Disclaimer: JKR owns everything of worth in the world. I own nothing.
Ok, here's the lowdown. This is a combination of four oneshots from different writing challenges, but they each stand independently. I just liked the fact that they kind of meld together into one story nicely and so I combined them for viewing (reading?) pleasure.
The first chapter (technically, oneshot) was written for HecticZ's challenge on Harry Potter Fanfiction Challenges forum titled The Rainbow Noise.
As for the other oneshots, well, you'll just have to read to find out!
My pairing was Lee Jordan and Angelina Johnson. My song was Lady Gaga's Bad Romance, my color was blue, and my prompt was disgust.
I hope you enjoy- it's pretty fluffy- not deep at all. And I really don't know how that ending happened… sometimes the things that come out of my head… (I think it was because I was watching the Bourne Identity series a few nights ago).
PS: It helps if you listen to the song while reading. :)
A Quadruplicate: Quidditch Talks and Quaffles
In Search of Romance
It was the third week of school and Angelina Johnson was already planning Lee Jordan's murder.
She had it all arranged. The next time he sauntered over and inquired, "Want to ride my broom sometime?" she would whip out her wand, yell "Confringo!" and not be responsible for the results.
Katie and Alicia were chatting about Quidditch tryouts during lunch when Jordan strolled up behind them, placing his hands on each of their shoulders, and grinned cheekily at Angelina.
"Hey, Johnson," he gave her a slow nod. "How about you help me with my Transfiguration homework tonight? Somewhere cozy, like a broom closet? Or maybe behind Boris the Bewildered?"
With a clenched jaw, Angelina barely managed to hiss a Repelling Jinx without losing control. When Jordan was safely forced out of the Great Hall and into a spare cabinet in the Hospital Wing, she buried her head in her arms, smearing mustard from her sandwich over her hair.
Alicia giggled profusely while Katie quietly performed a Cleaning Charm on the strands.
Angelina lifted her head from the table and glared at her amused friend.
"It's not funny," she growled at Alicia. "That's the fourth time he's asked me out in two days. I'm sick of it- he knows that I like Fred!" She huffed once more, angrily banged her elbow on her plate, and pouted.
Katie had to crack a grin at her friend's exasperation.
"Ang, you do know the only reason he's going after you is because he's jealous?" she asked, arching an all-knowing brow at her irritated friend.
"Of what? My way-too-obvious crush on Weasley Twin #1? It's pathetic. I've been flirting my butt off for a year after the Yule Ball and all I get is a permanent post in Fred's rank of best friends?"
Alicia had stopped laughing and quietly noted, "I think there's a reason you weren't placed in Ravenclaw, Angelina. You're not very observant, are you?"
"What?" Angelina turned to her, surprised. "Come on, out with it. You're not telling me something- I can always tell because your nose squishes up like Parkinson's."
"Well," Alicia started, throwing an insulted look in Angelina's direction, "if you were vigilant like me, you might have noticed that Weasley Twin #1 has barely looked at anything besides you since the beginning of term. In fact, I believe he's looking at you right now."
Sure enough, when Angelina peered behind her shoulder, Fred was gazing at her. She felt a slight flush rise to her cheeks and her stomach started knotting.
"You guys," she groaned, turning back to the pair. "He's only looking over here because he wants to know what Lee was asking."
Her friends rolled their eyes at her denial, and secretly Angelina hoped that they were right.
Of course Lee knew all this. Fred was crushing on Angelina Johnson, the most eligible girl in seventh year, and the Gryffindor beauty was falling right back.
Lee Jordan was fabricated in the same mold as Alicia Spinnet- not much escaped his notice. He may have looked only comical and entertaining on the outside, but his eye caught everything.
He knew she was off limits.
Yet he couldn't stop himself from wandering up to their section of the table every day at lunch, smile gallantly, and ask the girl out.
He was always met with a rejection and most of the times with a jinx. But everyone had to admit- the kid was persistent. He would continue asking until he received a satisfactory answer. Lee was mulling over this Johnson puzzle in the Hospital Wing cabinet, when suddenly, the idea struck him over the head with enough force to knock him off his feet.
He let out a large shriek, bolted out of the cabinet (terrifying Madame Pomfrey and three second years), and hurried up to his dorm.
He would work through the night to get everything set up. With a plan this complex, it was impossible for her to say no!
When the Gryffindor Quidditch Captain strode into the Great Hall the next morning with Alicia at her side, she was met with a sight that froze both her feet and her vocal chords.
A giant blue balloon floated above the Gryffindor table, merrily twinkling out the words: "Angelina- Roses are red, violets are blue, please give me a chance, cause we'd make a Bad Romance."
Lee Jordan marched to the music on the tabletop, belting out lyrics to a pounding beat. He was clad in red spandex tights and a Gryffindor jersey, swaying and gyrating to the rhythm of the song. He had clumsily sewn what appeared to be Ravenclaw blue legwarmers to the armholes of his jersey, and had scrunched them up around his elbows. He also sported a magnificent navy cummerbund tied around his waist haphazardly.
He looked like a freak.
When it became apparent to the general assembly that the girl in question had arrived (it seemed all of Hogwarts was crowded around the table) they eagerly pushed Lee towards the mute girl.
"Ask her, Lee! Ask her!" they screamed, reaching star-struck hands up to touch the seventh year. Lee was unceremoniously thrust into the circle now forming around Angelina and him.
"Hi Johnson," Lee greeted her with a silly smile plastered on his face. "I have a song for you."
"No," Angelina breathed. Somehow her voice had crept back slowly as the shock wore off. "Oh Merlin, Lee… what did you do?"
Jordan, however, pretended not to hear her and merely ran a hand smoothly through his dreadlocks, which were sticking straight up in the air with magic. He turned his back to her and the Great Hall was suddenly dimmed. A wavering spotlight came to shine at the back of his head.
With a monstrous clap, Lee whipped around and commenced a lyrical, twirling dance around the circle, screaming out the words as he went, matching the clapping of his hands to the beat.
"Ra-ra-ah-ah-aha, roma, roma, ma, Gaga, ooh la la- want your bad romance! I want your ugly, I want your disease. I want your everything, as long as it's free. I want your love, love, love, love. I want your love."
Angelina was thoroughly repulsed when Lee started prancing toward her, pouting with large lips. She could feel the blood rushing hot and red to her cheeks.
"I want your drama, the touch of your hand. I want your leather-studded kiss in the sand. I want your love, love, love love. You know that I want you, and you know that I need you. I want it bad, bad romance."
Lee had started to crawl on his hands and knees around the circle, coming ever nearer to Angelina. She gripped her wand in her pocket, feeling her temper rise.
She was going to get him.
At the chorus, Lee jumped to his feet and twisted his hips in a complicated, seductive manner. Angelina wanted to bury into the ground and cry, but the collected students started screaming even louder.
"I want your love and I want your revenge, you and me could write a bad romance! I want your love and all your love is revenge. You and me could write a bad romance. Oh caught in a bad romance!"
Lee had come full circle by now, and to Angelina's complete and utter embarrassment had weaved his hips into synch with her own. When his hand reached up to entwine itself in her hair, she finally pushed him away.
The Blasting Cure did its job; Lee was flung twenty feet through the air, crashing into the Hufflepuff table.
"What was that?" she shrieked, her wand pointing threateningly at the boy.
"I might ask the same of you," Lee groaned, rubbing his head where he had banged it. "That," he continued, stumbling back into the ring, "was me asking you out through interpretive dancing. Did you like it? It's a new song by Lady Gaga called Bad Romance."
Angelina was incredibly aware of the desire to decapitate Jordan but she also knew that she was in front of everyone. She took a deep breath, but her voice still came out loud and harsh.
"Who's Lady Gaga?" she asked, hardly believing she was having this conversation. I am going to kill him.
"She's a witch who makes her money in the Muggle World. She's actually a Metamorphmagus who got signed by an American Muggle label- she's good, right?"
"Agh!" Angelina screamed. "You're disgusting, Lee! I can't believe you did this." Angelina realized she was almost on the edge of tears. "And my final answer, Jordan," she snarled, trying to contain her trembling voice, "is no!"
With that, Angelina stalked out of the Hall. As soon as she was out of sight, she raced up the stairs to the Gryffindor common room. It was deserted, and she collapsed on the loveseat, sobbing.
Jordan had taken it too far this time. How could she face anyone at school ever again?
She was crying too heavily to hear the portrait creak open. When Fred reached his arm around her, she only wept harder into his shoulder.
"You've got to admit, it was a pretty good dance."
"Oh shut up," she sniffled through her tears, punching his arm.
Covert Operations Report
The Subject performed a Blasting Curse on the Operative. The Operative was badly hit on the head, but his pride was the thing that smarted the most.
The Subject began dating Weasel. The Operative was sad, but enjoyed his new status as Official Hogwarts Pop Star.
The Operative is going to get the Subject, one way or another. He already has a plan cooking inside his head.
Signing off,
River.
A/N: So there was that amazingly crazy piece of random fluff. Please R&R, constructive criticism greatly welcomed.