Give thanks to CookiesCat on deviantart, who finally encouraged me to write this.
It had been 5 years since Todd had slept properly.
It had been 4 years, 8 months and 23 days since he slept in a bed.
It had been just as long since he started sleeping with some sort of weapon; whether it be a crowbar, a kitchen knife, a baseball bat or a radioactive taco.
He would say it started after escaping the Defective Head Meat Institute, but to be fair, the subliminal madness had already woven itself throughout his entire life. For example; repeated encounters with alien menaces, psychotic killers, monsters in the closet and under the bed, wacky (oops, not that word) time travelers, rabid chihuahuas, surprisingly reserved supernatural creatures with dental issues... Sigh.
He wasn't crazy by the way.
Not that anyone would really care.
Despite life's persistent ululations of disaster and cruelty, Todd managed to have a routine set up to provide himself with some sort of normality.
Which would go like so; wait for the alarm clock to wake up in the morning, look left, look right, up, and down at the weapon of choice in his hands (it was baseball bat night), notice the bed across from him was empty, even though he hadn't seen any movement since he fell asleep. Wait a while, and stand up from his feeble position against the wall. All clear.
That's when the real challenge began.
He crawled over the top of the bed he had been sitting on and made for the bathroom.
Gotta pee, gotta pee, gotta pee, gotta pee...
His limbs stretched over the edge of the bed as if avoiding a devil-may-care cat. He had no choice but to avoid making a sound, in case of...
A shudder rippled down his spine.
Him...
His tip-toed fleshy steps tapped their way to the bathroom until the door was locked behind him. That was the only time he was left alone; bathroom equated to private time. He appreciated that the household understood that much at least. Although, some inquisitive glances arose on their faces when he spent hours in there each day as of late. So he had to stop.
He was a guest, after all. He had to be courteous to some degree.
After a faintly fulfilling use of the lavatory, Todd returned as quietly as he could to the bedroom, still expecting an aspect of madness.
Nothing. Woo.
That was a sort of good point to his arrangement; no more of the usual monsters. Nothing dared to screw with this house, even those mutant seagulls from the labs down the road avoided flocking nearby.
Nothing.
Nothing... That was a lie.
Those evangelists were pretty persistent. Never got the same one twice though.
They never get it...
Todd looked up, having dressed himself, to peak out the window. He had to sit on his bed to get near enough to the window, but he was probably out walking the dog or something. Woofles was such a sweet dog, and she certainly was useful at helping him get some time away from the second coming of damnation.
Outside was barely dark, the glow of the sun still hid it's glare below the horizon. The street was clear, no one could be seen, and the lawn was in perfect shape. It seemed to be a decently promising day.
"Buenos días, amigo."
"AHH!?"
Todd fell back, and off of the bed. The back of his neck scraped the floor, and his legs hooked the edge of the bed.
Pepito entered the room through the window, holding his adorable little Havanese bitch in his arms. The window closed behind him, and he slumped down onto his bed, cross legged. Woofles scattered off of the bed and out of the room with a light bark or two.
"I thought you'd get used to that by now," he spoke.
Todd allowed his lower half to slide onto the floor awkwardly with a groan. "... It's not exactly... Normal."
"It is to me," Pepito added with a slight stain of defense in his tone, and pulled a stupid offended child face to boot.
Todd sat up on the floorboards, legs crossed and arms folded on his thighs. He spared a worried glance up at Pepito, before he trained his attention elsewhere.
A minor grin carved his face, "you worry too much."
Todd mumbled out another groan, softer though, more in acknowledgement.
"You also don't talk very much, it's very stressful and awkward I hope you realise."
Todd raised a brow, and opened his mouth to speak. "I- I'm not like you, remember?"
A nod, "of course, but I'd expect you to develop over time."
"Can we... Not have this conversation now?"
"As you wish, amigo," without hesitance, Pepito pulled himself up and strode easily out of the room.
Pepito was still sore; he didn't understand how to deal with people, he was still young. So was Todd, but it was plain as day to see that Pepito was hopeless when it came to socialisation, especially when he seemed to like someone. That someone being Todd, and primarily Todd.
He wasn't good at making friends.
You or Pepito? Shmee questioned from his place beside the pillow on the other bed.
"..."
Both.
"... I don't... Need friends," Todd uttered, peering behind his shoulder at the battered old teddy.
You do, you just can't deal with things that aren't you. Now embrace me and be happy.
"I'm a bit old to be hugging a teddy..."
You insult me? Me? After all these years I've kept you sane? I am truly insulted.
"Don't be that way, Shmee... We're still friends, right?"
Are we?
Shmee didn't say anything else that day.
...
Monday.
School.
Not just school.
Highschool.
If you thought normal school was bad, highschool takes it up to a whole new level. Normal school was just taking the piss.
People cared more than ever.
Because? Because.
"Amigo."
Todd looked to his side where Pepito stood. "Yes?"
"Nothing."
"Oh," Todd nodded, shuffling through his locker again. Pepito liked to just say words sometimes, it was strange. "Okay," he nodded.
The hustle and bustle of the hallways before first period were dementing. It was the noise, Todd supposed. Not the voices, the screaming, the laughter, the buff guy across the way snorting another half hearted insult, or even the clapping of footsteps. Just the noise... It was enough to make Todd cringe as he picked up his notebook and biology textbook.
He would have liked to say something to entertain conversation, something along the lines of 'oh hey, Pepito, it sure is loud in here...' With a groan or a roll of the eyes.
But no, he couldn't say that.
He couldn't have a normal conversation with him.
Pepito's ears would translate that as 'oh hey, bestie, please would you slaughter everyone in this hallway to make the noise levels an adequate volume, it would be most pleasing, dearest friend.'
And then boom, or pow, or kablooie. Or something.
Todd rolled his eyes as he shut his locker.
"Sure is loud today," Pepito glanced around him.
Todd's brow perked, and his eyes found the floor, "uh, I guess it is. Doesn't matter, class should start soon."
Pepito shrugged, a split second shrug, and began to walk by the nuisances with no futures (well, general crappy futures to be more realistic).
"Hey, Todd," Pepito tilted his head in his direction, eyes staring widely, a casual wide for his usual expression, not the tormenting, demonic stare he sometimes exhibits.
Todd frowned, and dared to meet his gaze. "Yeah..?"
"I think it's meant to rain today," he waited awkwardly for a reply.
Todd hid his puzzled expression, looking over to the classroom door on his left. "Oh," Uh? "That's bad?"
"I dunno, it's just rain."
"I guess."
Todd avoided looking at him, pained, until class.
Class was boring.
Professor Lick Von Stein waved his arms as he emphasised the purposes of the endometrium. "This is why we fail as human beings! You, you and you! Especially you, Mr. Cacil!"
"But I'm a boy," Todd raised his hand and tilted his head with a strained expression of confusion.
"Irrelevant!" Prof. Licky endowed, pointing his walking stick irritatingly.
Todd dulled his face, submitting to the Professor's arrogance, or idiocy.
He was failing biology, obviously.
Todd rested his face in his palm and glanced the window over. All he could think as he gazed lazily out at the school yard was how grateful he was that Pepito wasn't in this class, he was in... Another class. Somewhere. Probably.
The hour passed by with Prof. Licky ranting about the imbalance of morality involving the menstrual cycle, for women and men.
Woman sucks was written on the blackboard, with a permanent marker.
Todd didn't know where to begin correcting that clusterfuck of an error.
Though before he could begin thinking any further about the invalidity, a sharp object hit his cheek, and tumbled onto the desk helplessly. He rubbed the sting with a frown, and picked up what appeared to be a scrunchy ball of paper. Inside it read Fag.
"Unique, guys..." He mumbled as he still rubbed his cheek despite the fact it returned to normal tangibility about 14 seconds ago. He glanced about the room, and noticed the suspect smirking at him behind plainly red dyed hair. Pablo.
Todd's expression developed from herpa derp to plain old faint annoyance. So what did he do in response? He wrote a reply of course, and threw it while Prof. Licky's back was turned.
Pablo threw it back with a wider smirk.
Fag.
What?
We saw your porn video.
"What the hell?!" Todd couldn't help but exclaim squeamishly.
"Casil boy!" Prof. Licky snarled like a rabid squirrel. "Do we have an issue with the LUTEINISING HORMONE?! HUH?! HUH?!"
"N-no, sir!" Todd's eyes widened, and he stared down at his textbook.
"Well we should, boy," the professor proceeded, and folded his arms.
Pablo laughed, nudging his friend Luggy.
"Yes, sir," Todd added, nodded to his desk.
...
"Shmee," Todd murmured, and fumbled with the wool in the pocket of his grey hoodie.
They should all die.
"Don't say that," spoke he.
Why exactly should they live? What greatness will they amount to? What benefit is their existence?
"That's not fair, everyone deserves a chance."
Everyone? Do they give you a chance?
"That's not the point, Shmee..." His face lowered and his eyes became monotonous with the earth below him.
Todd sat with his legs stretched out, away from the others in the yard, surrounded by the foliage at the rear of the school. It was quiet enough, and the only other people who went there were drug dealers, and they generally ignored Todd. To be fair, they were some of the most gracious people in the school, they even offered tea and biscuits every tuesday.
Todd bit into his sandwich (ham and cheese). Mrs Diablo was so sweet sometimes, well, all the time. She made sandwiches. Todd liked sandwiches.
"Oi, freaky-stripe-tastic," Pablo called, walking up alone through the treeline between the little forested area, and the yard.
Todd frowned, and swallowed his bready wonder.
"I've been looking for you everywhere, buddy," he smirked.
Todd hated smirks.
"What do you want?" He squeaked out, keeping himself low as he held his triangular sandwich slice.
Pablo towered over him, glaring down with a brow raised. "Watcha doin' here by yourself?"
"Eating lunch," Todd answered, hinting to his sandwich.
"Oh, okay then. Sounds pretty boring. I mean eating, here, all secluded, alone, by yourself, without anyone else, just you."
"Yes," Todd nodded.
"Watcha eating there?"
"Sandwich."
Pablo crouched down in front of him, hands in his pockets. "What kinda sandwich?"
"A normal one...?"
"A normal one?" He chuckled.
"Yes," Todd took another bite, and stared at Pablo awkwardly.
"Is it a good sandwich?"
"Uh, yes, it's nice..." He spoke while chewing.
"Did your mom make it?"
Todd stopped chewing.
"Oh, yeah, your junkie mom abandoned you, forgot."
Todd swallowed.
"Can I have one?" He asked, in a strangely different voice from before.
"Um..."
"Am I not allowed a sandwich?"
"It's uh-"
"Am I not your friend, Todd?"
"I- I uh, Pablo, I-" Todd didn't know how to respond, he was left defenseless in the conversation, confused as to how to answer this guy's question, his interrogation into such a trivial matter.
"We're pretty secluded, Todd, right? You like being alone?"
Todd scraped his back against the tree he was leaning on. "I- I- dunno... I-"
"Amigo," came a call from behind Pablo.
"Oh, hey Pepito, how ya doin'?" Pablo cheered, and stood up.
Pepito glanced between Pablo and Todd, and grimaced. "I feel delightful, stranger."
"That's great, man! I was just checking up on Todd, he seemed pretty upset in class earlier. Professor Stein was giving him a hard time again," he smiled.
"Was he?" Pepito said in a low tone.
"Ah, well, I see you can keep him company now, so I'll be goin'," he made to leave, flexing his hand into a wave, "bye, bye now."
Pepito glared through the back of his head as he watched Pablo leave.
Todd stared at him nervously, watching the breeze catch his odd strip of messy hair. He didn't know how Pepito's mind worked, but he could give a pretty good guess.
"I'm going to put starved rats in his slippers, and snakes in his bath robes," Pepito said eventually in a calm, but dark voice.
"That's ah - That's not necessary..." Todd lowered his head, and took another small bite of his sandwich.
Pepito turned his head to look down at him, to which Todd had to look away.
"I'm okay," Todd insisted.
"No you're not."
"I'm fine," he persisted.
"I can tell, Todd."
"I. Am. Alright." Todd met his gaze.
Pepito stared for a while, until Todd removed his eyes once more, taking a larger bite.
"Sometimes, you can be worse than they are, amigo."
"Oh?" Todd spoke through his food.
"In pissing me off."
"Oh," Todd nodded, pulling his knees up to his chest, "sorry."
"Doesn't mean I'm going to kill you, or put cockroaches in your socks or soak your blue smiley shirt in pig's blood."
"Again..."
"Pardon, amigo?"
"Nothing, Pepito." Todd sighed, and cradled his legs.
With a frown, Pepito sat down in front of him, and crossed his legs. "You fail to understand the situation."
Todd ate the crusts, and looked up at the leaves as they fell for autumn.
"Or rather, the arrangement we have. You don't seem to take it seriously."
"I'm sorry?" Todd looked back at Pepito, staring at the little horns protruding from his forehead.
He frowned in response.
Todd looked away and shrugged slowly.
"... You're the most relatable and intelligent person I've ever come across... And yet, I'm cursed with your incompetence when it comes to the development of a friendship."
"... You're scary."
"I'm scary?" Pepito had a look on his face as if he genuinely was surprised to hear him say this.
"... Yeah, like really scary. You know, creepy, and sadistic, and satanic, and intimidating, and-"
Pepito raised his hand, motioning him to stop his listing. The sour look on Pepito's face was obvious, and scary.
"Like right now."
"Am I always scary?"
Todd hesitated, and shrugged. "You're the antichirst."
Pepito acknowledged this with a thoughtful expression and a nod, "I will accept that argument."
Todd took another sandwich from his (Mrs Diablo's) plastic container, and took a nervous bite. The years had been awkward, awkward, AWKWARD. And surely, Pepito must have realised that? Todd swallowed his bite, "Pepito... I don't mean to insult you or anything... I appreciate what you did for me, with the Head Meat Institute and all that... I just... I..."
Todd dropped the sandwich back into the container and thought for a moment, then lost his thoughts, and looked away warily.
Pepito mumbled, and nodded within Todd's peripheral vision. "I suppose I can understand your bitterness towards this friendship, if I twist it out of shape, and away from my own perspective."
Todd glanced in his direction again, "really?" He spoke in disbelief rather than in a heartfelt sort of way.
"Doesn't mean I will act any differently, I will treat you as I've always treated you. As my friend."
Unfortunately, Todd was Pepito's friend, and Pepito would behave as he would see appropriate.
"Want a sandwich...?" Todd asked.
"If you would remove the cheese, I despise cheese."
Todd nodded, and offered him a cheese free sandwich.