Title: "The Child He Gave Her"
Disclaimer: The characters of Fox Mulder and Dana Scully are property and creation of Chris Carter and 1013 productions, I'm just borrowing them. No copyright infringement intended.
Spoilers: Hmmm..."Requiem", "William", "The Truth". Of course I hope you've seen those
episodes because this would make a whole bunch more sense if you had.
Synopsis: This is part four, kind of, sort of, my post "The Truth" stories that began
with "Enigmatic Scully" and was followed by "In Her Eyes" and "Memories".
Dana Scully was running through a field just a few feet behind the person she was in pursuit of, behind her there was something or someone chasing her. She couldn't quite tell who or what it was she just had a general sense of unease of her pursuer. She felt a scream build in her throat as she was suddenly thrown to the ground, as she screamed she saw the person
in front of her turn and look. She could hardly believe her eyes, "William?!" she yells.
"Shhh Scully, it's all right, I'm here." She felt Mulder's arms around her, holding her and comforting her, taking her out of the nightmare that had plagued her for a few nights now, always the same with the only variances being the terrain around her and the age of their son.
"Was it the same dream, Scully?" Mulder asks a look of concern on his face as he kisses the top of her head.
Scully's body is racked with sobs, and she is unable to answer at first, Mulder
continues holding and rocking her waiting for her fear and pain to subside. He wished yet again that he could find a way to take her pain away, remove the guilt that still plagued her over her decision to give up their son but he knew the only thing he could do for her was to be there for her. She said it was enough, but he always felt like he had to do more, that he had to fix it somehow for her, but he had no idea how. It hurt him that in addition to everything she had gone through during his self imposed banishment she was plagued by nightmares of their son.
He hears her say quietly "yes" and hears the hitch in her voice as she continues, "something was chasing me, like always, I fell and then I saw him, this time, at around 10 years of age. I knew it was him, even though he didn't say anything. I just knew. This time we were
running through a forest, I'm not sure but," she takes a pause, steeling herself before continuing, "I think it was the same forest you disappeared in."
Scully hears Mulder's intake of breath and feels him physically react to the last
bit, almost as if someone had punched him. She begins stroking his back, soothing him, as he does her. "How do you know?" he asks, his voice barely above a whisper.
"Mulder, do you have any idea how much time I spent there after you disappeared? I
crossed that terrain more times than I could count, looking for something, anything to tell me where you were and who took you."
"I'm sorry Scully." Mulder says as he hugs her closer to him, yet another thing that he felt guilty about that he couldn't change.
"No need for apologies Mulder, it was my choice, my decision to spend as much time as I did there not yours. You didn't exactly choose to get abducted now did you?"
Mulder says nothing for a moment, just holds Scully closer as he processes what
she said. Yes, he didn't choose to get abducted but he did choose to leave a few months after his return from the dead. He told himself he did it for their own good, for the safety of Scully, for the safety of their son, but in the end it didn't really matter that he had left them, for things
turned out far worse than he could have ever imagined. Granted, he didn't think things would go as badly as they had, but if he had been there it might have made it easier on Scully, made it all slightly less stressful for her to deal with. The thing that pained him most was the idea that he
had failed his family as its protector. By not being there he wasn't able to keep William or Scully safe just like he had failed Samantha all those years ago. He felt Scully's hands still on his back as she looked up at him and into his eyes."It's ok Mulder I don't blame you. It happened, there's no need to assign blame when it can't be changed."
This is what made it all the worse for him to deal with, her unflinching devotion
to him despite everything that had happened. If only she would get angry, yell, scream, blame him, hell even call him names, anything to make herself feel better and share the burden with him. No, not his Scully she stood by him through everything, with no ill word or blame. It really was maddening sometimes how infinite her patience with him was. Granted, he treasured it and loved it but he wished that sometimes she would let some of the anger out and not be so bottled up all the time. She had no problem explaining to him how she felt about giving up William, how it made her feel more empty than she could ever express in words. She also had no
problem telling him how much she loved him and the life they had made together. He
tried to convince her that it was ok to be angry, that it was fine with him if he felt some of the anger since it was due to his absence that she had made the decision she was forced to make. He knew he should consider himself lucky, lucky that he had such a wonderful woman by his side. He felt her hands tighten around him, felt her squeeze him closer to her as she burrowed
her head in his chest. She began stroking his back as Mulder kissed the top of her head.
She let out a sigh as she brought Mulder back from wherever his thoughts had
taken him. She knew that he wanted more from her, he wanted her to somehow express her anger that he believed she should hold towards him, but it simply didn't exist. He had given her the greatest of gifts, he had given her their son. Yes, he was only in her life for a short time, but it was a time she would never had experienced if it hadn't been for the child Mulder had given
her. She could still remember the way his small body felt in her arms, the way it felt when she fed him. That sensation she knew could never be replicated, or explained accurately to anyone else. If it hadn't been for Mulder helping her conceive their son she would have never experienced any of it. This is why she couldn't be angry with him, why she couldn't blame him.
She tilted her head up towards him and Mulder gave his wife a deep, long kiss. As their kiss deepened, their hands lost the languid quality they had and their strokes on each other's backs became more and more wanting.
Scully felt Mulder's hand on her back as it snaked the way up her pajama top. She
reciprocated and felt him suck in his breath at the suddenness of her touch. She broke off their kiss and smiled up at him. "Why Agent Mulder, don't tell me I surprised you."
Mulder smiled down at his wife, saying nothing as he kissed her again.