He doesn't really know if he believes in Heaven.
But he knows if there were one Lily Evans would be there.
.
He talks to her at night.
And even though he's not so sure if she's listening he likes to believe she is.
.
When he first finds out she's dead, he cries.
It's not the first time he's cried, but he thinks it's the first time he's ever felt so much.
He cries for his neglectful parents, and for his horrible childhood, and he cries a little bit for himself.
But mostly he just cries for beautiful, and pure Lily.
"I'm so sorry," he sobs pounding the floor with his fist. "It's all my fault. I wish I were dead Lily."
He can think of a million other things that he wants to say, and yet none of them would be enough. He decides on the three words he never had the courage to say to her.
"I love you."
.
"You're son," he growls. "Is a arrogant, ignorant, little brat." And then he pauses. "He takes after James obviously."
Silence surrounds him. But he's grown accustom to that by now.
"I miss you Lily," he whispers while he turns off the light next to his bed. "I love you."
.
The Yule Ball's just ended and he's pacing the floor in his chambers.
"Dumbledore told me tonight, he thought the Sorting Hat might Sort too soon."
He's silent for a long time, waiting for a response that he knows will never come.
"Do you think you could have loved me if I were in Gryffindor?" He sighs. "Or am I just too despicable for anyone to love?"
He pauses again for a moment.
"Maybe you were always meant to be with James," he says words filled with distaste. "He's everything I could never be."
He squeezes his eyes shut, and runs a hand through his greasy hair.
"I love you Lily."
He's not so sure why he even bothers.
.
He keeps the one photograph he has of her in the front pocket of his robes.
He never takes it out.
He knows it's there, and that's good enough for him.
The letter he finds of hers is a different story.
He reads it over and over again, knowing full well it won't change a thing.
Lots of love, Lily.
The words echo in his head until he feels he might explode.
.
"I'm doing this for you," he whispers. "Expecto patronum."
He watches the silver doe glide through the forest before whispering, "I love you."
.
He thinks if his death didn't have to be so painful he might be thankful.
He thinks of Lily, of her red hair, and her laugh.
He thinks of the way she wrote the word love, and the way she frowned when she was annoyed.
"Look…at….me…" He whispers.
The moment he sees her eyes he knows he's about to die.
He doesn't have the effort to say it aloud but it doesn't matter all that much.
I love you.
.
/
So I guess I was just feeling depressed and thinking about how much I loved these two. And this came out. Sorry it's not the best work.