A/N: This is the start of a fic I wrote to completion more than a year ago. I've been sitting on it, sure it wasn't good enough to publish, and then I went ahead and shared it with Diablo Kades a couple of weeks ago. She insisted that it's good enough, and that people would wanna read it, so here it is. I'm going to be making some pretty drastic edits as I go, but the entire thing, right now, is finished. It's interesting going back and seeing how my writing has improved since I started publishing things about a year ago.
This fic started because I was interested in exploring things from the POV of a sort of normal person on the Normandy, so I created an OC. I also was getting frustrated with everyone important on that ship being single, or with dead husbands (hi, Steve), so they'd be available for Shep, so I also wanted to explore being on the ship with a spouse off the ship. But then I got this idea to have it not be marital bliss, and, well, that's how this came about. I wasn't originally intending for it to have a romance, but then that's sort of what it turned me completely by surprise, honestly. I was just writing it for my own enjoyment at that point, so I just kinda went with it. Let me know what you think, and if you like this OC. And if you recognize any names (like the dog) or other elements, its because I wrote this before "Cowboys, Horses, and Girls," and therefore stole some of the things from here for that fic, since I had never intended to publish this guy.
Also! I co-wrote a thing with Diablo Kades: s/9520599/1/Oblivious. We're working on the last bit now, and it should be up soon. It's a Sam/Shep fic, and a smutty good time, as always! ;)
Okay. Let me know what y'all think! And I hope you appreciate it, because I had to dig this thing off my old broken computer.
Chapter 1
"Engineer Halanz. Halanz?" Her eyes focused and her head turned, seeking the voice calling to her.
"Yes?"
"Pay attention, soldier. Your Commanding Officer is on deck." Her eyes swept the room, and sure enough, there she was, the hero they were all looking to for hope, Commander Shepard. And I've been caught zoning out. Cock. She saluted, but Shepard just smiled a little.
"At ease." She broke her salute and stood at parade rest, arms to her sides. Shepard mirrored her, but with her hands clasped behind her back. "You can go back to work – Adams was just briefing me on the state of the ship after the retrofit. Just try to pay attention, alright?"
"Yes, Commander," she said, wanting so hard to kick herself. Adams' eyes twinkled as he suppressed a smile, and he turned to Shepard as she turned back to her workstation. She looked at her screen, but again, all she could see were blue eyes staring into her own.
She jabbed her food with her fork. "I can lend you a pistol if the fork isn't doing the trick." She looked up as James took a seat across from her. They were in the mess hall, and she was trying to eat something before her duty-shift started. "I still don't understand why you prefer the night shift," he said, shaking his head at his plate before digging in.
"It's quiet. I don't have to deal with you," she said, smiling slightly at him. "Plus, there are only two of us – it's not like Adams was gonna choose it willingly. I don't mind, so I just took it."
"You've got me there," he said. She continued to stab dispassionately at her food, chin in her hand, elbow on the table. "I heard you met our CO today," he tried, wanting to draw her out, but not being particularly gifted with words.
"Yeah, that was a laugh," she said, sitting up and setting her fork down. "She caught with my head a million miles away."
"Sheila?" She nodded. "Denna…"
"James, it's alright. I'll be fine. I just… It would be nice if my wife would give me the damn time of day." She picked the fork back up and began stabbing at her food once more. "I got a transcript today of her deposition. She's taking Baxter. And I can't do a damn thing about it."
"Damn, that's low. She leaves you and takes your dog? You got him when he was a puppy, before you even lived with her, right?"
"Tell me about it." Neither of them mentioned the fact that the woman could have had better timing, what with the war. A beeping came from her omni-tool. "Shit. All right, I gotta go. Finish this for me?" She shoved her plate at him, and he pulled it toward himself possessively. "Thanks for getting that out of me, Diego. Maybe I can focus now." She hurried away before she could get an earful for using the nickname around other people.
When she got to Engineering, Adams was waiting for her. "Engineer Halanz, I trust you'll be able to pay attention while you're in here alone?"
She suppressed the urge to roll her eyes. "Yes, sir. I apologize for that, sir. I'll make sure it doesn't happen again."
"Make sure it doesn't. You need to take care of yourself – you're no good to anyone if you don't." He patted her shoulder once – more awkward than her father's hugs – and walked out after handing her a datapad with her evening's duties. She got to work right away, not wanting to lose herself in the blue eyes that seemed to live in her console again.
Her first night in Engineering alone had actually been pleasant. She asked EDI to play some music, and had a lovely conversation with the AI about rock 'n roll. At one point she was talking in between welding, crawling in under the flooring to take care of safety measures with wires that had a tendency to come out of place. They'd been low in priority during the retrofit, but now these were the kinds of things left to do. By her. At night. With no one else around. She didn't mind, though. As technically smart as she was, Denna preferred working with her hands. And if it involved a soldering iron and a torch, even better.
Adams showed back up at the end of her shift. He seemed a little tired, but alert. "Good morning, sir," she said before asking EDI to halt the music. "These twelve-hour shifts are going to get old soon, I imagine," she said, falling right back into their normal bantering manner from when they worked on the retrofit together, the only two engineers in this section.
"You've got that right," he said, opening the report she'd sent to him not ten minutes before his entrance on what she'd accomplished while she'd had Engineering to herself. "I heard we might be getting a few more Engineering crew to help us out once we get to the Citadel. So we just have to hold out until then – just another three shifts. I'll look at how we can arrange the shifts to be more manageable, and give us all more time for sleep, and maybe even a little R and R. But until then, nose to the grindstone."
"That would be damned peachy, sir. And speaking of sleep, I think I'm going to go grab some. Anything you need before I sign off?"
"Nothing more. But Halanz," he said, and she turned to face him from the door. "I'm sorry. About your wife. I didn't realize you would still be going through it, even though the Reapers have hit."
"Thank you, sir, though I think I'm going to have to go punch James before I go to bed for mentioning that to you." She smiled. "I'm sorry I unloaded all of that on you while we worked together before we left Earth."
"Hardly. You only even said anything because you had to take that day off to do your deposition. Your three sentences regarding your divorce were more than professional, don't worry about that. But I hope you're able to resolve it without too much heartache."
"Thank you, sir." My wife is leaving me, sir – heartache kinda comes with the territory. "Have a good morning, sir. And don't ask EDI what we were discussing unless you want her to recite our conversation about rock 'n roll."
He laughed as she left the room and headed into the elevator. She wasn't sure where to go, though. She could go harass James in the cargo bay. She could go straight to bed. She could go get something to eat. She decided on Deck 3 – two of those three options were available there, and if she caught him early enough, the harassing James part would be available there, too.
The Normandy was docked at the Citadel, and Adams had shooed her away. Something about having been working tirelessly since they left Earth. So now she was wandering the Presidium until James was done at the hospital with Shepard. It was weird to see so many aliens again – it had been a year since she'd been on the Citadel, and in that time, she's seen almost exclusively humans, except for Dr. T'Soni joining them the day before. She used to live here – all her stuff was still in the apartment she'd shared with her wife. Her dog was there, too. She got lost in these thoughts, and others, and had stopped by a railing overlooking an artificial river.
Samantha Traynor saw her from far away and made her way over. She called her name, but got no response until she was five feet away. That's when Denna jumped and looked around wild-eyed. When she saw Traynor, she smiled apologetically, her hand at her heart dramatically. "Christ, Samantha! You scared me! Do you make a habit of sneaking up on people?"
"Well, if you had heard me when I was calling to you a minute ago, I wouldn't have snuck up on you." She grabbed the railing, too, placing a foot on the lower railing. "Do you make a habit of getting so lost in thought that you can't hear what's going on around you?"
"Seems like I do lately," said Denna, but didn't elaborate further. She didn't know the Communications Specialist well, even though they worked on the Normandy during the retrofit together. Most of their interactions had been Denna helping Traynor with hardware stuff while she updated the comm. systems. Traynor turned, leaning her back against the railing. Denna was seized by the sudden urge to move in front of her, circle her arms around her waist, grab her delicious ass. She shook her head and the urge vanished. Instead, she also turned, hoisting herself so she sat on the rail.
"Did you come to the Presdium for anything in particular?" Traynor crossed her arms over her chest, looking to Denna. Then she seemed to give up and turned back around to her original position. She looked over the river. "Other than the view?"
Denna thought for a minute. Traynor didn't know about the troubles she was having. She didn't mind her company in the slightest, though. Maybe she should tell her? She was spared having to make that decision, though, because she could see James approaching. She nodded in his direction. "Meeting Lt. Vega. Care to join us? He owes me a beer for disclosing something to Adams that he really shouldn't have. I could make him buy you one, too."
"I'd love to, but Purgatory isn't exactly my scene…"
"Oh, I hate that place. No, we're going to a little dive bar in the Wards. They serve excellent tacos and tequila."
"Oh! Well, in that case, if you're sure you don't mind the company…"
Denna jumped from the rails. "Of course I don't! And I know James doesn't, either. C'mon." They headed over to him together.
"Not right now, Diego."
"Bullshit. You can't put this off. You shouldn't have tried to get me to not make you by inviting someone else." He looked over at Traynor, who was now thoroughly confused. "No offense, Traynor. I wanna hang out with you. But Denna has some things to take care of first. You don't have to come along if you don't want."
"Well, now I'm curious. What are we taking care of?"
"We hafta go-"
Denna interrupted him. "Let's get it over with. You can explain while I'm inside." And she stalked off, steam practically coming out of her ears. James rolled his eyes at Traynor, who stifled a giggle. They didn't have far to go. They came to a set of apartments, and stopped outside of one. "You guys stay here. I'm gonna need your help lugging my shit. Hopefully we can sneak the important stuff on the ship." She entered a code on the door, and it opened. They got a brief picture of a barking dog jumping into the engineer's arms before the door shut again.
"So… Care to explain, Lieutenant?" Traynor crossed her arms and looked up at him, awaiting an answer.
"This is, uh… Damn, I didn't know it would be awkward." Traynor just raised her eyebrows at him in question. "Well, this apartment – she used to share it with her wife before she rejoined the Alliance Navy."
"Oh! I didn't know she was married! Should we really be waiting here while she visits her wife while on shore leave?"
"Well, that's the thing. When she went to Earth to serve again, Sheila kinda lost it, as far as I can tell. She filed for divorce, and, well… leaving out a lot of detail that she can tell you if she wants, Sheila still wants it, which we figure means she's moved on and has a new girlfriend. Denna's here to get her shit out. Well, the important shit, anyway. And it's the first time they've seen each other since she left for Earth – a year ago. We're, uh, emotional support right now."
"Oh, dear, the poor thing," Samantha said, looking to the door. Then her eyebrows knit. "And we're also muscle? Is she going to need help with a lot of things?"
"If I know her, she's going to want to take her guitar, mandolin, and a couple of hand drums. I promised I'd hide the smaller stuff for her. The guitar can stay in the crew quarters. Everything else isn't important enough to take on our crowded ship-" He was cut off by the sound of shouting. They looked at each other and both backed away from the door to the other side of the hallway. They remained quiet for a few minutes, waiting for Denna to finish her domestic dispute.
The door opened and Denna stalked back out. They got a glimpse of a blonde woman holding onto the collar of the dog, a look Traynor couldn't quite place on her face, perhaps anger, or regret? She was pulled from her examination of the woman by the door shutting and Denna placing a djembe in her arms. She handed several other hand drums to James, then went back in, coming out with a guitar on her back, upside-down, and smaller stringed instrument in her hands. She indicated that they should leave, and they followed her in silence, occasionally looking at each other, a million unasked questions in their features.
"Okay, time to get shit-faced. Would you care to join us still, Traynor?"
"Well, after being involved with that, I think you're stuck with me for life," she joked. "Where to?"
"Hammers," James replied. Traynor raised her eyebrows at the name and its lack of subtlety. "Well, that's what you do when you go there," he explained, unnecessarily.
"Can we just go, please?" Denna appeared anxious to be moving, doing anything but having to think about Sheila.
"Where are you guys going?" They all turned to find Shepard coming out of the elevator.
"Oh, um, just to a little bar for a drink, Commander," said James. "I owe Denna here a drink."
"Well, carryon, everyone. And don't worry, I'm not going to invite myself along. I know enough to know you don't want to get drunk with your CO in tow. Have fun, but don't indulge so much that you can't work." She moved into the mess hall, her ultimate destination unknown to any of them.
"Let's go, c'mon."
James came back onboard with Denna in his arms. She was so very drunk. Traynor walked beside him, also more inebriated that she'd been in a long time. Only James seemed unaffected by the sheer amount he had drunk. Traynor supposed he'd had more experience drinking like that. He was also huge. She reflected a moment on how sexually unappealing that was to her, though he made an excellent drinking buddy. The man could have fun anywhere, doing anything, she was sure of it.
"Where do we put her?"
James replied, "Oh, I'll take her to the armory. She can sleep it off where I can see her." Traynor didn't seem convinced. "Don't worry, she's gotten drunker than this before. But if there's a problem, I'll take her to the medbay." Traynor sighed and nodded, getting off the elevator at the crew deck so she could grab some sleep before her shift began in several hours. James remained, stepping off at the bottom of the ship and placing Denna on a cot he had behind his workbench for himself when he was done his work but not his shift.
"Fuck, my head," she murmured. She was still working the nightshift alone, which was just fine by her. But with Ken and Gabby joining them, she only had to work eight-hour shifts. Tonight was the first short one, and she was ecstatic. Or would be if her head wasn't throbbing so much. I'm never going head-to-head with James and shots again. She looked at her duties, but couldn't bring it into focus. She sighed.
"EDI, I need to go grab something to drink. I'm going to set a systems diagnostic to run. Can you let me know when it's complete?"
"Adams performed one already today."
"I meant a hardware diagnostic. Those take longer, right?"
"Yes, but it is unnec-"
"Good. Run it and let me know when it's done. I'll be in the mess." And she left before EDI could further protest. Technically she shouldn't leave with no one else there unless it was urgent, but she seriously needed some caffeine, or maybe just a shot of tequila, something to end the ceaseless pounding in her head. When she got to the mess, she saw Dr. T'Soni sitting at one of the tables, datapads surrounding her. Denna mumbled a greeting, not wanting to sneak up on the woman, then went to the store cupboards.
"C'mon, where is it," she muttered, unable to find the coffee grounds. She shuffled and shuffled, couldn't find it, gave up, slumped to the ground in front of the cabinets with irrational tears stinging her eyes. "Fuck," she whispered. Sheila's eyes swam in her tears for a moment, and she kicked the counter in front of her to make it go away.
"Excuse me? Is everything okay?" Right. Dr. T'Soni's in here… She got up and ran out of the mess, unable to answer. She snuck into the crew quarters, not wanting to wake anyone, and grabbed her guitar off the wall where she had hung it when they brought it back to the ship. When she came back out, intending to just play it a little down in Engineering, Dr. T'Soni was waiting for her outside the door. "I'm sorry, I don't know your name… But you seemed upset? I didn't want to just ignore you…"
"I'm fine, Dr. T'Soni. I just couldn't find the coffee grounds." The asari looked at her, knowing that wasn't it, but not knowing what was so wrong that not finding the coffee grounds would trigger the outburst she, a stranger, witnessed.
"Alright…" She decided she'd allow her this weak excuse. She was a stranger, after all. "You still didn't tell me your name, and you clearly know mine."
"I'm sorry. Engineer Denna Halanz." She extended a hand, which Liara took. Denna was momentarily surprised that her skin felt remarkably similar to a human's. "And everyone knows who you are, Doctor. You're the only asari onboard, we went to get you specifically on Mars, and you helped the commander three years ago on the Citadel. I lived there at the time – we were all very thankful to you and the rest of the Normandy's crew." An image of she and Sheila picking up after the mess of the attack on the Citadel, digging Baxter out of the rubble he'd been trapped in, superimposed itself over the image she held of Liara in front of her. She shook her head, immediately regretting it. "Dammit," she said, holding her free hand to the base of her skull. "Damn hangovers."
"Ah." The reason no coffee could upset her to tears. She drank too much. Why did so many people do this? "Let me find the coffee for you," Liara said. "Maybe you can play something for me?" At Denna's questioning expression, she indicated the guitar Denna had rescued from the wall next to her bunk.
"Oh, right. Okay. I'll have to get back to work soon, though. I made EDI run a completely unnecessary hardware diagnostic so I could come up here and clear my head. I'm, uh, technically not supposed to leave Engineering with no one in there."
"I won't tell anyone," said Liara, smiling, turning, and leading Denna back into the mess hall. She followed, taking a place on one of the tables with her feet on the bench. Liara began making her coffee.
"Any requests?" She began tuning the guitar, not bothering with a pick, given the late hour and proximity of the crew's quarters. "I'm afraid I don't know anything that wasn't written on Earth at least a century ago."
"That's an interesting repertoire," remarked Liara.
"I… like old stuff," said Denna, flushing a little, which made her head pound. "Fuck," she muttered to herself, then louder, "Do you know anything?"
"Play me something you like. Just not too exuberantly – wouldn't want to make your head worse." She said the last with a little smile. The engineer shrugged and began diddling, letting her fingers become reacquainted with the instrument. She hadn't been able to play on this guitar in a year, not since leaving the Citadel to re-enlist and begin her work on Earth. It came back to her nicely, though, aided by the calluses she was able to keep by playing on a much-cheaper instrument in Vancouver. That and her engineering and welding duties.
She moved into the first chords of "Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds." She did love The Beatles, so she was unsurprised that her fingers stumbled upon this without her making them do it. She moved on from there, though. She didn't feel much like singing, and the song was repetitive instrumentally. She was enjoying the sound of her wonderful little guitar, the feel of the strings, the wood, it's slim body in her lap. She was getting a little lost in the music she was making when Liara brought her a mug. The smell made her eager, so she put the instrument down on the table next to her so she could start sipping the coffee as quickly as its heat would allow her.
"I was going to warn you that it's not very good, but apparently that's not a problem," said Liara with a smile.
"I may not be career military, but I've been drinking military-grade bad coffee for a while now. It may not taste as good as anything a café will get you, but it delivers caffeine just the same." She took another sip, already beginning to feel better. Probably just a placebo at this point, but whatever. "Thank you, Dr. T'Soni. I appreciate it." She lifted the mug in a mini-cheers movement and drained the rest of it.
"You're more than welcome. I liked what you were playing. It didn't sound like it was all one song, though."
"Oh, yeah. I tend to move from one song to another when I'm just playing around. A lot of people do, I guess. It's how a lot of music gets written."
"I thought most people write on a computer these days," said Liara, joining her on the tabletop.
Denna scowled and picked her guitar back up. "Most people don't play actual instruments anymore, and I think that that's very sad. But like I said, I like old stuff. And I like to do the things I like the old-fashioned way." She began playing again, going right into "Black Coffee," a swing song. She even started singing.
When she was done, she found Liara looking at her curiously. She blushed, put the guitar down, stood up. "I'm sorry," Liara said. "I've actually never heard a human sing before. I've heard that we don't sing around each other because it's considered rude – the translators just can't do a good job with it."
"I- I'm sorry if I offended you," Denna began, but Liara waved her off.
"Oh, not at all. I liked it. I was just amused because they're right, the translators cannot translate your singing. What were you singing?"
"'Black Coffee.' I thought it was appropriate. The genre is swing, from a long time ago. It has it's own kind of dancing and everything."
"Maybe you can show me sometime?" Liara's eyes sparked at Denna's blush.
"It's, uh, a partner dance. You need a partner who knows how to do it…" She scratched her scalp in her nervousness, fingers digging into her short black hair. Liara watched her intently.
"Well, maybe some other time, then." She got up from the table and returned to where she'd been doing her work. "Have a good night, Engineer Halanz."
"Y-You, too, Dr. T'Soni." She blushed again, turned tail, and hurried down to Engineering, guitar still strapped to her back, as EDI informed her the diagnostic was ready for her review.