Another Way 'Round the Problem
By Astrild Niflheim
Description: John finally admits to himself that he's not entirely heterosexual. He isn't entirely sure how Sherlock is going to react to this information, however. John/Sherlock
Rating: T – some language
A/N: Ok, I haven't written fanfic in a veeeery long time. I'm not even going to mention what I used to write because I honestly feel that was a completely different person. Good lord, it might have been ten years ago! No, maybe six. Still. Ouch. That said, I am familiar with the writing conventions of fan fiction and slash but I ask to still be considered new at this since it's been so long and this is my very first Sherlock fanfic. I'm sure things have changed and some of the things I do may seem old-fashioned. Or not. I don't know lol. Just forgive any thing blatantly stupid. Ok, thanks for letting me ramble!
Chapter One – Too Much for One Day
"So, that's it then."
"Yes, I'm afraid so. You do understand where I'm coming from, don't you?"
John did. He always understood these conversations, but it was amazing – Amy was being far nicer about it than the last half-dozen.
"Yes," he sighed. "You're breaking up with me because I'm not present enough in our relationship, as you just pointed out."
"Yes," she confirmed, taking a sip of her drink. "You're not spending time with me because you're on call to Sherlock twenty-four seven."
"We solve crimes together. Crime does not stop just because I'm on a date."
"John, the last time you left suddenly it was because he had 'a couple of ideas he just wanted to run by you.' I believe he even said in the text message it could wait."
"And if I had let it wait, he would have pouted for days."
"I know, and that's why I'm not mad. The truth of the matter is, you're already in a relationship. There's no room for me."
And that was the crux of it. Every time he tried to have a normal relationship with a woman, he was reminded that Sherlock was his boyfriend. Everywhere he went, it was implied by people that they interacted with that he and Sherlock were involved. It was even in the papers, with the politely put 'bachelor John Watson.' People were talking, especially his potential girlfriends.
So basically, Sherlock Holmes had ruined yet another relationship.
"Alright. I'm sorry to waste your time, have a good life."
John left the café in a rotten mood, walking down the street towards his flat with his hands buried in his pockets and his shoulders up around his ears. He and Sherlock were decidedly not in a relationship. Ok, they were, but not in a *romantic* relationship. He didn't even like men.
And then John stopped, straightened his posture, closed his eyes and sighed. After everything he had been through, all the death and blood and loss….
So why was he going to keep denying himself something that could make him happy? Why was he going to continue chasing after the traditional dream of a woman to marry? He had always been attracted to women, that was true… but he had always been attracted to men just a little bit more. He didn't know what to call himself. Was he bisexual? He certainly wasn't heterosexual as he had spent his entire life telling himself he was, and he was tired of trying to be.
School, university, the Army… there were always attractive men around and he always noticed. Even now he did. He just always pushed it to the back of his mind. This interest hadn't just crept up on him, it had always been a normal part of who he was. He just didn't necessarily want to be that person.
And what about Sherlock? John made it back home after finally making himself start walking again after what was really an earth shattering coming out – if only to himself – and entered the flat he shared with the detective to find the man in question stretched out on the couch, still in his night-clothes, eyes closed and hands steepled. Well, what about him? So what if he was the possibly the most beautiful, and mad, man he had ever known?
John groaned as he let a thought slide through his brain that he had worked long and hard to keep out. He hadn't even realized he *had* any thoughts like that, but he supposed it made sense. Sherlock had been everything to him for months now, and bloody hell he was in love with him.
"So I take it went badly," Sherlock said in response to the moan, never opening his eyes.
"What? Oh, yes, well, it was a break up meeting."
"Plenty of fish in the sea and all that. Hand me the pen and paper on the desk, would you?"
"Sure. Tea?"
"Yes, thank you."
John went in to the kitchen, knowing his offer to make tea was just to give him a moment to think. Alright, he had finally admitted to himself he liked men, and had acknowledged to himself that he loved one in particular. That was probably enough traumas for one day, but he knew he wasn't done. He knew that he was ready to move on with his life, but it wasn't going to be with Sherlock.
The entire situation made him feel a little sick. He had always imagined that falling in love would be wonderful, but being in love with Sherlock… the man had made it clear from the beginning that he was married to his work. And even if he weren't, John really had no way of knowing if the man was interested in men or women. It had always been implied that he was gay, but that seemed to mainly be because no one had seen him with a woman and the doctor moving in with him sealed it in everyone's minds.
Regardless of Sherlock's orientation, this falling in love bit was miserable. John's life had changed utterly in one day, maybe even in just one hour, and it really made no difference in the end. The first man he loved was destined to remain his best friend and flatmate. His admitting how he felt wasn't going to change anything about that. But that didn't mean he had to stay at a standstill. He could continue what he had with the taller man, and be satisfied with it, while looking for the second man he would love.
It's really what he had been doing all along, he reasoned, he had just been looking in the wrong direction. But how was he going to tell Sherlock that he was going to start dating men? Well, maybe he wouldn't tell him, not right away.
"Tea's on, Sherlock."
"Wonderful. Grab my phone on the way by the desk, would you?"
"Sure."
John deposited the tea on the floor by Sherlock's head and the phone into his hand. The other man finally sat up, picked up his mug, and looked at John for the first time since the doctor had walked through the door.
"What happened to you?"
"What? What do you mean?"
"You're a bit more rumpled than you should be by the break up. Your tone of voice when you told me about it, what little you said, was perfectly clear – it was expected and you weren't devastated. However, you look like you've been on a roller coaster, with the way your hair is sticking up, I imagine from you running your hands through it and tugging on it, as if to try to jump start you thinking process. Clearly, Dr. Watson, something far more interesting than a break up has just happened to you."
John stopped himself from groaning. Just. Of course Sherlock could see that something was up, there was no point in lying to him, or trying to hide it. Which meant there was no way he was going to be able to keep him from figuring out how he felt. Hell, the man probably knew already, way before John did. He could only hope that Sherlock had made the decision not to point it out before because he wanted to keep the status quo, and that he would continue to do so and let them both go on blissfully as if nothing had changed. There was only one way to insure that – enough truth to satisfy the man's one hundred mile per hour brain.
"Well, it wasn't so much the break up that upset me as it was the implications. I can't seem to keep a steady relationship going. Honestly, Sherlock, I have a lot of thinking to do and I can't share information with you that I don't have."
"What on earth do you have to think about? So you haven't found a woman that will tolerate your work. That's one reason I don't bother with those types of relationships. Entirely too dull. You should just give up the dating and stick with me."
"Really? What would people say?" John asked with some humor, feeling his heart skip a beat all the same.
"Oh, you know what I meant," Sherlock griped, taking a drink of his tea and smirking at his friend.
The look the detective was giving him made his stomach do an odd little flip he had never noticed before, but was sure he had felt around him. Unfortunately, he knew exactly what Sherlock meant, and it wasn't what he would have liked, but he had already made his peace with that. He hoped he had, anyhow. Wasn't he still under the illusion that he was a perfectly heterosexual male on his way to see his girlfriend just that morning? It seemed like weeks ago.
"Well, I do need to think whether you think I do or not," he finally managed, gathering up their mugs and taking them to the kitchen before heading up to his room. "I'll be upstairs if you need me."
He locked himself away quietly to ponder what he was going to do now, hoping he had giving Sherlock enough to satisfy himself. It had been one hell of a day for John Watson, and there was entirely too much of it left.
TBC