Disclaimer: All characters belong to the BBC.
Doctor Who ruined my life. Have some tears.
The white that surrounded her vision reminded her of the early versions of her TARDIS, and a wave of nostalgia ran up her throat for a second. She shivered, blinking furiously in an attempt to chase away the blind emptiness.
Tentatively, the Doctor placed a foot in front of the other, and set off down the corridor. Her muscles were tight, on edge, and her hair prickled at the base of her neck. She felt the familiar thrill of the unknown tingle through her veins. The mere thought of meeting an entire universe made her giddy with adrenaline and wonder, and her breath came in short pants, mixing with her echoing footsteps.
Her thoughts were on her companions as well, of course. She trusted them enough to know their way back to the TARDIS, and she'd made sure protocols were in place to bring all of them safe back home. A pang of despair pulled at her hearts as she realised she might never see them again. Briefly, she was back in Canary Wharf, devastated and reeling, empty eyes and gaunt face as yet another friend was lost forever to the impassable barriers between worlds. She quickly cast the memory out. Not a good time for moping. Universe to meet.
She wondered if the whiteness was based on her mind. For an all-powerful entity, the universe did not seem to have an overly creative imagination. Every corner was the same, and so utterly, mind-numbingly blank. The light was hospital stale, cutting through her filters and smothering her senses.
"Hello?"
Her voice bounced back to her and lost itself down the hallway. The Doctor squinted. At the end of the corridor, she could make out a silhouette perched upon a chair. She placed a hand above her forehead, shielding her eyes. Breathed in, out, took three more steps-
And stopped. Her face slackened, and after a while she realised her respiratory bypass had kicked in.
Please, not her. Anything but her.
Schooling her features, she glared at the woman lounged on the chair with her knees crossed.
"Don't do that."
The woman- it wasn't her, not really- scoffed, stretching. Her dark purple dress fell in drapes around her, and wild, dishevelled hair encased her pale visage. Even her piercing blue eyes sparkled with mischief, the way they had on the Mondasian ship, when there was still hope, before everything had gone so, so wrong.
"At least wait until I've actually done something before giving me your sermon, Doctor. What a way to say hello."
Rassilon, did that voice figure in both dreams and nightmares. How many times had she wanted this?
"Don't take her. Don't." The Doctor hoped the Solitract's endless solitude had made it unable to pick up social cues, because she had a feeling her anger sounded a lot like desperation.
"Why not?" Smirking, not-her sat up and twirled her umbrella. She leaned towards the Doctor, and she fought hard not to flinch back. "After all, I was your first companion. Might as well end the loop with your old little friend, don't you think?"
She had steadily advanced, hips swaying, and before the Doctor could react her hand was fiddling with the edge of her coat. Not-her glanced back up towards her, lips contorted in a teasing pout.
"Come on, Doctor. Don't pretend you're not happy to see me. I certainly am."
"Stop it." She wrenched herself out of the Solitract's grasp and retreated towards the wall. "You're not her. And if you expect me to help you'd better change form, 'cause I'm working very hard not to lose my patience with you."
The Solitract chuckled. "I've always known how to bring out the bad boy in you, Theta- or, well, girl, I suppose." She grinned. "At least we match again!"
The Doctor's eye twitched. "Why are you doing this? You already have me- what else do you want?"
"You know what I want, Doctor. You may be dense, but not that thick."
She hated how quickly the clever retort formed in her brain, and she despised how easy it would be to fall back in the old dynamic. This was not Missy- this was not Koschei. Koschei was gone.
And yet she could almost feel her hearts breaking as the Solitract whispered, in the same tone as she had on that cloudy London day, "I need my friend back."
"I won't do anything for you right now."
A flash of hurt in the Solitract's eyes. She's a copy, she's not real. She shifted, and weaved her fingers through the Doctor's, cupping her hands in the rare, tender fashion she had so often craved. Every crevice, every bump in these manicured fingers, felt so real.
Missy's voice grew soft.
"Remember what we said, Theta?"
This new body was much keener on touch, and she instinctively reached out. Her trembling hand returned the contact. She hated her hands a tiny bit right now.
"We'd see the universe together," Missy continued. "Travel the stars, in our very own TARDIS. I'm ready now. You're not alone. I'll stand with you."
Every sentence pierced another javelin at the Doctor's hearts. She shuddered, throat suddenly dry.
"Listen," she finally said, disentangling their hands. "I can't be here, you know that. Our existences are cancelling each other, this world is falling apart. You have to let me go."
"You're lying, Theta." Her words were venomous, but there was tremor in her voice which resonated in every cell of the Doctor's body. "You always lie. You're going to abandon me here."
The lights flickered and the world shook. The Doctor's arms blinked in and out of existence like a deficient lightbulb.
"You're not in control of this. We're destabilising!"
"This is my plane!" Missy yelled suddenly, voice breaking. "I control everything!"
Oh, and wasn't that your downfall, Koschei.
"Please, Doctor." Missy's eyes were wide with fear, and she knew, she knew, that the Solitract was messing with her mind and memories, but she couldn't help remembering her execution, the pure terror in her voice as her best friend begged I'll be good, I promise, please, save me, do something, don't let me die-
"I'm sorry," The Doctor choked. "You- This is…"
She swallowed thickly. "You are... the maddest, most beautiful thing I've ever experienced, and I haven't even scratched the surface. There's so much I'd like to see with you, to live with you. But we can't be together. We're…we're not meant to be."
"You'll never see me again. I'll never see you."
The ground shook again.
The Doctor placed a hand on Missy's cheek, and was surprised when she felt her leaning into the touch. This wasn't Koschei- but Rassilon, did it feel like it.
"I wish I could stay." She rubbed her thumb on Missy's temple, just like she used to soothe her friend's violent nightmares in the dark chambers of the Academy. "But if either of us are gonna survive, you're gonna have to let me go, and keep on being brilliant by yourself."
Her lips quirked up in a watery smile.
Missy's eyes were fixed on hers.
"I miss you," she whispered. "I miss it all, so much."
"I know. But if you do this, I promise, you and I will be friends forever." She placed her forehead against Missy's. She could almost imagine their synchronised heartbeats, eight thumps singing in harmony like they had millennia ago. "You have to let me go."
Eventually, she removed her hands. Missy stepped back, and the swirling pools in her eyes reflected galaxies.
"I will dream of you," she said softly. "Out there, without me."
The Doctor was barely conscious of her own tears streaming down her cheeks as the Solitract threw her hands out, and the world exploded with raging light.
"Are we safe?" Sweet Hanne asked, huddled in her father's embrace.
"From the Solitract?" The Doctor panted, carefully placing her screwdriver back in her pocket. "Yes. Dunno if it survived, but it won't be coming back here."
Her hands were still trembling. She placed them in her pockets.
The room was silent, the sounds of their soft panting absorbed by the wooden walls. Graham stared pointedly at the floor, while Ryan stared pointedly at Graham. The sun shifted through the window.
"Doctor?" Yaz placed a hand on her shoulder. Precious Yaz. "Are you okay?"
The Doctor's head swivelled towards her, and she put on a smile. She wiped a little moisture from her eyes- the dust, she told herself.
"Yeah. I just…made a new friend, sort of. More like an old friend- made an old friend?" She grinned, but faltered at Yaz's unimpressed expression. She sighed and glanced wistfully at the broken shards.
"A whole conscious universe. And I had to say goodbye."
A summer breeze rushed through the fjord, and the Doctor could almost hear the whisper of her name echoing between the pines.
Hope you enjoyed! Please don't hesitate to drop in a review! Love ya!