Hello Dean.
I know I can´t run anymore. I'm the one who broke it. There was a time when I thought I could lead our people, but I was mistaken. I spilled so much blood. I am the one who caused these problems. I should be the one to fix them. I didn´t wanna be saved. When I see what heaven´s become, what I … what I made of it, I´m afraid I might kill myself. And at best, I die trying to fix my own stupid mistake. Or… I don't die – I'm brought back again. I see now. It's a punishment resurrection. It's worse every time. Hiding. Lying. Sweeping away evidence. My motives used to be so pure. I´m not good luck, Dean. I deserved to die.
Flee or die. I don´t feel like a bad person. I'm a soldier. We aren't machines for them to program and reprogram. That wasn't what this was meant to be….I-I don´t..fight anymore. I'm sorry.
Can I tell you something if you promise not to tell another soul? I need help. You're the one who taught me that freedom and free will…I am nothing like you. Dean - I didn't, I didn't get that. I´m just me. I'll just…Maybe one day. What I used to be…I just thought I'd sit here quietly. I'll die first. Yes. I'll just-
It's starting. I have a painful burning sensation. I lost everything for nothing.…It doesn't matter. I don't have much time. I think I´m starting to feel something….
Don't worry, I…I´m so sorry, Dean.
Castiel