Shane had known Rick Grimes long enough to know when he had a stick up his ass. At least that was what Shane called it when Rick was crankier than usual, when the two bowed legs his father had blessed him with weren't to blame for his funny walk, but tension instead. Sometimes it was stress from a bad day on the job, sometimes Carl had gotten himself into trouble at school, but usually it had something to do with Rick's wife, Lori. If Shane ever needed a reminder to never settle down, Rick and Lori Grimes were it. Of course, he'd never actually tell Rick that. He'd never tell Rick that every time Rick filled him in with stories about their latest fight that Shane just wanted to suggest they get a divorce because truthfully, he didn't want them to.

Every bachelor needed their substitute family and Rick's family was Shane's. Whenever he wanted a home cooked meal, he just stopped by for dinner. Whenever he started to get the itch for kids all he had to do was pass the ball in the front yard with Rick's son and Shane's fleeting insane desire was filled. It wasn't all self serving though. He'd watched Rick and Lori fall in love and he sure as the hell didn't want to see them fall out of love.

It was why when Rick had gotten into their police cruiser that morning, his posture stiff and his five o'clock shadow seemingly having gone gray overnight, Shane had prepared himself for the eventual talk they were going to have. The one where Rick would vent and Shane would try to give him some wisdom, like he actually knew a damn thing about marriage. Rick had probably forgotten to take out the trash or Lori had maybe tried to chat about her feelings, quite possibly Lori had chatted about her feelings on Rick forgetting to take out the trash. Either way, it didn't surprise Shane when by noon, Rick was barely speaking and when he did the conversation was short and clipped.

"You gonna tell me what happened this time?" Shane finally asked, growing impatient.

They were supposed to be running radar from their position on the side of the road, but instead the radar gun sat in the backseat of the police cruiser untouched, putting tax payer's dollars to good use. Not that Shane felt too bad about it. The afternoon was boiling hot and even the idea of hearing Rick's latest marital woes was more appealing than pulling someone over and sweating his dick off while he wrote them a ticket for doing seven miles over the speed limit.

"Nothin' happened." Rick finally answered and Shane glanced his way, surprised that Rick wasn't elaborating. "Absolutely nothin' happened."

When he finished talking, Rick just stared out the windshield, looking even more defeated than he'd sounded.

Clearly something had happened but Shane had no idea what Rick's cryptic message meant. But instead of telling him that maybe Lori was right, maybe Rick did need to learn to use his words, Shane just cranked the AC up higher from his spot in the passenger side and tried to change the subject until Rick decided to open up.

"I seen Andrea again." He told his friend, mentioning the only thing going on his life that was worth talking about.

Even if Rick was trying to forget his own messy home life, Shane doubted he desperate enough to want to hear about the pyramid of beer cans he'd been building on his back porch or even the Hungry Man meal he'd ate for lunch.

And sure enough, Rick took the bait, finally turning to look Shane's way.

"She stay the night?" Rick asked.

The question surprised Shane, but he didn't let it show. Rick hadn't asked him anything like that since high school. Usually when Shane started talking about his sexual escapades Rick tried to shut him up now, no longer the eager kid he'd been as a teenager. No, Shane's adventures no longer fueled his best friend's imagination, not now that he had a wife and a piece of ass of his own.

But Shane was happy to humor him, to do anything really, if it meant Rick might loosen up and the rest of their shift wouldn't be spent with him grunting and bitching like a woman on the rag.

"She did."

"You get lucky?"

And that was a question straight out of senior year. At least that was how long it'd been since Rick had inquired about Shane's sex life purposely. Suddenly if felt like they were in Shane's dad's Ford Truck, parked outside of the high school instead. All Shane would have needed was a backpack full of dirty magazines to make it feel complete.

Instead, he settled for answering the question, his hand rubbing over his shaved his head before a sly grin spread across his face.

"I did." Shane admitted, watching as Rick nodded, having assumed as much.

Neither of them spoke for a moment after that. Shane was getting lost in the memories of Andrea Harrison and he was willing to bet the six pack in his fridge that maybe Rick was getting lost in the fantasy too. Suddenly, it made sense what Rick had meant by saying nothing had happened. Because nothing had happened.

Lori wasn't putting out.

And that was about as newsworthy as stink on shit in Shane's experience. How many times had Rick hinted at the fact that his wife's idea of doggy style was rolling over and playing dead? More than Shane could count. And he didn't blame his friend for being frustrated but he never really knew what to say. Weren't dry spells a part of marriage? Didn't there always come a point when the sex dwindled?

So instead he decided to throw his friend a bone, just like he'd done when they were young. Maybe if Rick got to live through Shane vicariously again for just a few minutes it'd turn his frown upside down and he'd go home with something other than fantasies of missionary with his wife to jerk off to in the shower.

"I thought for sure she'd be a screamer with that loud mouth of hers." He finally said, testing the waters just to see how Rick would react. "I hate screamers. The ones that watched too many cheap pornos and sound like you're killin' em. But she's a moaner, you know the type. They get all breathy and whimper right in your ear when they're close."

And Rick might have been shaking his head at Shane's vulgarity but Shane could see the smile he was suppressing as his cheeks blushed just slightly, proving if nothing else, Rick was still the more guarded of the two. But guarded or not, he actually didn't object this time when Shane kept talking. Instead he stared straight out the window again at the traffic they had no intentions of monitoring and Shane knew he was absorbing every last word.

"Speakin' of her mouth, she gave some of the best head I've found in King County. Nice and wet, not afraid to gag a bit. I like it when they gag. It's like your cock tastes so good they'd rather go without oxygen than stop blowin' you."

Shane knew he sounded like a pig. Truthfully, he hadn't talked about a woman in such a crude way in years, but at least this time he was doing it for a reason other than showing off. It eased his conscious a little, but Rick still seemed unimpressed. His eyes may have been coming to life over the description Shane had given him, but in true Rick Grimes fashion, he was still considerate.

"That all you ever think about? What they do for you?"

The question might have been different than the ones Rick had asked as an eighteen year old virgin, back then he'd just say nothing by that point, hoping Shane would elaborate, but Shane still answered just as graphic as he would've if they'd still been just starting to sprout facial hair.

"Hell no." Shane answered. "If you think I didn't return that favor you'd be dead wrong. And Andrea's shaves - that pussy was silky smooth, sweeter than a Georgia peach. I think when they shave it makes it more sensitive. Either that or I'm really good at eatin' pussy."

Rick actually laughed that time despite himself and Shane pressed on, trying not to toot his own horn too much, even if every word he spewed was true.

"Might have to have grow my hair back out." He said, rubbing his hand over his head again. "Give her somethin' to hold on to next time. You gotta tease 'em, ya know. Start slow with broad strokes, make your tongue flat and wide. I licked them those lips until her thighs shook. Then you get more precise, use the tip of your tongue on their clit, and damn if a shaved pussy don't make it easier. When you start flickin' the juice gets everywhere, all over your face, where it should be."

By that point Rick was only adding an occasional grunt to the conversation and Shane allowed his friend the privacy of his fantasies. When he kept talking, he looked ahead too, getting just as lost as Rick. Shane was comfortable with his sexuality, he'd never been the type to have qualms when admitting he was horny. And truthfully, he was getting himself worked up, much less Rick who probably hadn't gotten laid since the last full moon.

"One time I didn't slide into this one girl until she was already cumming." Shane mentioned, trying to think of the best story he had on the spot. Of course, if he'd had time he probably could have pulled out something better from all of his years of getting around, but he didn't feel like losing steam.

Rick was eating up his words, his grip on steering wheel in front of him tightening as the story went on.

"You should try it. Wettest thing you'll ever stick your dick in. Slick and tight, contracting on your cock before you even get started. Women like draggin' it out, but fuck if it isn't good to get instant gratification sometimes. Instead of grinding your hips and workin' up a sweat, I got her when she was nice and ripe, willin' to take it deep right off the bat."

"Stop."

Rick's objection was barely more than a grunt.

And Shane had heard the saying all of his life that a watched pot never boiled, but it'd never been more true than when he turned to look at his friend. Moments before Rick had been as cool as cucumber but it didn't take a keen eye to notice that now he was about to boil over. Even a rookie cop would have noticed the swollen bulge in Rick's khakis and the way his chest was rapidly rising and falling in arousal.

"Jesus man."

That was all Shane could really think to say. He hadn't intended to get Rick that hot and bothered, he'd had simply wanted to give Rick material for his spank bank for old time's sake.

"Didn't realize it was that bad." Shane spoke again, trying to make his friend feel better.

He really didn't give a fuck if Rick popped a boner sitting next to him. It was a part of life, just a dick like all the rest. If they could piss standing next to each other and strip in locker rooms together without batting an eyelash, a hard on wasn't anything to get uptight about either. He did fully expect Rick to get uptight about it though.

Rick - who always kept his private thoughts private. Rick - who's idea of being vulgar was occasionally dropping the word fuck when he was exceptionally pissed. Shane had never seen anyone with a such a damn good guy complex. He loved Rick to death but sometimes he wanted to pop that stick out of his ass and hit him with it.

Which was why, when instead of getting uncomfortable, and Rick just shifted his body and grunted, with no warnings for Shane to leave him alone - Shane suddenly understood just how serious Rick was about his problems at home. Because this Rick, the Rick he was currently looking out rarely came out to play. No, instead of growing awkward and trying to change the subject, Rick just sat there with no shame, his eyes staring straight ahead like he was daring Shane to bust his balls.

And after many years, Shane had learned those were the times you didn't fuck with Rick.

Rick was pissed, plain and simple. Maybe he was pissed off at his old lady, maybe he was pissed off because a silky smooth pussy was out of his reach, or maybe he was pissed off because Shane had pushed him so far. It didn't really matter why, just that Shane knew Rick was past the point of bitching and moaning and had went straight into anger, his moods still swinging like a damn woman's.

"This mornin' I was in the shower." Rick finally spoke, breaking the silence, telling the story that had probably been clawing to get out of him all day. "And Lori came in. And I thought well, ain't that nice. Maybe she'll fuck me this time. We haven't showered together in forever, thought maybe it was a good sign."

"She shoot ya down?"

Rick didn't answer. Instead he just shook his head like it was the most foolish question he'd ever heard, a wicked smirk forming on his face.

And Shane said nothing in response, he just stayed quiet, knowing that now that Rick was on a roll, the details would come.

"She's standin' there, all wet and soapy. Mind you - I can't even remember the last time I seen my wife completely naked. Her ass is right there, right in front of me." Rick said, finally turning to look at Shane like he was trying to drive his point home.

But Shane just nodded, keeping his thoughts to himself. Like that Lori Grimes was a good woman, but her legs ran straight into her back without so much as a ripple. And if that was what had gotten Rick so worked up, he definitely needed to unload.

"She's talkin' about Carl's field trip or somethin' and finally she turns around, notices I'm hard. And well, let me put it to you like this - you're less repulsed my dick than she was."

"Fuck."

"Yeah...fuck."

Shane had known it was bad but he'd honestly just thought it was the normal type of bad, that maybe Rick was at least getting BJs on his birthday and the occasional pity handjob when the rugrat was finally tucked in. Sex onTues day nights with the lights off and a bottle of lube in the night stand to help warm a tired woman up - that type of suff. The type of screwin' that made his stomach turn because he was a free man but the type that married men everywhere were thankful for.

And he didn't like the tension that was suddenly filling that cruiser or the feeling creeping into his gut.

"So what you're sayin' is you want me to rub one out for you." Shane joked, just trying to lighten the mood. "You could at least buy me dinner first and chat me up."

"This is why I don't talk to you." Rick answered, shaking his head at the ridiculous suggestion.

And instead of pointing out the obvious like he normally did - that Shane was always the person Rick talked to, Shane let it slide and pushed on, trying to at least attempt to help.

Rick and Lori were his family. And he damn sure wasn't going to let them fall apart because their sex life had taken a deeper plunge than the Titanic.

"Fine don't talk to me. But you ever talk to her? Chat her up with dinner? Or do you just walk around all the time like a bitch in a heat nippin' at her ankles?"

"It's kinda the elephant in the room at this point." Rick answered and Shane couldn't really argue with that. Hell, it was the elephant in the cruiser too.

"Then get rid of the elephant."

And Rick just grunted again like it was the worst advice he'd ever gotten. And it was probably was, Shane knew. He couldn't imagine walking around all the time like Rick, harder than a choir boy in a porn shop. If a man's football team lost its game, they took it out on the little wife. Bad day at work? Same thing. Much less a case of blue balls so bad that you'd resorted back to begging for the details of your best friend's sex life like a schoolboy.

Rick's frustration from nonstop rejection was making him a hard up asshole and Lori was too tired of that asshole to put out and put him out of his misery. And Shane didn't really know which one of them was really in the right, he just knew they were both too damn stubborn to break the cycle. But someone had to.

"Fine, you know what, I'm gonna take care of it." Shane said, turning to face Rick, already making peace with what he was about to suggest.

He'd always been the third wheel in their marriage and now it was time to really act like it. And if he could take down a man twice his size on a domestic dispute, surely he could tackle the elephant that Lori didn't want to.

And after all, a dick was a dick. And if you'd jerked off one you'd probably jerk 'em all off, Shane figured. Sometimes your own hand wasn't good enough. No excitement, no anticipation. It just wasn't the same.

"What the hell are you gonna do about it?" Rick asked. "Give me a blowjob?"

He was kidding, of course. Rick wouldn't even ask his wife for a blowjob, much less his best friend.

Shane knew Rick was probably already assuming the types of things that Shane was about to suggest - strip joints, porn. But Shane's real suggestion was much more extreme. Extreme, but spoken so seriously that it wiped the smile right off of Rick's face.

"Nah, I aint sucking your dick. But I'll jerk you off."

"No you won't." Rick refused.

"Why not? You get off and then go home relaxed. Lori'll thank me for it. You'll thank me for it. It's a win-win."

Rick was still shaking his head at the ridiculousness of it and honestly Shane was too. But what where friends for? And before Shane could change his mind he met Rick's eyes, raising his eyebrows, waiting on an answer.

"Come on. My hand or yours? Which is it gonna be? You probably got carpal tunnel by now."

It took a minute. A few beats of silence as the traffic passed by, clueless to what was taking shape in the police car parked on the side of the road. And Shane thought for sure Rick was going to tell him to fuck off.

"Fuck it." Rick finally muttered instead, unbuckling his seat belt with a defeated shrug.

And now that Rick had actually agreed to it, Shane knew he couldn't back out. Not that he really would've anyway. He'd had his share of cocks in his vicinity in his lifetime, even a threesome or two in his twenties. T

Still, he couldn't say that reaching for Rick's gunbelt and unbuckling it wasn't a bit surreal. And Rick seemed to think so too, his head was turned and his eyes were officially trained out the window, like he was trying to pretend it wasn't really happening. By the time Shane had unzipped Rick's pants, he was fully expecting Rick to push the brakes on the situation, to take back his consent.

When he freed Rick's cock from it's tight confines, Shane felt Rick's breath actually catch in his belly - a physical manifestation of the mixed feelings he was experiencing.

And Shane had to admit that grasping his hand around another man's dick really wasn't that big of a deal. Of course he'd already suspected it wouldn't be, but imagining it and actually doing it were supposed to be two different things. Maybe it was because it was just Rick, a man he would literally do just about anything for. Was it strange to suddenly know that Rick's dick was thicker than Shane had ever realized or to suddenly be familiar with the engorged veins that were pulsing in his grip? Hell yes. But it didn't seem any stranger than knowing any of the other things he already knew about the man he routinely referred to as a brother.

But the problem was Rick.

Shane's tight hold on the base of his cock only seemed to make him tense up, his asshole probably puckered up so tight that Shane knew you couldn't have driven a toothpick through it with a sledgehammer. Not that Shane would've tried. He didn't want to go near Rick's ass and if Rick didn't relax then he was going to give up on touching his damn dick too. When he jerked his wrist for the first time, squeezing Rick tighter that he had yet, there was no reaction, no stiffening of the hot flesh under Shane's touch, no throb of appreciation that Shane knew all too well to expect from years of doing it to himself.

Still, he stroked his hand over Rick one more time, only to be met with crickets and a cock that felt softer than it had moments before.

"This ain't workin'". Rick mumbled under his breath, but still refused to glance Shane's way.

And Shane wanted to tell him 'no fucking shit'. But he knew if they stopped then it would just be even more weird. Instead of having a funny story about a handjob to laugh over one day after they had a few beers in them, they'd just have one failed attempt that neither of them would want to remember. And in Shane's experience you never backed down from the stuff that made you uncomfortable, even if you suddenly had second thoughts. No, you had to own your questionable deeds.

So when he pulled his hand away from Rick, he wetted his mouth and spit into his palm, ignoring what Rick had just said.

"Pretend it's a pussy" Shane told his friend, returning his hand to Rick and running his sticky saliva over his flesh. "A wet, tight pussy."

He watched as Rick just shook head, ready to give up, until Shane spit in his hand again and returned it, making a big, sloppy mess.

Finally, Shane felt Rick's skin stretching tighter, coming to life in his grip.

"Think about how when you're inside a woman their walls squeeze you, fluttering at first while their moans build."

Shane kept jerking his hand but this time he mimicked his actions after the words he was speaking, giving Rick a few small squeezes that got a little more snug each time.

And it was working. Already Rick's cock was harder than it'd been just moments before, hotter to the touch and reacting with a few appreciative pulses.

Shane glanced over, surprised that Rick was no longer looking out the window but down instead, watching Shane's hand move over him until finally he shut his eyes as tightly as Shane's grip, letting the words Shane was saying take over his imagination.

"There ya go." Shane encouraged, feeling the arousal in his own belly start to stir at the words.

Truthfully, the feeling of having another person's excitement in his palm was contagious. It was almost impossible not to get hard when he was thinking about what to do to Rick - things he'd normally do to himself. Like stroking his cock hard until he got to his head, where he eased up and instead circled over it with his palm a few times. Or like tugging Rick from base to tip with as much force as he could, burning a path of friction over every last inch,

Rick too was loosening up, his hips very slightly rising to meet Shane's actions but still fighting his hardest to muffle the grunts that were forming in his throat.

"You ever watch a woman touch herself?" Shane asked, watching Rick tremble at the question, his cock giving a jerk too. "Ain't nothin' better. I like it when they lay on their stomachs though and rut against their hands, what they'd do if wasn't nobody lookin'. Lori ever do that for you?"

Shane kept his voice conversational, like what they were doing was no big deal, trying to paint a picture in Rick's mind instead of being forced to concentrate on reality.

And Rick just shook his head, his eyes still shut tight.

"You should ask her. Tell her to show you how she gets off when you ain't there. When you see it - you can just imagine yourself between their legs, fucking 'em hard from behind, lettin' 'em grind their clits against their hands while your dick digs in too. That's what they want. They cum so hard when you actually do it."

And Rick seemed to believe him. But of course he did, because Shane wasn't making it up. But just to get his point across, he deepened his strokes on Rick, each time he jerked his cock he did it in longer motions, slowly increasing the speed, just like Rick would do if he were in the imaginary pussy Shane was telling him about.

"You gotta pound into 'em nice and hard when they're like that." Shane said, increasing his rhythm right underneath the head of Rick's cock, rewarded with the first true groan. "They'll get so worked up they'll hump that bed like a damn dog. Moaning and whimperin', backin' their ass up against you when they realize your cock is about the only thing that might give 'em that peak they're searchin' for."

The words made Rick finally let go of the steering wheel in front of him, his body hunching over just a little as his fingers curled into fists, giving in to the pleasure and forgetting to hide his discomfort.

Not that Shane blamed him. His cock was uncomfortable in his pants now too. Feeling Rick pulse and throb in his hand was like jerking himself off, except he knew there'd be no great ending for him. No, Shane had a woman that would let him fuck her into the mattress. But it still didn't stop him from putting in his best effort, to add some more of his saliva to the mixture, to follow Rick's pants for when the other man craved more speed, more pressure.

And Rick was close.

Shane could feel it, he knew when a dick was about to unload. Rick stiffened even more in his hand, rock solid and swollen, finally opening his eyes that really didn't make any connection with Shane, too lost in the pleasure to really see anything.

The bit of cum that had already leaked out of the tip of his cock had been used to coat the head of his dick in the moisture and Shane didn't even need to keep talking to get Rick there. Instead he just watched his friend submit to the strokes and blows, until finally Shane gave Rick's balls a firm squeeze with his free hand, just enough to feel them contract and seize, spilling the first shot of Rick's warm load right all over Shane's fingers.

And Shane wasn't postive but he pretty sure he felt himself moan just watching as Rick continued to jerk, until there wasn't a drop of cum left in his nuts but all over Shane instead.

"Fuck man, you could've aimed somewhere else." Shane eventually spoke once he was sure Rick was finished, keeping the situation light.

He just didn't want Rick to suddenly get uptight again, for his mood to shift for the one hundredth time that day.

And to his relief, Rick took it in stride, proving once and for all that all he'd needed was to relieve himself of the pressure that had been building in his body for too long. No, instead of shying away, Rick just threw his head back against the head rest and panted, finally looking at Shane as he put himself back in his pants.

"And you could've pulled away. This was your idea."

Shane said nothing at first, he just pulled some napkins out of the glove box and wiped the evidence away, wishing like hell it'd been him that had just came instead.

"You could at least say thanks." Shane told him, tossing the trash in the backseat and wondering what the hell the boys at the station would think if they were to stumble upon it one day.

Not that he really gave a shit.

It wouldn't be the first time their friends had accused them of being too close for comfort and it wouldn't be last. The only difference was now it'd be true, nothing else had changed.

"You gonna tell Lori?" Shane finally asked as Rick caught his breath, turning back into the calm and composed man he normally was, when pussy wasn't the only thing on his brain.

"Probably not."

"You think she'd get mad?"

"No. She'd probably ask you to keep it up." Rick answered, finally putting the car in gear, ready to get on with his day. "Hell, I might ask you to keep it up."

And he was joking around, the first smile Shane had witnessed on his face all day. When Rick pulled into traffic, Shane kept talking, feeling childish after having done something so spontaneous that only kids half their age would do, trying to squeeze in one more tall tale before they actually got a call and were forced to remember they were adults.

"You know this one time a girl asked me to show her - "

But Rick cut him off, clearly back to himself.

"Think I got enough of your stories."