The Legend of Zelda: Hyrule Warrior Recruitment Camp
"Alright, let's see here…" A man said, looking down at a sheet of paper. "So, according to your resume, Mr…"
"Dragmire."
The man looked up. Sitting across from his desk was another man. This man was much more intimidating, red hair to rival magma and dark hair, golden and violet armor decorated with a red gem in some spots, animal fur sticking out of the arm sockets, a red cape following him. The man seemed to be perpetually glaring, making the man sitting in the desk feel somewhat uncomfortable.
The man in the desk, on the other hand, had a much less intimidating outfit. He had on a simple simple brown tunic, with tan pants and dark brown boots and gloves. Two long elfish ears sprouted from his head, under his tan hair. He stared at the man sitting across from him, multiple sheets of paper written in a foreign language on his desk. Both of them sat in a small tent, overlooking a great field, with multiple other soldiers in suits of white and blue armor sparring and training with wooden swords.
"Mr. Dragmire." He said, the other man nodding. "It says here that you apparently lead an army of darkness, using two swords, in order to destroy your enemies and take over Hyrule, correct?"
"That is correct." The man clarified in a deep, somewhat ominous voice.
"Two swords." The man repeated. "Imbued with the dark power of the evils and horrors of this world, which you can use to destroy armies, correct? As well as a trident, as of late?"
"Indeed." He said.
"...Sounds like a real powerhouse…an evil powerhouse." The man sitting behind the desk said. "Well, Mr. Dragmire, in order to qualify, I'd say all you'd need to do is demonstrate your power, over there-"
The man pointed out towards the field. "By the straw dummies. You see them?"
"Of course. Witness my great power." He said, chuckling ominously.
Taking two black greatswords off his back, he sprinted towards a group of straw dummies. Raising his swords, he brought them down on the dummies, slashing left and right, scattering the fragments of straw and wood across the field. Multiple soldiers watching the display watched in awe and horror, scattering once the man turned around, looking in their direction. With a smirk, he walked back into the tent, and promptly sat down on the wooden chair.
"..." The man in the desk blinked.
"Well, what are your impressions?" Ganondorf asked.
"Ganondorf Dragmire...you're hired!" The man said, reaching his hand out to shake.
"Pah. I don't shake hands." Ganondorf scoffed, crossing his arms.
The recruiter pulled his hand back. "...Alright, well, your tent should be right next to Link's. Small medium green tent, yours is the large dark, regal one with a collection of tridents and swords to your liking, like you...uh, requested"
Ganondorf smirked. "Perfect. After my dominion of Hyrule is finished, I will have you as my personal adviser."
The recruiter shrugged. "Sure, thanks, I guess."
Ganondorf walked out of the tent, making his way to his home tent.
"Alright, who's next?" The recruiter asked.
The next person who came in surprised the recruiter. She wore a black cap, a mask resembling an ominous raven's beak covering her face. Red and violet feathers sprouted out from the robe she wore. Well, technically it wasn't a robe, her chest and left leg were exposed somewhat, elegant silver decorating the edges of the robe where the clothing ended and the skin began. Despite her elegant and provocative clothing, her aura emanated a sense of maliciousness.
The recruiter cleared his throat. "Miss Cia, I presume?"
"Yes indeed, though very soon to be Mrs. Link." She said with a grin.
The recruiter sighed. No wonder Link had written down that she a clingy fangirl. Nonetheless, if what her history says is true, Cia would prove to be a valuable asset in defeating the evils still lingering around Hyrule, as ironic as that would be.
"Says here you were the guardian of the Triforce." The recruiter said, looking down at a small sheet of paper.
"...Long ago, yes." Cia said, reminiscing.
"...And that you were the other half of one of our other members, Lana, correct?" The recruiter asked.
"Also true. Poor girl still unable to succeed where I have failed. Though with this job, I'll be sure to win Link's heart." Cia said. "...Hearts, possibly?"
"Finally, it says that when that happened, you were overtaken by a malevolent spirit of darkness hellbent on claiming Hyrule as its own, so you gathered an army, then went on to attempt to defeat Link himself...and were ultimately betrayed by said malevolent spirit?"
"That would be me." Ganondorf called out, peeking into the tent, prompting Cia to scowl.
"...Of course it would be you." The recruiter sighed. "...Well, we do need the assistance in traversing the lands of Termina, so as long as you show us what you can do, and we're impressed, you're in."
Cia smiled, reaching by her side, taking a scepter of sorts, raising it high. On top of the scepter, a crystalline object glowed violently and violet...ly, the light forcing out some sort of dark entity. Now sitting in the tent besides Cia was multiple versions of the hero clad in green himself...except shrouded in darkness.
All of the Dark Links made flirty grunts towards Cia, who blushed in response.
"Oh, behave you three!" She giggled.
The recruiter rolled his eyes. "Alright, you'll be staying in the tent next to Lana's. Next!"
"Mr. Beck?" The recruiter asked.
"It's just Linebeck, remember that name." Linebeck said, standing proudly.
Linebeck was a man with brown hair and green eyes, that while looked constantly like he was ready to do something shady, brimmed with a sense of adventure. He wore a blue uniform with a red scarf and a white shirt underneath, with a brown belt, a pair of green pants and a pair of brown boots. He smirked.
"...Right, well, looking over your resume, I'm sorry, but we don't need your skills." The recruiter told him, bowing in respect.
"What? I helped the kid on his journey, without my boat or captain skills, he wouldn't have saved the seas! You have to let me in here, I saw a midget using hair as her moves and some creepy demon who keeps licking. Made me pretty uncomfortable. I even STABBED a man to save the kid from getting killed! Then I got possessed..." Linebeck said, shuddering at the memory.
"I'm sorry Mr. Linebeck. You seem like a decent man, but you just aren't the type of person we're looking for. Thank you for your time." The recruiter said sympathetically.
Linebeck was at a loss for words. Huffing, he got to his feet, and walked out the tent, walking off into the distance, towards the seas where a boat laid waiting.
"Last one, you're up!" The recruiter called.
The recruiter sort of wished he'd hired Linebeck instead of this one. Sitting in front of him now was a short, cheery looking man. He wore a green bodysuit with red pants, and had a light blue clock worn as a necklace, as well as a brown backpack.
"Uh…" The recruiter began, clearing his throat. "And you are…?"
"I am the fairiest of fairies, Tingle!" Tingle proclaimed, posing in his chair. "Tingle, Tingle, Koo-loo Limpah!" He shouted, scattering colored confetti into the air.
"Oh...okay, well, let's get this over with. Go out into the field and destroy those straw dummies set up."
Tingle nodded cheerfully, then sprinted out into the field, rhythmically shaking his behind as he ran, disturbing soldiers training out in the field somewhat, covering their eyes as if they've seen the most terrible fate to ever come across. The recruiter blinked, looking on, unfortunately as confined via the terms of his job. What happened next surprised every onlooker. Tingle started his attack with smacking the dummies with a rolled-up map, somehow shattering the arms and legs of the dummies, then began assaulting them with a burlap sack, seemingly filled with heavy objects. To finish his attack off, a red balloon sprouted from Tingle's backpack, lifting him up into the sky, breaking dummies left and right. The soldiers were amazed, and the recruiter was astounded. Tingle grinned, hopping back inside the tent.
"Well? Were you impressed by Tingle's performance?" Tingle asked, grinning.
"...Your tent's by Volga's, not the one on fire, the one next to it." The recruiter said, still dumbfounded.
Tingle smiled, running out the tent, off to find his own presumably. The recruiter slammed his head into the desk.
"What is even..." He asked himself aloud, letting the question sit. "I need to find a new job."
AN: Keep your friends close, and keep your enemies, genderswapped and younger versions of yourself, and weirdo friends closer. Except for...Linebeck, for some unknown reason… Seriously, the recruiting in Hyrule Warriors is weird. Technically not canon, but real freaking weird.
Thanks for reading, this is ThePizzaLovingTurtle, off to search each and every single nook and cranny for my lost copy of Majora's Mask 3D!