"White Houses" Is a song by Vanessa Carlton that I thought fit well with this story. I would recommend listening to the song but I put the lyrics so you don't have to.
Warning: The rating may change to M if reviewers feel i should. There is sexual content, underaged drinking, abortion, cursing, and drug use, so I am very sorry if I offend anyone. Just leave a review politely asking for a rating change and I will do so.
Crashed on the floor when I moved in
this little bungalow with some strange new friends
Stay up too late, and I'm too thin
My first thought when I wake up is 'my back hurts' my second thought is 'oh shit, first day of school.' Strangely enough the fact that I don't speak much Italian – despite having had a private tutor for six months to learn it- never once crosses my mind. I sigh and get up, walking across my empty room to the suit case. There's a note on the top Hey Emily, the moving Fairy's will be here when you get back so feel free to explore your new home when you get back – dad I smile.
The moving fairies were something my dad made up when I was three and we lived in Saudi Arabia, I went to day care and came back to an empty house. When I asked why my dad picked me up and said. "Because Emi love, the moving fairies are taking our things to our new home."
I get dressed in jeans and my favorite red top, open the window and a third thought crosses my mind. "Damn." I curse "It's five am!" Of course it is. Jetlag, no matter how many times I move I will never get used to it. I decide on just getting some toast and grabbing my back pack.
"Emily! You have to eat that in the house!" My mother calls.
"Mom! I've been better for weeks now!" I protest, ever since I got back from Rhodes Farm, a treatment center for Anorexia, my mother hasn't let me eat a meal why she or someone else wasn't watching.
"I don't care Emily, eat." She orders. I roll my eyes and sit down, quickly eating the three pieces of toast she's given me. "Are you going to explore Rome?"
"Yeah, I am. Bye!" I say getting up and rushing out the door.
As soon as I'm out in the early morning light my body relaxes, I walk the block and a half to the Trievi Fountain. I sit down against the fountain, I'm facing the school that opens in two hours. The Scuola Italiana di grandi menti The Italian School of the Great Minds. The language spoken there is only Italian. Mom claims there are three other Americans, but I have my doubts.
Two hours later I walk into my first class. Math, great. "Sei Emily?" the teacher asks.
My name, he wants my name. "Si, il mio nome è Emily" I nod, he points me to a space between two boys. One looks kind of like a puppy, round face, longish hair, and big brown eyes. The other is, well he's cute. Dark shaggy curls, and blue eyes, that sparkle with mischief. I sit between them.
"il mio nome è Emily" I say, as I pull out my math book.
"Babe, we speak English." The blue eyed boy says, I raise my eyebrows at him.
"Thats John, John Cooley." The puppy like boy says. "I'm Matthew, Matthew Benton."
Oh great, I think, the Benton boy. I met his father last night and he hates me, and I assume this kid will to.
"Emily, Emily Prentiss." I smile at him none the less.
At lunch the two of them take me to meet a girl named Jenny, or as Matthew says in his funny way "Jenny, Jenny Kerwitz." Jenny's got dark wavy hair, and dancing green eyes. She looks like a trouble maker but I need to fit in.
"So you're Ambassador Prentiss' daughter." Jenny says, looking at me as though she's assessing me.
"Yes." I say.
"Well, welcome to Rome. We're all going to the Coliseum later would you like to join us?" She asks, raising a dark eyebrow, its become clear she's the leader of the group, and it takes me a moment to figure out if she's being genuine.
Oh well, I think Quando a Roma fate come i romani
Now we're spinning empty bottles
It's the five of us
The four of us sit against the Coliseum. Jenny wants to play spin the bottle, only none of us have a bottle so we sit around mostly. Even though its only four in the afternoon I find myself nodding off. It happened all day in school too, Matthew had to wake me at the end of History class.
"Are you okay?" Matthew asks, Jenny and John are too busy making out to notice my exhaustion.
"Yeah," I lie "I'm just tired."
"No, its Jetlag, come on I'll walk you home." He offers. I decide he's right I do need to go home and get my homework done.
"Okay." I say, he holds his hand out to help me up and I accept. "Are they together?" I ask.
"No, but they uh, they sleep around and when they can't find anyone to sleep with them they go for each other." He explains shaking his head disapprovingly
"Oh," I say picking up my back pack, I'm sweating and even though its October Rome is only just cooling off.
"Are you sure you're okay? I know the first day of school can be tough, but when you're speaking a new language it's even harder." He smiles warmly at me.
"Yeah I'm sure." I nod, he's right though it's exhausting.
"No, you're not." He chuckles grabbing my back pack from me.
"Give it back." I say.
"No, you are exhausted, besides it's not that heavy." He smiles. "I know all you want is some sleep, I've been there, just last month actually."
"Fine." I glare at him, trying to hide how uncomfortable his presence makes me.
"Hey, I know you're uncomfortable and if it's about my dad, well he doesn't really like anyone." He smiles broadly "I like you though, I'm a pretty good judge of character, and you seem alright."
"Thanks." I smile back relaxing a bit.
"Well here we are, look I live just two houses over, we can walk to school together tomorrow okay?" He smiled handing me my back pack.
"Okay, bye Matthew." I smile
"Bye Emily."
With pretty eyed boys girls die to trust
I can't resist the day
No, I can't resist the day
Over the next four days I get to know Matthew, John and Jenny better, and it becomes apparent that John just likes getting in girls pants and all Jenny wants is someone –and it really doesn't matter who – in hers.
"Come on Matthew you'd like it." Jenny coaxes.
"No, Jenny I've told you before I'm –" Matthew starts
"I know I know, saving yourself for marriage!" Jenny rolls her eyes and shoots me a 'can you believe him' look.
"Are they always like this?" I ask John.
"Yeah pretty much, Jenny only has two hobbies, sex and ballet." John chuckles. "Not bad hobbies if I say so myself."
I laugh weakly, honestly I am still a virgin, isn't everyone at fifteen? I hear Matthew calling my name, and hurry after him towards home.
"Sorry she's just getting on my nerves." He sighs.
"It's okay." I say.
"It's not, it happens every few days… I should be used to It by now…" He frowns.
"It's fine, really, it's not exactly polite of her to be trying to seduce you." I say.
"Okay… Oh and I was going to ask you if you'd like to come to church on Sunday with my family." He shifts nervously.
"um, sure." I nod smiling, wanting him to relax a bit.
"Okay, well I'll see you then!" he smiles.
Jenny screams out and it's no pose
'Cause when she dances she goes and goes
Beer through the nose on an inside joke
And I'm so excited, I haven't spoken
Over the next six months I get to know them better, on Sunday's I go to church with Matthew's family. He's got six sisters, and he's the oldest, the youngest is only a year old. It is painfully obvious Matthew's parents don't like me. Still when spring break rolls around I hang out with Matthew.
That Friday I am invited to a party at Jenny's house, I accept not quite sure what to expect. Its John who opens the door and hands be a plastic cup filled with a foamy liquid.
"What's this?" I ask.
"Beer." He grins, I'm not even old enough to drink, but I don't want to be the odd one out so I do. It's better than I expected, and I end up drinking four more cups. Being a recovering Anorexic and weighing in at only 102 pounds this means I am really drunk.
I find myself in a closet feverishly kissing John, he's tugging at the hem of my tank top and I pull it off for him. His shirt was lost long ago and he moved to kiss my neck. I let him, the rational part of my brain was dim in the back ground but I got the vague feeling I should stop. I don't though.
When I wake up its four am and I fumble for my clothes in the dark, I'm sore, so very sore. I put my clothes on and then I see John laying naked next to where I was just minutes ago. It takes all I've got not to scream and I run from Jenny's house. Its only four blocks back to my house but I am still quite a bit drunk and it seems to take me forever.
Not wanting to go home I pick up some pebbles and toss them at Matthew's window, I'm crying now and when he opens it he see's this. He closes the window and a few minutes later he's standing in front of me.
"Emily what's wrong?" He asks, draping an extra jacket over my shivering body, though its April the night is cold.
"I-I-" I can't even get the words out, he frowns.
"Did you get drunk at the party?" He asks. I nod, and lean against him crying. "Okay, okay, it's okay." He whispers hugging me. "Come on." He says leading me up the street.
It takes me a minute to realize where we are, the Trievi Fountain, I look to him for an explanation but he only leads me to a bench and sits me down next to him.
"What happened?" He asks putting an arm around my shoulders.
I quickly spit out everything I can remember though only every other word is clear. He stays quiet and strokes my hair as I finally stop crying.
And she's so pretty, and she's so sure
Maybe I'm more clever than a girl like her
Summer's all in bloom
Summer is ending soon
The next day I wake safely in bed, its noon and Matthew is sitting on the floor reading a book. "M-matthew?"
"Oh, you're up, good you're breakfast is starting to get cold." He says.
"Breakfast?" I ask
"Your parents left at around eight, I made you breakfast about a half an hour ago when you started to stir a bit." He explains.
"But its Sunday…" I say, taking the plate he hands me.
"No actually its Saturday, you've only slept through most of it." He smiles up at me.
"How long have you been here?" I frown.
"Well I brought you home at around five am, and tucked you into bed, slept here on the floor, I woke to your parents leaving." He yawns, clearly still tired.
I feel guilty, his parents are probably worried sick about him. "What about your parents?" I ask
"I called them, and told them you needed some homework help." He smiles.
"Thanks Matthew." I smile.
"Any time Emily."
It's alright and it's nice not to be so alone
But I hold on to your secrets in white house's
Four weeks later I hope he meant anytime. He finds me in the church bathroom heaving the contents of my stomach into the toilet. I know what this means, I knew two days ago when I missed my period, but now it's as though the bag of fate has been closed. Leaving me doomed to suffocate inside.
"M-matthew." I choke out when I see him.
"Oh, Emily." He breathes. I expect him to leave, but he doesn't. He kneels beside me and pulls my hair back as I vomit again. When the second wave is finally over I am crying, he hands me a paper towel and flushes the toilet.
"Wh-what am I going to do?!" I sob as he pulls me to him, hugging me tightly.
"Stay home from school sick tomorrow." He whispers. "I'll find a way to do the same, then we'll figure this out. Okay?"
"Wh-why are you helping?" I ask.
"I told you anytime. I meant anytime. I'm not just going to abandon you because you made a mistake." Matthew whispers, sitting on the floor of the bathroom, the mess that is me curled in his lap.
Maybe I'm a little bit over my head
I come undone at the things he said
And he's so funny in his bright red shirt
We were all in love and we all got hurt
The next day Matthew arrives at around nine am. He's got a bag with a few items in it. "Okay, despite having six sisters I have no idea how you would take this, I hope you do." He says holding out a home pregnancy test.
"Why would I know how to take that?" I ask.
"Isn't it just something girls know how to do?" He frowns. "Like put on bar, or feed a baby?"
"Um, Matthew, I don't know what you've been taught but no, none of those things are just filed away somewhere in the female brain in the chance we ever need them." I can't help but smile at his ignorance. "I'm sure I can figure it out though."
"Um, that's the other thing, my mom had a few from when she was pregnant with Lilly and we lived in Kuwait, so I sure hope you can read the instructions…" He rubs the back of his head nervously.
"How hard can it be?" I smile. "thanks Matthew, it means a lot."
Truth be told, its extremely hard, I had to pee on the little strip, put it in the green fluid for five minutes then move it to the blue fluid for three minutes. "Matthew!" I call.
"Yeah Em?" He asks from the other side of the door.
"I-I can't look at it." I hate the way my voice cracks.
"Okay, okay calm down Emily, bring it out here." He calls, I open the door and hand him the test. "Okay two, lines that means positive. I-I'm sorry Emily."
I burst into tears and feel his arms wrap around me tightly. He strokes my hair comfortingly, and just holds me for a while.
"Wh-what do I do?" I ask.
"Lets go talk to Father Guinimo okay?" He whispers, un able to make a sound I nod and let him lead me to the church.
I sneak into his car's cracked leather seat
The smell of gasoline in the summer heat
Boy, we're going way too fast
It's all too sweet to last
I tell Father Guinimo the entire story, starting with the beginning of the party up until Matthew brought me the test. Matthew was kind enough to stay with me even though it was making him visibly uncomfortable.
"Well Emily I don't know what to tell you, if you have an abortion you won't be welcome in my congregation." Father Guinimo says, I can practically hear Matthews blood boil.
"Why?! What else can she do?! She can't exactly raise it!" He snaps.
"Well I'm sorry, she'll have to have the baby if she wants to be here." Father Guinimo says. Matthew stands and pulls me out after him.
"Matthew where are you going?" I ask, he's never been like this before.
"Emily, we're going to figure this out. I'm going to fix this, I need you to tell your parent's You're going on a school trip on Friday and won't be back until Sunday okay?" He asks.
"Okay, but why?" I Frown.
"I said I was going to fix this, do you want to have the baby?" He asks.
"No." I say.
"Then I'll find someone who will give you an abortion." His jaw is clenched and I can tell it's no use arguing with him.
It's alright
And I put myself in his hands
But I hold on to your secrets in white house's
Love, or something ignites in my veins
And I pray it never fades in white house's
Four days later I am sitting on the metal table, Matthew did find a doctor, but he was in Florence, in northern Italy. We had to rise earl for the 'school trip' and got on the train. I've never been more nervous then I am now sitting on the table. My stomach churns, it has been all day and I've been sick twice. I'm also irritable.
John and Jenny noticed that this week, and both wanted to know why, I told them it was just my period. Still I had been sure to avoid them all week, except for John, Matthew was insistent that he know what he'd done to me. I hung around John but never told him, I would tell him when we got back.
Matthew had been smart enough to use both our names, Emily – my first name – and Benton, only he misspelled his last name to make it harder to find. So for now I was Emily Bentonn. All week he'd treated John like he'd kicked his sister. Which he might as well have, Matthew protected me like I was his sister. Normally this would've annoyed me but I needed it this week.
"Matthew?" I say.
"Yeah?" He asks as he ties the hospital gown around me.
"I'm scared." I whisper hopping up onto the table. "Hold my hand?"
"Always." He gives me a weak smile, his brown eyes are sad, and angry. He is so angry, I've never seen him this way.
The doctor comes in. "Emily Bentonn?" He asks.
"That's me." I choke out.
"Okay." The Doctor smiles and explains the process. Honestly the more in depth he gets the more I wish he'd stop. "There will be a lot of blood, and I'll give you something for the pain afterwards."
I look at Matthew, he's white as a sheet. He hates blood more than anything and I squeeze his hand tighter, hoping to remind him why he's here. He only looks at me and nods quietly.
"Okay, I-I won't be able to see it will I?" I ask.
"No, the fetus is only six weeks, its no bigger then the finger nail on your pinky, it will blend in with the blood." The doctor says.
"Okay, go ahead." I say before I can change my mind.
My first time, hard to explain
Rush of blood, oh, and a little bit of pain
On a cloudy day, it's more common than you think
He's my first mistake
As soon as we've left the hospital all the adrenalin rushes out of my body. I lean on Matthew who half carries me to a hotel. It's small and dingy but it will do. Matthew leads me to the room and I sink onto the bed.
"You should take a bath." He says softly. "And here, take this." He holds out some of the pain medicine for me. I take it gratefully the pain is almost unbearable. After a few minutes I stand and almost fall over. I look at Matthew, who looks me over. "You're a mess, come on, let's get you cleaned up."
He lets me lean on him as he leads me to the bathroom, and starts the bath. I sit on the toilet seat pitifully. I feel terrible, I shouldn't make him do this he isn't comfortable. "I-I think I can handle it from here." I manage.
"You sure?" He asks skeptically.
"Yeah I'm fine." I nod.
"Um, Emily, no offense but you don't look fine…" He bit his lower lip, thinking.
"Really, I don't want to make you uncomfortable. I can do it." I insist.
"Okay, I'll be right outside the door." He says leaving the bathroom.
As soon as he's gone I struggle to pull my clothes off. Once I do I stand on shaky legs. I've lost more blood and there's now a dark spot on my jeans, the result of low blood levels is I have to crawl. I manage to get into the bath and relax.
I soap up a wash cloth and run it over my skin, it feels wonderful to get the blood off. As soon as I see the water though I'm horrified, it's no longer its clean, clear color. It's a light red, I know this is only because the water makes it look as though I've lost more blood then I have but it's still scary.
I manage to wash my hair under the faucet after draining the tub but then I realize I'll have to get out again. "M-matthew?"
"Yeah?" He asks from the other side of the door.
"I can't get out." I say pitifully. I expect him to give me instructions on how to get out so I don't fall over and hurt myself. Instead he opens the door and I know what I've done. His eyes are sad and broken and I know I've broken his faith.
He takes my hands and pulls me to my feet, he lets me lean on him as I carefully step out of the bathtub. He gently wraps my soaking body in a bathrobe and brushes through my hair, he leads me to the bed, and hands me some pajama's. I dress slowly and crawl in bed
Maybe you were all faster than me
We gave each other up so easily
These silly little wounds will never mend
I feel so far from where I've been
On Sunday we arrive in Rome just as communion finishes. Matthew grips my hand tightly. "Together?"
"Together." I confirm. Opens the door and we start our walk down the long isle, Father Guinimo freezes and locks eyes with Matthew, I begin to hesitate but Matthew keeps me going. He walks right to the front pew and I can't help but cringe when I see the look on Father Guinimo's face. For over a minute they stare at each other. Matthew's dark eyes never leaving Father Guinimo's bright ones.
Finally Father Guinimo looks back at his bible and I breathe a sigh of relief, when the service is over I rush back to my home and see my mother on the couch.
"Hello Mother." I say dashing upstairs.
At school the next day I make the mistake of explaining where we were to John, and he's mad. "Emily the baby wasn't mine!"
"Yes it was John, you were the only person I slept with!" I snap.
"No I wasn't!" He snarls back.
"Are you calling me a slut?!" I growl, before he can respond Matthews fist collides with his face.
"Leave her alone!" He shouts and punches John again.
"Matthew! Stop it!" I cry, pulling Matthew back, then he turns and looks at me.
"Why? It's his own damn fault and he can't accept that!" Matthew snapped, more at John then me.
"Just stop it, he's not worth it!" I snarl, pulling Matthew down the hall.
So I go, and I will not be back here again
I'm gone as the day is fading on white houses
I lied, wrote my injuries all in the dust
In my heart is the five of us
In white houses
Three months later Matthew's family is driving mine to the airport, my mom's been reassigned to Germany. I look over at Matthew, his eyes are down cast and I moved closer to him.
"Hey, I'll write okay?" I whispered.
"Okay. Emily?" He asks.
"Yeah?" I whispered.
"Never mind…" He says, looking at me as we pull into the drop off zone. Something is wrong with his eyes…
"Matthew what's wrong with your eyes?"
And you, maybe you'll remember me
What I gave is yours to keep
In white house's