Note: Dedicated to Sarah! I was going to write this story all in one huge long chapter, but since she wanted to read it and I won't be writing much at all in the latter part of this week (Thanks to University and my brother's birthday), I have decided to split it into chapters instead!
I hope that FF does not spoil the formatting on this 'fic, otherwise this could get confusing!
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.
1: Boredom
Dear Nymphadora,
Since you were absent from the meeting this evening, Alastor has asked me to update you on what you have missed. He has reminded me about a dozen times in the past half an hour that there were five crucial things that I must not fail to mention. I must confess that I have no idea what he is talking about, but I shall endeavour to leave you suitably well informed nevertheless. Here are five (hopefully) crucual things that you have missed:
1. The next meeting will be held on Wednesday evening at the usual time and place.
2. Dumbledore is looking forward to hearing from you on any developments at the Ministry.
3. Emmeline and Hestia had nothing to report on the situation with the Malfoys.
4. Prior to future meetings we must remember to hide Sirius' supply of Fire Whiskey. This is extremely important, believe me!
5. Constant Vigilance!
Best Wishes,
Remus
Dear Remus,
Thanks for your note, it sounds as if I missed a very interesting meeting to say the least. (Don't you think it is a shame how little sarcasm comes across on parchment?) You did an admirable job of deciphering Mad-Eye's rambling, though in future perhaps you should bear in mind the following five things:
1. If he says a phrase more than three times in the space of one minute, make a note of it because it is probably important and will come back to haunt you later.
2. The importance of Constant Vigilance goes without saying, despite the fact that Mad-Eye says it in every other breath. A tattoo might be more appropriate than simply writing it down.
3. If you can do so without laughing, watch his face. He scrunches it up half a second before announcing something of great importance.
4. If you are sitting nearby when the above happens, make sure you lean away from him because when he utters said thing of great importance he usually spits on the first syllable.
5. If he isn't shouting and making wild hand gestures, ignore whatever it is that he is saying. It simply isn't worth exhausting yourself trying to pay attention for such a long period of time.
See you Wednesday!
Tonks
(Yes, Tonks. Not that other ridiculous name.)
R,
5 Things that I don't really understand about Mad-Eye's current rant:
1. It's giving me a weird sense of de va ju – hasn't he said all of this before? Repeatedly? On many occasions?
2. Have the Death Eaters added the word 'Bloody' to their official title without me noticing? Or are they all Bloody Death Eaters because there have been a lot of nosebleeds at Malfoy Manor recently?
3. Why, whenever he says the phrase 'every single one of us!' does Mad-Eye look directly at me?
4. How are you managing to look so interested?
5. Can you keep up that level of interest and read this note at the same time?
A galleon says you can't!
T.
Tonks,
5 Things to answer your questions:
1. He's said Constant Vigilance five times, Bloody Death Eaters eight times, Vital Importance twelve times and In Dark Times Such As These on at least three occasions.
2. Perhaps the number of nosebleeds has prompted them to make a drastic name alteration and therefore both of your theories are correct? I shall be sure to ask the Lestranges for clarification next time I bump into them.
3. There's probably something wrong with his magical eye.
4. I could tell you, but then I would have to kill you.
5. Can I maintain that level of interest? Since I started writing this he has twice asked me if I am paying attention. Consequently we can safely conclude: Evidently not.
It would appear that I owe you a galleon.
Thank Merlin I think he's about to stop talking!
Living in hope,
Remus.
Remus
You are looking distinctly bored by the no doubt vital things that Snape has to say about...
...whatever it is that he is talking about. I suggest you attempt the following 5 things:
1. Nod your head a little at regular intervals as if you agree with what he is saying.
2. Stop doodling on the parchment in front of you. It is far too obvious. At least make it look as if you are taking notes. (As I am doing right now. Mad-Eye must think I am finding Snape's speech utterly fascinating!)
3. You might bother to actually LOOK at Snape occasionally. In fact look him straight in the eye – he won't see that one coming!
4. Stop kicking Sirius under the table. I know he started it, but it's getting steadily more violent and he missed you just now and kicked me in the shin!
5. Stop glancing in my direction every few minutes – is it because you know what I'm writing? Perhaps Snape is not the only Legilimens sat around this table?
If you cannot manage any of the above and are not successful in pretending to be deeply interested in whatever Snape is saying, at least scribble a note and toss it back my way. I think the boredom is going to kill me!
Help!
Tonks
Tonks,
As you can see I am returning your previous note to you because I fear that you need it more than I do. You look as though you might just drop off to sleep at any moment. Perhaps you should also consider these 5 things:
1. Stop sneaking sips of Sirius' fire whiskey when he is not looking. Alcohol isn't the answer, it will only make concentrating more difficult. Not to mention the fuss Sirius will make when he finally figures out why his glass keeps emptying itself. (Thus far he has probably only concluded that it is yet another ridiculous enchantment placed upon the glassware by his beloved mother. But he WILL spot you soon enough. After all you keep grinning and looking shamelessly guilty)
2. Get up and make yourself a cup of tea. Moving will help jolt you back to full consciousness. You can make me one whilst you are at it. Milk, please. No sugar.
3. Sometimes when bored and sat here I make a mental inventory of how many cups, plates and pieces of cutlery are waiting to be washed up. Don't try it. It has the same effect as counting sheep and will only make slumber yet more inevitable.
4. Concentrate on something constructive. Like another daft note – throw it back this way!
5. Give up. Put your head down and have a snooze. At moments such as this it can be more sensible to simply admit to yourself that resistance is entirely futile.
Sweet Dreams!
Remus