PAIN AND REGRETS
Life is something that we will never fully understand. The concept of life has puzzled many in the pages of history. Some value life above all things, and some place things above life too. But it is said that when one approaches death, only then can the full meaning of life be grasped. Something only the author of life understands.
I remember the time when I was 14 years old. I met a girl in some youth outdoor activity. Although I couldn't remember what the occasion or activity was, I remember that we played lots of outdoor games and it was then I noticed her. Splashing water at each other, throwing water balloons loaded with flour at her, I remember the sweet smile she had and the joyful screams as the balloons landed on her. It was the time of my life.
Over the years, we had grown to like each other, cherishing every moment we spent together. From the little sweets we shared in our tuition classes to the fancy dinners we had, all the arguments and hard times we had been through; I knew that she was the one for me.
Then the day came; the day I wished never happened. It was a sunny Tuesday morning during my college semester break when I got a call from her. Sobbingly, she said she needed to talk to me and offered no other explanation except that it was important and that she was at the airport waiting for me. Hastily, I went to the airport. Upon arriving, she ran towards me into my arms at the departure hall shaking uncontrollably. I remembered seeing her parents in a distance with their luggage in hand. Deep inside I knew something I was not prepared for what was going to happen.
In tears, she told me that her family was migrating to the United Kingdom due to her father's job transfer following the economical crisis. Then quietly she told me this was our last goodbye and she saw no future for us. I was dumbfounded, my heart crushed as her words echoed in my head. I couldn't believe how easily she would let go of us without discussing it over with me. As the tears came, I ran away from her and towards my car, ignited the engine and sped off. As depression seeped in, I took random twist and turns and as I slowed down, I found myself staring through the fence of the airport runway. It started to rain. I sobbed in the car asking myself repeatedly why she had to go, questioning and blaming God.
Months flew without my realizing it; I was depressed, hurt; suicidal. No one could cheer me up. Life meant nothing to me, meaningless; like the colours of my life had turned grey. This went on until one day as my mom tried to talk to me out of this, she said that if I truly care for her, I would continue with life, study hard and succeed; to make her proud. Those words shed new light and brought back colours into my life. Although it still hurt, I had a purpose and reason to live again.
Soon, with hard work, lots of prayers and encouragement, success slowly came. Graduating from university with First Class Honours, it wasn't long before I started earning more money than I have ever had or needed. As the world recovered from the 2008 economical crisis, many carrier opportunities were opened to me.
A new hope of seeing her again came as work brought me to the United Kingdom. Upon reaching there, besides arranging business matters, I started asking friends and relatives about the girl I missed terribly, the girl of my past; but without success. It went on like this until a Sunday morning while I was in church; a member who happened to be a famous doctor told me that there was a couple at the back who wanted to meet me after the service ended. Looking over my shoulder, it was none other than the girls' parents. A new feeling of hatred and vengeance toward them came as I saw them. They were the real reason why she left. If not for them, she would still be with me. However, I smiled anyway.
After the service as I walked toward them, their faces became downcast as they saw me and her father gestured silently for me to follow them. Quietly I walked with them outside the church. And as her father approached the church graveyard, tears came to his eyes. We walked quietly like this, with nothing but the thundering of clouds threatening to pour. Finally, we stopped at a peach coloured tombstone in the middle of a grassy plain. On the tombstone was her face smiling ever so sweetly, the smile I so clearly remembered. Below the picture was a line said, "So that one day he may know the truth". Her father then explained that she was suffering from leukemia and had no choice but to come to the UK for treatment. She knew that I would be torn apart if I knew that she was sick so she left me with a story she had made up. She loved me so much and did not want to ruin my life so she sacrificed herself and suffered alone so that I could succeed in life. Her father also said that she came back so many times to watch me from a distance and cried, wishing she could make my pain go away. She also left a letter for me with her parents before she passed away knowing that one day, I would find her again.
As her father spoke, a new pain came inside me. She loved me so much and couldn't bear to leave me torn apart, that she gave up her life so I could continue with mine. Tears came as I read the letter she left for me. Rain started pouring as I fell to my knees and sobbed on that tombstone. It was the saddest day of my life.