" Sam called over to him "have you heard anything from Cas..?" He asked concerned, Dean shook his head "nope"
Sam gave Dean a puzzled look, "and you're not worried about that..?"
Dean shrugged "he's got his angel mojo back, playing for the Angels home team again. What's there to worry about?"
"I don't know Dean, maybe that cas is not at full strength yet, and that we're all he has here... Or maybe why he decided to stay in the first place... I bet you know all about that" Sam rambled on; Dean shook his head "not really" he replied.
Sam walked over to where Dean sat at the table "cut it, Dean. I know cas stayed for you, you two both disappear that night, then Cas disappears... What the hell did you do? And stop lying to me."
"What, What do you want me to say Sammy..." Dean asked.
"Let's try the truth!" Sam demanded.
"You want the truth..., fine." He spit out irritated, "cas and I... we-" he swallowed nervously, "we have, a thing." He confessed.
"a thing..?" Sam asked, raising one eyebrow "are you guys together..."
Dean lifted his hands "guess so...i mean kind of, maybe..."
"And that's what you've been hiding from me, did you really think I would care about that.., come on Dean... you should know me better than that." Sam looked offended.
"look Sammy, it's not like that; It's me, ok. I'm the reason Cas hasn't been around." Dean stood up looking troubled raising both hands stretching up and resting down on the back of his neck, "you know me; I don't know how to do this..." he explained.
"And this being ..." Sam asked confused, "you don't know how to be together..? Sam asked nervously.
Dean looked at him harshly; "not that. It's everything after that, being close with someone.., what you had with Jessica and Amelia; I've never had that. I've never wanted to be with someone all the time, to wake up next to them..." dean let his guard down just for a moment.
"And you want this with Cas..?" Sam questioned.
Dean nodded his head slowly, thinking about it "ya, man. i think i do"
Sam stood up walking over to his brother, "don't get me wrong, I'm here if you need to talk, but maybe you should be saying these things to Cas. What did you say to him anyway..?" he asked curious.
"I told him to leave" Dean said warily.
Sam shrugged "that's not that bad, he'll get over it"
"After he - stayed the night..." Dean raised his eyebrows; explaining hesitantly.
"or maybe he won't." Sam corrected "you asked him to leave the morning after...? you better call for him dean; tell him what you told me. I'll get out of here for a while, give you two some time." Sam offered.
"Thanks Sammy" dean said trying to hold in his emotion for his brothers understanding.
"Good luck" Sam shouted teasingly, as he left; and Dean knew the heart to heart was over and the joking would begin.
Dean stood in the middle of the room thinking of what he would say, and drawing up a blank. He decided he might as well say it in prayer, not knowing if he could muster up the courage to say this face to face.
"Castiel" he called out "if you can hear me, I need you to know, I'm pretty sure i've- that i've... fallen in love with you. and I do want to be with you, I'm just not sure how, how to be with anyone... I've never felt this way before, and I feel it for you." he waited silently for a moment, but cas didn't come.
"i wanna try - i will figure it out" he plead, "Cas, where are you man?"
Dean roamed around the bunker trying to get his mind off why Cas wasn't coming; as he continued to pray; rambling on bits and pieces of his feelings.
Suddenly castiel appeared in the room in a crash down landing, He was bloody and broken laying twisted on the floor.
"Cas!" dean cried; rushing to his side, "what happened? Are you ok?"
Cas was beaten badly, he could hardly speak "I'll be ok" he managed to utter before passing out. Dean picked him up and carried him into his room laying Cas down on the bed. he pulled out his phone to call sam.
"Sam, its cas. He's here. he's not doing so well." he stated shakily over the phone.
Sam could hear the panic in Dean's voice
Dean nodded, "hurry" and hung up.
Dean waited by Cas's side, somewhat patiently; until Sam arrived, "what happened" Sam asked as he rushed into the room.
"I don't know, he just popped up like this, and passed out." Dean explained.
"Should we call the angels, maybe they can heal him" Sam thought.
"we don't even know who did this; they could still be looking for him... to finish the job. Angels... demons... Cas isn't the most popular with either. we have to keep this quiet, I'll head out see if I hear anything..." dean added, "will you watch him..."
Sam shook his head, "you stay dean. I'll see if there's any word on who did this to Cas"
Sam turned to leave and dean grabbed his arm, "thanks, and watch your back."
"I will" Sam agreed.
And he was gone, leaving dean to tend to Cas. Dean grabbed a warm cloth; wiping up majority of the blood; waiting for Castiel's angel powers too boot back up and heal him.
Dean paced back and forth, searched the internet and everything else he could do, without knowing what he was looking for, Until Cas finally woke, dean rushed to his side sitting on the edge of the bed, "Cas what happened..."
"A rogue group of angels, Led by bartholomew." Cas answered roughly; still in pain.
"why..? And how are you still alive..." Dean asked concerned.
"I was past fighting, I should have died... but I heard your prayer" Cas smiled through the agony, "Dean you gave me strength, enough to get away." Cas placed his hand on Deans.
"I meant it." Dean admitted, leaning into kiss the angels lips, broken or not.
Dean pulled away for a moment "wait, what did they want"
"they know I'm staying because of you, it is forbidden for angels and humans to be together. I believe they were trying to... make an example; as you would put it." Cas explained.
"I'm gonna kill them all" dean promised balling his hands into fists.
Castiel shook his head, "it isn't the way dean. We mustn't become them."
Dean placed his head in his hand, and then picked it up again looking into Cas's eyes, "I could have lost you... I almost did." Dean said, a tear leaving his eye, "i'm sorry" Dean uttered.
Castiel raised his hand up to Deans face catching the tear, "it's not your fault" he replied.