Rin

If you should know anything before our story begins in my hellish life point as a teen right as my world fell apart, it's this beginning part of my life. I wish I'd been an orphan, I wish my brother had been anyone else's brother, I wish my old man didn't die all because of me, and I wish the most I had just been killed when I was young. As the son of Satan, I can testify that life is hell, even for half demons like me. No exorcist will ever really understand the choices I had to make just to keep breathing. Not even Yukio, Shura, Shiemi, Suguro, even Mephisto couldn't understand. No one could.

It's been a year since my old man die, Father Fujimoto. He died because of me, all because Satan possessed his body. All because of me, of course. When I started school, nobody but the exorcists knew about who I really was. Then, all my friends at cram school. Part of them I know hates my existence, part of all of them wishes that I'd just go away, and honestly part of me wanted to just drop dead to save the whole world the trouble of dealing with me. Sadly, no matter what, I somehow found a reason to stay around, to keep breathing.

Yukio didn't help much in that department; he made me feel like a total failure. Dying wasn't ideal sometimes, like in a battle, but when I'd go home, I'd tell myself I shouldn't have been fighting for my own life. To be honest, I wished I would really just die some nights. Some nights, I'd sit on the roof, looking at the city lights far away. Only during those moments did I feel like there was a something peaceful to be dead; to finally be free of life was enough to make me cry and wish I weren't such a coward. My friends... I guess they're my friends... Were there for me when I was ready, so I stayed, feeling sorry that I'd even think about leaving them when I was being selfish to even dare think such a thing.

Sometimes at night, I would feel as if I were being punished just for existing, not like it was my fault, but I was just something that didn't belong anymore. And some mornings, I couldn't even get out of bed without feeling worthless and pitiful.

"Rin, wake up!"

I groaned and turned away from the voice of my twin.

"Get up already, Rin!"

I opened my eyes and turned to face Yukio. He looked pissed, as usual. He asked, "Why aren't you up?"

I rubbed my eyes and said, "I overslept, sorry."

Yukio sighed and muttered, "Whatever, just get up."

I sighed and got up and saw Kuro on my desk, looking happy as usual. I said with a smile, "Morning, Kuro."

He yawned. Good morning, Rin.

I stretched out as Kuro stared at me. I quickly tried to ignore his curious gaze. I knew he was wondering about something. I subconsciously crossed my arms and glared around. I found my uniform and got changed, trying not to waste any more time. I didn't need to feel like shit any more than Yukio and my "friends" did on a daily basis. That was the last thing someone like me could really need at that moment. I was nothing special, they should've just left me alone, but they didn't.

It wasn't my fault I was born... It wasn't my fault Satan was my father... But everything that went wrong was my fault. Even the slightest thing seemed to be my fault, and it really was my fault. Then again, wasn't it always this way to begin with? Rin Okumura; son of Satan; oldest twin to a guy who is nothing like him. That sounds about right, no?

After my old man died, all I wanted to do was die. I hated myself from the beginning, and ever since, it's only gotten worse. Do you know what the worst part about it is? I feel nothing but pain. I fear nothing because all my fears have happened, so why worry about them anymore? If it's going to happen, I should just let it happen. It's not like anyone would really care if anything were to happen to me; they'd be happy. Not even the strongest of demons scare me anymore because all I want them to do is die or to kill me. I fight so at least it looks like I give a shit, but I honestly couldn't care less about myself.

This world is not the problem; the problem is me. I protected the people I called my friends, even when I was almost killed by the Vatican numerous times. Did they care? Oh wait, they didn't know until the last few times and wanted me to die. Shiemi at least cares a little, or so I thought, but she just runs away from me. I can't blame her; I'd run from myself, but there's only one way to do it and it's a little hard for a half-breed like me to die. I threw myself of the building once; not a single broken bone. It's not like I tried too hard, I mean, it was just the feeling of having to die at that very moment, no time could be wasted. I thought about cutting off my tail, but hell, it may grow back anyways.

Instead, to counter the physical side of dying, I planned to kill my insides so it can't heal as easily as a broken neck or cracked skull. Then again, I wished my head had been cracked out so my brain could slowly leak out with the gallons of blood inside my body.

X X X

While you may wonder what I'm doing just as a blather on, I'm just explaining my side of the story. I've got time so I wanna explain all of this. To you, dear reader, this is my tribute to you to not fall into the darkness that will consume you. Don't follow me down the path, you should lead your own far from this one that trails of pain and corpses of the ones before me who didn't escape.

"Okumura! Wake the up!"

I jerked up, awake from when Yukio yelled. He was pissed, everyone else seemed either uninterested or irritated. Yukio hissed, "If you don't want to be here SO bad, just leave."

I asked, "Wouldn't I be not learning either way, Mr. Okumura?"

His face turned a little pink. He hissed, "Either pay attention or get out!"

I laughed coldly and said, "I'll leave gladly."

I stood up and grabbed my stuff. I slung both my bag and sword over my shoulder and Yukio said bitterly, "Hurry this along, Okumura."

I said bitterly, "I'm so sorry my being here bothers everyone."

Yukio looked ready to yell at me. At that moment, Bon stood up and looked at me. He growled, "Can't you just get the hell outta here already?"

I didn't bat an eye as I walked to the classroom door. The moment my hand touched the knob, I realized someone grabbed me by the back of the shirt and I was thrown across the room, sliding across the floor. Yukio yelled, "Bon, enough!"

My vision was blurry as I looked up at him and saw the rage... No, hate, the hate in his eyes. He looked as if I were the most disgusting thing to ever walk the Earth. He barked, "What the hell is wrong with you, Okumura? What happened to defeating Satan?"

I didn't bother getting off the floor. I said with a shrug, "What do I really care? It's not like I'm much better than him it seems. Hell, all of you seem to want nothing to do with me. Why bother with it? You should do it; I'm just a half-breed with a red target on the back of his head. And what do you really care anyway? You're the one who wants to kill Satan. I don't really give a shit anymore."

Bon growled in rage as he picked me back up and slammed me into the wall, causing the entire class to gasp and watch in horror. Shiemi looked ready to pass out, everyone else looked ready to run or do something but watch. Yukio rushed over and seporated Bon from me. Bon hissed, "If you're really the son of Satan and the guy we all know you are, you'd want to slay his ass! What the hell is wrong with you?"

I barked, "What's wrong with me? You told me to kill myself when you found out who I was! Don't play off being my friend unless you are, friends don't tell each other to drop dead!"

Yukio looked emotionless. Everyone in the room looked shocked, almost like they couldn't move. Shiemi said softly, "Guys, please don't fight."

Yukio said, "Rin, leave."

That pissed me off instantly. I said bitterly, "Oh, yeah, I forgot, half-breeds don't belong here. Not like you'd know anyways; you're human."

Yukio growled, "Enough!"

Bon grabbed me by my hair, but I didn't do anything to resist or stop him. I felt pain; it felt great. He asked, "Why aren't you dead then?"

I shrugged and said, "Eh."

Bon threw me face first into the door of the classroom and it flew open. I hit the floor and then the wall before settling on the floor. I didn't try to get up and Bon ran out and kept throwing me into the wall. Blow for blow, I took it. Eventually, about a minute later, Yukio got him back into class with my classmates in the hallway. Yukio starred at me in horror and asked, "Rin, are you okay?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Your head is bleeding."

"What about it?"

Yukio's face turned pale. He said, "You should probably get that bandaged up."

I shrugged. "It'll be fine. I'm half demon, remember?"

Shiemi ran over and asked softly, "Would you like me to bandage your injury?"

I looked at her and smile weakly. I said, "Thank you, Shiemi, but I'll be fine."

I turned away from them and said, "I'm leaving. See you later, Yukio."

After I left the Cram School, I went back to my dorm. I looked around and saw a bottle of holy water. Apparently, Yukio was making his own water bombs with it, so he hid it with his stuff. I sighed and walked into the bathroom where he had kept some painkillers from months ago that he forgot about. I also "forgot" they were there. I also "forgot" that I knew where they were. Oops.

I even got a few razor blades I had found and bought. When you have nobody and everyone hates you because you're the spawn of Satan, then you tell me how it feels to be worth less than nothing and more then a demon that makes everyone sick. The demon everyone wants dead; me.

So, let's think about this for a moment. I'm wanted dead more than alive, just as useless either way, and just as pathetic either way. Might as well just die, right? I suppose that is a good enough point, after all, who'd care anyways? I mean just as much either way, actually, I'd be worth more dead probably. Ha, ha, ha, let's see just how this turns out, shall we?

I climb the stairs to the very top of the abandoned dormitory and look as the sun starts to set. When I got up there, I brought my sword just in case I needed it. While I sat there and swallowed the pills three at a time, drinking the holy water, Kuro suddenly jumped onto my lap.

Rin, what are you doing, Kuro cried to me.

I said, "Nothing much, enjoying the view."

Kuro's eyes showed tears. He sobbed, Why are you doing this?

"Ask everyone at Cram School and the Vatican. You're better off as someone else's familiar," I said with a sigh.

Kuro begged, Please, don't leave me.

I sighed and kept doing what I was doing. Kuro jumped off the building, running away, crying his heart out and his vocal cords. It wasn't like he could do anything anyways. What was he going to do? Go tell Yukio? Yukio couldn't understand Kuro; only I could. I hated breaking it to Kuro, but he was better off in a world without me, without being my familiar. I guess it was time he knew, it was better this way. The burning inside my body felt great, but hurt like hell. About thirty minutes later, I was almost done for. The holy water was still there and the pills were gone. I finally started with the razors on my arms, and they started healing moments later, so I ran inside and ran to the bathroom.

I went inside the tub and started filling the tub up with holy water. I had enough to lay in the tub and my body would start burning like hell. I laid in the water, realizing how dizzy and sleepy I was. This was it, it was the end for me. As I laid there and tried not to cry out in pain as my flesh burned and my inside burned with it, I realized just how fucked up I really was. While that was going on, I cut my arms open the best I could and my stomach and watched the holy water leave my wounds open and blood fill the tub.

I laughed and rolled in the pain as I realized I was finally going to be free, I was going to be free of this fucked up world and my fucked up life. I blacked out, laughing as I started slipping under to await my death.

X X X

Yukio

I felt bad about what happened in class, but Rin didn't care enough to stay awake in class. What was the point of him being there if he didn't wanna learn? After Rin left, I turned to Bon and asked, "Can you explain yourself?"

Bon growled, "He's a jerk, he doesn't care about being an exorcist, he just doesn't wanna get killed! He's Satan's son for Christ's sake! He deserves to die! He's a monster!"

I said bitterly, "I understand how you may feel about this Bon, however, Rin has a lot more on his plate than you think. He watched our father kill himself after being possessed by Satan and the Vatican keeps on him about him possibly being executed. I will not tolerate anyone disrespecting another student in this class or fighting in class. Do you understand?"

Bon grunted and said, "Yes, sir."

Shiemi asked, "Is Rin going to be okay, Yukio?"

I turned to her and smiled weakly. "Rin will be alright, I promise. He's just a little mad is all."

Shima yawned. "Well, can we get back to learning already?"

I answered, "Yes, now everyone go back to class," I paused, "Except for you, Bon."

Everyone went back inside the classroom, leaving Bon and I alone. I asked, "Is what he said true?"

"Is what true?"

"Did you tell Rin to kill himself?"

"Well, yeah, but he's dangerous," Bon said quietly.

I felt a bit of rage in my chest rise. Sure, Rin is reckless sometimes, but he means well. He just needed some training, and they didn't understand that. I said sharply, "If I hear that come out of your mouth, Mephisto will be informed and you will be punished. Understood?"

"Yes sir," he answered lowly.

Class continued as usual, minus Rin, of course. After a while, I had a bad feeling about how Rin acted earlier that day. Shiemi seemed to have the same feeling during class judging by the grim look on her face. There was something not right about that afternoon.

"Alright, class, you may go," I said with a straight face.

As the students rose from their seats, I heard scrapping coming from the classroom door. Everyone got silent as they heard it too and I ran to the door. I opened it and saw Kuro. He bolted inside and jumped onto my desk. Shiemi said with a smile, "Hi, Kuro!"

He hissed at her and growled at the class. I knew he wasn't happy about something. Rin wouldn't send Kuro to class for any reason; Kuro must've come on his own. I walked over and said, "Calm down, boy. What's wrong?"

He started meowing, looking distressed.

I got frustrated as the students crowded my desk. Shiemi said, "Kuro, shake your head yes or no when we ask you a question, okay?"

Kuro nodded. I asked, "Did Rin send you?"

He shook his head. I sighed. "Okay, are you here for a reason?"

He nodded. Shiemi asked with panic, "Is this about Rin?"

He nodded quickly. I panicked. "Is he okay?"

Kuro shook his head no. I felt the blood in my veins freeze. "Can you take me to him?"

Kuro nodded and Bon hissed, "That damn idiot must've got into a fight. We're coming with you."

I didn't argue as Kuro jumped off the desk running. I used my key to get us out of the Cram school. We ran for a while, trying to figure out what was going on or have an idea. When we got to the path to my dorm, I knew something bad happened. Kuro stopped by the doors to claw at it. I opened the door and ran inside. I yelled, "Rin! Where are you?"

No answer came.

I ran up the stairs with my students following, Shiemi was on my tail along with Bon for the most part. I searched our room, but he wasn't there. I had the students search the floor while I ran to the bathroom, just where Kuro was scratching. I started beating on the door, calling his name.

"Rin! Open the door!"

Nothing, not even a huff of irritation. The other students ran over as Kuro nudged me back as he turned into his bigger form. He pushed the door open with his paw and it broke down. He shrank down as we ran inside. When I found Rin, he was in the tub, out cold, lying in a tub full of blood. I reached into the tub and yanked him out onto the floor. He was covered in cuts on his stomach and both his arms. His school uniform as sooked in blood from the neck down. Shiemi screamed when she saw him. She summoned Nee and the others stood in shock. I yelled, "Everyone, go get supplies! Now!"

Everyone scrambled while Shiemi was trying to get herbs. I looked at Rin's skin, noticing the burns from his neck down. I knew what happened. He was in a tub of holy water. Shiemi told Ni to get her some herbs for the burns. I looked around and saw bloody razors in the tub and an empty bottle of painkillers on the floor. The others brought back bandages and other things. Shiemi and I managed to get Rin to puke in his unconcious state.

Shiemi was crying the whole time, everyone else looked horrified. I asked, "Did anyone call for medics?"

"No," Bon answered.

I said, "Good, we can't let the Vatican know about this or Mephisto."

"I already know," said a voice from the doorway of the bathroom. Everyone moved out of his way as he walked inside with a smirk on his face. He laughed at the sight of Rin. He said, "What an idiot. He actually tried to kill himself."

I growled, "How is this funny?"

Mephisto answered, "It's funny because you came here in time to save him. He's a fool. You NEVER let yourself be found if you're trying to die. It's a shame, he almost got away with it."

At that moment, Rin made a noise. Mephisto said, "Nice try, little Rin. You failed."

Rin's voice cracked to life when he said, "I'm sick of hearing those words come out of everyone's mouth."

I jumped as Rin opened his eyes. Shiemi started crying harder. Rin looked grim as he sat up slowly. He picked up his sword from the side of the tub and said, "Get the hell away from me."

I said, "Rin, calm down."

He looked ready to burst into blue flames. He yelled, "Get the hell outta here!"

I tackled him to the floor and yelled, "Who the hell do you think you are, trying to do this to us!"

Rin growled, "Like you give a damn! Like anyone gives a damn if I'm alive or not! I'm done being a failure and a monster!"

Something in my felt as if it were being pulled by a hook. Tears slipped out of my eyes without me thinking about it. I yelled, "Damnit Rin! You're my older brother, you're not supposed to leave me! Dad's gone, you're all I have left!"

Rin looked at me coldly and took out his blade. At that moment, his sword went straight into his chest. Mephisto gasped and everyone started panicking. Shiemi and I pulled out the sword and stopped the bleeding, but Rin kept fighting us.

"Rin, stop it!" I yelled at him.

Finally, moments later, Bon slammed his head into the floor a couple times, just to knock him out. I stared at him and he sighed. "Sorry, but he's better off unconscious than dead."

I nodded and Mephisto said, "This is interesting. Even the son of Satan has emotions. Who knew."

I glared at him and growled, "What the hell is wrong with you? Rin's dying!"

Mephisto shrugged. "He did this to himself, therefore, I don't care too much. Just make sure he doesn't die."

After Mephisto left, Shiemi and I got Rin to one of the empty dorm rooms to give him plenty of space, and also to keep a better eye on him. We called Shura and told her what Mephisto said. She agreed with him; the Vatican shouldn't know about this event and she'd keep it quiet. She was put in charge of looking after Rin when one of the other ex-wires or I didn't. I told her as much as I knew. Her face was grim as usual.

She sighed. "That idiot. But what can you expect when he's only treated as a demon. Rin is half human after all; it was only a matter of time."

I nodded and said, "Yeah, and it's my fault."

Shura scuffed, "No, it's not just yours, don't try to be the fall guy. We're all to blame, Yukio. He has feelings and he feels pain just like a human; I think sometimes we just all forget that side of him when we see his flames."

I knew she was right, but what could I do to help Rin now? He's barely alive after drinking and soaking in holy water, downing a whole bottle of painkillers, and stabbing himself. How do you fix someone who does that, not to mention is apparently a cutter? Of course, I can't really say I'd be any different if I were him. I was as human as I could be, and Rin is only half human. I was hard on him because I wanted him to do good things and turn into a good guy. What the hell was I thinking just ignoring his human side to begin with?

Shiemi walked back into the room with a towel in her hands. I asked, "Do you need any help?"

Shiemi shook her head. "No, I'm just here to make sure he's resting."

Shura cursed, "That lil' shit is a handful, I mean, jeez. If he was hurting, he should've said something."

Shiemi said quietly, "It's my fault, too. I should've tried to talk to him instead of just being too nervous. I wanted to say something, but I didn't know what to say."

I put my hand on her shoulder and said, "Don't blame yourself, Shiemi. It's okay, Rin's alive and he'll be fine as long as we don't let this happen again."