The stars shone brightly as Kakashi trudged through the small, pedestrian night gate of Konoha. Bruised and exhausted, he had run home from his mission at full speed out of sheer habit. Now, his panting breath gusted in front of him in thick clouds while the sweat steamed off of his body, making him feel chilled and hot all at the same time. At this rate, he'd catch cold.
Kakashi signed his name in the register and waved to the guards without even really seeing who they were. He vaguely scratched at an itch on his neck while he contemplated taking to the rooftops and running home as well. In the end, he sedately plodded the whole way on the sidewalk, nose buried in Icha Icha to distract himself from the cold, but only catching a few lines as he walked under the intermittent streetlights.
He stopped at the main door to his apartment building. This was the part he had to watch out for. He stared at his hand on the door handle as he consciously reminded himself that his apartment would be empty. It occurred to him to run away, maybe go find some post-mission companionship somewhere, but he'd fast become an old pro at ignoring these pangs of loneliness and quashing these thoughts was almost habit now.
The door clicked open for him when he depressed the handle and he made a quick turn down the hall to his apartment. Pausing only to double check the apartment number, he turned the key and pushed it open, rubbing his eyes as the foyer light blinked on. His breath still puffed visibly in front of him as he walked from room to room, turning knobs and pushing buttons to reanimate his living space. Appliances beeped, the refrigerator grunted and then whirred, and the electric kettle began to sing. Kakashi poured himself a cup of tea, so tired that it completely escaped his notice that he had forgotten the tea leaves. He sat in the living room, drinking his cup of hot water, waiting for his heater to warm up so he could go to bed.
Except it never did.
He contemplated wrapping himself up in every blanket he owned and going to bed anyway, but in his chakra-depleted state, he wasn't sure he could generate enough body heat to properly warm the bed on his own. Maybe if he took an extra-hot shower first... He ran the shower, but it ran completely cold. Feeling utterly defeated, his mind began to think of the easiest way for him to get into a warm bed and that's when ideas that were better left alone began stirring.
Kakashi's eyes lifted upwards and towards the other end of the apartment building. It was definitely one of the worst thoughts he had ever entertained, but his mind no longer reigned over his body. He told himself this was a bad idea over and over again as he went outside, climbed two flights of stairs and walked to the end of the other hallway. He stood in front of the door and raised his hand to knock. Then he lowered his hand. He scratched his neck and raised his hand again, his fingers curled into a loose fist.
The door rapped sharply against his scraped knuckles and he rubbed them gently as the door opened.
"Kakashi!"
"Yo." He raised a hand in greeting.
Iruka looked him over quizzically. "What are you doing here?"
"My heat's not working. Is yours working?" Kakashi wasn't sure why he asked that since the warmth from inside Iruka's apartment was rolling over him at that very moment. "You were the only one I could ask this late at night..."
Iruka glanced over his shoulder. "Is your gas on? Did you check the pilot light?"
"Can I check it in the morning after I wake up on your couch?" Kakashi tried to put on his most irresistible smile.
Iruka looked away abruptly. "Did you check the pilot light or not?"
"I don't know... No, I don't think I did. Sorry, I'll go check." Kakashi turned to leave, but a movement in Iruka's apartment caught his eye. Immediately, he flipped out a kunai and leaned forward onto the balls of his feet. Iruka glanced over his shoulder again and sighed.
"Don't, Kakashi. It's nothing."
"There's someone in your apartment." The words were clipped and decidedly accusatory.
"It's none of your business," Iruka warned, his tone matching the jounin's. The two men glared at each other until Iruka hung his head in resignation at the sound of footsteps approaching from behind.
"What's taking so long, Iruka?" A man unknown to Kakashi asked as he draped an arm affectionately over Iruka's shoulder. "Oh, you're the ex, right? My name's-"
"I don't give a fuck." Kakashi spat.
The doorway went silent for a second.
Iruka turned his head and spoke barely above a whisper. "Go back to the kitchen, I'll be right there." The wavering in Iruka's voice didn't escape Kakashi's notice.
"Well then," the man continued, leaning his head into Iruka's without taking his eyes of Kakashi, "hurry back." Iruka shrugged him off, and he trailed his fingers across Iruka's chest and shoulders as he walked away, but not before he threw Kakashi a smug grin.
"You were rude," Iruka snapped once the man was out of sight.
"So was he!" Kakashi hissed, pointing over Iruka's shoulder.
"Really? That's your excuse? I teach six-year-olds more mature than you!"
Kakashi sighed, the slouch returning heavily to his shoulders. He rolled back onto his heels as he took a few steps back until he hit the balcony wall. "You're right," he said quietly as he slid down to the floor. "I'm just tired."
Iruka stepped forward, letting the door close behind him. "You're not just tired," he said irately.
"No."
Iruka waited a minute in patient silence. "Forget it-"
"I'm jealous."
Iruka stopped with his hand on the doorknob. "You broke up with me, remember? If you care enough to be jealous then why the hell did you leave?"
"I can't think straight right now."
"Go home."
"I can't! It's cold!"
"I told you, check your gas-"
"That's not it! It's cold because you're... not... there..." Kakashi stared ahead of himself, unsure of the words he had just spoken. The wetness of the tears on his cheek only made the slap sting more.
"You bastard," heaved Iruka. "Do you know what you put me through? All the worry, the self-doubt, the loneliness... How are you going to pay me back for all that?"
Kakashi raised his gaze to Iruka's eyes. "I-I don't think I can," he stammered.
Iruka knitted his brows in frustration as he took a deep breath. "Maybe you are just tired, after all. If you really can't go home, then go crash at Gai's or something."
"I left because I thought you tied me down..." Kakashi muttered.
"Yes, yes, we've had that conversation before."
"I was wrong. You were an... an anchor."
"You're not even making sense anymore. I'm going back in." He turned to leave, but Kakashi grabbed his arm.
"I need you," he blurted out, his grey eye fixed steadily on Iruka's. "I thought I was fine before I met you, but I was always like this, tired and lonely and cold."
Iruka put his hand on Kakashi's, pulling his wrist free from the jounin's grip. "What exactly are you getting at?" The words were stern, but there was an underlying gentleness to his tone.
Kakashi's famed silver tongue turned to lead now as searched for the words, the right words. The ones that would soothe the pain in his chest and unravel the knots in his stomach. They would tell Iruka how he left because Iruka had too much power over him, but how even though he had been the one to leave, he couldn't even bring himself to move out of the apartment building because there was no way he could bear to be that far apart. Iruka would understand all of his feelings and sadness and realise that while he didn't know how to make up for all the pain he caused Iruka, he would try and try until he finally did, if only Iruka would be there for him to say goodbye when he left, wait for him until he got back and then welcome him home.
The words never came, though, so he clumsily reached up, grabbed Iruka's shirt and pulled him down into a kiss.
Iruka reeled back, his hand on his mouth. He glanced at Kakashi as he backed away, but quickly averted his eyes. "I have to go back in."
"Iruka, wait-!" Kakashi called out, but was cut off by the sound of the door slamming shut. He folded his arms into his lap and leaned forward, resting his head on his knees, utterly defeated. What did he expect? How else could Iruka react to him coming up in the middle of the night asking for couch space and redemption? Here he was huddled like a kicked puppy, openly disregarding every shred of pride and acting as pathetic and desperate as he felt. There was no way Iruka could love that.
He rubbed his still-burning cheek and rose to his feet. He'd just have to deal with it and grow some dignity like Iruka. In the meantime, he didn't have enough chakra for a transport jutsu so he had better start the long walk over to Gai's apartment before the temperature got below freezing. He took his first step away from Iruka's apartment when the door flung open and the stranger staggered out and slammed into the wall next to him. Both men then watched slack-jawed as Iruka stomped out, grabbed Kakashi's vest and threw him inside the apartment, slamming the door behind him.
Later that night, somewhere between sliding his tongue over Iruka's and falling asleep in a tangled mess, he realised that the brown-haired chuunin had been right all along. He had completely forgotten to turn on the gas in his apartment. He'd admit to it in the morning and from then on, every day, he'd have to make sure Iruka would always be there to never let him live it down.