Armin Arlert was not an inherently very brave person.
As a young child, bullies had regularly used the petite blonde boy as a recreational punching bag, often doing sowith little concern or remorse for their victim. That is until they either tired of Armin's sobbing or his friends stepped in to intervene. These daily rituals, re-inforced by the fact that the only people who seemed to care about his abuse were often forced to come to his rescue, rather than he defending himself, had insured that Armin would grow into a fairly timid person with little stomach for life's more unexpected terrors.
Considering the fact that Armin had been raised in a society that walled itself off from the rest of the outside world, always living in fear of the unkown threat outside their protection, he'd felt he actually had it pretty good. Better than he might've anyway.
And it wasn't as though he'd had to endure it all alone either. His childhood best friends, Mikasa and Eren, had always managed to come to his aid, no matter how inconvienient it may have been for them. In the end, they always ran off the bullies, helping a dirty and sniffling Armin back to his feet, all the while chiding him for not fighting back. But no matter how much they'd nagged him, Armin would never fight back.
He didn't need to. In his mind, he'd already won.
Despite his fear of others who could easily overpower him physically, Armin had a continual habit of voicing unpopular thoughts and opinions when in the prescence of ignorant bullies, even when the expression of these thoughts and opinions lead to Armin being kicked into the dirt. Eren and Mikasa had often cautioned him against speaking his mind aloud all the time, for fear that it would only increase the boys' bullying. After all, they'd often say, We aren't always going to be able to help you in time. These warnings only served to strengthen Armin's resolve to be tougher. He was determined to be better than his bullies, and the others who feared them, to be smarter than them.
To reinforce this decision, Armin often read. It was his escape, from the world around him. The world that lay safe within walls built high to protect him from threats he had only read about, and never seen, from some greater horror than even bored, sadistic children, he'd been told.
Books were his weapon as well as his escape, the only ones he'd had against his tormentors. Few others in the town read as voraciously as Armin did, because few other people had as much reason to. They were happy, pretending they were completely safe, that there wasn't anything to know other than the fact that the walls existed, and that they existed to protect the good people of Shiganshina, and the districts beyond. They were content in their belief that, here behind walls of thick stone, they did not need to fear them.
Armin knew better.
He knew that beyond the walls lay terrible things, things that could kill someone as tiny, and frail as himself in an instant. But he also knew that beyond the wall lay beautiful, wonderful things! Things he'd never seen before within the small, caged- in world in which he lived. Things like huge oceans of water, snowfields of sand, burning water and more! And he knew, oh he knew these things were real! Knew that they were real the way he knew grass was green and the sky was blue. He knew because he'd read about it, and because he'd read about it, he'd it seen it. In his mind, it was all clear, and indistinguishable from every other thing that he simply knew to be fact.
He knew.
And it was this knowledge, this complete certainty on his part, that allowed him to continue facing his would-be-tormentors. They were bigger, and stronger, but why did they hit and kick and beat him? Why did they become tense and more frantic when he mentioned the outside? Why did they spit on him when he insisted that he was better for not fighting?
He knew why.
It was because they also knew what he did, about the world outside, but they were afraid. They hit him because they were afraid he would convince them. He would convince them that he was right, that there was more to life than just this, that maybe they weren't as safe as they'd all thought. And when he said these things to their faces, told them of his assurances that they were afraid, moreso even than he, and their kicks and punches became more panicked and earnest, he took comfort in knowing it affected them so strongly.
They knew, just like him. But unlike him, they did not want to acknowledge these truths. They ignored them, and pretended the facts didn't exist.
They were desperate to remain ignorant, and happier that way.
But pretending something wasn't real, no matter how much you wished for it, did not really make it go away.
This was why Armin had refused to fight back, why he'd continued to talk even as they continued to hurt him. They were afraid. They were afraid just like him. No, it was more than that. They were afraid of him. They knew. They knew what he said was true, that he was better than them.
He was better, because he was smarter, and he was wiser.
Eren and Mikasa never scolded him for saying these things to them, for showing him the books he read, and telling him the things he'd seen in their pages. Eren had even seemed to enjoy it and shared in Armin's enthusiasm for the world outside walls or cages. So fargone in their illusions of freedom had they been, in childish innocence they'd sworn one day to see those things together, to venture outside and see it all. And Armin had imagined it could happen, deperately dreamed it, because deep down he knew that as likely as that possibility was, so was the possibility that they would die before it could happen.
The reality of their situation, and the sheer absurdity of their dreams, hit Armin very hard and very suddenly too soon after their dream had begun. All the years Armin had spent fighting to be brave in the face of physical abuse and torment, with only his two friends and books to rely on for resolve, came crashing down around him, the same day the wall did.
The day that Eren and Mikasa's mother died.
The day that they lost their home. The day that the Titans, the worst plague upon humans in the history of mankind, breached wall Maria.
That day, Armin forgot about his books, about his dreams, about his ideals.
That day Armin remembered what it was to be afraid again.
Armin had continued to be afraid, for years after.
He'd stayed with Eren and Mikasa after the fall of the wall, because, after the death of his Grandfather, he'd feared being alone.
When Eren and Mikasa joined the military, in hopes of someday avenging their mother and the numerous deaths of others, Armin joined too, because he'd feared for his friends lives.
When he'd realized how impossible physical training was, and that he was often barely able to keep up with the others, he'd forced himself to keep going, to learn everything that they couldn't, because he'd feared becoming useless.
When they'd graduated, and Eren and Mikasa chose to join the Scouting Legion, he'd chosen to follow them, because he'd feared he would otherwise never see a world outside the walls.
When Titans had attacked wall Rose, only hours after graduation, Armin had joined the fight to stop the influx of Titans through the breach, because he'd feared for humanity.
When a Titan had managed to snatch Armin up as he helplessly watched his comrades being eaten all around him, dropping him into it's large, cavernous mouth, he'd clawed and kicked and screamed, because he'd feared dying.
When Eren had grabbed his hand and pulled him out, tossing him out onto the roof below, Armin watching in terror as Eren struggled to hold the behemoth's mouth open, blood pouring from the wounds on his limbs, he'd feared losing his friend.
When Eren's outstretched arm was snapped off as the jaws of the Titan closed around him, swallowing him whole, and sending the remaining chunk of Eren's arm flying past Armin's tear-stained face, Armin had screamed. He'd cried out in anguish and screamed until he was hoarse.
And as he'd sat there, on the rooftop alone, the only survivor of his recon squad left, Armin had realized. He'd realized, he no longer had anything to be afraid of. He'd given up on fear, and given in to despair.
Armin had managed to survive that day and, as it turned out, so had Mikasa, and even Eren, as a result of some sort of heaven sent miracle, had not been devoured.
But despite their survival, and the successful re-posession of the Titan-infested town, Armin had continued to feel unafraid. He'd already lost the thing most important to him: His family. It was true that it had been returned to him, but he'd then known what could happen during an attack. He'd known how it felt to lose everything you cared about. Once again, knowledge had given Armin the strength to continue, to keep going even though it could all mean nothing in the end.
He'd learned the hard way that hope was dangerous, that the best way to survive was to stick to facts and figures.
Armin had continued to survive, joining the Scouting Legion on their missions to recapture the lost human territory. He joined in the search for an answer to the Titan problem, and he aided in whatever way was required of him. Together, he, Mikasa and Eren had continued searching for knowledge about the outside world through their time with the Legion, dispatching countless Titans along the way.
Mikasa grew into a fierce warrior, her blades efficiently chopping through the montsers' flesh in a way so effortless, and graceful yet ruthless, Armin was sure she would have earned the envy of any dancer.
Eren, having survived being devoured by one of the Titans, had shocked everyone when he'd demonstrated that he was able to transform into a Titan himself, one capable of intelligent thought and self-control. Though it had been later discovered that he was one among many with the ability to do so, Eren's rare abilitiy allowed him to decimate his enemies in battle, giving him the strength to completely knock off heads if he so desired, and he became a great boon to the goals of the Scouting Legion.
And Armin, Armin continued to fight, despite having no obvious athletic or physical combat skill. In forcing himself to continue onward in spite of these important flaws, he'd realized he posessed the ability to quickly analyze situations and devise appropriate strategies on the fly, in addition to being able to memorize vast amounts of information and store them away for future scenarios. These skills, skills many of which the other soldiers seemed to lack, ensured him a position of importance and respect among his peers.
Together, with Eren and Mikasa at his side, they made a formidable team. Despite their hardships, despite all the suffering they had all endured, they'd finally seemed to be making progress. They retook land, saved soldiers and civillians, discovered the existence of intelligent Titans, and had begun to make progress on following up on a solid lead that had been believed would finally explain what the Titans really were, where they came from, and how they could defeat them.
Armin had almost dared to hope.
He now regretted even that much.
They had found it. They'd found what they had wanted so badly, the supposed answer to the plight of humankind for over a hundred of years now. They had thought it would lead to their salavation, and an end of a century's worth of hurt and suffering. It had never occurred to them that what they might find, might only confirm their worst fears: That there was no salvation. Armin had never expected to be more afraid of and simultaneously repulsed by the Titans than he already was.
He'd been wrong.
They'd all been wrong. So very, very wrong.
And now they were paying for it.