So this... series

Verse: Nikita

Genre: Hurt/Comfort/Romance

Rating: PG-13

Pairing:

Song: This ain't a love song by Scouting for girls

Summary: So this guy walks into a bar and he sits with this woman. Alex/Birkhoff, future fic. Apart of the 'so this...' series.

The sound reverberated through the ground; even through the heavy soles of his shoes, he could feel each beat. The stench of booze, piss and vomit made his stomach rebel at the very idea of going inside that place; that hole in the wall.

This wasn't for him; this place didn't scream at him to come in but rather it screamed that he should turn around and head away, at a very fast pace. The kids and college students made him feel older, made him feel like they were mocking even with out looking at him.

And there was once a time he would have be so confident that nothing would have stopped him from strolling through those doors. But that time had past and now he was standing out in the cold, with the most un-nerd clothes he owned and a head ache that was pounding with each beat.

There was no real reason for him to even look this place up; it wasn't like he had any claim on trying to find her. The day after the fall of Division she made it clear that she wanted nothing to do with any of them again. And for two years he didn't once think about her; but then for what ever reason he did, she just stormed back into his thinking and he couldn't bring himself to be bitter about her or what she had done.

He knew Division wasn't really saving the world, but he was so happy in that little bubble he created that he didn't dare question them. And looking back he should have seen those signs; the real reason she was there but he didn't. Nikita had chosen well.

When his fingers finally traced her, he kept the information safe for at least six weeks. But something inside of him tugged and yearned to be released and he couldn't deny it any more. She was the face he always saw when he thought of the downfall of Division and he wasn't stupid to get revenge, he had to find out if it was worth it.

Just like it had asked Michael all those years ago; he had to know was it all worth it.

Inhaling deep through his nose, this was one of those now or never moments; she didn't know he was here and even if she did it wasn't like she would come after him. He wasn't Division any more; there was no Division any more.

He could turn and walk away; go back to the life he had craved for his self, using his skills to keep below the radar and hating himself for it. He was never meant for a mundane life but he wasn't a people person either and even then he couldn't see him doing anything important by himself. He was the guiding hand, the snarky genius who would watch on screens as others took risks.

He wasn't a coward, he just had a very strong survival instinct.

It had taken him so long to get to this point in time; and not just the months of tracking her down nor the years ignoring the feeling. It was everything, from her being ripped away from the life she knew, him being offered that second chance by the devil to the downfall of Division. It was epic or would have been if they didn't have to hide the facts, stay close to the shadows.

Cursing his feet, he walked towards the bar and what could be the biggest mistake after agreeing with Percy. However there was no turning back now, not when he entered the bar and scanned across the heads of the drunk customers.

The air heaved with the beat and he was almost deafened, but he tuned it out along with the cheesy one lines and the non sense spilled while under the influence. And when he saw her, his heart sped up. This wasn't his area of skill. He didn't do this, back when he was in his zone he would know what to say, know how to keep himself from being hurt. He could kick ass and if it came to that he knew he would give as good as he got, but this was different.

Underneath her training was a broken girl, and he knew nothing on how to deal with emotional damage, his own was buried deep down that he was worried what would happen if he ever dug that back up. She didn't see him and he felt like he was back at Division and no one ever looked for him unless they needed his skills and even then they wouldn't look at him.

He didn't help but after a while he just got used to it and became bitter over it.

Her doe eyes sparkled, her face was soften by the smile she was throwing to a waitress. The easy way she chatted made him yearn for that, the ability to get on with people without having to force himself to bite back each insulting word he wanted to add.

She hadn't changed much; at least not physically. Her hair was shorter but it still curled around her shoulders, the golden tints that would stand out against the darker strands, seemed to glow in the harsh lightening of the bar. She was more maturer now, none of that lingering lost girl left in her from the way she held herself and the clothes she now wore.

She had grown up. Before he could think to leave her to her life; for got what ever feeling lingered within him her eyes darted around, maybe because she felt his eyes or maybe because she was so used to searching for threats, he wasn't sure but the moment her eyes caught his he knew he couldn't turn away now. The flash of fear was quickly replaced by the harden look of someone who learned how to survive and if he hadn't been wondering when she was going to kick his ass, he would have smirked at that, proud that she didn't loose the touch.

He moved towards her as she sent the waitress away, just waiting for him and he didn't know what he was going to say to her.

Slipping into the chair, he attempted to give her that cocky smile but it didn't even reach his lips long enough for her to notice. Staring at the marred table top he ranked his teeth over his lips before looking up to her waiting gaze. She didn't seem all that impressed by his arrival and he only knew too well that she would have gone a life time without seeing him.

"So this guy walks into a bar and he sits with this woman; who tells him" the way her eyebrow twitched he knew he should have opened up with something more along the lines of hello, but then again they never really did anything expected of them.

"She has a gun; several bodyguards and the perfect place to bury his body" she offers sweetly and to anyone else it might have been an old joke between two friends. But he got it, understood that just by being there he was threatening her just as much as if he had a gun pointed at her.

A nervous laugh ripped from his throat and he couldn't help but smirk at the impatient tick of her jaw. Glancing around he began to relax a little, he at least had the chance to make sure she wasn't about to kill him the moment he stepped out side.

"this place"

"Belongs to me" he snapped his eyes towards her and bit back his first sentence. Instead he shifted and ignored how people seemed to enjoy themselves, pressing against strangers, laughing and drinking.

"Isn't that much of a dive" she snorts and rolls her eyes and he's taking back to a time when their snarking at each other and the banter is so easy he couldn't stop the smile spreading across his face. Tilting her head, she gave him an amused smile.

"Charming as always I see" he just shrugged and glanced around again, maybe it wasn't really that much of a dive. But he had expected all hard edges, modern equipment. An alien touch, some place where nothing really touched. He just assumed she would shun the idea of getting close.

"But still not explaining" snapping his dark eyes back, he swallows and lick his dry lips. If he was anyone else she might have offered to get him a drink. If it was Nikita and Michael, she might have even offered to take them back to her office.

He couldn't blame her really but he wished he had something to focus his attention on instead of her, now that she was in front of him.

"Old friends catching up?" the way her eyebrow arches and lips purse he guessed that was pointless, but he wanted to give it a try.

"Right! Well I just... you know it wasn't that hard to track you down, not once you settled" he was rambling now but she just sat back and listened to him. He was grateful for that, grateful she didn't push only to have him rear back with insults and defensive attitude.

"I wanted to get this over and done with; Michael checks in from time to time. But you know he's off doing what ever he's doing and Nikita, well she never really liked me. She just put up with me; I guess. Whatever. But you... we didn't have that; I was a teacher and you were this recruit" licking his lips he lent his elbows on the table.

"Not all the time; I became an agent" he smirks and nods, studying his fingers, only chancing short glances at her face.

"Yeah; but that didn't mean much, didn't last that long. You and me, I mean we didn't rip each other apart but we weren't friends. But I got along with you, when you became an agent. You got the smart ass remarks and you didn't just use me, expect you did but you didn't make me feel like you were at the time. I needed to see you and I don't know... I needed something" he trailed off, his brows furrowing because even he didn't know what he wanted.

"To apologise?" he would have snapped at her, but when he caught her eyes he knew saying anything else would be a lie.

"I don't apologise sunshine; I wanted you to know that... I kinder admired you; no that ain't right. I didn't just admire you... I" groaning he threw himself back and dragged his hands across his face, trying to figure out what he meant.

"Harder then you expected" he grinned at her amused tone, folding his arms across his chest he just shrugged in agreement. Happy to see that she smiled brightly at that and might have even giggled.

"I'm shocked; really considering who you are and what you drummed into our heads back at Division" he just rolled his eyes and snorted but couldn't disagree with her.

The music throbbed between them and he frowned before looking at her, she was still studying him but at least not waiting for his attack. It was like she was trying figure him out too.

"I was only really close to Michael; he was my friend but me and you. Why didn't that work out the same way" the question wasn't that hard and even when he heard it he knew what her answer would be.

"Beside me being Nikita's mole and you being Division and Operations; I guess I admired and feared you too much. I found it hard to trust" the first part hadn't been a surprise to him but the honestly in the last part shocked him.

But being who he was he pursed his lips in satisfaction only to have her roll her eyes at him.

"Your ego barely fit through most doors; I feared you because you barked orders at me, made me doubt myself on a daily basics and admired you because you made it all look so easy. So easy to adjust to that life, never caring about anyone but yourself" licking his lips, he didn't like the fact that she thought of him like that.

"I didn't adjust, I coped; big difference" she raised her eyebrows at him, interested.

"Why"

"cancellation?" its a smart ass answer but she still grins and still waits for an answer.

"It was easier; didn't have to worry about other people getting hurt, about them getting too close to me and seeing that I hated it. Not my work, I loved my work and it was the best but the rest of it. Percy and Amanda. I hated that but not the part where we were meant to be helping. Even the recruits, I liked that and I coped because I thought we were doing good by them" he saw that she understood part of it but no one would ever really understood just why anyone could know all the truth and be fine with it.

"I guess you didn't know"

"I knew; I knew most of those recruits were forced into Division. I just thought that it was better then what would have happened to them" he deserved the hate she threw at him but he still ducked his head.

"You knew what they ordered Nikita to do; what they let happen to me" he doesn't answer straight away, instead he watches the dancers, drinkers and staff. The human interactions, the normalcy of it all. He envied and pitied them at the same time.

"When it happened; no. I was just becoming an agent, wasn't in charge of anything back then. After Amanda told us who you were, I found it all out. And to be honest, I wouldn't have stopped it" he watches her swallow and slowly nod. He could be cold hearted but he was honest, and after a life time of secrets and lies, it was worth a lot more then any normal person could guess.

"Did they do the same to you" he shakes his head, pushing away the thoughts of his parents. They had loved him and pushed him to be the best. Back when he first joined he didn't think he needed them any more and was more than happy to excluded them from his life.

It wasn't until he needed them that he realised it was too late.

"I just screwed up my life, thought I was bigger then I first was" she shakes her head at his ego and glances around her life now.

He couldn't tell if she was happy or not but he knew she had found peace.

"So," she drags the word out before looking back to him. That studying look back on her face.

"If this isn't an apologise or revenge; what happens now" he doesn't know how to answer that. He didn't even really think beyond just getting her to not kill him. After several seconds of silence he saw it in her face that she knew he didn't know what to do next.

"I told Nikita and Michael I wasn't going back to that life. I want normal; I don't want to use my training ever" and he understands why. He really does and he didn't come here to offer her anything. He wanted to be selfish and get that feeling to go away. He would have to wait until tomorrow or the next day to discover if he succeed but he already knew that if she never wanted to see him again he could live with that.

They needed this conversation, maybe not back then but surly now.

"Goodbye" it was short and simple but it was enough, strangely right for them. As he stood she smirked up at him and tilted her head.

"whatever" he laughs at that, nodding before looking over her one last time. She may have started out damaged but she had ended up that way.

Turning he walked away, not looking back once. He only stopped when he stood outside of the bar, letting the cool air flow over him.

Nothing felt lifted from his shoulders, but something inside of him seemed to uncurl and he could breath again. Even guessed he might sleep tonight the whole way through, as long as he didn't drink any red bull. Clenching his jaw he went to walk off into his life, forgetting about that woman who might have been his friend in some other world.

"So this woman follows this guy out of a bar and he says" standing still, he is shocked she even followed him. He had hoped it was all over with, because as much as he didn't know what to say to her for the first, it was ripping him apart how much he didn't know what to say now.

Turning he looked at the way she tried to pretend she didn't care if he walked away and how much she was hiding fearing if he did.

Maybe they could never really be friends or maybe that was all they ever could be. But in a life where they didn't really belong any where that turned out to be OK.

The seconds ticked by and he discovered it was his turn now. She had followed him, tracked him down and was waiting on him.

With a smile he shrugs and decides that this one chance might be worth it. The thought of belonging might just be enough after so many years of pushing people away.

"He asks her if he can buy her a drink".

He was still a smart ass and she still had all these walls built up, but as they walked back into the bar, arms brushing. They fit.

They got each other. And all it took was for a guy to walk into a bar and sit with this woman.

The End.