thanks for checking out my new story! it's going to just be a three (maybe four) part story crossing over criminal minds and supernatural...

California Dreamin'

If there was one thing Alexandra "Alex" Winchester hated it was silence. Often the calm before the storm, silence left her excruciatingly waiting for what was to come, her mind playing over what awful thing could possibly happen next. Glancing over at the driver's seat she looked over her boyfriend Derek, hoping he would look over at her but he just kept his eyes on the road, hands on the wheel, jaw slightly clenched in agitation.

She knew that trip to Chicago was going to be a bad idea, from the moment he suggested it to her she knew something would blow up. It wasn't that meeting his mom and sisters was terrible. It was actually quite the opposite, they were perfectly lovely. And with her mom gone and no sisters of her own she had genuinely enjoyed herself. It was such a normal experience and normal wasn't something she often had growing up. That, coupled with what happened on the last night of their trip, was enough to put a wrinkle in what was an otherwise smooth relationship.

The last night of their trip he told her he loved her and it wasn't the first time.

He had moved in with her a few months ago, saying it for the first time then over take out and piles of boxes. She didn't say it back then but he brushed it off. People were often on different timelines with that word and he knew she had her share of issues so he let it go, telling her it was fine. Months had passed though, they were living together, she had just met his family in his hometown. And, when he said it this time, she still just stared at him. She had been grateful at least that the following morning they were still around his family, pretending like everything was ok. But once they hit the airport things turned icy; then once they landed in DC, completely silent.

"Are you ever gonna talk to me again?" Alex asked him once they were inside. Maybe the argument was going to be bad but it was better than waiting.

"Am I doing something wrong?" Derek asked her seriously; not where she expected this to go, but ok.

"No," she told him softly.

"Are you unhappy?" he asked now.

"No," she answered quickly; that was the truth. This was the happiest she could ever remember being.

"Then what is it?" he asked directly. "Why can't you say it?" She wasn't prepared for this.

There were a million reasons she couldn't say it, the main reason being that she wasn't able to tell him the whole truth about her, he didn't know everything there was to know about her and her family. How could she possibly be in love with someone and plan a life with them when she spent most of her time keeping secrets from him?

"I'm sorry if your ego is bruised," she tried to deflect, to buy herself time to think up what to tell him.

There were two people on her team that knew the truth about her; her boss, Aaron Hotchner and her long time family friend Dave Rossi. Knowing she wanted out of her hunting life and to do something "more legit" as she put it, Rossi put her up for the job; he knew her since she was a child, having served with her dad in Vietnam. There were a few units that were looking for people like her, people with her background to help identify cases with a supernatural aspect rather than your typical unsub as well as mediate and cover for hunters that were already on the case. Her role was strictly need to know. After all, who would believe they were hiring supernatural hunters to work alongside profilers?

"It's not my ego that's bruised Al," he informed her.

"I get it, ok?" Alex said now. "And I get that it must suck for you, but I can't..." More than anything did she want to be able to say that word.

"What?" Derek asked her, gentler than before; silence. "Baby, you gotta give me something, all right? I don't do this," he said, motioning to the door. "I don't take girlfriends to meet my mom and sisters."

"I got that impression," she murmured as his sisters had been teasing him about how much he must like her when they thought she wasn't listening. She realized how much worse it must have been for him then when she didn't say I love you back.

"Alex," he said as she sat down at their kitchen counter, going to stand closer to her. "You can tell me anything."

No, I can't, she mentally argued. He would never believe her, not in a million years. She had seen this scenario play out before with her brother Dean and a girl he had been seeing Cassie; she broke up with him and said he was crazy. Her and her younger brother Sam took a different approach with the people they dated; they told them nothing. She wasn't sure how it was going for Sam at the moment but it was probably going a lot better for him than for her.

"We," Alex started but wasn't sure where she was gonna go yet. "We...see people, all the time. People that are screwed up from how they were raised."

"I know that," he said gently, watching her keep a steady gaze towards the counter.

"After my mom died," she continued. "I um..." She shook her head. "I could probably count on one hand the number of times the four of us ever said I love you. Like the four of us combined," she clarified. "I guess...some where along the line I stopped being able to say it."

"...ok," Derek quietly accepted that.

He knew that there were major issues with her family. Her mom died when she was a kid and it set her dad off in ways she would never fully explained. All he knew was that she didn't talk to him or her twin brother Dean; she would occasionally talk to her younger brother Sam on the phone but that was about it. There were no pictures around the house, she never told stories about them when they were younger. If it hadn't been for the fact she knew Rossi for so long many on the team might not even know the rest of her family even existed.

"That doesn't mean I don't...feel it," Alex went on to explain; and that was true. "I just can't..." She felt like she was going to throw up. "Derek, I'm sorry."

"It's ok," he told her.

"It's not," she reasoned.

"No, it is," he promised. "You don't...you don't have to say it. I just want us to be on the same page. That's all."

"Ok," Alex agreed, though she knew he wasn't one hundred percent ok. "What if I called Sam tomorrow," she offered. "Thanksgiving is in a few weeks...maybe he could come here."

"Yeah?" Derek asked.

"Yeah," Alex nodded. "I met your family, you should meet at least some of mine."

"Ok," he smiled, kissing her now. "Yeah, that sounds great."

"I've never made Thanksgiving before," she warned him with a smile.

"I've been warned then," he grinned at her, kissing her again. "C'mon, we've got an early morning tomorrow."

"Mmmm, back to work," she groaned.

"Back to work," he agreed, taking her hand.

"Soooo," Garcia was grinning at Alex that morning, catching her alone at the office getting her coffee. "How was the trip?"

"It was good," Alex said. "Good, it was fun." She spotted Rossi coming closer, thankful someone would be able to break up this asking about the trip. She still felt a little too raw about the whole thing.

"How was meeting momma Morgan?" she questioned.

"It was really nice," Alex told her. It had been the truth, it was just the after stuff that messed things up.

"I've gotta go set up," Garcia told her as they had a case already that morning. "But, I wanna hear all about it later."

"You got it," Alex said as she watched her go, leaning back against the counter as Rossi was pouring himself coffee.

"How bad?" he asked her as she sipped her coffee.

"Know me so well?" she quipped lightly.

"I am your god father," he reminded her and she shrugged, not sure what to say.

"It was fine," she admitted. "His mom was great, Sarah and Desiree were both really sweet."

"And then?" Rossi questioned.

"And then I got an L bomb dropped on me," Alex informed him.

"Ah," he nodded.

"Yeah, I barely navigated the last one," she reminded him. "And I still can't say it," she tacked on, finishing her coffee and setting the cup in the sink. "So, Sam doesn't know it yet, but he's coming here for Thanksgiving," she said with a fake smile; Sam was probably going to kill her.

"I'm sure he'll be thrilled about that," Rossi told her.

"Yeah, well get excited Uncle Dave," Alex smirked at him. "You're hosting."

"Rossi, Winchester," Reid said before Rossi could make a comment back about hosting Thanksgiving. "Ready?"

"Yeah," she nodded, following her uncle and Reid to the BAU room where the others were slowly filing in. Before she had a chance to look at the file at her seat her phone lit up with a phone number she didn't recognize. It only rang once before it hung up.

Please don't ring again, she silently begged. And sure enough it did. Unable to deal with this now, she hit ignore.

"Who is it?" Reid asked simply, sitting next to her. Derek and Hotch weren't there yet, talking about something in Hotch's office about their last case. Reid was probably the one on the team she was closest too, besides Derek and her uncle of course; she often told him he reminded her of her younger brother.

"Ah, my brother," she said and the phone lit up again with the number, not contact name assigned to it; she ignored it again.

"You sure?" he asked and Rossi was giving her a look from across the table.

"It's this thing my dad used to do," Alex explained, tucking a piece of her honey brown hair behind her ear. "Whenever he was gone for work he would call once, hang up, and call again so we knew it was him." She shrugged. "We do it now when we change numbers so we don't think." She stopped, hitting ignore again. "It's a random or telemarketer or something."

"That's smart," he offered nicely.

"Yeah, if leaving two nine year olds in charge of a five-" She stopped when it rang again, her green eyes flashing agitation.

"Answer it," Rossi told her seriously just as Derek and Hotch were coming in; they picked up on the tone.

"Everything ok?" Hotch asked.

"Can I?" Alex asked nodding at her phone and he nodded, knowing with what Rossi said it was probably something related to her past as a hunter. "Hello?" she asked as she got up from her seat. It's fine, she mouthed out to Derek as she was leaving the room; with her brother though she was sure it was far from fine.

"Nice of you to finally answer," Dean told her sarcastically on the other end.

"I'm at work Dean," she rolled her eyes, walking out the door.

"What?"

"Work, that grown up thing I do," she informed him, shutting the door behind her.

"Days I'm glad I'm an only child," Prentiss commented to lighten the mood.

"Same," Reid agreed, though he caught Derek's expression. "She said it's fine Morgan, I'm sure it is." Down the hall, Alex had let herself into Rossi's office so no one else would hear her on the phone.

"What is it Dean?" Alex asked, already exhausted.

"I'm with Sam," Dean started off.

"What, why?" Alex asked worriedly. Sam and Dean were together? The last she talked to Sam before her Chicago trip he had gotten his LSAT score back and was prepping for his interview the following week. What time was it even out there?

"I can't find dad," Dean said now. "He was working a job in Jericho, I picked Sam up. I need you to meet us out here."

"Are you serious?" Alex asked with an eye roll.

"What?"

"I thought it was something urgent," she informed him.

"Did you miss the part where I can't find dad?" he asked her sarcastically.

"How many times has he been missing? And how many times has he shown up when it works out for him?" she asked. "I can't anyway, I have work."

"Skip it," Dean said simply.

"Yeaaaaah, I'll do that," Alex told him. "I'll skip out on my job at the FBI."

"I thought the point of Dave getting you that job was so that you could still hunt," Dean told her.

"I don't hunt Dean," she said in exasperation as she had to explain this to him many times before. "I identify..." She stopped, shaking her head. "No, you know what, no. I'm not doing this."

"Why not?" her brother demanded.

"Because I have a life here," she told him. "A normal life," she emphasized. "I have a job, I have a boyfriend, I live in a freaking townhouse," she listed for him.

"Well then," her brother said sarcastically. "Don't let your family keep you from it."

"You're not going to," she started off then stopped when she saw Derek in the doorway of the office, nodding that it was time to go. "I'm not going to feel guilty about this."

"Which is what most guilty people say," Dean tacked on.

"Goodbye Dean," she said seriously, hanging up her phone.

"Everything all right?" Derek asked her, coming further into the office.

"Ah, as far as I'm concerned," Alex assured him, knowing she wasn't going to get away with a full blown lie. "My, um, my brother can't find my dad."

"That doesn't sound all right," he said seriously, looking at her in concern.

"My dad always tears off when he's on a bender," Alex lied. Probably the thing she felt worst about was making it sound like her dad was an alcoholic; that really wasn't fair to John. She was pretty sure that's the lie Sam used too, but that didn't really make her feel better. "He always comes back."

"If it's a family emergency Al, I'm sure Hotch would let you-"

"Yeah, but I don't want to," she stopped him. "I...I walked away from all that. I really don't want anything to do with it," she finished.

"Ok," Derek agreed hesitantly though he couldn't help but think there was more to it. "Well, we've gotta head out," he nodded, which she had suspected, following him into the hall now.

"Where are we headed?" she asked as they were walking.

"Ah, Jericho, California," he recalled for her.

"...what?" Alex asked. He couldn't possibly be serious right now.

"Yeah, I hadn't heard of it before either," he agreed, not getting why she was so thrown off. "It's outside the San Fran area I guess. Anyway, you can read more of the file on the flight but there's been a string of missing persons. Same stretch of road over the last few years. Most recent one was last night."

"Huh," she nodded along, successfully hiding the fact that she felt like she was going to throw up. He obviously didn't realize it, but he was going to be meeting her brothers sooner than she planned.

"You ready?" he asked as they got outside.

"As I'll ever be," she smiled, with him still not picking up that something was wrong.

thanks for reading! what do you think so far? please let me know! :)