Only You
By ArchangelUK

I don't own Neon Genesis Evangelion. Neither do I own the song "Only You" or indeed this particular copy of "Ryouji Kaji Sings Andrew Lloyd Webber" its a friends. Now, insert blank cd into CD-RW drive........

Rei lay on her bed, the dirty sheets partly encrusted with her own dried blood in places lay crinkled beneath her lithe form and school uniform. The immaculately coloured uniform was only one of a handful of sets of clothes she possessed. This did not bother her however, for what would be the point of possessing something? Someone who is fake need not try to fill the void of his or her existence with belongings. Rei longed to return to the nothingness she had originated from, there was no point in making her life any more comfortable. Enjoyable.

Pleasant.

Ba da da dum... Ba da da dum...
Ba da da dum... Ba da da dum...

She sighed, there was only one person who had brought her comfort, a feeling inside of self-worth, of value. Ironic then that he observed in his own mind that he had no value.

No value at all.

Rei did not understand what irony was, like she didn't understand the importance of laughter, what 'fun' was or why she now cried. Rei didn't understand why when she stared out of the window she saw the night sky when others would see a beautiful night sky. Although she didn't understand irony she was aware there was something about that statement that was at least peculiar.

Ba da da dum... Ba da da dum...
Ba da da dum... Ba da da dum...

Oddly restless, Rei turned over onto her back, looking upwards at the ceiling as opposed to the moon which tonight of all nights seemed to hide behind any cloud passing. Hopping from one to another in some heavenly game of hide and seek. The ceiling although much less interesting at least stayed still in one fixed place. In the corner an old spider was busy waiting for a fly to enter it's dusty and slightly broken old web. It had been there as long as Rei could remember, although admittedly the majority of her memories from the Second were still fuzzy. She let it be, after all it was merely living its life, it was its nature to build webs and who was she to tell it where? A ceiling fan, minus one of its three wooden veneered plastic blades rotated lazily as though the power source that supplied it dwindled with every spin.

Looking from a window above, it's like a story of love.

There was one person who brought her interest and yet he in his own mind believed himself to be weak, as weak as the fan that rotated so slowly and was even now coming to a complete stop. Yet Rei knew this was not so, that he was stronger, stronger than any of them.

She found, with more resignation than she thought possible, that her wall was just as bland as her ceiling. On the small table by the side stood a calendar - 'Tokyo 2 Skyline' said the notice and yes it did indeed hold a picture of the partially familiar view of the second New Tokyo.

It lied to her. It had lied everyday for three years and still it lied.

Can you hear me?

The date on the page was December 2012, three years since it was accurate. It was not efficient to have such an inaccurate calendar - why did she keep it? But of course, it had been a present (as such) from the Commander, one of the few things he had ever given her. Her eyes flicked over from the desk to her chest of drawers and locked on to the hard leather case that lay on top of it. Lies. The Commander lied all the time, to the Third and Second Children, Doctor Akagi, Major Katsuragi, Vice-Commander Fuyutski even the organisation she knew as SEELE. It was necessary she knew, but it was disturbing how it came so easily to him. Did he lie to her? Would he lie to her?

Came back only yesterday, moving further away.

There was one person who would never lie to her except he lied to himself. Lied that he was cowardly, lied that he was weak, lied that he was dishonest. Rei didn't realise just how much she thought about him until now, maybe the Second thought more, maybe she did not think of him as much, maybe she ignored him.

Unlikely.

Want you near me...

He was the only one who made an effort continuously to try and be her friend and he was. He cared about her not because she was a pilot like NERV did, nor because she had a 'purpose' like the Commander did. No, he cared for her simply because she was she, that was all he asked of her. He brought her, in this world of discomfort, some form of inner peace and clarity. Rei had smiled for Shinji Ikari and he had smiled at her.

All I needed was the love you gave,
All I needed for another day.

She wasn't smiling now however, Shinji had been avoiding her of late and upon some investigation of the matter she had discovered why. Dr Akagi had shown him and Major Katsuragi her 'sisters' before proceeding to destroy them. Now she was both the third Rei Ayanami and the last, the final Rei. She no longer went to school - it wasn't necessary anyway and she would not find the Third Child there,

And all I ever knew.

He knew about her and what she 'was' and he could not bare to face her. Something inside her ached with sorrow, it ached for that which was not there and could not be found.

Only you.

Shinji Ikari was lost.

Not in the sense of his location, neither was he floating around in LCL as nothing but an ego. Shinji Ikari was lying on his immaculately turned out bed, his left arm resting partly over his forehead. It was as though he was about to wipe some perspiration from his brow. He was also very much in his own body, though he was very much not whole. Shinji felt as though his soul had been ripped out, he felt hollow and empty. He did not smile, he did not frown, Shinji Ikari just was.

Sometimes when I think of your name, and it's only a game,

"Rei." He sighed, as though in that one name he described every thought and feeling that flowed through his young head. Every problem. Every solution. Everything. She was the only person he could rely on; Rei was the constant - his only constant. His father, Misato, Asuka, his friends, NERV, Angels, Evangelions, the world could be turned upside down and inside out yet Rei through it all would still be Rei. Except the world was not what it was and when he looked for Rei what he saw was not her, but instead someone else or something else, but never Rei. Not anymore.

And I need you.

Asuka; oh he had tried to help her. He tried and tried and nothing came from it she still treated him like he was less than something she'd found on her shoe. Still he tried though as he knew her secret, that the Second Child the world saw was not the real Asuka Langley Sohryu. She didn't know how he felt about him, about Misato, about anything really but he was confident in that one fact. She had no consideration for their feelings, only that they knew she existed so she could feel that she had worth.

Worth?

Misato, she tried to be a mother, a sister but no she couldn't understand him either. No one could understand him. All Misato knew was her value based upon the love others showed her and that she showed them in return. Shinji inwardly flinched at the thought of Misato doing... that.

Value?

Listening to the words that you say, getting harder to stay,

All the female characters in his life seemed to be either psychotic or mysterious - Lt Ibuki was withdrawn to anybody except her sempai if truth be told, though she always seemed to have time for Shinji. Add to that list Hikari who was an authority freak - Kensuke's words not his. Yes, and even the unflappable Ritsuko whom he thought, or at least had thought was as sane as the next person, (or at least anyone normal) had been an emotional nutcase. Shinji cringed again at the thought of countless Rei clones calling out to him before disappearing in a sea of red blood. He sniffed the hand that lay over his face and praised that the smell of LCL was not there; if he had smelled that goodness knows what he'd have done.

When I see you.

Rei. At least with her he had been partly understood. He was sure there had been something about the spirit-like pilot of the Prototype Evangelion 00 and he was right. The feeling that had plagued him was now explained, laid bare in the most traumatic way possible. Rei Ayanami was, in part, his mother. Not that she was his mother obviously; Yui was his mother, Yui Ikari.

Yui Ikari.

Rei Ayanami.

Yui Ayanami.

Rei Ikari.

All I needed was the love you gave, all I needed for another day.

His brain whirled around inside his head, the poor boy didn't know what to think anymore everything that had seemed so simple was now so complicated and everything he had thought to be complicated now seemed impossible. Unable to decide what he should feel at this moment Shinji clenched up his fists and curled into as tight a ball as he could.

And all I ever knew.

His father. What had he done to them, his mother's soul inside Eva Unit 01, her likeness and genetics in Rei Ayanami. Rei, whom he had implicitly trusted had not told him the one thing she should have, how many times had he talked of his mother and she'd been silent? She had betrayed him with silence, betrayed him just like everyone else did. Yet she was not like everyone else now was she, so then what was Rei Ayanami? Who and what was the First Child? He no longer could tell.

Was there someone to blame? Was this all someone's fault?

"Who is bad?"
"Father is, the Father who abandoned us."

Only you.

Rei suddenly realised her room had vanished and she was standing outside an apartment of some kind. She looked round curiously having been so wrapped up wither her thoughts of the Third Child she neglected to notice her own body almost on autopilot or perhaps instinct leave her room and make her way here. But where was here? She looked up and saw the metal engraved nameplate 'Katsuragi' on the door - the Major's residence, also that of Ikari-kun and Pilot Sohryu. Now she was outside his front door her hand was raised as though to knock, why had she come here? Was Ikari in? What would he say when he saw her? Would he even see her? Her raised fist hovered unsteadily unsure as to what to do, so her other hand reached out and rang the doorbell.

Ding Dong...

Shinji opened his previously screwed up eyeballs and blinked away tears of confusion. Who could that be at this hour? It couldn't be Misato as she was at work all night with tests and a meeting with Section 2 or something. It couldn't be Asuka as she was still hospitalised and even if she'd had some kind of miracle recovery NERV would have rung. Hell, at least to give him a sporting chance.

"Of course it's not me!" Asuka's voice shot through his thoughts, "Why would I ring my own front doorbell? Are you suggesting the great Asuka Langley Sohryu would forget her own keys you IDIOT?" Shinji gave a low growl in his throat at the prospect of an Asuka onslaught right now - something he seriously didn't need. Slowly he got to his feet and shuffled zombie-like out of his room before turning a slow 90 degrees to the left and opening the door.

He blinked.

Ba da, ba da, Ba da da dum...
Ba da da dum... ba da da ba da da dum...

She blinked back.

"What can I do for you Ayanami?" Shinji's voice was more level than he thought it would be, at this moment in time he was torn between joy, misery and anger the three jostled for position inside him as he waited for the albino girl to answer.

"I..." There was a pause; Rei searched Shinji's eyes. It was said that eyes were the windows to the soul, so maybe that was why hers were red Rei thought. Shinji's eyes looked dull, sunken, the pupils were small, the whites were pink and bloodshot and the rims red from the tears he'd shed. Rei swallowed, "I thought it was best that we talked." She was less than comfortable with this situation and she knew that he must be upset by her presence but unfortunately for them both it was necessary.

Ba da, ba da, Ba da, Ba da
Ba da da da dum da da Ba da da da da dum...

"You? Talk?" Rei's statement left Shinji dumbfounded; she did not go out of her way for conversation with anyone. The First Child nodded and Shinji let her into the house before apologising quickly and popping back into his room to change into his normal clothes. He had been in his night attire after all. Opening his door he found Rei still standing in the living room, he walked in calmly or as calmly as he could. Rei would not sit down until invited to do so by the brown haired youth.

"You know."

"Yes."

Years upon years of betrayal, months upon months of lies and secrets all summed up within an interchange of only three words. No further explanation was required at this point, no need for 'how's or anything else, there was another long pause. Rei clasped her hands together, feeling her skin rub against itself.

All I needed was the love you gave, all I needed for another day.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Shinji asked quietly, looking directly into Rei's eyes he was surprised to see traces of emotion flicker across them.

"I did not know, all... that I do now."

"Did you know about my mother?"

"In what respect?"

"YOU!" Shinji pointed, Rei twitched at his cry and leant back a bit to put some distance between herself and the Third Child.

"I am sorry, I did not know whether you meant myself or the Evangelion."

"I... meant you Ayanami." Shinji said, trying to relax. "I didn't mean to snap at you."

"You have reason Ikari, I did know I was a clone partly originating from your mother."

Shinji's ears pricked up, "Partly?"

"Yes." Rei frowned and turned to face the window where outside a pair of songbirds flew in a complex pattern around each other, past each other, above and below each other - Displaying, she surmised. "This will be difficult for you to accept."

"Go on."

And all I ever knew.

"I am partly made from the Angel on the cross inside Terminal Dogma."

Shinji knew of the Angel kept under their very feet, but he did not know about Rei's other origin. He got up and paced, "So, you're part-Angel."

"Yes."

Enemy. Enemy. That which attacks us is the enemy....

Only you.

"Ikari I did not know about the Evangelions, I did not know they contained human souls. I... did not know about Unit 01." It was indeed as big a shock for her as it was for Shinji, now she understood why it had refused her when the fourteenth Angel attacked. It thought it had been her piloting when the Dummy Plug had destroyed the thirteenth and injured Suzahara-kun. Yui Ikari wouldn't let that happen again. It also explained why Rei could synch so well with Unit One beforehand.

"Why should I believe you?" Shinji's voice was quiet and cold, so much so it almost had a metallic tinge to it.

"Because I speak the truth." And she was, though Shinji was not buying it. He turned from her and threw his hands in the air in exasperation.

"How can I tell? You could be lying to me again!"

"I am not lying. I have never lied to you, I was ordered not to tell you."

"You never lied to me?"

"You never asked me."

"You can lie in other ways Ayanami."

"You can?" Rei blinked, "I did not know this."

"Well you do now Ayanami." He snorted and marched into the kitchen, roughly turning the tap on and pouring a glass of water before downing it in one and slamming it down onto the counter.

This is gonna take a long time, and I wonder what's mine,

"Rei."

"What?"

"Rei. I w-would like you to call me Rei."

"Very well - Rei." You could almost see the venom drip from her name; the new angry Shinji took Rei aback. If she were honest of all the ways she had foreseen this turning out it was so far going pretty worse than she thought it could.

"May I also call you Shinji?"

"If you believe it necessary."

"You have been avoiding me lately Shinji."

"What did you expect?"

Rei cocked her head to the side, "I do not know."

"So what do we do now?"

"I don't understand" Shinji rubbed his temples; she really needed to learn more language skills.

"About us?"

"I would like us to be friends again."

Can't take no more.

"You don't understand Rei, before all of this I... felt something for you. Something other than friendship, and now that I know about you." Shinji could not face her and he leant his head against the wall, "I don't know if I can see you again Rei."

"Wh-what?" Rei's heart shattered into a thousand pieces, she suddenly felt very... unwell. "Shinji please..."

"No, Rei. Just go - please."

What Shinji heard next was surprising, it sounded like a whimpering at first, very quiet and he barely caught it. But this suddenly became sniffing and as he turned around it became fully blown sobs as Rei Ayanami, a girl with less emotion than anyone Shinji had ever known burst into a flood of tears.

"R-Rei?"

"Please Shinji, please." Rei bawled, falling to her knees in front of him.

"You're crying!" Any anger Shinji still possessed instantly dissipated when he saw Rei crying her heart out on the floor in front of him. His kind personality, though still tempered with uncertainty immediately took back control of him.

Wonder if you understand,

"I h-have been since the 16th Angel, and I d-don't know why..." Tears of frustration joined those of sorrow. "I don't understand!" Rei brought her hands to her face and continued to cry; Shinji did not know what to do. "Please don't abandon me Shinji, don't abandon me like he will..."

"He?" Shinji then realised whom she'd meant, she'd meant his father,

"Ssh, Rei please." He wanted her to be happy, no really he needed her to be happy, he didn't know what to do. After all he was still a child... A visibly embarrassed Shinji sat down next to her and Rei buried her head into his shoulder. What could have prompted this complete breakdown? Shinji rubbed her back and tried to soothe her, could the mask she wore that had kept her emotions in check for so very long crumpled under the sheer weight of Shinji saying he no longer wanted to see her? Did she care for him that much? Given the information Shinji now possessed he found the idea a little stomach churning.

"I d-don't understand." She repeated in between sobs, "I don't."

It took 15 minutes for Rei to fully calm down, in time she regained control of her thoughts and reverted to the old Rei yet still she trembled slightly. They'd moved onto the sofa, as the floor was cold and hard. Shinji leant his head back and got a mass of blue hair in his right eye as a reward, he adjusted himself and looked down at Rei. She had a strong grip around his waist; his arm was round her back. He'd never really hugged anyone before. He'd been hugged many times; when he had returned from the twelfth angel despite being all but comatose Misato launched herself at his prone form.

It's just the tough of your hand,

Despite all his inner confusion he smiled when she apologised, "I'm sorry, I do not know what to do or say."

"Then don't say anything." Shinji gave her a light squeeze that she reciprocated.

"Do you know, why I dislike the colour red?"

"No."

"My eyes."

"What about them Rei?"

Behind a closed door.

"Every time I look in a mirror I see them, red, red eyes - I hate them."

"I don't get it."

"Every time I see them I am reminded of what I am. Every time all I hear is the word 'fake'."

"You aren't fake Rei."

"A creature with fake body and a fake soul."

"Created by a man named Gendo Ikari..."

"You aren't fake." Shinji repeated, his voice full of warmth and sincerity.

"As good as." Rei closed her eyes, "I do not even understand what it is to cry, or the feelings I feel right now."

Shinji gave a wistful smile, "So even an Angel can cry." Rei looked up angrily and he immediately kicked himself.

"I am not an Angel."

"I'm sorry, but you said..."

"I am not your mother either."

"But your DNA." Shinji pointed out, "You said you were created with my mother's DNA."

"Yes I bare a likeness to her. Your father created me Shinji, he created me for a purpose. A purpose I know not of." Rei's gaze hardened for a second. This was news to Shinji, he had guessed as much but he could not remember his mother.

"A reminder?"

"Perhaps, but I am NOT her. I am created from the Angel, but I am NOT the Angel. The Angel DNA and Human DNA make up 50% each of my structure."

"But..."

"The DNA of an Angel is similar to that of a human, the merging process took both and fused them, in the process however both were altered considerably. Because of that I have only 32% of the original human elements unaltered, as such I am no way like your mother."

"Wait..." Shinji scratched his head, "Are you telling me you are in fact probably genetically very distant from my mother."

"And you Shinji, most humans are over 98% genetically the same and I am significantly distant from your mother, in all reality Pilot Sohryu is most likely closer in genetics."

After everything Shinji had heard in the last few weeks that was the one thing Shinji probably needed to hear least of all. The shock of finding out about Rei was one thing, but Asuka would just about tip him over the edge.

"Besides, I care about you too..." Shinji blinked and looked down at a slightly crimson faced Rei.

Ohhhh boy.....

"You care about me?"

"I believe I became upset at the thought of you abandoning me? I would not know what to do if you were not in my life." Rei said with the hint of a sigh, "I would be alone."

"If you weren't here so would I."

"As long as we are together Shinji-kun, we will never be alone."

"True, but for the meantime I would just like us to be friends." Shinji noticed the hurt look in Rei's eyes but she nodded, "If that's okay. I need some time to think about things."

"That is agreeable." She understood him, finally someone understood him.

All I needed was the love you gave, all I needed for another day.

Shinji pulled Rei closer and tightened the hug, again she squeezed back and he leant his head on hers. Time, he had said, he needed time and she gave him it, how long would he need to make the decision? They both knew now that each loved the other, but it would be up to Shinji to decide where it went. Whether her origins were too close to home or not.

"Shinji?"

"Yes Rei."

"Will you be going to school tomorrow?"

"No." He shook his head.

"I will not be participating either."

"I see."

"What will you be doing tomorrow?"

And all I ever knew.

Shinji looked out the window, on the balcony rail two songbirds sat together preening each other, then one took off without warning. Shinji watched as it flew off into the distance leaving the first alone, it flew out over the trees and in the direction of the sun. Shinji followed it until it was but a dot on the horizon and he could see it no more. He turned his gaze back to the first songbird, which still sat alone on the rail.

"I don't know." He finally said, "I think I'll decide tomorrow...."

Only you.

ArchangelUK 0:-)