This was all just so stupid, so goddamn stupid. Rule number one had always been "don't get attached" and he had followed that rule to the letter his entire life. But now….now it was different. She was different. Or maybe he was; maybe years of living with the Formans had made him soft.
God, he couldn't stop thinking about her. Brunettes had never really been his thing, but hey; neither had girls with shrill voices and a love for disco and now he was a goner for a girl that loved everything he hated.
Well, that wasn't necessarily true. She had started listening to Zeppelin, the Stones, shit like that. And not just when she was around the gang. One time he had gone over to her house to….well, he forgot what excuse he had come up with then, but it wasn't just to see her. That would be crazy. Anyways, he had walked up to her front door and heard the pounding drums and guitar riff of Immigrant Song and when she opened the door, hand to God, he thought he could fall in love right there.
But he wouldn't. That's not what he did. Love was for suckers. Love was for chicks. Hell, love was for wusses like Forman. God, he got one piece of ass and decided that that was it. Crazy, right? One girl? For the rest of his life? God, he was an idiot. But sometimes….well, it was easy to get jealous of Forman's one-track heart. Because, as much of a dumbass as he was, Forman knew what he wanted. Not everyone had that luxury. Some people end up sitting on a couch in a dark basement, trying desperately not to think of the one person he couldn't have.
Girls were always throwing themselves at him, and he liked it...sometimes. But sometimes, he would stop and realize that these girls were only trying to make it with him to prove something to themselves, or their friends, or their parents. He was "dangerous" and therefore, doing him was "an adventure." A chick told him that one time….gave him a sick feeling in his stomach.
But she had never been like that. Well, okay, there was that 3 week stretch when she thought they were in love. But she realized she was being crazy and dropped it. Why couldn't he realize he was being crazy? He had to be, right? For thinking, dreaming, God, longing for this girl?
It was easy to pretend he didn't care, though. Hiding behind sunglasses and beer cans and jokes that were a little too forced; well, it was simple. And no one was looking for anything, so they didn't see it. They didn't see how he caught his breath when she walked in the room, how he clenched his fists when she draped herself all over Kelso, how he bit his lip when she bent over to get a popsicle out of the freezer.
And this is how it would stay. He would shake this….whatever it was. He had to. Because nothing would ever come of it; just another small tragedy in his already tragic life. And he'd had enough of those to know that, as time passes, you learn to forget. Here's hoping time passes damn fast. For now, he'll just light up and pretend his heart doesn't belong to anyone at all.